A/N: Thank you SO MUCH for all the beautiful reviews! *hugs*

Disclaimer: The Vampire Diaries belongs to L.J. Smith & CW.

Chapter 3

Elena looked at Damon, for a moment not even knowing what or whom he was talking about, her every thought revolving around their current predicament. But the dimmed light of his gaze soon enabled the words to register in her mind and realize what it was that he had just said. She frowned a little, caught off guard and confused.

"That was my idea," Enzo broke the silence that had fallen and added in a half-seriously apologetic voice when both Damon and Elena gave him a look as if they only now realized he was even in the car. "For the record."

Elena remembered some vague comments Stefan had made concerning Enzo's bad influence and she briefly wondered what was the actual extent of what she didn't know that had happened recently.

She looked back at Damon, her first impulse being to ask the most natural 'why?' and 'what happened?' questions, but somehow, in a way she couldn't quite explain, she thought she knew the answers to these questions as well as it was possible to know them. Because such answers would never be clear or sufficient, even if he could offer them to her. In a way, those questions had no answers and for a few moments Elena allowed herself to mourn yet another senseless tragedy in which everyone involved was a victim.

"So... do you now expect me to get out of our car and go back home?" Elena asked quietly and there was something about her choice of words that made Damon feel so warm inside - but he refused himself a privilege of reveling in the feeling. "Leave you, abandon you, because-"

"Because there was a bump in the road and I lashed out," Damon interrupted her in a toneless voice on the verge of breaking and Elena's mouth twitched at the quote. "Because you were right when you didn't want me. Because I'm a monster. Because I ruin people." Enzo glanced at them in the mirror. "Because-"

Slightly narrowing her eyes, Elena leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Damon's lips. He stared at her in silence when she drew back, her eyes so utterly sad the mere sight was breaking his heart.

But there was also a glimmer of determination in her gaze that was paradoxically even more painful to watch, because he felt he didn't deserve that look at all - the look that was telling him that she'd never give up on him. No one, except for her, had ever looked at him like that.

"Which part of 'I love you' you don't understand?" Elena asked quietly, undeterred, holding Damon's gaze.

There was a glimpse of readiness, of unyielding desire in Damon's eyes to cling to her words, to wallow in their meaning. But he quickly blinked, regaining his composure and once again his eyes darkened with self-condemning sadness.

"I almost got Jeremy killed," he said under his breath with a bizarre hint of desperation in his tone, as if he was hoping to finally come up with something awful enough to be unforgivable. "And Bonnie-"

"That was my idea too," Enzo interrupted again, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

Damon shot him an irritated look. "Can you be quiet?"

Elena sighed. "He told me."

Damon's eyes darted back to her and he clenched his jaw, upset and so disappointed, so angry with himself for finding her attitude so utterly comforting that he was on the verge of dragging her with him into this dark abyss he had been falling into for as long as he remembered.

He blinked, trying to shake himself out of all of these miserable thoughts, of imagining asking her for forgiveness, of leaning in for a kiss.

With painful, enchanting, despicable certainty he knew she'd grant him whatever forgiveness he needed, would kiss every invisible scar like she had done so many times. But that was wrong. That was all wrong. That was so completely reprehensible to even be thinking of that, imaging it. Damon gritted his teeth, his hand curling up into fist to keep from reaching out to touch the hem of her dress with his fingertips.

"Jeremy told me what happened," Elena clarified in a low, steady voice, shooting Enzo a sideways glance. "He told me everything. He told me... Is there anything else you wanted to say?" She asked in a suddenly slightly different tone, giving Damon a questioning look.

Forehead creasing in thought, Damon tried to recall some other murky events of the last few weeks, but other than what he had already said, he couldn't remember anything more, at least not in relation to Jeremy or Bonnie. There was, however, that unfortunate new vampire Wes had left as a bait-

Damon's train of thought was interrupted by Elena's mirthless huff. "So you remember putting Jeremy in danger, but you don't remember saving his life when Katherine crashed his car? Or telling him to kill you when Kol compelled you to kill him?" She added under her breath before he had the time to react to her first question.

Damon blinked.

"Who is Kol?" Enzo asked but Damon and Elena ignored him.

"Did you go through his entire biography last night?" Damon asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Something like that," Elena retorted grumpily.

"I don't see how one makes up for the other," Damon said with a frown.

"I'm happy you see it doesn't," Elena said, squinting. "But I'm not happy that you never pay attention to what you do right, but always pay excessive attention to what you do wrong."

