Last time Roy had agreed to help Captain Falcon on his quest. Will he get Captain Falcon the girl this time around? Will Captain Falcon avoid getting his ass handed to him for one day? Find out in this exciting chapter of Captain Falcon's Lady Quest.

"Ugh," Captain Falcon thought to himself as he woke up the next morning on the hospital bed. His entire body was still sore from the workout ordeal. "That is the last time I'm ever going to work out with Ike in the gym. Master Hand needs to start testing for steroids and performance enhancing drugs because Ike has got to be on something." He then heard Dr. Mario's voice. "Good morning Captain Falcon, you have a visitor."

"A visitor? Could I have a impression after all? Or is she coming to see me after she heard that I got hurt?" Captain Falcon decided that it really didn't matter as long as one of the ladies was coming to visit to him. "Send her in!"

"I didn't know I become a woman, " muttered Roy as the red-haired swordsman walked into the room. Captain Falcon's face instantly fell once he realized that it was just Roy visiting him and not one of the females. "Ike sends his condolences. How are you feeling?"

"Like Dedede and Bowser both decided to butt slam my chest at the same time."

"Well, the doctor says you're free to go whenever you want. Come, we have a lot of work to do."

"So, why are we at the shooting range?" asked Captain Falcon. "Where are the ladies at?"

"Patience. We're here to gather information. In order to score a date, you got to know what you're dealing with. Let's be honest. You probably don't really know anything about the women you're after. Captain Falcon opened his mouth to retort, but quickly realized that Roy was right. "Yea I thought so. I would've started off easy, but I think this is the only time I could definitely find him," said Roy as he looked across the room. "Yep, there he is."

Captain Falcon followed Roy's gaze. There was an anthromorphic fox holding a laser gun shooting each target as it popped up. "Fox McCloud?"

"Well, unlike Peach and Zelda, Samus doesn't have anybody here that hails from the same universe as her. However, I do know that Fox and Samus used to be sparring partners as well as shooting buddies at one point. I thought that if anyone knew anything about Samus, it would be him." Roy and Captain Falcon walked over to Fox. "Hi Fox."

Fox turned to look at the source of the noise. He put his gun back into its holster and replied, "Good morning Roy and Falcon. I heard about what happened to you in the gym yesterday. I hope you are feeling better."

"Still sore, but feeling a lot better. Thanks for asking," Captain Falcon answered back. "Now straight to business, You and Samus used to be sparring and shooting partners right?"

"Samus? Yea, we used to work out together. However, once Falco joined, he insisted that we shoot and spar together and that we didn't have room for a girl. A pity. Not much of a talker, but Samus sure knew how to fight. Heard she spars with Zelda now and shoots alone at the range. "

"A pity that you two stopped training together?" The first stirrings of jealousy began to well inside Captain Falcon's heart. "It seems as though you miss her. Do you have feelings for her or something?"

"What? No," Fox quickly denied. "Besides, I have a girlfriend now."

"Unbelievable!" Captain Falcon blurted out. " How can you have a girlfriend? You're not even a human. So, who is it then? Peach? Zelda? or is it Nana?"

Fox was speechless. Never in his life had he had to deal with this level of stupidity. He gave a quick glance to Roy, who merely shrugged his shoulders. He finally responded, "I'm a fox."

Captain Falcon gave him a questioning look. "So?"

Fox sighed. "So, when I'm looking for a girlfriend, I want a female fox. Not a human. That would be way too freaky for me." He pulled out his phone from his pocket and quickly showed it to Falcon. "See the wallpaper? That's my girlfriend, Krystal." He then put his phone back into his pocket.

Captain Falcon face palmed. He should've known that if Fox had a girlfriend, it would be a female fox. "Sorry for the accusation," Captain Falcon apologized. "I guess I got too riled up because I've been trying to score a date with one of them for so long and I just got frustrated."

"Apology accepted. So why are you actually here?"

