A/N 1: Man, I'm honestly surprised I'm already working on chapter three! I posted chapter two the night before so yeah. Normally I give it a day. A/N 2: My dream university is allowing me - someone who just graduated their junior year - apply for a spot. How exciting! I have to get letters of recommendation, fill out the form, apply for scholarships… It's a lot to do, and I'm honestly kind of nervous ^^; A/N 3: I've currently got hooked onto an anime called Haikyuu! and I gotta say, Daichi and Suga are so cute. I ship them so hard. Help me, another OTP isn't what I want D: A/N 4: Looks like Lovi and Toni are doing their own thing. I lost my control over them. Well, not all of it c:
Anyway! Thanks for being patient with me since I can't work on this fic as much as I want to. I'm in an online credit retrieval class, my best friend and I really like to play video games (Borderlands 2), and I'm out and about doing my own thing. But seriously, thank you so much! Vielen Danke! Haha studying German for two years really paid off! :D
The lady my mom and aunt talked to said that if I graduate senior year with everything I need (which is going to happen no problem), I have a high chance of getting in. They can't guarantee a position, but still. I'm super excited!
Enjoy!
I believe in the immeasurable power of love; that true love can endure any circumstance and reach across any distance.
Steve Maraboli
XxX
Let's get one thing straight. I trust Antonio. Seriously. After talking to him - I don't know for maybe a month? - we decided to send each other a picture. Each of us had a demand. For example, I wanted Antonio to hold four fingers. He wanted me to hold up three. You know, all that jazz. Then after talking some more, getting closer, exchanging phone numbers… I like to think we became pretty good friends. Maybe even best friends.
Talking to him on the phone was easy. Sending pictures to him became bearable and less embarrassing.
Hell, I liked doing those things.
But…
I don't know, video chatting feels different. More open, really. I didn't want to embarrass myself, especially in front of Antonio. Call me paranoid, but I have that strange feeling that he'll judge me. Which is absolutely ridiculous when I think about it. Antonio judging a friend? How absurd.
That doesn't really change things though.
Yeah I know.
Whatever though. I already said yes and let me tell you, that Spanish idiot was ecstatic.
"Lovi I'm so excited! Oh oh oh how should we video chat? Wait you have an iPhone. We can FaceTime!"
God he sounded so cute. At this point he was going to be the death of me.
"Yeah we can use FaceTime. Uhh, do you want to do it now? If so then I should probably change…" I really didn't want him to see me in a sweatshirt. That's not a good first impression.
He chuckled. "Oh silly Lovi. You're probably fine! And yeah can we do it now?" Damn that bastard being all excited. Oh man though.
Before I had the chance to protest, he hung up on me. Not even saying goodbye! That asshole. Here I am now, sitting around and looking at my phone like a damn idiot. Ugh. But before I knew it my phone was ringing. It showed my face in the camera in the most awful angle and up top it said "Tonio" with his contact picture.
Well, I guess I should answer it.
I fixed my hair (it was kinda a mess), placed my phone on my pillows and then swiped that motherfucking thingy to answer the call. The first thing I saw was a blurry image, but could hear everything that was happened. It sounded distant, however. Then all of a sudden I saw Antonio.
Good god. He looked so fucking perfect and adorable and handsome. He had the biggest smile on his face - teeth showing and all. The smile was so big that it made his eyes crinkle just slightly. The next thing I noticed were his goddamn eyes. So fucking green and full of sunshine and laughter.
I couldn't even do anything but blush. I couldn't say hi or wave or even give him a crooked smile. No, I blushed instead. Antonio, that happy go-lucky bastard, waved enthusiastically. "Hello Lovino! It's so great to see you~"
He was cooing. Oh my god. I shyly waved back and even managed to speak. Hell yeah! "H-hey Antonio." There was a bit of silence and let me tell you, it was so awkward.
Antonio could sense this, so he continued to talk. "Ah so I might have to go soon because I need to clean but still. We can actually talk and see each other, Lovi! I'm super excited. Oh, do you still want to hear about my concert?"
