A/n: Hello everyone! This chapter is a little bit shorter than the previous but I had to close some stuff and right now we are heading to a classic Cameron/House fiction. You can expect much more dialogs – starting from the next chapter. We're leaving cannon right in season 4 (episode Ugly). Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I checked this morning – still not mine!
So you started your new life, with your new boyfriend in the old hospital, as close to your old life as you could get without it being too obvious. You wanted to start a new life but still, even though you tried, you couldn't just close the previous chapter. You fought really hard to not wander outside of the Diagnostics in the late night and you succeeded although it wasn't easy. Then, three weeks after your fresh start in the ER he showed up there to talk to you. You were nervous but happy – he finally found you. Throughout the whole conversation your head was spinning and you felt a delicate, tingling sensation in your belly. Who the hell were you trying to fool? This wasn't fair – to you, to Robert, even to him. You didn't want to love him, you didn't want to crave for him. But you did. You decided to fight those unwanted feelings as relentlessly as you could. You decided to talk to him as rare as possible, after all when you had gone to Robert, you had decided to move on and all you had to do now was to stick with your plan. If you fought hard enough you might actually succeed – that's how you thought.
Few months later you are still fighting.
You work in the ER and you hate it most of the time, because it is boring. House was right – as always. Of course there are some better days when you find a case that is more complicated and less mind numbing than usually. In those days you have a legitimate reason to visit Diagnostics and the only thing that bothers you is the sad looks you receive from Robert. Because he loves you and he is not stupid. He sees the excitement in your eyes every time you meet your ex-boss. He can probably tell whether you've been in House's office by the level of your detachment in the evening. You must be crazy, that one is for sure!
Chase is dedicated, caring and loving. He is ready to wait for you, although even you are not sure how long it is going to be. You keep trying to love him back, the way he deserves, the way you should. God, every sane woman would be happy, happy having him as a boyfriend. Yet, you aren't. So probably it means that you are not sane, not at all.
You were almost successful in making yourself believe that you were over House. Well that was until this morning. A reporter shooting a documentary about a boy with deformed face asked you about your former employer and then you said it: "I love dr. House". Damn, you are so annoyed with yourself right now! What is wrong with you! You have a wonderful boyfriend who doesn't deserve all the crap you are putting him through and still you can't forget a guy who used to berated you every chance he got and told you frankly that he wasn't interested. But then you realize one more thing – when you said it, you were tired and focused on that asshole patient of yours and probably that was why you were… honest. For the first time in a very long time you felt that you actually said the truth, and you didn't have to pretend anything.
After coming back from work to your place you know that you can't lie anymore.
There is no other way – you are repeating this time after time, in order not to lose your nerve. Because you know that this needs to be done.
"Robert, I don't think we should keep seeing each other" you say and your voice is drained off any emotions except from extreme weariness. You hate yourself for doing it, but if you don't you will probably hate him for letting you to keep this shame. Oh God, you want this to be over.
"But…" he tries and you cut him off with your fingers.
"You know I'm right. It's better this way" you try to smile reassuringly.
"Better? For who? Do you really want to be alone right now? You know that he won't take you, right? Allison, don't give up on us, please" he is looking at you expectantly and you can't stop thinking that you would do anything to see different eyes focused on your face this way.
"You don't understand , Robert. I tried, I really did, but you just can't choose who you love and I can't lie anymore, OK? I don't love you and today I finally accepted the fact that I never will, so this is the only option we have. If we don't split right now, we will start resenting each other and then hating each other – I don't want this. I value your friendship too much and…" he stops with a delicate kiss and then he leaves. You cry yourself to sleep. Next morning greets you with a bright sun shining through the shutters and for the first time in a very long time you actually believe that you are on the right track.
Tbc...
Thank you for reading and please remember to let me know what you think.