"Because it doesn't matter, Elena," Damon said impatiently.

Elena shook her head, perplexed. "Why it doesn't matter?"

"Because it doesn't."

"But why do you think that?"

"Because in the end people only remember what you did wrong anyway," Enzo said slowly in a low voice, as if he was just talking to himself.

"That's not true," Elena protested, wrinkling her forehead.

"Maybe in your alienated case, princess. We're running out of gas," Enzo added, pulling into a gas station.

xxxdelenaxxx

"What?!" Caroline exclaimed in a shrill voice, causing the windows to rattle in their frames.

Bonnie gave her a stern look. "Caroline, you just promised not to freak out!"

"That was before you said that you let Elena go on a road trip with two psychopaths!" Caroline continued shouting looking to Stefan for support.

Stefan just looked at Bonnie in questioning resignation.

"Let her," Bonnie repeated with a mirthless snort. "Do you think she asked me for a permission? She just explained why she was going."

"You should've woken us up, Bonnie," Stefan said worriedly.

"And what would you do?" Bonnie asked, shifting her eyes to him. "Lock her up? Like she was locked up inside of her own body for the last few weeks?"

"This is not a fair argument, Bonnie," Caroline protested. "You can't compare what Katherine did, to us trying to keep Elena safe! That's ridiculous!"

Bonnie took a deep breath. "The situation is worse than we thought it was. We only have hours to find the antidote or a spell and that's what we should be doing right now instead of wasting time on arguing."

"Well, days ago Damon and his sociopathic friend threatened you, threatened to kill Jeremy just because of some idiotic revenge scheme and now you're willing to throw Elena in harm's way just to help him?" Caroline blurted out with a steely gaze.

Bonnie widened her eyes at her in indignation.

"He wasn't himself. He went off the rails because of what Katherine did," Jeremy observed in such a calm voice that Caroline's annoyance skyrocketed at an instant.

"You're kidding, right?" she exclaimed with a sarcastic laugh. "All she did, to him at least, was pretending to be Elena and break up with him!"

Jeremy grimaced in disbelief. "Are you defending her?"

Caroline gave him an incredulous look. "Of course I'm not defending her!" She scoffed, shaking from irritation. "But if it actually was Elena and she really broke up with him, would you also think it would've been completely OK for him to go on a killing spree just because of that? Is a break-up a good enough excuse in your opinion?"

To Caroline's utter frustration Jeremy replied in a tone as if he was explaining for a hundredth time something very simple:

"But it wasn't Elena."

"Well, it's not an excuse," Stefan cut in, drawing Caroline's attention to him. "But in all fairness, had it been real, it would've been devastating for him and... he did think it was real, so..." Stefan added after a pause, holding Caroline's gaze for a second before she looked away with a stifled groan.

"Look, Caroline, it's not about Damon," Bonnie said and continued when Caroline's eyes flew back to her. "Not... only about Damon. Elena asked us for help. We owe that to her. We owe that to her to help her the way she wants us to help." Bonnie trailed off before drawing a breath and saying in a slightly trembling voice. "For weeks we didn't notice that she was gone. We didn't notice that she was gone because we were blinded by our vision of what's good for her," she said, her voice regaining its firmness as she glanced at everyone, Caroline, Stefan and Jeremy, all of them listening to her in gloomy silence. "If we weren't, we would've figured this out earlier," Bonnie said quietly, the pained look in Caroline's eyes mirroring her own. "Now it's not the time to be telling her what she should do. Now we should do what she tells us is good for her."

The front door screeched and moments later Matt walked into the room. "Your mom found the address of that girl, Liv," he said, glancing at Caroline before giving the piece of paper to Bonnie.

"Great," Bonnie said, scanning the page.

"Wait, he knew before we knew?" Caroline asked in an irritated tone, her eyes darting between Matt and Bonnie.

Matt raised his eyebrows.

"Yes," Bonnie nodded impatiently. "Because he doesn't freak out when there's no time for it!"

Matt smiled in mock-pride and Caroline threw her hands in the air in exasperation.

xxxdelenaxxx

"Damon, look at me," Elena said when a minute after Enzo had left the car Damon was still looking straight ahead and not at her. "Are we back to you breaking up with me?" She asked with a frown. His mouth twitched and he blinked rapidly. "What about everything you said to me that night when-" Elena broke off in the middle of the sentence, the memory causing a twinge of fear pierce through her heart every time.

