Heinz: Age 32, three days after the divorce.
"I'll show them all, I'll make them ALL pay!"
Doofenshmirtz cackled to himself as he looked over his blueprints. Finally, he thought. I finally know how to take over the Tri-State area! No one can stop me, ever!
The plan was near-perfect. Construct an army of mechanical soldiers with advanced weaponry. State your wishes in a language they all understand… With weaponry… That's the plan!
Let's see, Doofenshmirtz pondered. The death ray will be attached onto a rod on the left shoulder at a fixed angle, operated by a switch mechanism that I will program into the robot's main processor. I'll also have to give the robots the ability to fly, though that means I'll have to look into an alternative power source to provide enough power for such a energy-costly process. In the meantime though…
Suddenly his phone rang, disrupting his thoughts. Grumbling to himself, Heinz walked over and sat down on his couch, and answered his phone. "Hello?" Heinz's shrill voice rang out, irritated at his interruption.
"Oh hi Heinz! I'm just calling to let you know that I'll be dropping off Vanessa for the next three days while I'm out of town in about half an hour. You didn't forget about that did you? You were so excited at the time." His now ex-wife Charlene replied.
His irritation disappearing completely, Heinz stood up a little straighter. "Of course Charlene! Sorry if I sound a little grumpy, I was working on a project and I got lost in my thoughts," Heinz said sheepishly, feeling embarrassed now.
"Alright, I'll be there in half an hour with Vanessa and your alimony check," Charlene said. "Bye!"
Hanging up the phone, Heinz walked back over to his desk, where his blueprints were scattered about. Without hesitation, Heinz rolled them up, put them back into their cases, and stored them in his closet. Maybe next time, Heinz thought to himself. But for now I've got to get ready for my baby girl!
Despite his newfound bitterness at losing who he once thought was the love of his life, Heinz was not able to exact his vengeance on the Tri-State area at all. It wasn't that he didn't want to take over the Tri-State area; it's just every time he tried to, Vanessa would get involved somehow, halting the process temporarily.
One time when he was trying to construct a mass-producible death ray, toddler Vanessa walked up to her father and asked him if he could make more Doonkleberry pie. Without even a second thought, Heinz had put away his invention and broken out the recipe book and the pie dough, to his daughter's delight.
Another time, when Heinz was trying to create a computer with enough processing power to hack into the American military, five-year old Vanessa started crying from her room for cutting her finger while making paper ninja stars. In a flash, Heinz abandoned his project without hesitation and rushed over to Vanessa, where he worked diligently to clean up the cut while singing her Drusselsteinian lullabies.
And so this pattern continued. Long term projects were put on hold as Heinz continued to spoil one of the few treasures that he had in his life. Despite the resistance that little Vanessa started to show to Heinz's smothering as she grew up, Heinz kept trying to be the best father that he can. Even if it did involve a bit more fluff for Vanessa's taste.
Vanessa was perhaps the only reason that Heinz never became truly evil. Sure, he could blab on all day about his plans to take over the Tri-state area, but in truth he never wanted to become evil. He was, as Vanessa put it, "a nice guy pretending to be evil." It took a while, but eventually Heinz realized this after many fruitless years. With his beloved daughter and his best friend Perry the Platypus, Heinz turned over a new leaf, finding enjoyment in the non-evil life.
Needless to say though, Heinz still needed to face his inner demons of jealousy and feelings of neglect. It's too bad that he had to face them in the worst possible way…
Heinz: Age 58 (One year after 'Act Your Age')
Heinz sighed as he put down the newspaper once again. He was hoping that just this once, he would get to savor the feeling of triumph over his younger brother. But alas, Roger Doofernshmirtz proved to be just too popular for him to be defeated by a green politician fresh out of law school. "ROGER DOOFERNSHMIRTZ RELECTED AS MAYOR" flashed across the paper as the headline of the day, though no one was surprised by the revelation. Everybody loved Roger. Well, almost everyone.
