[AN]: Okay so up until this chapter I've been working without exact knowledge of how this story would end. I've since remedied this. I think that this (probably terribly long by the end of it) fic will be probably a bit cliche but still enjoyable.
Sleep came in fitful bouts for young Obi-Wan, who was woken more than once by his own thrashing. What little sleep he did manage was plagued by nightmares he couldn't remember once he'd awoken.
One time in particular he found himself listening to Qui-Gon speak with someone whose voice he didn't recognize. As much as he knew he shouldn't be eavesdropping, he couldn't rightly help it.
"…The Council thanks you for doing this on such short notice," Qui-Gon said, his voice barely a whisper.
"Oh but it is us who should be thanking you, Master Jedi. To have someone so skilled with the Force on our workforce will be a wonderful help. We anxiously await your delivery of our new worker."
New worker? Obi-Wan's blood ran cold. For a split second he was twelve years old again, aboard the ugliest, dirtiest ship he'd ever seen, on his way to his new life in the Agricultural Corps. He shook his head, blinking furiously in an effort to clear the memory from his mind.
He's taking me back to Bandomeer, he thought. He's decided I'm not worth the effort after all.
He still thinks I'll turn. The thought hit him like blaster fire to the chest. All these years and he still doesn't trust me. The more he allowed himself to think about it, the more his frustration grew. I've failed, he thought. I've failed at the one thing I've been working for my whole life.
He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes to stop the tears that threatened to fall. Some mission this is, he thought. My last mission as a Jedi.
He wondered if it had really been such a good idea after all to let Obi-Wan go and rest. The younger man had been thrashing and tossing and turning the entire time he'd been trying to sleep. Qui-Gon knew that he'd woken himself up more than once.
There had been a time when the younger man would likely have come and told him what was troubling him. Why he chose to struggle alone, Qui-Gon didn't understand. He respected Obi-Wan's decision, however, and he wasn't going to intervene until he knew it was necessary.
In the brief calm moments between nightmares, when Obi-Wan would lie still, Qui-Gon watched him. He wondered if he shouldn't turn them around, go back to Coruscant, forget this training exercise.
He knew that Obi-Wan had accessed the computer, though. He'd seen too much for Qui-Gon to simply abandon his plan now. When he actually found a few moments of fitful sleep, Qui-Gon found he could see into the boy's mind, if only briefly. What he saw shook him to his core.
As the boy jerked awake each time, Qui-Gon would abruptly be shut out once again. And each time, he felt worse about what he was about to do.
He decided to tell his Padawan exactly what was going on when he finally gave up on sleep.
He hadn't planned on Obi-Wan overhearing his conversation with the woman leading the rescue operation he'd be helping with. He knew Obi-Wan had woken up again when those too-familiar walls snapped back up, shutting him out.
"…Remember, he's only your temporary new worker," he reminded the woman on the holoscreen. As he continued to speak, he felt Obi-Wan crumble behind him. He felt it like a saber through the gut.
"Of course. We are grateful for any and all help the Jedi will offer us." The transmission ended after that and Qui-Gon leaned on the console, holding his head in his hands.
You can't allow yourself to be defeated so easily, Obi-Wan, he thought. This is the end of nothing. You're young. You would really give up so easily?
He sighed. Perhaps I was wrong to train you.
The second the thought passed through his brain, he shook his head to dismiss it. He couldn't bring himself to regret the years spent training the young man. He couldn't bring himself to think it all a waste. Even if the boy turned to the dark side…
He shook his head again, unwilling to even consider it. He knew Obi-Wan. He might be prone to sadness and anger, but he was strong. He would be a great Jedi Master one day. There was no doubt in Qui-Gon's mind that the man would one day far surpass him.
When Qui-Gon called back for him, Obi-Wan reluctantly stood and walked up to meet him. He sat in the co-pilot's seat, saying nothing and avoiding looking at his master. He's not my master anymore, he thought bitterly as he examined the controls. He could hear the Jedi Master speaking to him, but the words and their meanings were lost on him.
It felt as though there were a heavy weight resting squarely on his chest, pressing down on him and making it nearly impossible for him to breathe. It took all of his focus to keep his breathing steady and stop the tears that threatened his eyes, he didn't have any strength left to focus on what Qui-Gon Jinn was saying to him.
How he wanted to turn and demand the answers to the countless questions that were burning in his mind. Why now, Qui-Gon? Why waste so much of your time on me if I'm just going to be another disappointment? What did I do wrong?
How can I get another chance?