Damon's eyes darted to her in concern at the tone of her voice, at the raw vulnerability in it. He reached out and tugged Elena into his arms before all the admonishing voices in his head could stop him.

"That was before everything I did later," he said into her hair, stroking her back, subconsciously pulling her physically closer even as he was trying to push her away with his words. "It just proved that I was right the first time," he concluded hollowly.

Elena's head snapped upwards and she looked him straight in the eye. "Did it ever cross your mind that if we were together she wouldn't have been able to pull that off?" Elena asked, watching Damon's face fall, a flash of pain and guilt flickering in his eyes. "I'm not saying it's your fault," Elena amended quickly, unstrung how easily inclined he was to take any blame available. "But don't you see? Everything goes wrong when we're not together. Everything is always wrong when we're not together," she repeated quietly with a faint smile flitting across her face, her forehead falling against his.

Damon looked at her and all of a sudden he couldn't retrieve that inerrant train of thought that had led him to believe he should never kiss her again.

Smiling against his lips when he kissed her, Elena wrapped her arms around Damon's neck, snuggling into his embrace.

"Do you remember that rainstorm in July?" Damon asked in a hushed voice between the kisses. "When we were driving to-"

"Of course I remember," Elena whispered against his mouth, pressing small, teasing kisses along his lips, back and forth. "Do you think I could forget being trapped for seven hours in a car with you?"

They looked at each other smilingly for a few moments before Damon's smile turned sad and Elena grimaced, cupping his face in her hands.

"I'm sorry," he said, his eyes drowning in hers like hers were drowning in his. "I'm sorry for breaking up with you one day and begging you to come back the next. For not being the person you deserve regardless whether I'm doing something right or wrong. Somehow it's never quite right, no matter what I do," he said with a brief, bitter smile. "I'm sorry," he repeated earnestly, trying not to lean into her touch but then giving in and covering her hand with his, squeezing it hard. "I want the best for you and I'm far from the best," he whispered with a desolate grimace, "but... I don't want to live without you. I can't." He turned his head, kissed the inside of her hand. "I just want you to know," he continued after a pause, gathering her hands in his and clutching them tightly while his eyes remained focused on her face. "If I die tomorrow-"

"Damon-" Elena tried to interrupt him but he silenced her with a kiss.

"Elena," he said quietly but firmly with a smile that brought tears to her eyes, because of its strange serenity, a glimpse of a good-bye in it. "If I die tomorrow, I want you to know that you've made me more happy than I've ever been in my entire life, happier than anyone could ever be, happier that it's possible to be. That I would trade the world, life, all the stars and everything else that is out there for each and every moment that I spent with you." He ran his thumb across her lips and Elena grimaced and shuddered, tears rolling down her cheeks when she smiled feverishly and then couldn't stop herself from breaking into sobs at his words, at these ridiculously romantic phrases that were leaving her every nerve, every thought battered and bleeding, because she knew he meant what he was saying in the most veracious, most ridiculously literal way.

"I want you to be happy," Damon said in a low, determined voice, propping her chin with his hand and looking into her eyes with utmost intensity. Cradling her face, he brought it closer to his and kissed her. "Promise me you will be happy."

Elena flung his arms around his neck, his arms wrapping around her, holding her in a breathless embrace.

"I can't be happy without you," she whispered, pressing her face to his. "You make me happy. I'm happy because of you."

They both shuddered when the car door was suddenly opened and Enzo jumped inside. "Hey, look what I've got. Skittles, Gummi Bears, Twix Miniatures, Sour Punch Straws, Peanut Butter Cups, Twizzlers and a Cotton Candy Tub," he announced, reading all the colorful etiquettes so carefully that it seemed to Elena like he was reading them for the first time... and then she realized that most likely he was reading them for the first time. "They had all of these at the gas station," he added a little impressed, turning around and only then noticing their bereaved expressions and fresh traces of tears on Elena's face. He frowned. "And here I was thinking you'd spend this time that I was gone doing something fun like... auto sex or something."

Elena blinked, feeling as if a breeze rushed over them, carrying at least one layer of sadness away. And then another one when Damon echoed in a comically indifferent voice:

"Auto sex?"

Enzo's forehead wrinkled in thought. "Mobile sex?" He tried again, guessing that he must've gotten something wrong.

Elena laughed, burying her face in Damon's shoulder.

"Mobile sex," Damon repeated somehow managing to keep a straight face and Enzo narrowed his eyes at him.

