Title: The Will of the Heart
Disclaimer: Bones and its affiliated characters do not belong to me nor do I claim to own them in any way. I mean no copyright infringement, solely for entertainment of Bones fans.
Summary: With the loss in death comes a gain of the heart. The strength of Booth's will is compromised by the death of someone in his family, with the task left for him, it is Bones who helps give him that strength and will back.
Rating: Strong T for language and suggestive dialogue; Maybe M later on.
Author Note: Thank the Cocky belt buckle that the dang hiatus is OVER! Some goodies coming up. Don't give up my friends. I can feel some good/positive stuff coming soon.
-*-B&B-*-
Sleep had not been as relaxing as I hoped it would have been. I woke up looking at the clock on the nightstand next to me. I had only gotten about two hours of sleep. There was a creek from down the hallway. Carefully I got up feeling my tired body ache from the lack of sleep in the last several days. Walking down the hall without making a sound, checking in the room where Olivia was sleeping. She was still sound asleep like we left her. I continued to walk and looked in Brennan's room. The bedside lamp dimly lit the bedroom but no Brennan and little Henry in site. Henry must have woken up and needed a change or bottle. Walking to the end of the hall but not entering the living room I saw her with the baby sitting on the couch. Brennan had Henry against her shoulder rocking him gently while she patted his back while she hummed some song softly. There was a bottle on the table so she must have just fed him. She really had come quite a long way from where she was when I first met her. She hadn't said anything more about wanting children after my brain tumor, but I knew she still thought about it. She still wanted children. I still wanted her to use my "stuff" so she could really have her baby. But I wasn't going to push it on her. If she ever brought up the idea I would tell her that the option was still open. I think I must have stayed there a while watching her mothering instincts flow from her with ease until Henry went back to sleep, feeling my own sleeps pull on me telling me I needed to go back to bed. I would have to get up in a few hours to meet the guys so we could go to my brother's home. Walking back down the hall, peeking once more at Olivia then back in my room climbing back in my own bed.
I don't remember if my head hit the pillow before I fell asleep, because the next thing I remembered was my phone going off. I could hardly open my eyes when I reached for the phone buzzing on the table. Hodgins name reading on the screen. "Yea?" My voice cracked not being fully awake. "Hey man, Ange and I are at the front door." He said. I sat up realizing what time it was. "I thought we were going to meet at the diner in an hour. We're not at the apartment. We brought the kids to Bones' place." I said getting out of bed and finding a pair of jeans in one of my bags. "Yea I know. Dr. B. called Ange last night and told us. We're at her front door. Come let us in." Hodgins said. "Yea be right there." I told him grabbing a shirt and hanging up the phone. I carefully walked down the hall again so I wouldn't wake Olivia or Brennan and baby Henry. She had left a little light on in the kitchen for herself when she got up early. The sun was just barely making its way into the morning. By the time I opened the door I was pulling my shirt over my head. "Bout time Studly." Ange said with a grin and their sleeping daughter in her arms. I opened the door letting them in. Hodgins held up a tray of 4 coffees, just what I needed. "That is exactly what I need right now. Thanks guys" Taking one of the coffees and inhaling the eye opening caffeine intoxicating aroma. "Where's Bren?" Ange asked. "She's still sleeping in her room with Henry. He had her up at least once in the last few hours. You can put Brenna in with Oliva in the room next to Bones' let her sleep." I told Ange before taking another sip of the liquid energy. "Thanks Booth. I'll check on Brennan and Henry on my way back." She informed me. I really was glad that they were here. Jack and Ange were our family and closest friends. Hodgins was a good guy, no matter how much of a hard time I gave him and he really was great for Ange.