"Is it even worth it, Perry the Platypus? To try to humiliate my brother for the umpteenth time? Knowing that at the end of the day it'll only fail? I know that I gave up evil a long time ago, but this is the one thing that keeps pulling me back to it." Heinz asked sadly.
Perry looked up from his lemonade with a look of pity on his face. The poor man has been trying so hard to stay as evil-free as possible, and yet he still continues to be haunted by the unfortunate circumstances from his childhood. Despite his reform from evil, the roots of it still remained inside Heinz. His regrets, mistakes, and bitterness were still confronting him daily, and it was tearing him apart.
Perry cocked a half-smile at Heinz in response. "You're right Perry the Platypus, I know I shouldn't let it affect me. I know I shouldn't! But it's Roger… He has everything that I don't…" Heinz answered back, growling as he mentioned his brother.
As Heinz began to ramble on again about his perfect goody-two-shoes brother, Perry motioned to Norm and politely held out his glass, asking for a refill. If Perry was going to listen to the same rant for the 100th time, he was going to need to preoccupy himself somehow.
"Sir! I have just received a message from your brother, Roger Doofenshmirtz." Norm suddenly perked up, his suburban tone remaining as optimistic as ever. "It appears that he has invited you over to his home for a celebration over his reelection! He would like to know on whether you wish to R.S.V.P. to this event!"
"WHAT?!" Heinz hollered in response, so loudly that a surprised Perry nearly spilled the lemonade on himself. "Is he TRYING to rub it in my face this time?!"
"But sir, your more-handsome brother told me that there will be almond brittle at the event!" Norm responded.
Heinz blinked, surprised at how quickly he has been foiled. "Curse you, Roger… You always just know how to push my buttons, don't you? FINE! I'll go to his stupid party! Let him know that I'm on my way!"
Heinz angrily stood up from the table and walked over to grab his wallet and keys, before realizing something. "Sorry Perry the Platypus, but I believe that you will have to leave for now. But we're still good for bowling night this Thursday right?"
When Perry nodded, Heinz began to walk out towards the door. At the last second though, he stopped, turning around to face Norm. "Uh… Norm? Where does Roger live? I've actually never been to his house before." Heinz asked sheepishly.
Perry couldn't help but roll his eyes.
In Heinz's mind, being the mayor of Danville equated to being the ruler. Being the highest ranking elected official in the city surely must bring in huge rewards. With the constant pampering and expensive suits, the mayor was the symbol of modern royalty.
Which is why Heinz himself was shocked as he stood in front of what seemed to be Roger's address. There has to be a mistake, Heinz thought to himself. But the address that Norm provided matched with the street address that Heinz himself now stood in front of, and the thirty-room mansion that he imagined that Roger lived in was instead replaced by a two-story apartment complex, recently painted white in a rather pathetic attempt to cover up the cracks that appeared on the sides. Cigarette smoke wafted in the air, and the looming music and loud conversations from nearby complexes indicated that this particular neighborhood was occupied primarily by college students.
With stifling confusion, Heinz walked up to the door and pressed the doorbell. A few minutes later, an unusually disheveled Roger Doofenshmirtz answered the door. Seeing Heinz's face, Roger's expression quickly turned from one of worry to relief. "Heinz, thank goodness you're here!" Roger exclaimed, "Come on in."
Heinz stepped inside, looking around carefully with a scientist's eye. The inside was just as dilapidated as the outside; dirty dishes were stacked in the kitchen sink, clothes were scattered on the floor, and on the desk nearby rested a pile of important-looking documents that were scattered throughout the entire surface. "This is the home of the mayor of Danville?" Heinz blurted out, not bothering to cover up for his rather tasteless remark.
Roger couldn't help but chuckle. "Wearing a suit and a smile doesn't mean I'm exactly well off you know. You do realize that the salary of a Danville mayor is only about $40,000, right?"