"We were hoping you could tell us about Samus," Roy pitched in. "There isn't really anyone else who knows anything about Samus and since you're one of the few Smashers here who has had any interactions with her, I thought you could help Captain Falcon out?"

After a moment's hesitation, Fox finally replied, "Alright, I'll help you. Samus has been alone almost her whole entire life, so I thinking her having a boyfriend would be good for her. Based off what I know, I can tell you that..., oh shoot it's Falco, quick hide!"

"What's wrong with Falco? Isn't he your comrade in arms?" asked Roy.

Before could Fox could offer up an explanation, Falco strode into the room. His gaze quickly fell onto Roy and Captain Falcon. "Why are they here?" he angrily yelled, pointing at the two men. "Is this why you came to the shooting range thirty minutes early? So you can secretly rendezvous with these two idiots? Does our bromance mean nothing to you?" He suddenly gasped. "Wait, are you cheating on me? What happened to the promise you made me? Our secret alone time?"

Roy quickly motioned to Captain Falcon to leave the range. As they left, they could hear Fox and Falco continuing to bicker in the background.

"Well, that didn't work out as well as I hope," Roy said. Roy and Falcon were sitting in the common room. "I guess we'll ask about Peach next. There are plenty of fighters from the Mushroom Kingdom. The only question is who to ask. Mario would know the most about her. I just don't think it's a good idea to question a rival though. Bowser has kidnapped her a lot, but he intimidates me. Yoshi is a dinosaur, so I doubt there is much he can tell us. I guess that just leaves Luigi. Does that work for you?"

Captain Falcon nodded. Just then, Luigi walked into the common room. Captain Falcon quickly called out to him, "Luigi, hey Luigi!"

Luigi saw Captain Falcon and gave him a wave. He then walked towards the pair. "It's A Me, Luigi!"

"Luigi, I need your help. what can you tell me about Peach?"

"The princess?" Luigi put his hand onto his chin and thought to himself. After a minutes, he finally said, "Hmm... now that you mention it, I really don't know about Princess Peach. The only real interaction I ever get with her is when she gets kidnapped by Bowser and my brother and I have to rescue her. Even then it's usually Mario who spends time with her. I'm usually just the third wheel. I guess she does like cooking though. Whenever she hosts her annual Thank You For Rescuing Me Party, she is always talking about all the food she made. Especially her cakes. Man are her cakes delicious!"

"Is that all?" Captain Falcon was slightly disappointed. He had hoped that Luigi knew more about the Peach. "Do you anything about her likes or dislikes? Maybe other hobbies? Any secret crushes?"

"Well..." Luigi hesitated. "To be perfectly honest, aside from cooking I don't really know what else Peach likes to do. I do know about one of her dislikes though, but I'm not sure whether you want to hear it."

"Don't be shy Luigi. We are all friends here. We are after all two members of the Original Twelve. You can tell me anything. I'll get rid of the outsider." He quickly shushed at Roy and gestured to him to go away. Roy groaned and left the room.

"Um... ok. Peach dislikes...you."

"What! Me? How can this be? I'm strong. I'm handsome. How can she hate me?"

"Peach has called you a bumbling buffoon, a giant tool, an aggressive ape, a douchebag, a pervert and a whole bunch of other terrible names."

"Wait a second." Captain Falcon had a sudden epiphany. "She talks to you about me? That's means I'm in." He ran to tell Roy the good news.

"I don't think that's a good thing," Roy told Captain Falcon. They were in the cafeteria eating lunch.

"She talks about me to her friends though."

"Yea, she talks about how much she hates you. This is trouble. You've already dug yourself into a hole I'm not sure even I could get you out of. So far we've learned almost nothing about Samus and we know just how much Peach hates your guts. All that's left is Zelda now. I guess we need to talk to Link. Tread carefully though. They are good friends and I'm pretty sure Link likes Zelda. We need to be cautious. In other words, I'm doing all the talking this time. Hey, Link just walked in." Roy turned and waved to Link beckoning him over. "Yo Link."