Fuck that guy. With all of his blabbering I smiled at him. It took me some time to realize he asked me a question because I couldn't help but admire him. "Oh, uh, sorry to offend you but not really," I chuckled nervously and messed with my sweatshirt strings. "I just wanted to talk to you longer."
Could I get any more girly and disgusting? Ugh, pull yourself together, Lovino!
This made the Spaniard pause and look at me in awe. What did I say that made him dumbstruck? I chuckled a bit. "Antonio? Are you okay?"
He nodded but that was it until a minute passed by. "That's so cute~! I can't believe it. You want to talk to me more often. I remember you hardly wanted to text me!"
"N-no! I just wasn't used to texting people!" I protested. It's true! I don't really text my friends that often. Not as much as Antonio wanted to text. "God, you make me sound kinda mean."
Now it was his turn to protest. "What? No! You're not mean at all. You're super sweet." What the hell he said it like it was a fucking fact. Like he was saying 'yeah the weather is sunny' or 'yup I'm in Hawaii'.
"Ugh just shut up, you dummy." I laughed when I saw him make a pouty face.
"That's not nice at all," but I could see him trying not to smile. "In fact, it's really uncute of you."
I rolled my eyes and snorted. "Who says I was cute in the first place? Dummy." I paused for a moment then shyly said, "you're the cute one."
Now I was hoping he didn't hear me mumbling. But surprise surprise, he did and his face lit up instantly.
There was a moment, though, when it all sank in for him and let me tell you, it was hilarious. He understood what I said at first and got excited, but then when he realized what I said about him so Antonio got quiet and thoroughly shell shocked.
Perfect. Now I won't be the only one blushing. Ha!
Antonio was about to say something but then Feliciano burst through the goddamn door and scared me shitless.
But not actually shitless. That would be weird.
Anyway, I screamed in surprise which made Antonio yelp and Feliciano look at me strangely. Long story short, there was a lot of confusion and yelling.
Then we all started talking at once.
Antonio: "Oh is that your brother?"
Me: "Feliciano get out of my room! And knock next time!"
Feliciano: "I'm sorry! I didn't know you were busy."
Then there was silence. It was pretty tense because we didn't know who was going to talk first. Each of us wanted to, but if we did we didn't want to risk the chance of interrupting someone.
Oh well. I raised my hand and pointed at my little brother. "You. What do you want?" I wasn't really angry per se. Just irritated. I was started to really get comfortable with Antonio but BAM. Little brother came along.
Feliciano was practically ignoring me and looking straight at my phone. My back was facing the door so it was a clear shot of seeing Antonio. "Oh is that Antonio? Hi Antonio! Lovino talks about you a lot."
"I do not!" That little asshole.
Antonio smiled and waved. "You must be Feliciano. It's nice meeting you~"
They then started to have a conversation (and Feli never answered my question, that fucker). At first I was paying attention, but then I tuned them out. Same old same old. People instantly took a liking to Feli. It was irritating, to say the least. Out of all of my friends, I really didn't want Antonio to get all caught up in my little brother. It sounds selfish and possessive, but I want Antonio to myself.
At some point Feliciano sat on my bed right next to me. I was getting bored. A part of me was hoping that Antonio would leave. Or Feliciano. I don't know, I wanted to be alone. I was in a pretty shitty mood. Finally Antonio noticed me being sour and cut his conversation with my brother short.
"Ah, I'm sorry but I have to go. It was nice talking to you!" He then looked in my direction and gave me a warm smile. It seemed different than the one he gave Feli. "And it was wonderful seeing you, Lovi. I'll talk to you later tonight?"
The weak, submissive idiot in me could only blush and nod. "Y-yeah. Talk to you later."
With that, I hung up.
The two of us were silent. I was trying to calm down from my jealousy, Feliciano was trying to think of ways to not make me more pissed. But I didn't even want to handle the problem. It sounded exhausting. I kindly - woah what? - asked my brother to leave, and he did just that. I was so unbearably jealous. Which was so stupid of me. Both Feli and Antonio were talkative people. Socializing is a piece of cake for them. So in conclusion I shouldn't be upset with them. It's a dumb thing to get worked up over.
