A/N: Ugh, hello... I'm on my period right now and I just happened to think of this... Have fun... *dies*
Roach is... silly. He had been surprisingly innocent at the age of 14, even though he had had a girlfriend at the time. Her name was Jessica. She had long, straight blonde hair and hazel eyes and she was really sweet.
They had parted on good terms and were still friends to this day, although there was one incident neither of them had ever forgotten.
That brings me to now. Roach is doped up on pain meds because he is, once again, injured. He had literally tripped and fallen down the stairs, earning several broken ribs and a sprained wrist.
Anyways, while babbling incoherently to his friends, he had somehow stumbled onto the subject of... vaginas. Yup, you heard me. Vaginas.
"Vaginas... are a serious problem!" He grumbled, glaring at Keegan as if it were his fault.
The Ghosts laughed, wondering how the hell this subject had come up.
"But... why?" Logan asked.
"BECAUSE! They fucking... squirt blood everywhere on certain days! It's not right..."
Ghost ruffled is hair.
"Really? How'd you learn that?" He asked through bouts of laughter.
"I had a... a girlfriend in 8th grade, her name was Jessica and I went to her house one night... to have uhh... dinner with her. When-"
"Dude, you did not go to her house to eat dinner with her! We all know you were a whore in your teen years." Hesh laughed.
Roach glared at him and yelled, "OI! I was a pretty damn sexy whore, too! Don't interrupt the story, Hesh!"
He threw a pillow at him and managed to hit him right in the face. Everyone started laughing, and Logan laughed so hard he fell over. Hesh just pouted.
"Hey! Be nice to me!" He whined, hugging the pillow.
"Well don't... interrupt the story then!"
"Okay, okay, fine! I won't!"
"Thank you! Anyways... wait... where was I?" He asked, looking up at Ghost.
"You went to your girlfriend's house... to have dinner."
"Oh... yesssss. When I got there, she was laying on her bed, holding her stomach, and she had... blood all over her pants. I thought someone had fucking... stabbed her... and I kinda started having a panic attack..."
Ghost sighed and said, "I can totally see that happening."
"But... you have... several times." He replied, a confused expression on his face.
"Never mind."
"Only you would be put in this situation, Roach." Keegan laughed, shaking his head.
"I know... Anyways, Jessica told me it was just her period and she was fine. Ever since then, I think all vaginas are a problem. The... end." He huffed, staring at the ceiling.
"Is that why you're gay?" Merrick asked.
He shrugged.
"Guys are easier to get along with. Girls are just... weird... and bitchy..."
"Oh really?"
"Yes. They're so moody all the time and grumpy."
"You realise you just perfectly described yourself, right?" Keegan laughed.
Roach stared blankly at him, clearly not understanding.
"Are... you saying I'm a... girl?"
"No, just that you're moody and grumpy. But we still love you."
"Gee, thanks."
"You're welcome!" Logan cut in with a grin.
Suddenly Roach's cellphone rang and he nearly leapt from the bed, muttering curses as his ribs protested with fiery pain. He grabbed it and flipped it open.
"The fuck do you want?" He grumbled.
Someone on the other end of the line replied and he sighed, turning on speaker.
"Hello everyone!" Luke's voice greeted.
"Oh, hi Luke!" Hesh replied, and the others mumbled 'hellos' as well.
"Luke! Vaginas are a... a problem!" Roach complained.
"No they're not, silly!"
"Yes... they are!"
"Why is he being so weird? Is he on something?"
"A whole bunch of pain meds. He fell down the stairs." Logan giggled.
Roach glared.
"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" He yelled, chucking the phone at him.
It hit him in the eye and he yelped, losing his balance and falling to the floor with a thud.
"What happened?" Luke asked from the phone.
"He threw the phone at meee!" Logan whined, grabbing the phone with the hand that wasn't covering his eye.
"Oh... yeah, he does that."
"Well make him stop!" He cried as a pillow was launched at him.
"I can't. You made him mad, this is your problem now."
Suddenly the onslaught of pillows stopped. He looked at the bed to see a lump under the blankets. Apparently now Roach was hiding.
"Hey! Why are you hiding?" Ghost asked, poking at the lump.
It growled and tried to bite him.
"Okay then... I think he's done being social for the day." He laughed.
It growled again, seeming to agree. Everyone laughed.
"Alright, we'll be in the rec room. Bye bye Roachie!" Logan giggled, bouncing out of the room with Hesh following close behind.
The others waved goodbye and left as well. Roach's phone, long since forgotten, was sitting on the chair, Luke still on the other end.
"Uh... hello?"
A/N: Lol... random shit. It's always fun. Anyways, I hope you liked this and it wasn't too weird/creepy.
I feel like Roach was a bit out of character, but he's doped up on pain meds... so I have an excuse. Please leave me reviews! Love you guys!