Chapter 3
On the wall in front of me hung a giant wooden cross. I stared at it, transfixed, and thought about everything that's been done in the name of this symbol. All the pain and suffering. All of the wars. All of mine. And I hated it. I wanted to tear it off its nails and throw it in the sea. Watch it drown. For once it could have a turn. Watching it, with all of its "calming serenity" and all of its "answers to life's questions", all I could hear was it screaming." As if to mock me. You could tell it was ancient by the worn lines and edges it displayed. All smoothed over by time.
The age of the cross rubbed more salt in my anger. It was just another bit of evidence that this particular piece of "art" had been around long enough to possibly torment others. So, I didn't filter myself when asked me if I liked it. I'm sure it could be interpreted that I liked it from the way my eyes took it in yet " I hate it" was all that came out.
He chuckled behind me, sounding a bit taken aback by my remark. I couldn't help it though. I didn't even give myself a second to try and give a white lie. It was as involuntary as a sneeze. I turned my back on the cross and faced the patriarch of the Cullen family. He had the same pasty complexion as his children and the same aura around him telling me he was "other" as well. I stood guarded against a possible barrage of questions, yet I didn't want to leave.
The Cullen's home had a calm about it that you'd experience in a museum. Filled with expensive furnishings that looked as if the inhabitants floated around them. As if they hovered just barely about the cushions of their couches, never fully touching. It smelled sterile as if it never experienced an ounce of dust grace it's doorstep. Yet, I could feel the life swirling around it and the love that was felt in its walls. It was a home I longed for.
"My father was a pastor and carved that when I was little ", Carlisle started after a momentary pause. "He was an interesting man, in his own way. He was very adamant that I'd follow in his footsteps biblically and in his… other hobbies. I didn't end up doing either of those, and he probably would be disappointed in my choices, but I keep it up to remember him by." He smiled to himself at a memory that looked to be running around in his head. It was a sarcastic smile though and I could sense the slight bitterness in it. Once again, I couldn't help myself when I asked the next question with quite a bit of snark. "Did he chase after the boogey men too?" I looked him square in the eye after speaking, wondering if the symbol polluted him too at some point. He gave another half smile with a curious eye, "You could say that."
"If you're comfortable doing so, you're welcome to use our bathroom to take a few moments for yourself. I believe Alice might have some clothes for you so you don't have to wear Edwards." Carlisle said it with a kind smile. It was meant to reassure me and it did. Although, it held promise of a conversation I'm sure he wanted to have. Because the fact of the matter was that I was here, in his son's clothes, filthy, and goodness knows what Edward may have mentioned to him already. There was also the fact that I wasn't being treated as if I were insane. There was only curiosity. No fear. Which told me…this wasn't new to them. If it was, then only fairly new. They were too calm and understanding in their speech to not have witnessed my side of the world before. Which left me wondering…were they part of it?
I glanced over at Edward where he stood on the other side of the Cullen's living room. His arms were crossed and for a moment I could feel the banging in my head again. I started to reach my hand up to smooth the pain away at my temples when it again disappeared on its own. "Do you usually experience headaches Bella?" Keeping my eyes on Edward, I shrunk back a tad at the use of my name from Carlisle. "Sometimes" I stated plainly, " they've just been coming and going today."
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The Cullen's bathroom was as immaculate as the rest of their house , from what I'd seen. Little glass bottles lined the sink filled with exotic smelling perfumes, lotions, and soaps. The towels I was given were plush and soft and I took a moment to rub one across my cheek, reveling in the small joy of the comfort. Grabbing one or two of the glass bottles, I turned on the shower. Begrudgingly leaving Edward's clothes folded outside the door, and setting the clothes Alice gave me on the sink by the bottles, I stepped into the first hot shower I had taken in months.
I was unable to keep the moan that slipped past my mouth as the heat of the water touched my skin. The water around my feet turned to brown as the little bit of color on my body was washed away. A little sliver of happiness crept into my me as I enjoyed the scent of the soaps I was able to lather in. Delicate bubbles covered me richly while the room itself was filling with steam and the glorious scent of lavender. I wondered to myself how long it was appropriate to be in the bathroom and if the Cullen's would mind me staying just passed that point. It would seem a shame to not sit in the steam and soak up all of the fragrance in the air, to let it permeate my skin.
