AN: Many, many, many thanks for your wonderful reviews.
"Don't make me go through this again. I can't, Shawn." Gus said, voice cracking as he took a step closer to him. "I can't watch you go through this again, Shawn. I can't watch Cole torture you again. Wasn't the first time enough? I can't do it again."
Shawn's head bowed under the weight of Gus' statement, reminded yet again that he had not been the only one affected by the events in the cabin. "You can't watch me and I can't walk away." He looked back up at Gus. "I won't blame you if you don't want to help on this case, Buddy. I understand. But I…I have to investigate this. I don't have a choice. These victims are suffering because of me." He cut off the rest of his words as he spun away, his jaw clenching in helpless anger. Each of the victims Cole had already killed and all of the ones he would target, their pain, their blood, their deaths…all on his hands.
He had no choice. He had to investigate this. But Gus did not. He could walk away right now, if he chose to, and Shawn wouldn't, couldn't, blame him.
He didn't want to turn around, didn't want to face the possibility that he would see Gus shake his head as he decided not to help him. He knew if he stalled any longer, though, that Gus would let go of his own needs and stay out of misplaced loyalty for him. He didn't understand. What had he ever done to deserve that kind of loyalty? What had made him so specialthat Gus would stand by him all these years?
He took a deep breath, hand scrubbing against his face before he turned back around. Whatever Gus decided, he would support completely. He could do that much, at least.
"I'm staying," Gus said, meeting Shawn's eyes, not even flinching at the responsibility he was choosing to share with Shawn as they searched for a torturer turned serial killer.
The relief Shawn felt at that statement, at the lack of any hesitation from his friend, couldn't completely cover the guilt that surfaced. After everything he had done, he had no right to need Gus so much, nor, for that matter, Juliet and his father. Adding to that, before his time in the cabin, he had always thought he was independent, that if push came to shove, he didn't need the support of his family and friends to stand tall. But he was wrong. The independence he thought he had was nothing but an illusion, one of many masks he donned, a lie to himself and to all whom he met, and the realization was jarring.
Lassiter cleared his throat and Shawn shifted his attention to him. "Why don't you take a look around and then we'll head back to the station, get you caught up on the first case."
Shawn licked his lips and nodded, turning his attention back to the crime scene as he stepped away from his friends. He tilted his head as he studied the dead body, walking a wide circle around the chair.
"What do you see?" Juliet asked. There was a different curiosity to the question then there used to be, and he glanced back at her, confused by the fascination with which she watched him. He gave a slow nod when comprehension dawned, a thoughtful hum not quite making it past his lips. She had plied him with questions during his recovery, asking him how he worked crime scenes, how he found clues that she or Lassiter might miss, how he came to some of the outlandish conclusions that weren't as far off base as one might assume. This was the first time she had seen him solve a crime without pretending to be psychic. She was seeing Shawn Spencer, son of a police officer and home-grown detective, for the first time.
He hesitated for a moment before he laid out the crime scene as he saw it and the conclusions he had already drawn. Death, to him, was a given, the man's heart giving out from the electricity. He told her his assumption that the man had died in the same place he'd been discovered, the manner in which he had been caught in the first place-"Probably the same drug Cole used to incapacitate me," he said, pursing his lips-and more; all of the clues he saw that summed up the man's death. An innocent man who had been pulled into a fight he should never have been a part of.
It dawned on him suddenly that the empathy he had felt for the first victim earlier that morning hadn't been misplaced. He had felt a connection with the man because there was one. The questions he had asked, whether the man had known if he was going to die, if he had been told he was only a pawn, were answered. Cole would have told the man, would have answered honestly that he had no problem with him. Just as he had been honest with Shawn.
"Look man, I'm sorry for your loss. That sucks. But why am I here? I wasn't involved with your brother's case."
"I know, and I must say I'm very sorry about taking you."
"Hey, it's no problem. Everyone makes mistakes; no harm done. I'll just go now." Shawn forced a confident smile, heart sinking when the man started to shake his head.
"I'm afraid you can't leave. You see, you're the only one that will work."
The words were gentle, but matter-of-fact, and Shawn couldn't stop staring at him, incredulous. There was something very off about this man. "What are you talking about?" Shawn asked.
"The Santa Barbara police department was responsible for my brother's arrest, and ultimately, his death. You took away my brother, my only family." Cole was addressing the camera now, talking to the people he assumed were watching his little freak show. "You took away the most important person in the world to me. I want you all to pay! I want you to know what it's like to lose someone important to you!"
And now, Cole's focus had shifted. It wasn't the SBPD that was his target; it was Shawn. All because he had survived three days of hell.
Sometimes he wondered if Cole had made the right choice; if choosing Shawn to kidnap had hurt the SBPD as much as Cole had thought it would. Based on the officers' reaction to his appearance at the police station that morning, that would be a no.
It wasn't until Gus casually jostled shoulders with him that Shawn realized he had let his observations trail off into silence as he got lost in his thoughts.
