Disclaimer: I don't own gossip girl or any of it's characters, I'm just not that lucky.

A/N: I was supposed to write my essays but I ended up writing this instead! I wanted to give you all something, all the reviews kept my fingers typing decidedly non-academic text. Anyway, let me know what you think, especially of Lea and Ben. Hugs from me to all my reviewers too :D you know who you are!

Cocomango: The dark and brooding ones are definitely the best! Chuck is kind of like Mr Darcy in the fact they are both proud and self-absorbed in the beginning but then you get these glimpses of sweetness and vulnerability. Plus they are both condescending and biting (at least for Darcy in the beginning). Now I'm thinking of what Chuck would be like in period England hehe Ed Westwick is british after all. Those who haven't seen the Pride and Prejudice mini series are seriously missing out on many swoon-worthy moments. Anyway sorry long rant!

If you guys have any questions or anything don't hesitate to let me know or email me :) it's always great to hear from you!

Anyway chapter time!

"We definitely didn't have the conventional newlywed experience today did we?"

Chuck scoffed and squinted slightly as morning light began to filter through the blinds of their hotel room.

"When are we ever conventional? Besides, we can afford to do things differently."

Blair rolled over so her hand draped across her husband's bare chest and she could look up at him from the pillow.

"Good point, is it selfish to be secretly happy I didn't end up with the broken nose?"

Chuck laughed.

"Of course it is but I wouldn't expect anything less. The fact you're even questioning it must mean you really like Lea."

"I do, I mean I'm definitely not in the market for any more girl friends but she's so different from all the others I can at least have her as a good acquaintance. Plus she offered to put us up if we come to Boston, of course I didn't tell her your father owned two hotels there but it was nice to offer."

"She beats some of the sycophants you hang out with so I'm not complaining."

"You're just happy you have a surfing buddy in Ben."

"True, we can talk about all the fine ass we are never going to have again and reminisce nostalgically about how once upon a time we could just fuck and leave without having to do housework and talk about our feelings."

He wiggled his eyebrows in a playful manner that earned him an equally playful slap hard on his chest which resulted in a noise of pain and surprise.

"When do you ever do housework Bass? We have like three maids."

"Hey! I picked up a towel a few weeks ago, I also pulled a few of your hairs out of the sink. Fairly gross."

"Wow you have such a warped sense of the world that it's impressive."

"I aim to please."

"It was an awesome night in the end though."

"Yes it was, let's just hope we don't run into Josh and Kelly again."

"Well you know how we solve that Mr. Bass?"

Chuck raised a sceptical eyebrow, obviously hoping to hire a hitman or just fly somewhere else. Fiji maybe?

"How is that Mrs. Bass?"

"We just stay in bed for the next week, live of room service and entertain ourselves."

She waggled her eyebrows trying to imitate her husband but it just looked freaky, he didn't tease her. Goofy Blair was a rare and treasured appearance.

"I can never deny you anything."

She got back on top of him to reward his easy agreement.

Eight hours earlier.

The waiting line for the latest club 'Mighty Mighty' that they had set their sights on was absurdly long. It stretched loosely around a corner and down half a block, full of noisy half wits slurring loudly about some nonsense or other. Blair wasn't used to it, in New York they simply had to appear at the best hot spots and they gained automatic entry. She had taken bypassing angry queuers for granted and now she was one of them. She guessed if she was desperate she could flourish Chuck's identification in front of the bored security guard but she didn't want Lea to think she was a snob.

Besides it gave her time to learn about her new friend. Lea was twenty two, from Boston and when she wasn't working as an assistant at an art gallery she worked in a chocolate shop. 'Death by chocolate' had been her workplace since she was a teenager and the old owner was apparently like a grandfather to her so she had made sure to stay on even when it was hardly convenient and paid minimum wage. That's also where she met Ben who always ordered nine vanilla cream chocolates on his way to work as a hedge fund trader.

"Why nine?" Blair asked.

"He has a thing about that number, he was born on the 9th of September and somehow he always pictures it as the underdog number to ten. Plus he works about nine hours a day so he pops one subtly into his mouth as a reward for getting through another hour of excruciatingly dull monotony."

Ben had looked embarrassed at this reply, whether it was because he was predictable or because he secretly ate chocolate so religiously Blair wasn't sure but it gave him an innocent eccentricity that made him likeable.

"It isn't that bad Lea, we can't all work in chocolate shops! I just like to have something that makes me think of you, knowing you made them and how delicious they were gives me a thrill of excitement during my day, even before we were dating. How lame is that?"

Chuck had laughed, replied with 'very lame' and received a swift slap across the back of the head from his wife.