If my mind was this rationale, why did I feel the opposite? I sighed and flopped onto my back. This was all way too confusing. I could take a nap right now.
Tonio [SENT 11:57] hey i noticed that you didn't look very happy.
Tonio [SENT 11:57] is something wrong?I looked at my phone and frowned. Now, I could tell him the truth and then have a really long and deep discussion. Or, I could lie and say I'm just tired.
Hmm.
Me [SENT 12:02] Yeah I'm fine. Just tired.Tonio [SENT 12:02] that's not true. what's wrong?Me [SENT 12:04] Really Tonio. I'm fine. I'm going to sleep for a bit. I'll talk to you later.Tonio [SENT 12:05] okay. sleep well, loviI didn't bother to reply.
XxX
I stood in a bedroom that I didn't recognize. The walls were plain and white. There was carpet. One single window. All in all, it held nothing special. In front of me was a bed, and to the right there was a door. I went to go towards it but someone opened it all of a sudden. At first their figure was disoriented. Then I started to recognize it. Curly, brown hair. Sun kissed skin. Beautiful green eyes. A goofy smile. Toned body. Antonio. My heart immediately started to pound. I swore he could hear it. He seemed lost, however, like he was looking for something. His eyes scanned the room and when they landed on me, they brightened up. Before I could do anything Antonio walked over to me and hugged me like he had been away for ages. In short I was confused. But I kind of liked this. Yeah anyway. He finally pulled back from the embrace but his hands rested on my hips. Kind of intimately. I looked up to meet his eyes, and I'll be damned they held so much love and passion and all that kind of sappy shit. Antonio nuzzled my cheek, which made me giggle. I was feeling so giddy. So so happy and excited. I wanted to tell him how much I missed him. How much I've longed for this moment. That I'm happy to be in his arms. But then he gently cupped my chin so he could move my head to look at him. He's so handsome. We smiled at each other like two lovestruck idiots. Then without warning, Antonio closed the gap between us. His lips felt so nice against mine, like they were made for this. His grip on my hips got a bit tighter and he suddenly licked my bottom lip. To say I was surprised is an understatement. But I gladly let him deepen the kiss. Things got more heated. Our kisses grew more desperate. We were holding onto each other like it was the last time we would see each other. Antonio picked me up, my legs around his waist, and gently placed me on the bed. He hovered over me, his smile soft.
I sprung up in a state of panic. What the fuck was that dream? Holy fucking hell that was way too real and one hell of a turn on holy shit. I nervously looked down at my lap and thanked the gods that I didn't have a hard on. Oh god that would be terrible.
I looked at the clock and realized I had slept for three damn hours. At least I felt nice and refreshed. But my hair was a mess. Oh well you can't have everything.
Feliciano was still yelling for me to get up, so I stumbled out of bed and opened my door. I must have looked a bit shaken since he immediately got concerned. "Are you okay, Lovi?"
I grinned and ran a hand through my hair. "Just peachy. What's up?"
Shit I was being too casual. I was never like this.
Feliciano, thank goodness, didn't seem to notice. "I just wanted to wake you up so you sleep tonight!"
Sighs.
Why brother why?
"Thanks, Feli." I was about to shut my door to finally get rid of this awkward atmosphere until he stepped in the way.
His amber eyes looked full of worry. This isn't what I needed right now. I needed some peace and quiet and time to figure shit out. That dream was not a normal one. Really fucking nice, yes, but not normal.
My brother stared me down. I held my ground. Knowing him, Feliciano would lose because he couldn't handle the pressure.
In three
Two
One
Que Feliciano apologizing, telling me that it's okay to talk to him, then prancing away.
…
He really was something.
Anyway… I drifted back to my bed, pulling my phone out in the process. Three missed text messages - aside from the other one Antonio sent me.