Heinz's eyes widened as he took in this new piece of information. His wife's alimony checks were more than triple that amount per year!
"Why do you still run for mayor then?" Heinz asked curiously, his hatred for his brother temporarily vanishing in the midst of confusion.
"Oh Heinz, I'm only known for my looks and my charisma!" Roger answered, with an uncharacteristically bitter tone in his voice. "I don't have any of those 'special connections' that politicians have from their college days that can land them in the Senate, so I'm kind of stuck where I am. If I'm no longer the mayor, what else can I do?"
Heinz was thunderstruck. HE was supposed to be the one who has all the troubles and woes, not his better looking brother! "If you actually don't like being the mayor that much, then why did you call me over to 'celebrate' then?" Heinz asked.
At that question, Roger's face fell, replaced with a look of grief. "Mom's dying," Roger said, his voice barely above a whisper. "She's back in Drusselstein with the rest of her family. We need to head over there. I've got airplane tickets ready to go whenever we want."
The news hit Heinz like thunder. He's tried so hard to gain his mother's love all throughout his life, and pretty soon he'll never be able to get it again. "Should I get Vanessa?" Heinz whispered, his mind going numb from the news. Roger nodded solemnly in response, handing him his cell phone. Heinz punched in his daughter's number, a task that he found to be difficult because his fingers felt numb. "Vanessa honey? It's me. I need you to pack your bags for a trip and come to the Danville airport as soon as you can… It's your grandmother, she doesn't have much time left. Yes, you should bring Ferb, I got a feeling she would want to see him. Alright, I'll see you in a bit, bye Vanessa."
Hanging up, Heinz handed the phone back to Roger, still trying to process the shock. Roger was struggling to contain himself, clenching his fists as tears threatened to pour down his face. Heinz sat down on the nearby sofa, thinking back to his memories of him and his mother. Not a single happy memory was found that involved the two of them, and yet Heinz felt an overwhelming sadness that he has not felt ever since he lost balloony. Picking himself up, Heinz walked back over to Roger, and placed his hand on his shoulder. "I'm going to go back home and pack up," Heinz said, his voice lacking its usual energy. "I'll see you at the airport in an hour, ok?" With Roger's shaky nod, Heinz left the run-down apartment, walking back to his skyscraper. It was December, and a light snowfall had just begun. As Heinz breathed in the cold air, he struggled to control his emotions. Funny, he thought to himself as he continued to walk, I thought I'd never feel like this again. She never loved me, but why do I feel so sad? He soon found himself back outside his beloved skyscraper, the lights from the various floors shining out like an ornament on Christmas Eve. It's probably because she's still my mother, thought Heinz, thinking back to happier times when he and Charlene were still together and raising baby Vanessa.
"Druseelstein's changed," Heinz murmured softly, as he looked out from the second story window at the Gimmelshtump inn. They had just arrived from the car ride over to the Doofenshmirtz's childhood home after landing at the Munich airport in Southern Germany. Despite the lack of air transportation in Drusselstein, it was clear that the country itself was beginning to show signs of modernization; gravel roads were being dug out and filled for car transportation, and a many construction sites were spotted during their car ride over to their destination (one of which happened to resemble the Googoplex mall).
"It says here that after her visit to Danville, the now-Queen Baldegunde was so inspired by the locals that she declared that Drusselstein to become modernized immediately," Ferb replied while reading the local newspaper, remembering the time when Candace's doppelganger helped him and Phineas out in constructing the giant jukebox. "Well, she really did seem excited at the time, even if it scared Buford off for the rest of the day."
Heinz glared back at the green-haired man. "I didn't ask for YOUR opinion, Fletcher."
"Dad!" Vanessa exclaimed, as Ferb looked down at his feet in embarrassment.
"Sorry about that, Fletcher, force of habit," Heinz apologized, looking sheepish. "Fell into a habit of hating all of Vanessa's boyfriends."