Ben and Chuck had then discussed work, once Ben knew who he was they had an animated discussion about his stocks and shares and seemed like kids in a candy store for a good half an hour. Blair had tuned out of eavesdropping on that conversation as soon as it had begun. It amused Blair that once they had exhausted their common interests they just lapsed into easy silence, quite content to take in the world around them or listen to the girls. Blair hated silence with someone new but they both seemed to have an unspoken agreement that an hour of conversation was enough for one night. Men! Chuck was so predictable, he glided easily from topic to topic but he evaded or ignored personal stuff or anything sincere that might attach him to someone unnecessarily. Blair could practically hear warning bells when any mention of his father or his childhood popped up and Chuck smiled it off to something completely different. Only Blair had the full range of Chuck conversation and even a day talking to him would only be the tip of the iceberg. She almost felt it was a shame so few people would know it all.

Blair had talked to Leah about her life as they flitted from bar to bar. It wasn't that she was completely self-absorbed it was just that it was so different and glamarous from Lea's life that she had insisted on knowing everything and squealed delightedly when she had describe their apartment (an entire two floors at the top of one of the most exclusive buildings on the upper east side no less) or their friends. Lea was envious of Blair's life but then who wasn't? She truly had it all and she wasn't ashamed of it. What was the point in being falsely modest? It seemed insulting to play down such a great life. Lea didn't mind, she was happy with her lot and Blair couldn't blame her. Ben was great. The drunker he got the more fun he became and finally she could see how such seemingly opposite people could have fallen in love. Blair had stopped drinking after the restaurant having learnt her lesson and Chuck was cautiously sober as if expecting Blair to collapse spontaneously into the disaster she was the night before.

The queue still hadn't moved and it was after one in the morning. It was warm but tiredness was making Blair shiver anyway. Ben gallantly draped his jacket over her shoulders.

"So we have a favour to ask you guys."

Chuck raised his eyebrows.

"I'm not investing money with you."

He thought it better to be safe than sorry, he had had people in the past cosey up to him in the hopes of securing a deal of some sort.

Ben sniggered.

"Dude I can't handle the workload I have now I'm not going to try and land a whale on my break! I might just have a stroke. So no that's not it."

"What then?"

"We're getting married!"

Lea and Blair did the whole jumping-up-and-down-squealing-together bonding thing that Chuck didn't understand but he calmly gave his congratulations to an equally bemused Ben.

"When and where?"

Lea looked sombre for a moment and Ben dropped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him to kiss her intensely. It wasn't the sort of show Kelly and Josh put on that made Blair want to puke all over their shoes thank god.

"I want this to happen, I love you and I want you to be my wife. I don't care how."

Blair had frowned in confusion.

"What's the problem?"

Ben coughed.

"This is an elopement."

The way he said it was so stern and determined it sounded more like he should have said 'this is a hold up' and waved a gun around.

Ah eloping, how honestly Blair had considered that course of action in becoming Chuck's wife. Planning a wedding, even with two wedding planners (one paid-for, the other her mother) was the most stressful thing she had ever done. It felt like she was catering to everyone else's wishes rather than her own. Chuck had kept out of it all wisely but she didn't have the same luxury. It was like those birthday parties when she was younger where who came dictated what you did and both of those were a statement of who you were and where you belonged in the youth elite. Her wedding was no different and if it hadn't been so beautiful and run so smoothly at the rehearsal she might have abducted Chuck and married in Hawaii just like Lea.

"Why do you look like your going to a christmas sale? Getting married isn't that dreadful."

Lea sighed.

"His parents pretty much hate me because they are loaded and I'm 'wasting my life in sales'. They tolerated me as a fling but they threatened to disown Ben when he mentioned getting engaged. This our last option, we don't want them at our wedding and my parents aren't around so it's just us."

"That sucks. Fuck them I say."

Chuck's unusually passionate outburst wasn't surprising, he knew what it was like to have a parental figure constantly disappointed in you.

Lea beamed at his response.

"You're a sarcastic ass but I like you. You're perfect."

Chuck smirked in bemused surprise, very very few people called Chuck out so brazenly. Yet the fact she wasn't a shrieking slut like most of Blair's 'friends' (Serena excluded of course) automatically earned his respect.

"Thanks, I think."

"Awesome I'm so glad."

"Did I miss something?"

Finally the line moved and they were able to get into the pumping club. It was pretty much the same as other clubs, Blair had seen a lot of clubs in more countries in the world than pairs of Jimmy Choos in her closet so it was hardly exciting. Being sober also left Blair less inclined to try and dance among the heaving mass of bodies. It was less effort when you were smashed and everyone seemed much nicer too. Now all she wanted to do was sit down and take off her heels after three hours sleep the night before and sore feet. That was the price of wearing in new shoes and getting fucked (sadly no pun intended) on your wedding night. Luckily Lea and Ben moved to the bar to snatch a few available stools as a short red-head collapsed off the side of one and her male friend slid off his to help her up. The red-head hiccuped and giggled inanely. She'd feel the bruise in the morning and it made Blair feel a little happy and superior. No more being on all fours for Blair today, at least not without the pay off.