Edward was downstairs though. And his pull beat that idea instantaneously.
Wrapping myself in the luxury that was the towels, I glided my hand across the fogged mirror above the sink and stared at my reflection. My eyes were worn and my lips cracked. I found that after a thorough scrubbing, I was paler than I remembered. Dirt and grime will do that to you, I suppose.
Opening a drawer, I looked for a hairbrush to tame my knotted mane and hoped the "help yourself" that was extended to me earlier included the liberty I was taking. My thoughts drifted to Edward and I was slightly embarrassed that he saw me in my previous state….and naked. Can't forget that little detail of course. My cheeks roared red with the memory.
My eyes closed as I worked the brush through my hair. The magic potions I used doing their trick in the shower of easing some of the tangles. It felt so long since I was able to adequately brush my hair. Never being a necessity, I always just settled for running my fingers through it. Already feeling guilty for having to steal food, I didn't want the guilt of stealing little pleasures like a brush on my conscience as well. There was enough lurking there.
As I ran the brush over my head ,thoughts of the family below ran in it. Mostly of the boy with the copper crown and the amber eyes. Who, or what for that matter, were they? Could they be like me? Or were they something different than me? Although I didn't feel any outright danger, there was a peri in not knowing enough about them and them knowing too much about me. Peculiar still was the fact that my second half hadn't reared it's ugly head again with all of this attention. It loved to show itself in times of stress like this, yet was nowhere to be felt.
After making myself as decent as I could, I left the safety of the bathroom. Noticing that Edwards clothes were gone, I could only manage to just tip toe out into the hallway. Looking around, I gave a tentative "hello?" As soon as the sound left my lips a door opened at the end of the hallway and Edward slowly stepped out, closing the door behind him.
We simply stared at each other again. It was like earlier with each of us assessing the other, trying to look for something we didn't know how to find. Answers. Somewhere In those eyes I hoped to find a shred of a clue but, finding nothing, I just settled for appreciating his looks. He was handsome. No doubt about that. He was regal in the way I imagine the heroes of some of the stories I was able to read might have looked. He wore a new sweater now of emerald and I felt the loss then of the previous sweater and jacket I had donned. I wondered to myself if those clothes smelled just as irresistible as the previous ones.
The moments between us, like this one, seemed to last forever. Both of us having one-sided conversations back and forth with our eyes. Each asking and each refusing to answer for the present. Then, almost as if giving up the fight, he sighed and smiled lightly at me. Resigning himself from the mental battle, he glided up to me and stood but a foot away. He was far enough away to be polite, but close enough that a bit of intimacy could be felt. It threw me off guard. Everything about him did and a tiny thread of annoyance peaked up at this feeling. I just met the guy and already was finding myself enraptured by him. Not knowing if these emotions were normal had me at a loss but it was hard to not enjoy the feeling as well. Being around someone without needing to hide or flee… at least not completely.
" Carlisle was hoping to speak with you some more. My mother , Esme, is home as well. If it's okay she was wanting to introduce herself to you. However, if it makes you feel uncomfortable we will excuse ourselves from the conversation." The idea of Edward leaving caused me more discomfort than the idea of having any sort of discussion with Carlisle. There was the chance he would just ask if I needed any medical assistance and send me on my way. Having done a good deed of letting some homeless girl take a shower in his home, the possibility of being simply satisfied was there. But, I knew that it wasn't going to be that easy. It was likely this conversation would be like a game of chess. And I was horrible at chess.
"Please, stay." Whether he meant to include himself or not in the conversation with Carlisle I did not know. All I knew was that I was unsure if I could survive it with him out of the room.
"Stupid. Stupid Bella" I chastised myself mentally like earlier. Yet, there I was, walking side by side down the stairs with Edward, not knowing how the rest of this day would gonad what would be revealed.