"Automobile sex, motor sex, whatever. How do you call sex in a car?" Enzo asked with a feigned frown, hoping it wasn't showing how oddly happy he was that he managed to brighten the mood.

"Mobile sex is a good name," Elena said, reassuringly straightening up and brushing away the remnants of tears with the back of her hand.

"It's called car sex," Damon said, narrowing his eyes in a brief smile.

Enzo started the engine. "Car sex? Really? So if it's in a truck it's called truck sex?" He asked, handing the newest issue of Vogue to Elena and Men's Health to Damon.

Stifling a laugh at the expression on Damon's face, Elena took a bunch of scratch-off lottery tickets from Enzo, who, completely unfazed, just carried on with producing all kinds of things from a plastic bag.

"The man at the counter said we can win 5 million dollars," Enzo said in all seriousness and Elena bit her lip to keep from laughing again.

"Are you drunk?" Damon asked matter-of-factly, tilting his head to the side and giving Enzo a sincerely questioning look.

Snickering, Elena began looking through the magazine. "Can I have the Cotton Candy Tub?" She asked, her eyes laughing when Damon slowly turned his head to look at her.

"Sure," Enzo said, tossing the small container to Elena. "Oh, and these two are not working anymore," he added, handing Damon's credit cards to him. Damon frowned in mock confusion not remembering parting with any cards in the first place.

Unnoticeably, Elena quickly reached out for Damon's hand and slid her fingers in between his and for a few seconds they withdrew from the momentary charade of comfortingly lighthearted amusement and exchanged faint, warm smiles as if silently agreeing to hold on to hope - and survive.

xxxdelenaxxx

"It's my mother," Bonnie said just when Caroline parked the car in front of Liv's house. "I left her a message but..." Bonnie looked between her phone and Caroline, "I didn't think she'd actually call back."

"But she did! What are you waiting for?" Caroline waved her hands, motioning for Bonnie to pick up the phone. "One newbie witch and two ex-witches are better than one newbie witch and one ex-witch," she said with a shrug.

Bonnie gave her an unamused look before accepting the call and getting out of the car. Jeremy got out of the car after her.

Caroline watched them both through the windshield for a few moments before she turned in her seat and looked at Stefan who was sitting in the back, lost in thought.

"OK, so who are you worried about more?" Caroline asked with deliberate brusqueness smiling weakly in genuine concern when Stefan's eyes shifted to her and he snorted tiredly under his breath.

"Insightful," he said with a theatrically impressed nod.

Caroline pursed her lips in mock nonchalance. "Well, I was considering majoring in psychology before my college of choice turned out to be a chamber of torture."

She waited for a smile to flicker across Stefan's face and then returned it. They were both silent for a while.

"Maybe I should start studying psychology," Stefan finally said with a small sigh. "You have no idea how sorry I felt for her," he said with a mirthless grimace. "And all this time she was, like always, just plotting her own survival with the added bonus of wrecking our lives once again. Is there a cure for stupidity?"

Caroline reached out and squeezed Stefan's hand in a reassuring gesture. "That's not stupidity. That's..." she trailed off, pretending to struggle to find the right word and Stefan pretended to be giving her a sincerely expectant look.

After a moment Caroline straightened up and said grimly: "That was totally stupid, yes," before giving Stefan a radiant smile and laughing briefly when his eyes seemed to light up a little because of her smile.

xxxdelenaxxx

"It's best if we split," Enzo said when they got out of the car after arriving at Whitmore.

Elena looked around with a pang of regret. A normal college experience. With a small, sad smile she briefly wondered how she could've ever been as naïve as to think that this would've worked out.

"We'll check the west side, you can check the east," Damon said, looking around with a frown before turning his eyes back to Elena. "Unless Elena reconsidered and decided to be kind enough to grant a dying man his last wish and stay in the car." He blinked and mock-smiled.

Elena narrowed her eyes at him. "Not a chance," she said, mirroring his expression. Damon rolled his eyes. "Plus, I think splitting would make more sense if each of us went into a different direction. It'd be quicker too."

"Ye... no." Damon shut the door of his camaro, grabbed Elena's hand and laced it through his arm. "Nice try, though," he said with a brief smile and Elena was about to retort when a phone rang and Damon reached into his pocket, sighing at the caller's ID that appeared on the screen.

"You can have my comic books collection, but the car goes to Elena. The rest I'm donating to a stray vampire shelter," he said into the phone, exchanging a nod with Enzo before Enzo went one way and Damon and Elena headed in the other.