The Hylian waved at Roy and went to sit next to the redhead. "Afternoon Roy. Captain Falcon. It's a bit of a surprise that the two of you would want to eat lunch with me. I can't complain though. It beats having to eating with Toon Link."

Roy chuckled and nervously scratched his hair. "Well, once you've clashed swords with someone, you form an unbreakable bond. So how are things between you and Zelda?"

"Zelda?" Link questioned. "Cool I guess."

"Any plans on asking her out? You two have known each other for a long time haven't you?

"What? No, our relationship will always be a platonic one. I value her friendship immensely, but I'm a man that will not be tied down by one woman. I've started my own harem, but Zelda didn't want anything to do with it."

"So you two aren't an item?"

Link shook his head. "Despite the whole hero rescuing princess, she really hasn't shown any romantic interest towards me. Like I said though, I've already moved on. Now Roy, you've got to tell me, how do you deal with your seven wives? I already got three and sometimes it can be a real hassle."

Roy began to respond, but Captain Falcon wasn't paying any attention. He was fuming inside. First Roy and now Link. The pansy elf with the green girly tunic managed to get three girls? The only good news was that Zelda was still available, but it was still outrageous that Link had three girls while he had none. Roy noticed that Captain Falcon was visibly shaking with rage, so he quickly said to Link, "Hey Link, listen. I need your help. I'm trying to help Captain Falcon here get a date with Zelda and I was hoping you could tell me about Zelda."

"I don't think the elders will react well if they found Zelda was in a relationship with a guy like Falcon. No offense. Not only that, they'd scold me for letting this happen. I'm going to need an incentive." Roy quickly whispered something into Link's ear. "Her panties? Alright you got yourself a deal. Let's see... Zelda enjoys reading, poetry, stargazing, horseback riding, and archery."

Captain Falcon interrupted. "Does she have anyone she's interested in. Maybe a macho racer?"

"Funny you should bring that up. She has actually mentioned that she is interested in a blonde. I quote, 'Blonde, hot, and nice butt'. Doesn't fit the description of any fighters here though. Maybe she found someone back in Hyrule? Well anyway..."

Captain Falcon froze. Interested in a blonde? Well, it wasn't Link and since Toon Link was basically Link, that meant he was out as well. Which only left... Captain Falcon rose from his chair and dashed out of the cafeteria, intent on teaching the blonde a lesson he wouldn't forget. Roy sighed and left to chase after him.

"Lucas!" Captain Falcon bellowed as he dashed down the hallway. He was going to pound that kid. How dare he use his boyish charms to seduce Zelda. As he turned the corner, he saw his target. He leapt into the air. "Falcon Punch!" He landed next to the blonde child, his fist crushing the ground next to him. "Tell me what magic power you used to bewitch Zelda you little prick!"

"What's going on?" whimpered Lucas.

Captain Falcon grabbed Lucas by the collar of his shirt and began pummeling him with his knee. "Don't play dumb with me boy. Tell me what you've done." He felt something wet on his knee. "Did you just pee yourself on my knee? How dare you disrespect the knee of justice!" He let go out Lucas, jumped and extended his knee hitting Lucas square in the face, causing the little blonde to fly across the hallway. He then falcon kicked his way towards Lucas and regrabbed him, pummeling him again and again with his knee.

Meanwhile Roy who had been chasing after Falcon had finally caught up. He immediately saw the scene playing out in front of him. "He's just a boy Falcon. He's just a boy!"

However, Captain Falcon wasn't listening. He was still pummeling Lucas, teaching the young boy that he couldn't steal his love. Roy grabbed Falcon by the back of his shirt, forcibly pulling him away. "Stop! He's just a boy."

"Let go of me Roy. I'm about to give the boy the spankings he deserves"

"Stop, think about it. How can a sophisticated woman like Zelda have feelings for a boy? She isn't a pedophile. Lastly, does Lucas look like he has a nice ass? C'mon man."