Tonio [SENT 13:10] lovi i'm really sorry. i know you're upset, but i don't understand why. i have a feeling i was the cause of it though. please answer me back when you can.
Tonio [SENT 13:57] i think i know why you're upset. is it because i started talking to your brother? i swear i wasn't trying to ignore you. i could never do that to you
Tonio [SENT 15:04] sorry that i'm blowing up your phone. i'm just worried about youFucking worrywart.
It's endearing though.
I debated on whether or not I should answer him truthfully. Attention wasn't really my thing most of the time. If I was upset, I just kept it to myself. It was still hard for me to show my true feelings to Antonio. If I'm honest with him about this then… I'll open up more.
Good job, Lovino. I can't believe you finally figured it out, you idiot.
Okay time to call Antonio. I can do it. No problem. Done it a thousand times. No biggie.
…
I'm a fucking coward.
The sooner I do this, the faster I can get it over with. I quickly unlocked the device. Doing good. Then I scrolled to Antonio's contact and pressed call. It only rang once before he answered it.
Wow.
"L-Lovino! Lovi I'm so sorry for hurting you and ignoring you-" He sounded so panicked. I hated it so much. He was supposed to be calm and collected. It was normally me who stressed out. This wasn't like him at all.
I cut him off with a quick shout of his name. That made him shut up. "It's fine, okay? I get it. Please stop apologizing."
"But I made you upset."
"Tonio." I didn't say anything else. He always got quiet when I called him by that ridiculous nickname. "Please. It was me being jealous. Nothing too serious."
"Wait you were jealous?"
I ran a hand through my hair. Well I guess I should just continue with it. "Yeah. You seemed to really enjoy talking to Feli. Not like it's a bad thing, but it seemed natural. It was hard for me to talk to you so…" I didn't know how to end that sentence. If I continued it would be me blabbering and spilling too much. No one needed to know that I was pretty pathetic.
There was a sigh on the other end but shortly after there was a small laugh. Not in a judging way, I could tell, but still. It kind of hurt.
"Silly goose. Yeah, talking to Feliciano was kinda fun," he said. Ouch. "But! I love talking to you. You're funny, smart, interesting - in a good way - and you're so passionate. I love that about you."
Woah hold the fucking phone, Antonio.
"Hold the fucking phone, Antonio." Haha I amuse myself too easily.
"I am holding my phone!" He sounded so fucking happy and not phased at all.
"Don't be a smartass," I bit back. I wasn't in the damn mood. "Y-you said, and I quote, 'I love that about you.' What the hell does that mean?!"
"Exactly what I mean. It means that I love those things about you." His voice began to shake and it was getting harder for him to speak. "I… I should probably tell you, Lovi."
My heart was beating so fast. So so fast. To be perfectly honest, I've had a crush on Antonio for a long time. It was small at first, but I found myself getting more into him. I mean I had that fucking dream earlier. Was he going to say what I thought he was going to say? I don't know if I was ready for that. If I could handle it. Long distant relationships were hard, from what I read online. People say it gets unbearable to not be able to really be there with their significant other. I didn't want us to have to deal with that. Plus, I was scared of getting my heart broken.
There are a lot of reasons why I didn't want it to happen, but the fact that he was interested in me made me want to try it out.
Well, if he is interested in me. I might be jumping to conclusions.
Antonio took a deep breath. It was shaky and sounded kind of pathetic. I feel it though. "I… I really like you Lovino. And I don't know if it's completely romantic feelings, but I know that they're there. I can't stop thinking about you. Like, ever. I find myself wishing you were over here." Another deep breath, but this time I could hear him trying not to cry because of the pressure. "I know that long distance relationships are hard, Lovino, but I want to try. I really want to try."
My throat closed up. I could feel tears forming in my eyes. But I wasn't upset, no, I was so fucking happy. It was going to be difficult, but I really wanted to try. Fuck my insecurities and fears about a long distant relationship. I fucking wanted this. Paranoia be damned!
"Lovino? Do... do you want to try?"
I held my phone close to my ear with both hands. "Yes, you idiot. Of course I do."