"What are you guys drinking? My shout for doing us a favour!"

"Diet coke for me and a whisky for Chuck. Best there is."

Chuck looked at his wife with a frown.

"I can order my own drink."

"I know but you'd order water because you're 'all protective of your woman'-

Her husband supressed a chuckle at the imitation of a black woman she was using as though all black people called their wives 'woman' but she was being thoughtful and that didn't deserve a patronising remark.

"- and I want you to enjoy yourself. I'm vertical and completely coherent I'm not going to need a babysitter tonight okay?"

He relented reluctantly only because Ben was already halfway through ordering and it was too much effort to shout over the constant noise for an alteration.

"Fine you twisted my arm. So what's the favour they asked for?"

"It's probably to borrow my wedding dress or something. In which case I'd say 'hell no biatch' but I'd quite happily by her a different one."

"Darling please stop channelling a black female it's getting creepy."

"Shut yo' face snowflake or I'll pop a cap in yo' ass."

She giggled to herself in amusement. It was probably completely racist but she was hysterical with fatigue. That was her excuse. Chuck pulled her close to him and kissed her earlobe, it was the place that sent shivers down her spine. Well actually, everywhere he touched gave her an electric shock but her earlobe was a particular favourite and the most appropriate in public.

"Aren't you being generous for your new friend?"

"What can I say? I'm the patron saint of desperate brides. Besides we know what it's like to try and organise a wedding it must be even worse without help and cash. Plus the whole 'people not getting their relationship' is a little too familiar not to be helped out."

"True. We're paying it forward, it's probably good karma for a new married couple to come to the aid of an engaged pair right?"

"Aw Chuckles you're such a romantic."

He rolled his eyes but was saved from a reply when Ben and Lea came back with their drinks.

"Your refreshments!"

Blair was quick to take their beverages off Lea who was wobbling slightly as people pushed about them and her heels rivalled Blair's in inpracticality.

"Thanks."

"So let's cut to the chase. What's the favour you need?"

Typical Chuck. Always down to business.

"Oh right yes. We need you to be witnesses at the wedding. We thought about bribing hotel staff but when we met you we knew you were it!"

The idea of going to someone's wedding while on their honeymoon was so bizarre but somehow seemed appropriate, like it was fated somehow. Shit, she was turning into a complete sap. It was just honeymoon fever she was sure.

"Wow that's um wow."

Lea looked highly amused by Blair's sudden bout of inarticulateness.

"So that's a yes?"

Blair looked to Chuck for his opinion, there was only so many times she could rope him into things on one holiday so it was his decision. He seemed to understand her expression and gave her a half smirk of approval and she hugged him around the neck from the side in gratitude.

"That's a fuck yeah we'd love to."

"Awesome. Let's go!"

"Already? It took us like an hour to get in here and now we've finished our drinks we're going?"

Suddenly a familiar song began to surge through the speakers, upon acknowledging which one it was Blair's blood began to boil as if it was some sort of weird conditioning that made listening to it akin to foreplay. Her hips were already swaying before she realised it.

And maya, i'm here.
The boys in the band,
Decide to appear.
We walk through the door
Savour the air.
The girls on the floor,
I've come here to stare.
We've come here to stare.

Chuck was gazing at her in faint surprise until he began to register their old favourite too. He nodded in cheerful remembrance. Earlobes and soho dolls, it was a perfect night after all.

"Ah the memories B."

Too right Blair thought. That was the first time he'd ever got lucky with her. In a limo no less. It was kind of symbolic of the life they led or whatever but Blair was in no mood to analyse.

Both Ben and Leah looked justifiably confused at the change in topic.

"Memories?"

"This song-"

Blair groaned.

"Husband enough with the chit chat and more with the leading me to the dance floor."

He bowed slightly in mocking obedience but his grin was the widest Lea had ever seen yet. Lea wasn't used to being dismissed and ignored so easily as they left their company to dissappear into the throng of dancers. However she was too drunk to care, she was getting married!

"Ben do you want to jiggy?"

He slid his arms around her and she leaned back against him.

"Jiggy?"

"Yeah you know get your groove on, get down with the funk ectera ectera."

"You forgot 'boogie on down' and did I mention I love you right now? Like very serious, epic sort of love that makes me want to medicate myself from the stress of it all?"

She giggled huskily and pushed her body closer to him and was rewarded with a quiet groan.

"Me too Ben, don't worry once we're married and you're all rich in your own right we can buy up all the Xanex supplies. We'll be the most laid back parents ever."

"Oh my god kids, are you trying to induce cardiac arrest? Although how cool would it be if we sent them to work for Mr. Milligan to help at the chocolate shop, like some sort of legacy."

