A/N: Spoilers ahead-The lovely and kind SolemnlySwearToManageMischief wanted a fic of Killian finding his hand in Gold's shop and getting it back. But I've had a stressful couple of days and was feeling kind of angsty so I wrote the opposite (sorry- I hope you don't mind). Killian loses his hand again, based on an idea I had surrounding a few spoiler pictures. Thanks for all the support! You guys are awesome! To me this was the most emotionally painful thing out of my collection for me to write but I'm not sure if it comes across like that for anyone else. Let me know what you think? Also- Feel free to send me prompts!
Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.
The world around them was silent save for the waves lapping against the support beams of the docks. It was as if people knew to stay away. Maybe they actually did. The space might have been public but Emma had a sneaking suspicion that David had ensured no one could get anywhere close to the docks for a while. Because really, there was no other place this could have happened. The calming effect the ocean had over Killian was desperately needed right now.
Killian sat on the bench next to her, hands twisting together, nails scraping skin, fingers popping joints. It was as if he was trying to get as much sensation from them before- well, before Emma removed the possibility once again. Jaw clenched, his eyes never left the way his fingers were curving around each other. His right hand pinched at the left every once and a while, drawing out every feeling he could.
Except for the sensation touching Emma would bring. That was too much. Emma desperately wanted to touch his hand, to hold both of his hands one last time but she knew that would be too painful. That touching her would be too much temptation for Killian and he needed to lose the hand to get out of his deal as Rumpelstiltskin's apprentice.
The longer this was put off the harder it would be. She wanted to rip the bandage off, end it quickly. Emma had always been good at distancing herself from pain but Killian felt everything so wholly that not giving him time to process would be even more difficult. Killian needed to find whatever closure he was battling for in his mind before Emma did her part.
Emma knew how much Killian wanted to keep his hand. After centuries of living with a hook, fighting for revenge over what had been so brutally taken from him the hook had become a reminder. A sign that Killian was Captain Hook and he would stop at nothing to get what he wanted. But that pirate captain wasn't Captain Killian Jones, the man who sat next to her now. To Emma, Killian would be himself with or without his left hand but Emma wasn't sure if he felt the same way.
They hadn't actually talked much about what was going to occur as soon as Killian gave her the permission. It had been more like an acknowledgement that it needed to happen and Killian had then chosen Emma to do it. The control Rumpelstiltskin had over the pirate was too much while the hand was attached, too high a price. Emma had told him that nothing was worth endangering himself, his very being as Killian Jones, reformed pirate and boyfriend to the saviour, over. She really hoped he believed her. She'd find out soon enough.
Emma stared out at the ocean but made sure to keep watching Killian out of the corner of her eye. Killian was running his hands against the material of his pants as he finally turned to face the water. Watching the slate grey waves rush towards the shore seemed to relax Killian in the way Emma had hoped for. Chest expanding, Killian drew in a harsh breath through his nose. There was a shaky quality to it that Emma wanted to kiss away. But she wasn't going to make a move until Killian wanted her to.
"If I lose this, all people will see is the hook," Killian finally said, speaking for the first time in at least an hour.
Emma shifted on the bench to face him. Killian kept his eyes on the ocean, the space that had for so long been his home and one comfort. "No. Killian, you've proved yourself to be so much more than the hook. You're no villain anymore. You're a hero. Heroes have scars. Yours just happens to be covered in a leather brace with a metal hook attached."
"This scar is pretty menacing."
"It used to be. And does it really matter what ever other busybody thinks when the people who-" Emma paused, stuttering over her words, "who love you don't mind?"
Killian glanced towards her at the word Emma had been too scared to say for, well, ever. Lips pursed, he appraised Emma, checking to make sure she was being honest and not just telling him what he wanted to hear. Emma gave him a small, soft smile, feeling as if anything larger would cheapen the moment.
"Aye, I suppose not," he replied, stopping the repetitive movements of his fingers and taking a deep breath.
"Are you ready?" Emma asked quietly.
Killian glanced towards his left hand before looking back up at Emma. "I just need to do one last thing."
Killian lifted both his hands and cupped her face tenderly, thumbs brushing circuits over her cheekbones. After seeming to memorize the way his thumb moved over her skin Killian leaned forward and pressed a kiss against her lips. Emma let Killian lead the kiss, keeping it chaste but so overwhelming that Emma wanted to cry. Everything Killian couldn't say about the situation was poured into the kiss, stealing Emma's air and begging her for strength. Eventually, Killian pulled back for a moment.
"Do it now," he begged, voice breaking before he dove back in, kissing Emma harder this time.
Emma understood. Killian wanted the last sensation his hand to feel to be Emma's face move as he kissed her. Killian had lost his hand so brutally last time that losing it the second time while distracted by the woman he loved, while feeling the woman he loved, just seemed right. Killian wasn't the same man and this wasn't the same situation.
Emma raised both her hands and covered Killian's against her cheeks. She focused on what she wanted to do, the image of what would happen breaking her heart, but she did it anyways. Warmth began to heat her cheek through Killian's hand. Emma concentrated harder, knowing she couldn't fail Killian. Especially not now.
And then her hand was touching her own cheek. And her face was wet. But she wasn't sure if the tears were her own or Killian's. Maybe both.
Killian pulled away as soon as it was just his stump touching Emma. Killian's eyes were rimmed with red but he hadn't been crying. Yet. Emma quickly brushed the wetness off her own cheeks before more tears could slide down her face. Killian missed the movement though, eyes concentrated on the scared stump as his lip curled in disgust.
The stump was red and angry, as if he'd never taken the brace off. The irritated skin made the long puckered scars stand out, a harsh contrast to everything else. It was hard to even picture the hand that had been there mere moments ago. Not with the destructed skin all either of them could look at.
Emma reached forward and wrapped her fingers around the stump. Killian jumped at the brush against the sensitive skin but Emma didn't let go. Instead she brought the injured arm to her mouth and kissed the entire length of the scar. Killian tensed under her. She continued to kiss the skin, still warm from the magic, until Killian relaxed. When the muscles finally loosened Emma placed one final kiss to the tip of the stump before releasing it.
Killian was watching her, stunned, when she looked back up. Emma smiled softly.
"Thank you," Killian whispered, lilting voice nearly being carried away by the lapping waves.
"I'm glad you let me help," Emma replied. "Because this," she gestured to his stump. "This is just as much of you as the hand was. Your hand doesn't matter to me."
"I love you, lass," Killian said softly. She couldn't answer in kind, not yet. But she wasn't as scared as those words would once have made her.
"Good," Emma replied, giving him a small smile. Killian pressed his lips against hers, deepening the kiss almost instantly. Each of his movements told her that she had been understood. Because Emma's scars weren't physical. But just like Killian's lack of a hand wasn't going to stop them, neither was her history of abandonment. They could figure this out together. And that was enough for now.