Hodgins and I had been talking for a little while when Ange came back with a big smile on her face. "Booth you should see this. It is possibly the sweetest thing I have ever seen Bren do." I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow but do as Ange asked. Getting up slowly, walking over to peek into her room. Ange was right though. When peeking in, I saw Brennan with Henry lying against her chest both sleeping. A little blanket on him and her hands holding him carefully, while I stood there, Henry wiggled and almost started to fuss but gave no more than a little gurgle causing Brennan to rub his back gently all while she still slept. I was watching her for a while when Hodgins tugged on my shirt whispering his words. "We better get going Booth. Gotta get Sweets and Wendell and get on the road…" He told me and I turned away from the door with a nod. "… I'd bundle up too. Its brutal out there man. No snow fall today but it's pretty windy out." Hodgins continued. Finding the jacket I put over the couch last night before we put the kids to bed. "I'm going to go let her know that we're leaving now and that Ange is here."
Slipping on my thick jacket and boots then quietly walking into Brennan's room, over to her side of the bed kneeling down. My hand brushing the side of her face caressing the soft skin of her cheek. "Bones." My words came out softly trying not to disturb Henry. "Hey Bones." I said a little louder letting my hand caress down her check and to the side of her neck waking her. Her eyes still that beautiful blue in the dark room as they flickered open. "Hey Booth." She said very sleepily. "I'm leaving with the guys now. Ange is here when you get up." I told her with a warm smile on my face from complete awe at how beautiful she was and how much she affected me in her willingness to help me with the kids. "This is a good look for you, you know." I told her looking down at Henry rubbing his little arm. "Thank you Booth. I am enjoying being cuddled by this little one… Booth, if you feel the need while you are at your brothers you can give me a call. I know it won't be easy being there, but I am here for you." Brennan told me placing her hand on mine. "I know you are and I thank you every waking moment for all that you have been doing for me and these kids." I was about to stand to leave when she held my hand keeping my there a little longer. "I'd do anything for you." She said softly looking deep into my eyes. I was so touched by her sincerity behind her words and all that she was doing. "I know." I said leaning in hugging her. "That's one of the reasons why you mean so much to me Bones." Pulling back just enough to see her smile then kissed her gently on the lips. I don't know why I kissed her on the lips, I could have kissed her on the cheek or the forehead like I had been, but I seemed so drawn to her at the moment that I just did it. But though slight, I felt her kiss me back. The kiss didn't last more than a moment but it still meant so much that we wouldn't bring up right now. "I'll be home no later than dinner time. I'll check in every so often." I moved over and kissed Henry on the head then stood and left the room looking back once to look at my best friend whom I was still and would always be head over heels for.
-*-B&B-*-
A few words of goodbye's from Ange and then the door closing behind them. "Ange!" I called out looking down at the small bundle in my arms. Henry had a pretty hard night only going to sleep an hour and a half ago. Sure I was scared, irrational of me to think that, but this was a part of Booth's family, and even more so now that he had to care for them now. I wanted to do the best I could for them. I wanted to be there and help Booth with these children. Henry was hardly older than 5 months. Andy was older than this when Booth and I cared for him. I had gone to the hospital with Booth when Henry was born and held Henry the day he was born. The feeling of holding a newborn in my arms was wonderful, I wouldn't deny that. I had wanted that feeling years ago and then even more when I got to hold Henry with that newborn smell the need and desire to have a child of my own grew again. And though tragic as the situation was with the loss of Jared and his wife, helping Booth with the children may be my only chance at children. It wasn't permanent, but being Booth's friend, I would always be there to help him when he needed. Olivia was great, I loved getting to seeing her run around with Ange's daughter little Bren, they were both beautiful.
Ange quietly walked in and went to the empty side of the bed and sat down. "Hey sweetie. How ya doing?" Ange asked with that smile on her face that meant she had more to say but was currently holding back. For the moment that is. "I'm doing well. Tired but I would expect that with taking care of a baby." I told my best friend. I was trying to find the right words in my head but was failing miserably. "Sweetie just say it. What's on your mind?" I guess she could tell I was fighting with myself again. "Booth kissed me." I told her and she had that stupid grin on her face again. "And what's the problem?" She finally questioned. "I kissed him back. It was nothing but innocent but well you know." I again failed myself at finding the right thing to say. "I still see nothing wrong with you two kissing, but I am guessing that you think it was just a reaction to him being highly emotion because of the loss of his brother and taking on the children and so on. Right?" She asked and I just nodded.