"You ready to head back?" Gus asked quietly, and Shawn sucked in a deep breath, casting one last look around the crime scene before he nodded. He needed to see the evidence from the last crime scene, and he should probably call his dad. Cole's return wasn't something he could hide from his father, nor did he want to.
But not right now.
He followed Lassiter and Juliet, Gus walking beside him as they left the building in silence and headed to the car. Juliet glanced back at him and slowed her pace to match his. "You lied to me!" she yelled, stalking towards him, hands fisted in anger. Her hand brushed gently against his, and Shawn looked down at her, forcing the corner of his mouth up in a vague smile.
Right now, he needed a few minutes to wrap his head around what was happening and the still shifting consequences of his lie.
…
…
"Look Daddy! I look just like you!" Shawn said. He ran into the room and Henry couldn't help but laugh at the image that greeted him. Henry's shoes, too large for Shawn's feet, clomped heavily against the floor as he raced towards his father, Henry's police badge winking at him from where it hung out of Shawn's shirt pocket. The police cap bounced up and down on his head until he came to a stop and it slid forward to cover his eyes.
"Just like me?" Henry questioned, tipping the hat back for his son. Wide eyes brimming with innocence peered up at Henry, a huge smile bunching the boy's chubby cheeks as he nodded vigorously.
"And when I grow up, I wanna be a p'lice officer!"
Another chuckle escaped him as he bent over and scooped up his son. "You do?" He asked before wiggling his fingers gently against his son's side.
"Yes!" Shawn squealed, suddenly squirming with laughter. "Don't tickle me, Daddy!"
Henry stopped and looked into his son's eyes, considering the possibility. Why not? What could it hurt to help Shawn develop the skills he needed to be observant? To put clues together? He was a bright kid, and Henry could already tell his son was gifted. It couldn't hurt, could it? "Do you want me to show you how to be one?"
Henry threw the magazine down on his coffee table with a muttered oath, glaring at the slow-moving clock as he pushed to his feet. It seemed that nothing would be able to hold his attention on his son's first day back to work. Not his early morning walk, not the yard work he had attempted earlier, not even the fishing magazine he had just tried to read. He rubbed his hands across his head and paced into the kitchen, eyeing the silent phone as he walked to the fridge.
He hadn't heard anything from his son, but no news was good news, right? Plus he had Guster, Juliet, and Lassiter's word that they would watch out for Shawn. That didn't mean Henry wasn't going to "accidently" pull enough steaks for Shawn and Gus to come over for lunch. That way, Henry could see for himself how Shawn was faring.
The phone rang before he could find the steaks. The bag of peas he had just taken out of the freezer to search behind was abruptly shoved back in before he darted for the phone, answering it before it could even finish its first ring.
"Hello?"
"Henry? It's Karen."
He frowned, confused to hear from her again. She had already gotten in touch with him earlier that morning to tell him she'd given Shawn his first case. She shouldn't be calling him again so soon. "Karen? What's wrong?" He asked, pushing the words past a throat that had grown tight with worry.
With just a few sentences, the world Henry had been trying to rebuild crashed down around him. Cole had finally returned, ready to start his new twisted game, and Shawn was once again at the center of it.
"We'll protect him, Henry. He'll be surrounded by officers at the station, and we'll reinstate the protective detail. Cole won't be able to touch him."
She was reassuring him that Shawn would be fine, that nothing would happen. Didn't she understand that Cole had already attacked Shawn? Even if he hadn't been touched, this was personal for his son. The security he had tried to rebuild had already been shaken with the return of the monster who stole it the first time.
"Where is he now?"
"At the crime scene. Once he's finished, he'll be heading back."
It didn't matter if Shawn was surrounded by officers. He knew how uncomfortable Shawn felt around them already. It also didn't matter if Juliet and Lassiter were nearby, or if Gus was hovering over him. They weren't Shawn's father.
He wasn't going to let his son face this without him.
"I'm on my way."
He hung up before she could say anything, either in agreement or disagreement. It didn't matter. Nothing was going to stop him from being there for Shawn.
He paused near the back door as he was leaving, his attention caught by the photo that hung on the wall. It was a picture of Shawn, taken when he was no more than four or five years old, and he was grinning mischievously into the camera, Henry's police cap tilted precariously on his head.
"Do you want me to show you how to be one?"
Shawn gasped, his eyes lighting up in excitement at the offer before he leaned forward to wrap his arms around Henry's neck. "Yes! Thank you, Daddy!"
Henry's eyes closed in sorrow. Innocence had been stripped from his son, and it hadn't been Cole who had started it. Henry had. Good intentions aside, the little lessons he gave his son had opened Shawn's eyes to the dark possibilities that existed in the world. He had never seen those lessons in that light before, but it was painfully clear now what he had done to his son.
It didn't matter if he had done it so Shawn could be prepared, so he had the best chance at catching the bad guy and coming out safely on the other side. All Henry could see was his offer to his son and its consequences.
All he could see…was that it had been him who put his son in danger first.