Payment for the pain

Chapter 3;

Teyla and McKay cleared the forest as it gave way to slate shingle. Teyla looked at the tribal markings and turned to Rodney. "They say we have to go up there." She said as she pointed up the mountain ridges.

"Of course they do." Rodney muttered as he followed her. They made their way up the slope, the ground slipping underneath with every footfall. If you had asked McKay later and if he was telling the truth he would have said that Teyla seemed to glide over the slate like an apparition with only the slight scree fall to tell her passing. If he continued to tell you the truth he would have admitted that part of him was jealous of Teyla and a part of him was guilty for that, guilty because he knew why she was so good. If you're life depended on you being good at something then you became good.

Before he came to the Pegasus Galaxy he had thought he had had a hard life. Even now, if he was honest, he considered his life to have been hard and amongst other earthlings it was an emotionally strained life but nothing compared to Teyla. Rodney is profoundly aware that as a child of the Pegasus Galaxy he may not have made it to puberty. Every person he met this side of the Milky Way amazed him just by still breathing. He knew he himself had changed within his first year here. He knew how to hold a gun, knew how to fire one and knew what it was like to take a life. Mostly, he hated that change but he hated the alternative more, to lose some one he cared about or to die himself. In the first year he had already learnt the first rule of the Pegasus Galaxy. Live or Die.

He had changed, but he was profoundly aware that he had not changed enough. He was the weak link of the team. Teyla, Ronon and Sheppard were warriors. All three were trained to fight, to move as a predator and to fight to the death. He knew his brain had saved them over the years with his quick thinking, his alternative look at the universe and without him they would have perished. However, at the same time he was aware of times when it was he himself who had put them in that situation. He knew when they held back, surrendered when they would have fought because he was amongst them and because he was unable to survive without them. Most of the time he felt that it was a combination of both their assets that gave them the edge to survive but sometimes he wondered how much more successful they would be without him.

"Rodney?" Teyla's voice filtered through his thoughts softly. He raised his head from his precarious footing towards her voice and found her at the entrance to a cave.

He frowned as he answered, "They won't be in there they are on the other side of these ridges."

She smiled indulgently. "It is getting dark, Rodney. The surface is not safe to travel at night. We will camp here and carry on in the early hours when there is more light."

"But I thought every minute counted, we had to move quickly you said. What if we don't get there in time because we stayed here instead of carrying on?" He asked even as a surprised part of him took in the failing light. Part of him felt sure if it was just Teyla she would have carried on throughout the night, sure of her footing. Again it was himself that was putting the team in danger.

"It is better to arrive late than not at all, Rodney. As seconds we do not have the same time restraints. We were given three days instead of two to complete the course. The Watarkins state that if we leave the course we have to leave the planet, without our team mates if they are not found by the time we leave the course." She continued as she reached down a hand to him, to help him onto the narrow track she stood on, "I would rather we were cautious and successful than rushed and fail."

The slate was compacted here at the entrance to the small cave. He just nodded, fully aware that she was in command of this rescue mission and fully aware that she would not continue if it meant putting him at risk. Normally he was very pleased of her protectiveness but when it was balanced against someone else's survival he hated it. He hated it with a passion and it only strengthened his belief that he shouldn't be here.

Teyla walked into the cave with the P90 ready for action as she swept the shadows with the torch light. Rodney followed, ready for action but still feeling useless. Once they had ascertained the cave was empty, not only of animals but also of any signs that one might come home after a day of hunting she shook off her pack and pretty soon had a small fire in the mouth of the cave. Rodney shook of his pack and started to get out the bedding.

Teyla took out the food and started heating up the MRE's. Rodney took her pack from her and started to take out her bedding too. He took his time laying out the bedding but even so it did not take long and pretty soon he was sat next to her by the fire waiting for dinner, his gun still in his thigh holster with the clasp open. It sat heavy and uncomfortable against his thigh but he wouldn't remove it till he bedded down and even then he would keep it close, somewhere he would be able to find it in the dark and close at hand. Yet another lesson he had learnt. He was adamant that without Sheppard and Ronon there to move quickly and efficiently he would not leave Teyla to defend them by herself because he was to slow.

He sat watching her small efficient movements. His mind musing in self pity, he took the MRE from Teyla with just a quiet murmur of thanks and ate in silence. He could feel every time she glanced at him but he couldn't bring himself to make small talk.

"You are quiet, Rodney," she said softly as she put the empty MRE away.

He shrugged, knowing he came across as a petulant child.

Teyla looked into the fire and the movement caught his eye and he glanced up at her face. What he saw captured him. He saw apprehension and fear in her eyes. He narrowed his, trying to fathom what could bring these emotions to her face when he hadn't seen them when a wraith bore down on her. "Teyla?" He asked softly, his voice sounding loud in the deadly silence of the cave. Of course, he had seen that look before. He had seen it in the infirmary when one of them was hurt, the only thing that seemed to scare not only her but Ronon and Sheppard too. Everything scared him.

"I'm sure they are fine, Teyla. I just wish that I had taken myself off the team before now, then maybe you would have had someone with you that was more able and you could have carried on. You wouldn't have waited if I was better on my feet, quicker and you would not have been sat here worrying." He could hear the hurt in his own voice and hated the weakness.

Teyla sighed. "I was eight years old," she started. The firelight danced against her face, the orange yellow of the light giving her face a more coppery, glittery sheen. The irises of her eyes shined in the light and her voice was quiet but mesmerizing.

He was puzzled as to what she was going to say, could not see how this was relevant, but it somehow felt wrong to say anything into that silence.

TBC