"You know how he feels about you, he wouldn't have agreed to this if it was anyone but you, sure he is highly emotional but I think that it was of thanks for all that you are doing for him. But I also think that it was because he loves you." Ange tried her best to explain it to me. "Oh." I said softly, blushing a bit. "That's all I get. 'Oh.' No long explanation about how that is far from anything rational and just a mistake!" Ange's face was in wonderment in how I didn't pick a fight with her in the explanation of what happened. "No, not at all. I know how he feels about me, well how he felt before our seven month sabbatical, but not after Hannah left. We didn't really discuss that much. And he knows how I feel about him. He knows that I regretted my decision about things…" I tried to explain to her but got cut off. "You told him!" She sputtered doing her best not to raise her voice higher than a whisper so not to wake Henry. "Yea I did. But that's something to talk about another time. Ange I had those metaphorical butterflies in my abdomen that you tell me about. What do I do about the kiss? Do I give it meaning or do I just leave it alone and let it be?" I was so confused. Angela just looked at me and laid down on the bed next to me letting out a sigh. "Bren I'd like to say just jump his bones, but I know you would never do anything like that. Booth is going through a hard time with the loss of his brother and Padme and you being here for him, helping him raise these children is so important to him and your friendship and whatever unspoken connection and or affection you share. Give it a little more time. I think it will all pan out to what it is meant to be. If you feel you need to ask him about what the kiss meant to him and tell him how it made you feel then do it. Just don't argue about it. Let things happen. I promise everything will be alright this time." Angela told me turning to her side looking at Henry.
"I'm proud of you. For taking this on, inviting Booth to bring the kids into your home so you could help him." Her words stuck with me. "It does feel nice doing this for him. But I feel that it's what I'm supposed to do. I don't want him to lose these kids. I don't want us to lose these kids… Is that wrong of me? To feel this close to these children? I'm not even the one that is adopting them. I'm just helping Booth for the time being. And I know it's not like I won't see them often when Booth finds a larger place to live." I could feel the tears starting to sting my eyes. I had already grown so attached to them. It is a natural byproduct of care giving. I had felt the same way for Andy when we gave him to his adoptive parents. But because I knew Olivia and Henry's parents, they were my friends and related to Booth, well Booth is the best friend I had ever had. They almost felt like they were my own blood family. "Sweetie, that is called being maternal. There is nothing wrong with that feeling. You love the kids, because you are connected to them through Booth and Booth is like family to you, ergo the children are like your family. That is another thing you could eventually talk to Booth about." Ange was brilliant with these talks. "I should talk to him about my feelings about losing the children?" I started to ask. "Yes Brennan. Do you love Olivia and Henry?" She asked simply. "Yes of course." I tried to get where she was going but failed at the moment. "Would you do anything for them?" She continued. "Yes." My answers short but to the point not needing anything more. "Do you want to help raise them? Longer than just helping Booth till he finds a bigger place to live?" She was good. I couldn't get my answer out, and she kept her stare on me until I answered. "Yes I do." Did I just say that? Yea I did because I could see that same smile on Ange's face. "Bren, you need to tell him that. Talk to him about wanting to be there in these kids lives. I highly doubt that he will turn that down knowing how he feels about you. And maybe that will ease you into talking to him about your feelings about the two of you. Actually I am quite certain that it will go right into that conversation. But like I said, you have to let yourself be open to everything in your conversation with him. Don't think with all that science mumbo jumbo, just let your feelings express what you feel at that moment. I know you can do it." Angela's words were sinking down into my mind. I wanted this, this with Booth, helping him with the kids raising them, being with him.
Looking up at the ceiling replaying all the things my best friend recommended I do were really getting to me. She was correct in all the conclusions she came to, it was just up to myself to say them. Ange wasn't going to push Booth and I anymore, advice was all she could do and all that the rest of our friends could give us. The little being that I held in my arms was so small and deserved so much in life as well as his sister. I didn't want them to grow up without a full family like I had when I was a child. They were so young and couldn't remember too much about who their parents were, but as long as I was in their lives, I would never let them forget their parents.
