Chapter 3

For the first few minutes, no one speaks. Octavia and Miller keep their eyes firmly on the woods outside the rover, not once glancing down at the grounders' commander wrapped up in a blanket on the rover's floor. Clarke knows it's out of respect for Lexa that they keep themselves from gaping, and she appreciates them all the more for it. But Octavia and Miller also need to keep their eyes on the woods. Sooner or later news of Lexa's rescue will reach Kelan, and his horsemen are fast and know these woods well. If Kelan's men were to attack, they need to be ready.

Clarke has calculated in her head that it will take them approximately seven hours to reach Arkadia. All she can do now is make sure Lexa is still alive by the end of it. After that she can hand her over to her mother. Her mother will know what to do. If anyone will be able to make her better, it's Abby. Clarke is about to ask Bellamy to let her know when there are any bumps in the road, when she hears him say, "Clarke, big hole in the road coming up."

"Thanks," she says and carefully places her left hand behind Lexa's head while moving her right hand between the top of Lexa's head and the driver's seat.

Bellamy slows down the rover as much as he can, and still, as the rover's front wheels move into a ditch, Clarke feels Lexa slide forward forcefully. She moves straight up to Clarke's hand, crashing Clarke's knuckles into the back of the seat. Ouch, Clarke thinks, that actually hurts. But it doesn't matter. Nothing matters now but keeping Lexa alive, getting her to Arkadia without further injuries. Clarke looks at Lexa's face. It's completely still, oblivious to any hurt, any bumps in the road. When the front wheels move out of the ditch, Lexa slides down again, freeing up Clarke's hand.

"Sorry," Clarke hears Bellamy say.

"It's all good," Clarke responds.

After the back wheels have moved through the ditch as well, Clarke slowly removes her hands. She briefly puts one hand on Lexa's forehead to get a sense of her temperature. Still so cold. Clarke unfolds the blanket and wraps it around Lexa's body again, even more tightly this time. For a second she considers rubbing Lexa's body to warm her up more quickly. But looking at the bruises and dried blood on Lexa's face, her protruding cheekbones, Clarke realizes she has no idea what kind of internal injuries Lexa has sustained. Clarke can't risk exacerbating any internal damage. She'll just have to hope the blanket will do its work.

A little while later, Bellamy's voice snaps her out of her own thoughts.

"Clarke, just making sure. We're taking her to Polis, right?" she hears him say.

Clarke looks up, her face one of startled apprehension. "What? No! Bel, we're taking her to my mother. We're taking her to Arkadia," Clarke says with as much insistence as she can muster.

For a moment no one speaks.

Then Bellamy tries again, calmly, "Clarke, she belongs to her people. We don't know what Pike will do. They'll look after her in Polis."

Clarke looks down at Lexa and then, with her voice all of a sudden faltering, she pleads, "Bellamy, their healers, they don't have the tools, the medicine. I don't know whether they'll be able to …."

Feeling herself choke up, Clarke stops mid-sentence. Then she forces herself to go on. "At least with my mother she'll have a chance."

As she waits for Bellamy's response, she sees him glance at Lincoln for a moment. Lincoln nods his head. Then Clarke hears Bellamy say, "Alright. Alright. We'll take her to Arkadia."

"Thank you," she says as she exhales deeply.

The next few hours are uneventful. Octavia and Miller continue to scan the woods for any sign of life. Whenever there's a bump in the road, Bellamy calls out "Bump!" and Clarke protects Lexa's head until they're on smoother ground again. Apart from the occasional warning about irregularities in the road, no one talks, everyone seemingly lost in their own thoughts. After a while, in the quiet of the rover, with the rhythmic humming of the engine, her eyes fixed on Lexa, Clarke starts to feel as if nothing and no one exists in the world but she and Lexa, as if everything and everyone has receded from around them.

And Clarke can't take her eyes off the commander. They actually found her. She's alive, and she's here with her. And looking at Lexa's bruised and bloody face, her emaciated body wrapped up in the blanket, Clarke so desperately wants to touch her, to bring comfort to her, to feel she's really there. But craving that physical contact also makes Clarke all of a sudden acutely aware of how careful Lexa had always been to not enter Clarke's personal space and how rare touches between them had actually been. Touching Lexa is not something she's used to. And Clarke tries to remember ever seeing anyone else touch Lexa, anyone ever giving her a hug or even placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. And she can't. She can't remember anyone ever providing Lexa with physical comfort. Not when she had to go fight Roan, not even after she had to plunge her sword into Gustus' heart. Even with her own nightbloods, Clarke can't remember ever witnessing any hugs or pats on the back.

And Clarke wonders what it was like for Lexa when she was younger, when she herself was a nightblood. Had anyone ever hugged her then? Had it been something she had craved? Or had it simply been another thing she had accepted without question? And looking down at the commander, so unused to bodily contact that isn't of a violent kind, Clarke can't help but feel that touching her now might somehow be an invasion of her personal space, an overstepping of a boundary, a sacred boundary that has existed as an aura around the commander for so long. And for a moment Clarke hesitates. But then the memories also come back of how Lexa had responded when Clarke had kissed her. How much she seemed to have longed for Clarke's touch. How hungry she'd been in their love-making. And Clarke slowly extends her hand and, after a moment's hesitation, places it softly on Lexa's cold cheek. She slowly moves the back of her fingers up and down, stroking Lexa's blood-stained cheek. And Clarke's amazed by how soft and supple Lexa's skin still feels.