"DAD!" Vanessa exclaimed even louder, turning red from embarrassment herself.
Heinz cackled. "Like Roger, you two better get some sleep, we'll be heading over to the hospital first thing in the morning tomorrow." Heinz then took out a single key in his pocket and tossed it at the couple. "Your room is the third one on the left from the end of the hall, I'll see you two tomorrows at 6." With that, Vanessa kissed her father on the cheek and Ferb gave a respectful nod before walking out of Heinz's room.
Heinz sighed. He had taken a lot of time to think about Vanessa's new boyfriend two-day long plane ride over to Europe. As long as he keeps my baby girl happy, I'm ok with her going out with that hoodlum, Heinz thought to himself as he started to get ready to go to bed. As he was brushing his teeth and changing into his pajamas, Heinz watched his brother as he slept. Roger's expression was contorted in pain, and he appeared to be cross his arms as if he was trying to give himself a hug. Why does he look so lonely? Heinz wondered, as he got ready to go to bed. Just as he started to fall asleep, Heinz could have sworn he heard Roger murmur something in his sleep. Probably just my accursed imagination, Heinz thought, as his mind started to shut down over the weight of sleep.
"Mama don't leave me…" Roger whimpered softly as he held the pillow against himself even tighter.
The next morning, Heinz and the rest of his party got up at the earliest possible time and went over to the Gimmelshutump Hospital. When the Drusselsteinian industrial revolution began, hospitals were among first buildings that were built as a direct result of Queen Baldegunde's new policy. While still holding traces of Drusselstein's archaic past (there was a giant statue of a lawn gnome in front of the doors), the hospital itself proved to be well fitted and equipment, with state-of-the art technology and professionally trained doctors.
Too bad Heinz and Roger had too much to think about to even consider these recent progressive changes.
The two unlikely brothers walked side by side, too afraid to look ahead or at each other. Vanessa and Ferb, noticing the nervous tension in the air, stayed at a safe distance behind as they continued to walk over to where the Doofenshmirtz matriarch was supposed to be staying.
"If only I was just a little bit good at kickball…" Heinz murmured as they continued to walk down the hall, his lab coat swishing against the cool sanitized air.
Soon they arrived at the appropriate room number. "Roger, you better go in first. You always were her favorite," Heinz said, biting down his last words with a bitter tinge.
Roger looked at Heinz apologetically, and then proceeded to knock on the door and then slowly enter. "Mother?" Asked Roger, his voice soft as a child.
On the bed lay the once-proud Doofenshmirtz matriarch, Maria Doofenshmirtz. The woman had wasted away, her skin stretched tightly over her bones while her eyes held signs of resignation and regret. Lying on the bed was not the plump woman that Roger remembered so fondly, but was instead a breathing corpse, holding on to the last remnants of life before she entered the unknown.
"Oh, Roger…" Maria whimpered, her eyes shining with tears. "You came,"
"Hello, mother," Roger replied, his face split with a sad smile. "It's good to see you again."
"Oh, and you brought your kids!" Maria exclaimed, glancing over at Vanessa and Ferb. "It's so good for you to carry on the Doofernshmirtz name, my son."
"Actually, MOM. Vanessa is MY daughter, and the green-haired hoodlum is her boyfriend," Heinz retorted angrily, who has just now entered, all grief forgotten. "Roger never married or had a kid."
"… Heinz?" Maria asked, turning around and noticing her eldest son for the first time. "Is that really you?"
"Yes, momma. It's me." Heinz answered, his high-pitched Drusselsteinian accent cracking with emotion as he thought back to his childhood.
Maria stared at her eldest son. Slowly, regret and sorrow began to creep onto her face. "I've always convinced myself that what I was doing would make you become a better man, that it was the necessary thing to do," Maria rambled, her tone getting steadily weaker. "Your father suggested it, telling me it was the Drusselsteinian way to toughen up the eldest son, and I just went with it."
