Chapter 3

Dr. Vogel and I were working on my mind, I had regular counselling sessions and he had asked me to consider hypnosis. He told me that we also needed to retrain my mind to process my memories. I had notebooks filled with dates, notes about Jamie and the doctors, pictures – anything I could think of and remember.

In the meantime, Jamie and I tried to reassemble my identity in different ways. We would sit for hours discussing the clothing I was found in (a rather nice skirt and blouse with a jacket – kind of classy business attire – and a diamond necklace). Obviously, I probably wasn't robbed or the necklace would be gone. I must have some kind of good job or money because my clothes (although ruined now) were of good quality.

We took pictures of my tattoo (a letter "J" on my ankle) and posted it on the wall so we could stare at it and guess at its meaning. Jamie thought it was subconsciously a tribute to him – in my other life I knew I was going to meet him and fall in love with him. When he said that the first time, he back-pedaled so fast when he saw my face! He quickly explained that he meant love in a brotherly way and it has since become a running joke with us.

One afternoon I was lounging in bed listening to music when the batteries on my CD player died. The horror! I frantically searched in my drawer for more, but I had used the last pair. I tried calling Jamie to put in an order but his phone was off.

As I was planning my escape from the hospital to buy (or steal I guess, since I had no money) batteries, Jamie walked in my room.

"My saviour! You're here!" I yelled with true glee when I saw him.

He smiled, "See, I told you that you were going to fall in love with me…." He stopped short of saying something else, "What's with the adoring greeting?"

"You have batteries, right? You brought me batteries because something inside you told you to bring her batteries… you do have batteries, right?"

"Why would I have batteries…." Jamie paused and looked kind of confused. "You know, battery girl, we really need to get you a temporary name. Then I could say, why would I have batteries insertnamehere and not sound like a dork."

"But Jamie, you will always sound like a dork. Now, if you didn't bring batteries then sounding like a dork will be the least of your problems!"

"I didn't bring batteries. My ability to read your mind must have been blocked by your current battery insanity. Why do you need batteries with such urgency?"

"BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY!"

"Okaaay…oh!" Jamie finally noticed the CD player in my lap, "You are out of batteries. Why didn't you just say so? I don't have any batteries, but I will lend you my iPod until I can get you some more. Is that okay? Are you all better now? Can you pretend to be rational for a little bit now that you have music again?" Jamie handed me his iPod and I leaned back in the bed with a sigh. I was so happy that I was able to ignore the fact that Jamie had just said I wasn't rational and inferred that I was being unreasonable. All was forgiven.

I was ignoring Jamie and fitting the earplugs in when he interrupted me, "I brought someone else to visit you know. A friend of mine. He might still be here…unless he was scared off by your battery mania. Would you like me to leave you alone with the iPod or do you want to meet him?"

I sighed again, not the happy sigh of someone returning to music land, but the sigh of someone resigned to an afternoon with no music. New person? A friend of Jamie's? Can't be all bad, could be nice. A new face, someone else to talk to. Could be boring though, might be a jerk. Gosh, would he still want to meet me after batterygate? What if he thinks I really am loony? Meeting a new person would be nice though, better not be in the health care profession – better…

"Helloo! Earth to whoeveryouare!" Jamie was waving his hand in my face interrupting my silent dialogue.

"Sorry. I was thinking. I have a rich inner-life, you know."

"Yes, you certainly do. Geeze, if Tommy wasn't ready to bolt before, I'll bet he is now!"

"Tom is here? Why didn't you say so? I have been dying to meet your Tommy! Tom! TOMMY! Are you still out there? TOOOOMMMMM!"

Wow! In walked a magnificent specimen. Piercing blue eyes, perfectly coiffed hair, impeccable clothes, manly swagger. Wait a minute. He looked like a pompous jerk. Who uses that much mousse? I could tell by looking at his hair it was crunchy! Is this the same guy Jamie has been telling me about?

"Tommy, I would like you to meet, um, my friend. Friendwhocurrentlyhasnoname, this is Tommy, or Tom as you seem to call him. My car is in the shop and Tommy is chauffeuring me around for the time being. You know, we really do need to get you a name."

"Hi. Nice to meet you." Tommy said, clearly bored with the whole situation. Hmmm, Tom was definitely uncomfortable. He must think I am crazy. No, I'm not nuts, he must just be a jerk. Yup. He just plopped into a chair on the other side of the room without another word. Definitely a jerk.

"Okay," I addressed Jamie, "Since you are obsessed, let's brainstorm names. Maybe something will resonate for me – maybe I will remember my real name!" I was suddenly excited at the prospect.

- 2 hours later -

"Maggie?"

"No, I told you, J names. I think my tattoo has something to do with my name!"

"Umm… we are running out of J names. How about Jasmine?"

"No."

"Jebadiah?"

"JAMIE!"

"Sorry. Ummm…Tommy, any ideas?"

"Jezebel?" Great, the first word Tom had spoken since his less then enthusiastic greeting was an insult. An insult that started with a J. Nice guy. I gave him my best evil look at turned back to Jamie.

"There has to be something that will work, nothing rings a bell. Nothing feels right."

"We've been at this forever. Maybe your tattoo has nothing to do with you name. Can you think of anything you like?" I think Jamie was starting to get a little frustrated.

"I don't know, Jamie. I just don't know."

Tom leaned forward in his chair and fixed me with a very intense look. Uh oh. Now what indignity was I going to suffer at the hands of his scathing vocabulary? Staring. Just staring.

"Hope" he suddenly blurted out.

"Hope?" Jamie and I asked in unison.

"Hope. We should call you Hope." Tommy leaned back in his chair, still staring at me.