And for the next few hours, Clarke allows herself to gently stroke Lexa's cheek, her hair, her wrapped-up body, as they continue to make steady progress towards Arkadia. Every now and then she places two fingers on Lexa's neck, always searching for that pulse. And every time Clarke feels it, relief washes over her. And so they keep driving as the sun starts to set and darkness slowly creeps into the rover. Once all the light is gone, and the people in the rover have been transformed into amorphous black shapes, Clarke realizes how uncomfortable she is. She's crouched down next to Lexa with her body in an awkward twist. Her legs started cramping up a while ago and her lower back is now also starting to protest. Clarke looks down at the black shape beside her. Then she looks up at the seat above her and takes a moment to consider her options. Looking down again, Clarke slowly stretches out her legs, lowering herself down until she's face to face with Lexa. Clarke feels her heart flutter. Although the darkness has reduced Lexa to an indistinguishable shape, Clarke's entire being seems to know it's her. And Clarke takes a deep breath and allows her body to relax.

A few minutes later, Clarke hears Bellamy say, "Clarke, another ditch." She moves up her right hand and puts it between Lexa's head and the driver's seat. Leaving it there, she places her own head on her upper arm, using her arm as a pillow. And for the next several hours Clarke remains in this position, forcing herself to stay awake, her hand protecting Lexa's head, her body on the hard floor of the rover. And despite the discomfort and the pins and needles that soon take possession of her arm, Clarke feels oddly content. And as she looks at the dark shape in front of her once more, Clarke places her free arm gently on the blanket covering Lexa's body and for a moment allows herself to close her eyes.

But barely has she closed her eyes or Clarke feels the rover coming to a halt. She jerks up, taking her hand away from behind the top of Lexa's head, pushing herself into an upright position.

"What's going on?" she asks to no one in particular, her voice betraying her concern.

"We're here," Bellamy responds, and when Clarke looks through the front window she realizes they're outside the gates of Arkadia.

The watch towers and several flashlights pointed in their direction cast a muted light into the rover. Clarke quickly glances down at Lexa. She looks exactly the same as she had been before the sun set. Clarke checks her pulse. Still there. Two guardsmen open the gate and Bellamy drives the rover into Arkadia, parking the vehicle as close to the main building as possible. Octavia opens the back door and she and Miller climb out. Then Lincoln appears in the door opening. Clarke moves to the back of the rover as far as she can to allow Lincoln to crawl in next to her. He moves his hands underneath the commander's wrapped-up body and slowly starts to lift her, moving her into an upright position again, as Clarke picks up Lexa's head. All the chains are wrapped up in the blanket together with Lexa's body and placing two fingers behind the chain around Lexa's neck, Clarke realizes there's no longer any danger of it suffocating her. So Clarke uses the hand that's not holding up Lexa's head to push herself out of the rover.

Soon she and Lincoln are standing in the cold night air holding Lexa tightly. Clarke looks around. Few people are out and about. At this time of night, most people are probably already asleep. Clarke sees Octavia looking around, trying to find a way to make herself useful. She turns to Clarke and says, "I'll go make sure your mother's awake." Clarke nods. Walking a bit more quickly now than they'd been able to in the cave, Clarke and Lincoln make their way inside, leaving Miller and Bellamy behind. When they reach the medical ward, they're met by two nurses on night duty, a man and a woman. Clarke recognizes their faces, has seen them before, but is unsure of their names. They guide Clarke and Lincoln to the main table in the middle of the ward as the man tells them, "You can put her down here."

Very carefully Lincoln places the commander onto the table and after he's done, he looks at Clarke, trying to gauge whether he's still needed.

"Thank you," Clarke says, hoping her voice conveys how grateful she truly is. "Why don't you get some sleep," she adds. "I'll let you know as soon as we get a diagnosis."

Lincoln nods and leaves the ward.

Barely has Lincoln left medical or Abby appears. "Clarke!" she exclaims as she quickly walks over to where her daughter is standing. "You're back!"

It is only then that Abby looks down at her new patient. Her startled expressions betrays her surprise.

"You found her?" she asks.

Clarke nods.

"What kind of injuries does she have?" her mother inquires.

Clarke swallows hard. "Mom, we found her in a cave chained to a wall. They tortured her. I thought she was dead."

Clarke feels the tears burn in her eyes. Resisting them, she continues, "I don't know about internal injuries. But they've burned her ankles and wrists and the chains have cut into her skin and some of her fingers seem broken, I'm pretty sure they've flogged her back with something sharp, and her skin's infected in so many places."

Abby looks at the female nurse and says, "Connie, get her hooked up to an IV drip and make sure she's put on antibiotics."

Connie nods and walks away.