Heinz continued to glare at his mother, drinking in her words as he tried to sort out the feelings that he had currently.
Tears began to form on Maria's face. "I never even thought about what such things affected you overall. All the birthdays, the dresses, all those cold, lonely nights when you had to act as your father's lawn gnome. All the days when I was so blinded by kickball that I favored Roger over you. When I realized this, I tried calling you several years ago to apologize, but you never answered your phone. I failed to be the mother that I should have been to you. I failed to make your childhood happy. I failed to love you for the simple reason that you are my son," Maria paused momentarily, saving up the last of her strength for the apology that she has wanted to say for so many years. "I'm sorry, Heinz."
At this, Heinz broke down completely. Sob after sob wracked across his body as Vanessa embraced him tight, tears brimming her eyes. Roger stood to the side in shame, convincing himself that he was at fault for this. Ferb remained stoic, but inside he was fighting a battle to make sure that old feelings don't come up, recognizing the familiarity of this situation.
His mother has finally said sorry for all she has done. And yet, it was all for nothing. Heinz would never again get to play kickball with his mother. Heinz would never again run to his mother for comfort during the night when thunders boomed across the sky. Heinz would never again help his mother bake Doonkleberry pies.
It was too late.
Maria can only stare at his son sadly for all that she has done, and how too late it was to try to make amends. With as much effort as possible, she turned to Vanessa. "Vanessa, dear?" Maria started, her voice growing weaker by the second. "When you have kids on your own, you make sure to love them as much as possible, ok?"
Vanessa could only manage a small nod as she struggled to not burst into tears.
"Young man," Maria turned to face the mysterious green-haired man. "If you happen to have a son, don't dress him up as a lawn gnome."
Despite the sorrow emanating in the room, Ferb chuckled lightly, giving her a respectful nod in reply.
"Roger, keep making me proud. You're doing fine enough as it is." Maria motioned towards Roger, who smiled wanly in response.
"Heinz…" Maria turned at last to face her eldest son. "I know you won't forgive me for a long, long time. But can I at least offer you a hug?"
Heinz, who had by now managed to regain control, nodded and gently went up to his mother's hospital bed.
Maria spread her arms wide, and with the little strength that she had left, wrapped her arms around the 58-year-old man and drew him closer to her. She rubbed her arms in a circular motion across Heinz's back, humming a soft Drusselsteinian lullaby that spoke of hope and love.
For the first and last time, Heinz Doofenshmirtz received a love that only a mother can give.
Maria slowly closed her eyes for the last time as she whispered the last verses of the lullaby, her arms never letting go of her son.
Maria Doofenshmirtz died that day at the age of 88, filled with regrets at what she's done. She is survived by her ex-husband, and her two sons Roger and Heinz.
That day, Heinz made a vow that he lived with for the rest of his life. No child will ever become neglected under his eye. This expanded beyond than just his future grandchildren: he accounted for ALL of the children that he came across. He made sure to stop by at the orphanage very often to make sure some level of appreciate was given to the residents over there. He also made sure to watch any students in his high school classes to make sure they felt appreciated and respected. Several times Heinz talked to several students who had suicidal tendencies, making sure that they know that they feel appreciated. Never again will a child ever feel neglected on his watch.
Despite such drastic events, life went on for Heinz Doofenshmirtz. He continued to call his baby girl Vanessa as often as he can, and he also continually visited Charlene and Roger, now realizing that Roger was not the shining white knight that he once thought he was. But as his hair turned whiter and his back became more slouched, Heinz continued to dedicate himself to make everyone around him feel appreciated, to fill the void that he had felt when he himself was a child. Eventually however, Heinz soon found himself becoming sicker and sicker, the stresses of his life culminating into a rapid decline for his health…
Heinz: Age 72
"Goodnight, Dad. I love you."
