Our Little World

Chapter Three: Sinking

Sakura found herself curled up on the livingroom couch, trying to read a book she'd waited weeks to check out, but the silence of the house irked her. She'd pulled too much hair in her pain fueled haze yesterday, she knew she would have a bald spot if she didn't watch herself, so she'd pulled her hair into a tight bun to hide the patch of thin hair, securing it with her old jade chopstick.

She had a deep feeling of sorrow coating her like mist since waking up, if you could call what she did sleeping. She wondered if she had sand pumping through her veins instead of blood, by the weight in her arms and legs.

Every time her sleepy eyes tried to focus in on the words on the page before her, her mind would travel elsewhere. She sighed and threw the book to the floor, groaning in agitation. Rage and sadness swirling through her, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. She was glad Naruto was busy today, she didn't want to accidentally take her foul mood out on him. Though a bit of envy rested in the pit of her stomach at the thought of him being busied by something. She was left to her own devices. He didn't even ask her if she wanted to come-

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door, which was strange considering her mother would be out for at least another two weeks while she was on missionary leave. She uncurled herself from the red throw blanket that once shielded her legs and lazily shuffled over to the door, the wound in her side throbbing with each step.

"What?" She called to try and thwart the annoying knocking, assaulting the headache that found home in the base of her skull.

"It's your favorite sensei." A familiar voice laced with deceitful cheer called back from the other side of the door.

Sakura's brows furrowed and she pulled the door open, facing an older man with a relaxed look on his face. She crossed her arms and offered him a sour look, "I thought we had to pass your test." She recalled, wondering what made him change his mind.

He scratched the back of his head with a small sigh. "I'd like to talk to you about that…" he trailed off, peeking into the door.

The pinkette crossed her arms in distrust but kicked the door open anyway, yanking her head in motion for him to enter. As she heard the door click shut, a bit of anxiety coiled itself over her shoulders like a feline.

"I'll make some tea." She muttered, shuffling off toward the kitchen, trying to ignore his snarky comment of 'two sugars, please.'

When she returned he'd taken a seat in the shabby brown recliner that rested parallel to her worn out sofa. She placed the cups of tea on the coffee table and curled back into her former position, though finding it less comfortable than before. Of course.

"So, I'm guessing you didn't come here for the tea." She muttered, tucking her legs beneath her and resting her cheek in her palm as she stared expectantly at the older man.

He gave somewhat of an uncomfortable tug at his collar before resting back into the the time worn chair. "I wanted to talk about what happened at the bell test."

Sakura felt her stomach coil, but nodded despite herself. She doubted this was something she couldn't lie her way out of. She was confident in that, at least.

"You see, Sakura." Kakashi began, resting his hands in his lap as he maintained uncomfortable eye contact with the young girl, "If there is something that could have potentially damaged you that can be triggered through certain actions or jutsu, it's something you will have to disclose to me. As I am your sensei I will do the best that I can to keep you alive. However, I need to know that what happened during the bell test absolutely will not happen again." He breathed.

Sakura felt agitation begin to grow violently in her chest, feeling slighted and embarrassed. Mostly because she felt as if he was blaming her for what happened in the past, somewhat because he had indirectly called her a hindrance and some small, nearly mute part in her brain said it was because it sounded as if he were hinting at something she knew all too well.

"Wouldn't that be my problem, my responsibility? I was the only one who got hurt, in case you don't remember." Sakura snapped in a blind moment of annoyance and hurt, once again.

"Are you sure about that?" He scolded, tone now hard and demanding. Sakura felt the urge to shrink back at the sound of an aggressive male voice. Kakashi noticed her stature and relaxed his stance a bit before continuing, voice softer but with steely undertones of authority. "What if Sasuke made a mistake and killed you? Would that not be another burden for him to have to carry the rest of his life? How would you feel if Naruto had flung himself in front of you to block the attack and had lost his life? Could you live with that?" He hummed to the girl, now red cheeked with soft jade eyes watering in guilt and agitation.

Letting out a soft sigh he lent forward, face directed at the young girl before him. "I didn't come here to scold you, Sakura. I came here to let you know that I can help you, discreetly even, if you wanted. Anything you say to me in private will remain that way." He said, voice softer and more understanding.