"I'm happy to find you in a good mood," Stefan said on the other side of the line, resting his elbows on the roof of his car and looking at Caroline who was standing opposite from him, arms crossed over her chest. "You may be the only person I know that is in a good mood right now, so that's precious. Is Elena alive?"

"Do you think that was my idea?" Damon asked with a grimace.

"So you chose this particular situation to start letting Elena make her own decisions. How very thoughtful of you."

Elena snatched the phone out of Damon's hand. "Everything is fine, Stefan. We're handling the situation really well, so could you please tell Caroline to stop texting me? She's cluttering my phone."

"Judge me for being worried!" Caroline's agitated voice was heard in the background. "And could you please explain to me how exactly you're handling the situation?"

"I'll tell you when we'll meet."

Caroline snorted.

Damon took the phone back from Elena. "Don't want to be rude, but is there an actual reason why you're calling?"

"Bonnie's mom has a friend who is a witch and she agreed to help us," Stefan said, his tone turning matter-of-fact and serious. "They're working on a locator spell right now. We may be able to send you a map in a few minutes."

"That's great," Elena said with a surprised smile.

"Thank you," Damon said, his forehead creasing.

"Yeah, well, nothing to be thankful for just yet. But there is also something else. Bonnie's mom and her friend knew about the Augustine experiments. Nothing very specific or true for that matter, but... they knew this and that from Miranda Gilbert."

Elena's head snapped toward the phone at the mentioning of her adoptive mother's name.

"They said that at some point the experiments were generously supported by some influential people, which allowed them to... broaden their scope," Stefan said with a frown.

"What does that mean?" Elena asked, leaning toward the phone.

"It means that according to them, a couple of decades ago the Augustine society was conducting experiments on dozens of vampires," Stefan said. Damon and Elena looked at each other. "Chances are most of them died," Stefan continued, "but there is no way to tell. Just warning you that you may run into a crowd of strangers with dubious intentions. OK. Sending you the map in a moment," Stefan said, straightening up and waving back to Bonnie who emerged from a house across the street signaling for Stefan and Caroline to come inside.

"How... where could they be keeping so many people?" Elena whispered, thinking out loud as she looked around the sunlit campus that was vibrating with joy and laughter so effectively concealing all the dark secrets buried beneath.

Damon opened his mouth to speak but then stopped in his tracks, lifting his hand to cover his eyes, the veins appearing again, the thirst for vampire blood striking again.

Elena's eyes darted to him and then she quickly scanned their surroundings looking for a good place to go. She noticed a back entrance into the building where she remembered the pool was. Grabbing Damon's hand, she pulled him toward the building with her.

Taking two steps at a time and zooming down the rest of the way once she was sure no one was around to see them, Elena led Damon into one of the dressing rooms located in the basement. She locked the door behind them and turned toward him.

"Elena-"

"Don't even try convincing me again that this is a bad idea," Elena said impatiently, covering his mouth with the palm of her hand and pressing a playful kiss to his nose.

Damon took her hand in his and kissed it, but then caught her off guard using the hold on his hand to spin her in his arms, her back colliding with his chest when he locked her in an embrace from behind. Keeping one hand wrapped around her waist, he bit into his other hand and brought it close to Elena's lips.

"You should drink from me at the same time. That way you'll keep your strength and you'll be able to push me away if I won't stop," he said with his lips hovering near her ear.

Drawing a shaky breath, Elena looked at him over her shoulder and smiled against his lips when he kissed her.

When they broke the kiss Elena gathered her hair to one side, baring her neck. She took Damon's hand in hers and sank her fangs into his palm, a little surprised by an almost violent pull to do just that, but with an inward smile she quickly filed it away as lust.

Damon traced a path from her ear, along the side of her face to her neck, dragging his lips across her skin. He nuzzled her neck for a few moments before giving in to the need that seemed to be boiling in his veins, burning him inside out.

He used the scraps of self-control to pierce through the skin of Elena's neck as gently as possible, doing his best to drink slowly, savoring the taste, trying to stay focused on it, hoping that focusing on the fact that it was Elena he was drinking from would help him stop after a while even without her telling him to.

His full attention on Elena, Damon didn't even feel the phone buzzing in his pocket.

An unanswered call was followed by two messages: one containing the map marking Dr. Maxfield's location and the other consisting of a short text from Stefan:

"Heads-up: Bonnie's mom's friend said the serum infected your blood. Just like the serum your blood is lethal poison now."