Hi! This chapter is a little late, im sorry. Thanks to my beta, you know who you are.

Chapter 3 -

Out of Time.

The day of the funeral was the most lamentable day ever to have existed. The drive to the church was silent as no-one wanted to anger me by speaking. The air was suitable; foggy and bitterly cold. The crowd that surrounded the church were all dressed in dark colours as they waited to pay their respects. The atmosphere was thick with darkness and despair. When we stepped into the church, sadness made my steps become heavy and slow, even for a human. Renée asked me to join the family on the front pew. I felt obliged to accept their invitation even though I knew my head would be filled with angry thoughts from Bella's father. Charlie was a little stubborn still, not really looking into my face or talking to me. I sat down and stared at the wooden floor below me, too embarrassed to see the faces of people mourning as I was the cause of their presence.

Renée wore a black veil over her face, like a mourning widower. Phil was close to her, holding her hand to comfort her and gave her tissues for the tears that streamed down her cheeks. Phil was a plain man, but very much noticeably younger than Charlie was. I watched Charlie's expression as he overlooked the scene, his face was filled with despair, regret and I saw a hint of jealousy flash across his watery eyes.

When people paid their respect to me as they passed I felt terribly unworthy of their regrets. I was not worthy to have the honor of Bella's family and friends to be telling me that they were sorry for my loss.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Edward." Angela Webbers' voice was weak, strong enough for me to hear.

Not as sorry as I am I thought. Almost everyone was in tears during the sermon, but it was quiet regardless. The only sounds were the muffles sobs of Bella's loved ones and the occasional nose being blown.

I stared at the closed casket. The freesias on top of it spilled onto the floor around it. The freesias were in an array of colors, light blue, light pink, bright yellow and gentle lilac. They contrasted against the deep, rich mahogany colour of the wood; it reminded me a little of her hair colour and the richness of her deep chocolate eyes. Oh, how I wished I could see her alive again, for even just a minute, to say goodbye at least.

The whole school seemed to turn up for the funeral. Nothing ever happened in 'good ol' Forks.' This was the topic of most gossip that circulated the town these days. I heard the old women of Forks squabble in the back of the church about the cause of death.

"Definitely concussion." An older woman whispered to the lady beside her. The one that spoke had a face that was aged; wrinkles were visible under her eyes and around her mouth.

"Oh! You can't say that, no one actually knows!" The other lady hissed back.

"I heard it off Charlie himself!" The first woman noted almost proudly that she had connections to the gossip.

"Shh…" The second lady protested at last. I wondered if I had been the source of any gossip.

This of course was the scandal of the year, apart from our departure. 'A young girl, depressed and suicidal jumps off a cliff to end her tragic life, for reasons unknown'. Only I knew why she did it, unlike the sad humans who mourned her. I could never tell them. The suicide attempt could be true, but I knew Bella too well. I couldn't bring myself to conclude that she had meant to end her precious life, all because I left her. Stupid, Stupid Vampire, I hissed to myself.

I wanted to end my horrible existence as soon as possible. Who could end this vampire's life in the most painful way possible? It was an awful thing to think of at a funeral, but the sad hours seem long. It was all I could think of to pass the time. So I couldn't help but think about my own demise. Volturi? They could destroy me…They would refuse, 'a waste of talent'.I shuddered. It was more of a curse than a gift. Jane would surely cause me physical pain, if I attacked Alec she would need to dispose of me. I could aggravate them, she wouldn't act alone. I could show the whole world that I was a vampire, and then the Volturi would definitely have to kill me.

The idea was like ecstasy to me, pulsing deep in my veins. I smiled without thinking but then deterred it into a grimace of pain. I would have to formulate an escape plan but Alice was watching me intently. She had obviously foreseen my decision. Damn it, why did I have to plan so early. It would be impossible to get rid of her now.

After the funeral we rode in the limo behind the hertz. The forest lagged behind us as we were slower than a child on a bicycle. I was appalled at the sluggish pace. Charlie let me chose the site we would bury her in and I chose the meadow in which we first kissed, and I showed my true self. The memory replayed in my mind over and over again. Her beautiful face was leaning in to kiss me.

Thank you, Edward! This is so beautiful. I couldn't have chosen a better site myself. She laughed softly in my head.

You don't need to thank me; I did this just for you. It's all I can do. And again her face faded away, gently. This time, the memories hurt, carving a deeper dread in my existence. Her brown eyes bored into mine again, I shifted away, unable to look in to her eyes.

Look at me,Edward!

I can't, you shouldn't be in my mind. I have to say goodbye.

You said goodbye.

Why are you still here?

To tell you to live your life!

What life? This is a horrible existence. I should end it as quickly as possible.

Don't end your life; I would never be able to forgive myself. It would be my fault entirely if you were to end your life.

That's exactly what I feel right now! You died because of me; I will return the favor, regardless of what you, a figment of my imagination, think!

I died trying to hear your voice, I needed you. I thought that every time I hurt myself or got into trouble that your angry voice would talk to me, just like I'm talking to you now.

Don't be ridiculous, what do you know anyway? You aren't real. I must be insane; I'm having a conversation in my head.

You needed to know, and I told you. I knew you wouldn't believe me if I told you.

You just can't be real! You look exactly the same and… I-I can't believe you are actually talking to me, from beyond the grave! Well beyond life seeing as you aren't buried yet.

Just believe me, for a minute. It's not your fault.

Hmn... I refused to respond to her, she was not shifting the blame.

I stood over the grave, disturbed by the conversation I just had with myself. I looked down at the hole that was dug garishly out of the soft, green grass that had once been there. The coffin was lowered at a snail's pace. I could never forget the cold look in Charlie's eyes, and the tears Renée spilt on the bouquet of flowers she held, the tears shone in the moonlight, like late night dew.

I threw in the last flower on her wooden coffin that was deep in the ground now. It landed in the centre, thanks to my aim. It was a single red rose in a sea of coronations. The rose was blood-red; the other flowers were a pale white, like I had asked. It symbolized how I had chosen her, her blood and her beauty and her perfection, not to mention her imperfections, like the little tear the rose had on its outer petal. Then I threw in one last item, my bracelet. It had the Cullen's crest on it; the crest was stamped on a large leather wrist band. I had taken her bracelet and I gave mine to her. It was a symbol, she would always have me, and I would always have a part of her.

Stay tuned till next week.