Sakura, in her flustered, teary-eyed state, felt both guilt and frustration coil in her stomach. Why couldn't her past just disappear? Why did it always have to come back up? She just wanted to live a normal life. Why wasn't she allowed to do that, what had she done to deserve a life of misery?

Her pale fingers itched violently to be placed at the back of her skull, her body ached for the feeling of the gentle sting in her scalp. But she just coiled her fists and pressed them hard to her thighs, keeping her eyes on the floor as she desperately tried to swallow back the tears that had already began forming in her eyes. She knew she was being childish, being selfish. She knew that.

"Sakura." Kakashi said softly, "You don't have to talk about it right now, you hardly know me, I'm not asking you to share such private things with me. I just need you to know that it's something we will have to work on whether you want to or not, otherwise you're putting the whole team in jeopardy."

The pinkette couldn't bring herself to make eye contact with the man before her. And as several minutes of uncomfortable silence stretched through the small room, a heavy sigh broke the silence. "I will begin genjutsu training with you soon, though it won't be pleasant, I'm sure you don't want to be the cause of a teammate's death, Sakura. It's something I hope you never have to experience." He said, his last words dropping to a low murmur, his voice laced with a tone Sakura couldn't quite understand yet.

The door shut softly and Sakura was alone, yet the aura of silence and discomfort lingered in every inch of the room and throughout her home. Yanking the red throw over her body she sobbed into her knees. Without a doubt in her mind, she would have preferred he never brought it up.

Our Little World

When Sakura awoke, her eyes stung with the prior tears she'd shed, and the windows were alight with silver rays from the moon. Her twisted limbs screamed in protest as she stumbled off the couch, glad for once that her mother wasn't coming home for a while.

She didn't think she could face anyone right now.

Hobbling toward the kitchen she poured herself a glass of water and retreated into the bathroom, shuffling through the medicine cabinet as she tried to keep her tired eyes open. Finding the bottle of antidepressants behind a bottle of lotion she popped the cap off and poured a small blue pill into her palm before sighing and dropping it into her mouth, chasing it with a generous gulp of water.

"So bitter." She muttered, face twisting into a sour expression as she began to peal off her sweat stuck clothing, shivering at the feeling of the cool tial under her bare feet.

As the water started it's cool descent down her lithe frame, she curled down to the bottom of the tub, resting her face against the tiled wall as she let out a soft sigh. Her muscles ached from falling asleep in such a curled position and her mind was a cacophony of static due to stress.

What do I do if he finds out? She repeated over and over in her head. Would she be tried again? Would they lock her up in Konoha's prison and brand her a murderer? Would she be prodded by interrogators until all of her dirty secrets were spilled for everyone to know? What would Naruto think if he found out? What would Sasuke think?

Sakura's chest tightened at the thought of her teammates learning of what happened to her. She felt her eyes glass over once again as her sore tear ducts screamed in protest. She sucked the tears back the best she could and slowly rocked herself back and forth, trying to sooth the chaos that echoed throughout her mind. Would she be okay? Would she be able to talk her way out of Kakashi's impromptu training and questioning? Would she be able to just play it off as if she saw something crazy like a monster or an enemy ninja?

Her mind responded that she wouldn't be able to lie her way out of this. That at least was obvious. She couldn't trick a Jonin. She was lucky enough to be tried as innocent the first time. The best she could do would be to explain things-

NO! A small piece of her screamed in response. She didn't know if she herself was ready to say it outloud in the privacy of her own home, let alone to a stranger she would be seeing for a very long time. She didn't think she could handle it. Would she have to quit? The breaking of her fragile heart was almost audible at the thought of giving up on her dream so easily.

She wasn't prepared to lose everything again. Not now. Not ever.

(A/N: I know the chapter was short but I needed to get this out of the way now, before I proceeded on with Team Seven stuff, I was in a time crunch when I wrote it because honestly I'm excited to move forward with the story. So hopefully it's still an explanatory read though it's not written very well. Please follow the story to keep up with its updates.)