"That would be so cool except I don't know if he'll live - No I'm sure that would work. He's a tough cookie he'll survive anything especially after you've seen how much sugar he consumes daily. He has to be superhuman not to have died of diabetes or something by now."

Ben kissed her hair and made a noise of agreement. Mr Milligan or 'Teddy' to Lea, was her family, the grandfather she never had and the father figure she always deserved. If it wasn't for the fact that Mr. Milligan had no one to cover for him and was strapped for cash he would have been here with them.

"Wow look at Chuck and Blair go!"

They both turned to watch their friends bump and grind with the best of them. In fact they were outdoing all those around to the point that half the men were ogling Blair enviously and the girls were determined to ignore them while sneaking glances at her husband. If sex could be transferred into a dance that would have been it, it wasn't exactly shameless but rather lacking self-consciousness. They weren't showing off, they were simply so wrapped up in each other that appearances didn't matter.

"Chuck's a lucky man."

Lea nodded.

"So is Blair, the way he is looking at her would melt any other girl's panties off."

"You included?"

Lea scoffed.

"If I went for handsome, dark and brooding with a splash of self-absorbed ass then maybe."

Truly though she would have jumped his bones had she been single, ass or not. Speaking of ass..

"Are you okay?"

Lea turned around in his embrace and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Of course why?"

"You sort of stopped breathing."

"Oh. Must be the alcohol. Do you want to join them?"

"Nice try. Want a water?"

Lea sighed dramatically, conceding defeat. Going clubbing was basically to get to know Chuck and Blair rather than dancing. She knew Ben wasn't a dancer but she'd thought she'd try her luck. The times she had danced with him had her bent over, wracked with laughter. With that encouragement he refused to dance with her again until their wedding. That would come soon enough at least. She'd get to witness the determined squint and odd pount combined with a weird head bopping and knee jerking that was the Ben she loved 'getting his groove on'.

"Yeah, they may be awhile."

A while turned out to be an hour. Their song had finished but equally hormone-stirring beats had replaced it and Blair was too turned on and felt too desirable to give up her tiny spot in the sweltering atmosphere around her. Her heels were torturing her but she tried to ignore it, pain and pleasure combined was not an entirely unpleasant experience. She debated revealing that to Chuck because she knew he'd find a very useful way of carrying out that realisation, she could see whips and handcuffs in her future.

She'd keep that gem of information for their anniversary.

"B."

"Hm?"

"Shall we go?"

"Really?"

"Yep because by the way you keep wincing I think you need to get off your feet."

"Aw, I wasn't wincing."

"I'd like to pretend you weren't too but it's sort of distracting. We can re-enact this anytime but right now I think we need to rest your feet."

"Aren't we being thoughtful?"

"Always."

"Kiss me first then we'll go."

"Done and done."

He leaned in to kiss her but surprised her by wrapped his arms around her and dipping her down, dangerously close to a sweating man next to them but she didn't care. When his lips connected with hers it was so passionate that when he broke away she was speechless for a few moments while she caught her breath. He looked like the cheshire cat as drunken catcalls and whooping were heard around them.

"Mr. Bass you'll make me blush."

"Promise?" He whispered huskily in her ear.

She laughed as he pulled her back up gracefully but didn't let go of her, instead he entwined his hand with hers as they struggled to emerge from the sea of bodies.

"Chuck you're making all other male mortals in here look bad, are you trying to help me get hitched or dumped for an upgrade?"

Ben slapped Chuck on the back in amused admiration as they returned, some guys just walked in the light. Or thrived in the darkness in Chuck's case.

"Are you guys ready to leave?"

Blair looked at Chuck and Chuck smiled at Blair before she answered in agreement.

"We are more than ready. Let's bust outta this joint."

Chuck squeezed her hand and shook his head in enjoyment.

"When will you ever learn B?"

Blair stuck out her tongue.

"You forget husband that you married a goof as well as a perfect social darling."

Okay so the clown stayed hidden ninty nine percent of the time but they were on holiday after all and if she had to mix with Kelly and Josh why shouldn't she let loose a little? She could do goofy just as well as all the socially inept losers, so the fuck what?"

"Don't I know it. As long as you're my clown I don't mind, it's sort of like thinking of the queen trying to crump. Makes me want to piss myself laughing."

Blair gave him a 'what the fuck' look to that weird nugget of insight. She wasn't sure what to make of it but the way held her close to him and played with her hair as they left told her that even the neglected clown was just as adorable to him as the cunning bitch.

A/N: It's not the end of Kelly and Josh (more flashbacks to come) and more of the couples too. The song playing at the club is 'stripper' by Soho dolls in case you were wondering (it was on gossip girl when Blair was also dancing at the burlesque club). Also the whole broken nose thing comment in the beginning makes sense in the next chapter's flashback which I wanted to include in this chapter but a) haven't yet written and b) wanted to give you something before I don't get a change to write again.