Edith was still devastated, when she returned home. She had cried the whole way back and now she fought very hard to stop these tears. Whatever might have happened, Sir Anthony seemed to be bitterly disappointed. Although her attempt to talk to him had failed, Edith already thought about other ways of contact. She wasn't willing to abandon their relationship, their friendship without any further words.

A letter, she would write him a letter. Maybe he didn't want to see her, but perhaps he would read what she had to say. Edith hurried upstairs to her room. There was still time left until luncheon. She could…

"There you are, Edith," Lady Cora said. "How was your excursion?"

Her daughter turned around. She was obviously not in the mood for some small talk. "Nice," she finally answered, "and the weather was perfect."

"Did you cry, girl?" her mother asked.

Edith sighted silently. She shook her head. "No, not at all," she lied. "There was a tree, which sprouted over the path. Its blooming made me sneezing and it made my eyes water…"

"Very well," Lady Cora answered. "Please fix your appearance and dress for luncheon. Your father invited Colonel Mellens from Ripon and I need your support for the pre-lunch entertainment in the library."

Cora noticed that her daughter wasn't very keen to assist her, but this guest was very important for her husband and so, the girls had to make their little contribution.

It had never been easy with three daughters, but the only son, Robert and she ever nearly had, died not so long ago.

She wondered how it might have been to bring up a boy. The things to care for would have been completely different. Cora was sure that three girls didn't cause less alarm than a boy, but he would get the opportunity to attend a proper school and this entire marriage huddle would be entirely dissimilar.

Lady Grantham sighed. It's really time for Mary to get settled, she thought, and for Edith. Things would soon become very difficult with the war upcoming. Wasn't there anything with Anthony Strallan? She had to ask Edith later.

XXX

Edith slammed the door, when she had reached her room. She didn't wanted to talk to some stranger her father had invited for luncheon. Her only desire was to write a letter to Sir Anthony asking him for the reason of his blank refusal.

She dropped her hat on her bed and followed only seconds later. There was no one she could talk to about the things she was concerned with. Always stuck at Downton, with her sisters as only companions, she never had the luxury of a close girlfriend, she could confine in. The nearest thing to this had always Patrick been. He was her childhood friend, her companion on expeditions to the forest or the village or the attic… Edith laughed softly as she thought about their adventures, but she was hit hard by the insight that she wouldn't think about Sir Anthony, if Patrick had still been with them.

The tears returned and she now cried about the both men she had lost. It seemed to be vey unfair that she had to go through this alone. In her grief about Patrick's death Sybil had been her companion, a bit at least. But there was no chance to talk with her about Sir Anthony. Sybil would barely understand why her sister cared so much about this man, any man.

Edith turned her head and looked at the world outside. The frame of the window narrowed the amount of things she was able to discover. It's a bit like the world we live in, she suddenly thought. She felt cornered between the conventions, her family's expectations and her own ideas of the future. When she thought of the things Sybil hade done lately, she felt a bit weak about her own life. On the other hand there were only a few things, which were worth a fight. One of these things was her fondness for Sir Anthony.

She remembered several occasions they spent time together, their rides in his car and the fun they had. These endless talks about a never-ending list of topics were entertaining and always intriguing. Edith never felt stupid, when she talked to Sir Anthony. He knew an answer to every of her questions and was permanently interested in her judgement.

Suddenly Edith felt that it was up to her, to her only, that her dreams would come true. If she wouldn't do something, nobody else would care. She realised that she would never leave Downton or her family, if she didn't take her destiny in her own hands soon. Well, however, at first she had to accompany her mother for pre-lunch entertainment of this guest, but after luncheon she would write the letter and would ask for just a little explanation.