"Well, how do we know Zelda isn't a pedo? She could be a creeper or Lucas could've used his fancy powers to make her fall in love with him. How can we be sure?" Captain Falcon turned to look at Lucas, but instead was face to face with Master Hand. "Crap."

"Well, someone got the spanking of their life,"

"Shut up Roy. Those slaps really hurt. Not only that, Master Hand also took away a lot of my privileges. I can't go to Movie Night tonight." Captain Falcon was miffed. Movie Night was a weekly event that take place in the common room. Now Master Hand never showed any good movies, but there was free popcorn and Captain Falcon was a man who loved his popcorn. "I'm going back to my room."

Captain Falcon slowly limped his way towards his room. As he slowly made his way towards his room, he suddenly thought to himself, "I got nothing accomplished today. It's time I take matters into my own hands. I'm going in." He switched directions, now going towards the women's wing. When he arrived, he immediately stopped at the first door. It was Zelda's. "I'm going to ask her about her crush myself." He thrusted his elbows onto the door, knocking the door down. Captain Falcon took a look inside and immediately gasped. Zelda was in her room, but she was not alone. She was currently locking lips with a blonde. As Captain Falcon took a clearer look, he soon saw a familiar ponytail. "Samus?"

Zelda and Samus froze. They both slowly turned around. Upon seeing who it was, Zelda immediately squealed, burying her face in Samus' neck. Samus snarled at Falcon, "You are not to tell anyone what you saw, are we clear?" Captain Falcon slowly nodded and walked out. He didn't want another beating today. As he walked out, images of what he had just saw crept into his mind. He fell back, blood gushing out of his nose. Meanwhile back in Zelda's room, Samus turned to Zelda, "Don't worry honey, he's gone now." Their lips met for another passionate kiss.

They were so enamored that they didn't notice a blue blur speed pass their doorway yelling, "Movie Night starts in fifteen minutes."

Sonic the Hedgehog being the fastest being in Smash made it his duty to remind everyone when Movie Night was about to start. As he dashed through the women's wing, he saw Samus and Zelda making out. Rather than continuing his reminders, he quickly turned back towards the common room, doing his very best to prevent the oncoming nosebleed. Sonic barely made it to the common room as he got out, "Samus...Zelda making out in her room. Hurry." He collapsed blood flowing out his nose like a waterfall. This news took a second to register in each Smasher's brain. Then, the light bulb went off inside each Smasher's head and they charged towards Zelda's room.

The first to arrive was Wolf. As he took a peek into the room, he saw that Sonic hadn't been lying. The two ladies were so busy making out that they didn't notice Wolf's presence. Wolf gaped at the scene playing out in front of him and then let out a howl as his nose started to heavily bleed. Samus and Zelda stopped kissing at the noise and turned to look at the doorway. They both gasped. Every Smasher was standing in the doorway. "Um...hi?"

Every male Smasher fell back, blooding gushing out of their noses. Roy, Link, Fox, Falco, it didn't matter . The only ones who were able to resist were Ness, Lucas, and Kirby who were too young to understand what was happening and Pikachu who was too busy celebrating. "Why are you so happy Pikachu?" Lucas asked.

"Because Pikachu and I just won the relationship pool bet," Peach quipped in. "We both put our money on Samus and Zelda getting together and looks right we were right. All that planning finally paid off. Now kids help me get everyone to the hospital."

"What's going on?" exclaimed Dr. Mario as Kirby carried the unconscious body of King Dedede into the infirmary, joining the rest of the Smash residents on the floor. "Why does everyone have a nosebleed?"

"They all saw Samus and Zelda making out," giggled Peach. Dr. Mario stared back blankly at Peach. Then as what she said registered in his brain, he flew back, blood running out of his nose.

"Mama Mia!"

Just a clarification for those who may not know, a nosebleed is commonly used in Japanese animes to signify sexual arousal. Also, please feel free to drop a review, even if its criticism. I'm a big boy, I can take it(I hope). Finally, if there is any Smash character you want to see make a more significant appearance, please feel free to let me know.