It starts with a twitch, a slight twitch in her finger that spreads to the whole hand. She tries to hide it, places her hand behind her back. Her face stays straight, with a smile that is from cheek to cheek but doesn't reach her eyes. No one seems to notice her rising ire. They're tossing food around not bothering to pick it up when it hits the ground and what hurts the most is that it's Connie who is leading this horrid waste. She stands up slowly, her head bowed, her back aching as old scars stretch and memories sneak into her vision. Connie thinking she wants to join in throws a handful of mash potatoes at her. Cries of "Ooooo, Potato Girl is covered in her own kind" ring out when she doesn't dodge. Calmly, at least she tries to be calm her hands are shaking, she wipes the mess off. She laughs softly.
"Real funny Con, ya got me," she mutters before quickly leaving the mess hall. She can feel her mask creaking. Her breathing is hard, her eyes burning, body moving towards her hiding place she stumbles and falls. It's stupid, she tells herself that she's getting so worked up. Eyes squeezed shut she hits the ground.
"Potato Girl?"
Sasha glances up eyes hard she spots Jean looking confused.
"What Jean?"
"Are you okay?"
For a moment she thinks he cares, that maybe they aren't as bad as the dark voice in the back of her mind says they are but his next words wipe that away.
"I mean you just left. I would bet that you Potato Girl would have been all over it."
Visions of Neil clutching his stomach, tears streaming down his face as the pain becomes too much. Of pounding on his door for what feels like hours and finally finding away in to find him pale, unmoving, unbreathing, so fucking skinny that she could count every bone in his body. Her hand moves before she can comprehend what she doing. It's only when her knuckles are hurting that she realizes that she's punched him. Horror blooms on her face and she covers her mouth feeling sick.
"Jean, oh god Jean I'm... I'm...So sor..."
"Just get out of my sight!" Jean shouts and she doesn't need to be told twice. She runs to her hiding place, curls up into a ball and sobs, voiceless, soundless. Don't bring attention to yourself. I'm sorry Neil.