Abby bends down and checks Lexa's eyes. Putting two fingers on her carotid artery, she also checks her pulse. Clarke watches her mother's face intently, trying to read in her mother's micro-expressions whether she ought to be more worried than she already is. But Abby's face gives away little. Then Abby pulls her stethoscope from around her neck. She gestures to the male nurse to remove the blanket still covering Lexa so she can listen to her heart and lungs. The male nurse pulls back one part of the blanket, then the other, and when Lexa's body appears, Clarke can tells her mother's shocked. Her mother, who's seen so many injuries in her career, so much death and destruction, is clearly taken aback when she sees the chains, the emaciated body, the burns and infected skin. Then Clarke suddenly feels her mother's eyes on her and hears her say, with so much compassion in her voice, "Oh Clarke".

Her mother's tone catches Clarke off guard. Clarke hasn't told her mother anything about what happened between her and the commander while they were in Polis, how Clarke has come to feel about her. She hadn't felt like telling her. She hadn't felt like telling anyone. It had nevertheless been a relief when she realized during their long rescue mission that her friends had soon enough figured it out on their own. They had understood what Lexa meant to her without Clarke needing to explain. But her mother hadn't been there, hadn't seen the desperation on Clarke's face when yet another day passed without any sign of the commander. But whatever her mother knows or thinks she knows, the warmth and concern in her voice leave Clarke with no doubt that her mother understands that Clarke cares for Lexa, not just as someone who's strategically important to Skaikru, but as someone who's personally important to Clarke. And looking her mother in the eye, Clarke begs her, "Please mom, you've to get those chains off her."

Abby puts a hand on Clarke's arm and nods warmly. "We will, honey, we will."

Seeing the long chain around Lexa's neck slowly starting to slide off Lexa's chest, Abby quickly grabs hold of it. She gently puts the long chain next to the commander's head and moves her fingers between the chain and Lexa's throat, just as Clarke had done earlier. And seeing her mother do this, seeing her respond in the way she had herself, somehow reassures Clarke. She was right to bring Lexa here. Her mother will know what to do. Clarke then hears Abby tell the male nurse to get a bolt cutter and some small metal cutting shears so they can cut the plates around the commander's ankles and wrists and the linked chain around her neck. When she sees the nurse hesitate, Abby adds, "Owen, just go to Raven. She'll know which ones to use."

Owen nods and leaves the ward.

Having sent both her nurses on their respective errands, Abby takes a moment to listen to Lexa's heart and lungs.

When she's done, Clarke asks anxiously, "And?"

Abby gives her a reassuring smile. "Her heart beat is weak but regular and her lungs sound clear. I'll check her for internal injuries more thoroughly once we've got these chains off her. But I'd say so far so good."

Clarke nods, feeling more hopeful than she has in a while.

Soon both Connie and Owen return. Connie looks down at Lexa's hands and then glances up at Abby. "Let's put the IV in her arm," Abby tells her.

While Connie puts the long needle into hollow of Lexa's left arm, Owen, very carefully and with Abby's help, cuts the linked chain around Lexa's neck. Once they've cut it, it slides off the table onto the floor, creating an awful din. Clarke sees a few patients in the corner of the ward raise their heads and glance over. Having successfully removed the chain around the commander's neck, Abby and Owen move on to Lexa's feet while Connie puts tape over the needle in Lexa's arm to secure it. In order to cut to metal plates, Raven has provided Owen with a tiny pair of sharp tin snips. Very carefully, Owen starts to cut through the first metal band. When he's managed to fully cut through it, he slowly removes the band from around Lexa's ankle. When Clarke sees the skin where the metal band had been, she takes a step back, grimacing at the sight of the burns, the bruises, and the infections. She feels nauseous and angry all over again.

Then she hears her mother say, "Clarke, please do me a favor and get some sleep. There's nothing you can do here now."

Clarke shakes her head.

Her mother leaves the table on which Lexa is lying and walks over to her daughter. "Clarke, this will take a while. I'll need to do a full examination. We'll want to wash her and treat those infections. Please get some sleep. I'll wake you as soon as we know what we're dealing with."

Clarke is about to refuse again. Having searched for Lexa for so long, she can't imagine leaving her now. But Abby puts her hands on Clarke's back and slowly pushes her to the door. "You're only in the way here, and you look exhausted. I'll wake you in a few hours."

Feeling too tired all of a sudden to argue with her mother, Clarke allows her mother to guide her to the door. She's about to leave medical when she suddenly catches herself.

"Mom," she says with a great deal of urgency in her voice as she turns around again, "you need to keep her safe in here."

Her mother studies her face for a moment and then asks, "Does Kelan know she's here?"

Clarke shrugs. "I don't know."

For a moment neither of them speaks.

Then Clarke continues, "I don't think Kelan will come for her here, especially if he hasn't found Titus yet. But mom, Pike, please, you mustn't let him do anything stupid."

Abby nods. "We'll keep her safe, Clarke, I promise."

Clarke knows no one can make that promise, especially now, especially when it's Pike they're dealing with, but it still feels good to hear her mother say it. Clarke glances at Lexa one last time. "Okay then," she says. Slowly she walks out of medical and makes her way to her bedroom where, as soon as her head hits the pillow, she falls asleep.