I didn't remember falling asleep and for how long but both Ange and I were woken up but two little girls crawling over the top of our legs. Peeking with one eye and smiling at the silly little girls. Little Brenna was poking Ange gently on the cheek calling 'Momma.' softly causing Ange to giggle. Olivia was heading my way and I welcomed her gladly. Olivia came and snuggled into my side, resting her little head on my shoulder. "Hi." Olivia said with her little voice looking up at me. I laid there running my fingers through her soft little locks of hair and leaned down kissing her on the top of the head. "Hi peanut." I greeted her in the new day. Ange was occupied with her daughter who was the spitting image of her mother but with various bits of Hodgins. Smiling at Ange seeing how happy she was being a mother and feeling my own emotions for the children as a mother would. Or what I had envisioned a mother would feel. Henry started waking up with the noises from the girls.
"Who's hungry?" I asked and both the little girls and even Ange popped up. "I am!" The little girls said in unison. "I could eat." Ange said after the girls. "Okay, come on I think we should have pancakes for breakfast." I told them, knowing very well that I had plenty of boxes of the mix and syrup in my pantry because of the frequent breakfast visits by Booth and Parker. The two girls were up and off the bed in what seemed like one swift motion, both Ange and I taking a little longer stretching out our limbs and myself carefully picking up Henry who was awake and looking hungry himself and by the smells making their way from his diaper, he was ready for a change. "Ange would you mind starting the pancakes, someone has a stink diaper." I asked keeping my focus on Henry but adding that baby talk like Booth did with Andy and the way he did before with Henry. "Yea sure. I know where things are, at least most, if not I'll search for it." Ange told me on her way out of the room and towards the giggles from the girls in the other room.
It didn't take me too long to get Henry cleaned and changed and into a different outfit. Might as well get him dressed before the girls so they could go to the store later. I had to get more Boothy type food and things for the kids. Thankfully Angela was going with me, she would know what to get the kids, I had to take note of what Ange got so I knew for other trips and change things out for other if the kids didn't like them. Booth would be easy to shop for. I knew what he liked to eat. Maybe I'd be able to throw in more veggies into his meals. I know he didn't have more than a few cans of beans and corn that I think have been there since before we left for those seven months. We were going to have to load up on a lot of diapers, formula and baby food for Henry and little snacks and child friendly food for Olivia and lots of noodles and the secret ingredients to make my famous mac-n-cheese for Booth and when Parker comes for his visits. Finishing up with Henry and making myself a little more presentable to making breakfast Henry in tow finding Ange in the kitchen gathering everything for the pancakes and the girls sitting quietly sitting in front of the TV Booth bought for me, watching some mind stimulating children program with songs that the girls seemed to know. Breakfast was made quickly and we all sat and enjoyed the quick meal, even giving Henry little pieces of my pancakes minus the syrup and let him suck on the semi-sweet breakfast cake, which he rather enjoyed between his own baby food and formula. After Ange and I cleaned up the girls and got them dressed and then myself and made our way with the car seats for Henry and Olivia bringing them down to where Hodgins left his and Ange's van with the other car seat for Brenna. Even with all the morning excitement and plans, my thoughts were with Booth and how I found it fascinating that I missed him so much. And if I could I would stop and call him, just to hear his voice. Was that wrong for me to feel that? But I knew Ange would tell me it wasn't, just like the conversation we had early that morning about me wanting to be there for the kids past the time it took Booth to find a larger home. I couldn't wait to see Booth again, just to be with him.
-*-B&B-*-
End of Chapter Note: ah. FINALLY got this one out. Been one heck of a month(s), now that SDCC tickets have been sold (yay got my tickets) I can't wait for the big Bones gathering. Hope to see some of you there. Thanks for all the views, comments, and adds. Love ya'll so much for that. More to come asap.