With those last words, 41 year old Vanessa Fletcher kissed her father's cheek and walked out of the hospital room, since visiting hours were now over. Leaving with her was her beloved husband, the legendary Ferb Fletcher, co-founder and owner of Flynn & Fletcher Tech. Incorporated (with its own evil jingle and everything), one of the two revolutionary pioneers of the next industrial revolution. Their two children soon followed reluctantly, unwilling to leave their beloved grandfather.
Heinz knew his time to go was coming near. He's never felt so exhausted before in his life, and he was looking forward to finally getting that eternal sleep, with no neighboring dogs to wake him up in the middle of the night. However, there was one more visitor that he wished that he could talk to.
"Oh, there you are, Perry the Platypus," said Heinz weakly. "You've come here just at the nick of time. Of course, I don't have any traps for you today or any other eeevvilll schemes, so we'll just have to make do with a simple conversation."
The elder monotreme could not help but grin; despite how frail he has become, Heinz still managed to keep his mind sharp throughout all of these years.
"Perry the Platypus," Heinz started, his voice now dropping very low and tense volume. "Did I… Live a good life? Was I a good man?"
Without hesitation, Perry pulled out a giant photo album from his fedora. As he opened it, an old familiar jingle ("Doofernshmirtz Evil Incorporated!) started playing from a hidden mechanism inside the cover. He then held it up to Heinz as he flipped through the pages.
There were so many photos. There was a black and white snapshot of Heinz with balloony, his only friend throughout all those lonely childhood years. There was a photo of him drifting through college, bouncing around different areas from art to science, before eventually landing in evil school. But then soon afterwards, happier moments began to appear; his proposal and marriage to Charlene, the day Vanessa was born, all of those birthdays that his baby girl had (despite her reluctance to participate).
And there were more! Norm's marriage to his popsicle stick bride, his continual success in his non-evil career as a high school science teacher, Vanessa's high school graduation, bowling nights with Perry the Platypus, Major Monogram, and Commander Carl. The candid snapshot of absolute hilarity as Heinz met Lindana once again during Thanksgiving under much more different circumstances. Heinz began to tear up as he looked at one particular photo in general. It was a professionally photographed image of Heinz giving away his beloved daughter in the Danville Grand Cathedral, to be married away to the handsome and successful British man with a shock of green hair.
The tears continued to fall as he kept looking on, Perry flipping through the pages. The mountain trek that he embarked on with his brother Roger before his legs started to fail. Phineas and Isabella's marriage. The birth of his very first grandchild. There was a photo of him rocking his (step)-granddaughter to sleep as Phineas and Isabella watched on with proud smiles. And finally, Perry flipped to the last page. It was a photo of the entire Flynn-Fletcher clan, all of them sitting together happily on the Danville park lawn. Heinz himself was situated in the very middle, holding his youngest grandchild.
Perry soon closed the album book and looked over at Heinz, the answer now very evident.
"Perhaps you are right, Perry the Platypus. Perhaps I'm not such a bad person after all," Heinz whispered, his breath matching the beat of his heart rate monitor. "I really do miss building those –inators though."
Perry walked over and took Heinz's hand, realizing that it was almost time.
Heinz gave one last evil cackle (albeit a weak one) as he looked over at Perry the Platypus. "Curse you Perry the Platypus!" Heinz whispered, a fond smile stretching across his face as he said his catchphrase one last time.
I'm trying to go and address different themes for every chapter that I publish. Buford's chapter was all about issues with identity and trying to figure out the concept of self. Baljeet's chapter was about realizing that you cannot plan out your entire life (by the way, hat tip to Lowrider for the 'anime face' from the Hiranos, check out his story 'Summer of Love', it's great). This chapter was all about accepting and getting over the past.
I'm fully aware that this was not my best chapter, but let me know what you guys think! Sorry if I went for the more sad angle here, but to me it was necessary because Heinz himself is a rather tragic character in my eyes. Many thanks to ElleFreak for continuing to be my inspiration for this whole thing, see you guys!