Life one

Chapter three

The ronin Seifer awoke early the next morning- not because he wanted to, but because the monk next to him was whimpering in his sleep. The samurai growled as he turned over- realizing the monk had somehow moved away from him. Zell-kun curled up on the floor; and the more Seifer listened, the more he grinned. It was a wet dream. Fancy that, the little chaste monk having a dream like that. Seifer moved over to cover him, slightly for his own perversions. Well, mostly for his own perversions.

"Adel," Zell uttered, suddenly shrinking into a ball.

Seifer's eyes suddenly dimmed. Of course Zell wouldn't be having a dream. Little sex boys never had a good life; most of them died within the next few years. Of course Zell would have nightmares. Painfully obvious and Seifer had missed it.

He moved back into his futon and wrapped himself in the covers, listening as the dream continued on. It was horrid of him but he didn't know what else he could do. He heard the monk wake up and he feigned sleep. He heard Zell inhale deeply, and then adjust himself to some sort of meditative position.

Suddenly, wheels started turning in the samurai's head. He smirked.

"I know you're awake," Zell hissed at him.

"Let's pretend I'm asleep and save your pride or an explanation from you." Seifer shut his eyes quickly.

The monk surprised him yet again, lying beside him. "You're up," he stated. "You don't have to pretend."

"If I didn't know better, baby monk, I'd say you were warming up to me." He grinned as Zell pulled away. In the next moment, the grin was lost to a look of utter surprise. Zell was halfway on him, deep blue eyes staring into his.

"Maybe it's you who is warming up to me." Seifer felt himself blush as the realization hit him. He couldn't help himself; in the next moment, he was locking lips with the monk and pulled away, neither of them able to explain what was going on. Zell suddenly realized what he had brought on himself and turned away.

"Sorry," came Seifer's blushing response. "You're right, I couldn't pretend…"

Zell sat in shock, unsure of why. Seifer had known what a "kiss" was, that was shocking. What was more shocking was what he was feeling; a rapid heartbeat, heavy breathing, and he longed for it to continue.

Hyne, this was a stupid romance novel! Zell got up. "We have to get moving," he stated, and Seifer nodded, offering a surprising lack of resistance. "I want to get over that mountain as soon as possible."

"Wait- Mountain?" came the statement, but Zell was already dressing and Seifer decided to go along, if only for the eye candy.

………………

Seifer had never been sure why he'd lost control that morning. He'd never been one to loose control before, and he couldn't, not this mission. Why was it now? This man was slowly taking over anything he'd ever felt and he was suddenly unsure of everything. He had to find a way to ignore all this.

"I want some answers," Seifer stated suddenly at Zell, who turned to him with a head cocked to the side. Cute.

Damn.

"Like, why is it that you are the one chosen to go? What is it you're doing?"

Zell shrugged. "Probably has more to deal with my past than anything. Deling wants foreigners dead and he wants our monastery dead, and I'd be the perfect combo."

"If that's the reason, then why hasn't Adel come to find you? You can't be that hard to find, then." Seifer paused to see Zell's face darken before Zell ignored the question. "Deling may also want someone who knows the tea ceremony."

"You know the ceremony?" came Seifer's reply, and Zell gave a feral grin.

"Who do you think invented it, ronin?" he grinned proudly. "I'll show you tomorrow, when we get to the temple. I was one of the best on the ceremony."

"Fancy that," came Seifer's response, and Zell stopped on a ledge, staring at him. "What, monk? Is it time to eat?"

Instead, Zell gave him a small smile and turned around. Seifer was confused, but he decided to clear his mind of it. "So, then, Zell… tell me about how you got free of Adel."

Zell suddenly tensed, but he responded. "At lunch." The ronin accepted this response, suddenly passing him by.

"Good. Then on the way you can explain that damnable tea process to me."

Zell met his eye and acknowledged the offer of kindness- it was better to save strength while using it that to lose it on something as stupid as bitter memories.

They stopped to rest on a small boulder. "It's lunchtime," Seifer muttered. "How you got free of Adel." He almost demanded it, pulling out the bentos they had ordered before they left.

Zell sighed. "You're so interested in my past," he murmured to himself, and Seifer tried hard not to grin. "All right. I didn't start out as a pleasure-boy, you know. I was a pickpocket. I had a job and reported to my boss- who happened to live in Adel's underworld palace. One night, I heard a little girl crying and I went to see what was the matter. She was being held prisoner, and Adel was holding her ransom. I slipped her food and water, keeping her alive. Then one night I was caught and my boss told me to stop- that Adel wanted to take her and destroy her innocence. I thought she was nice, so I slipped away after my beating and to let her go. I ran with her and let her through the back way and into the arms of the samurai coming to get her- and the yakuza on our heels caught me. Adel wasn't furious- he'd already received payment. But he was interested in me, and he declared then to me the real reason my father had sold me. This is when he marked me," he added, tracing his face. "After a time, another woman was taken to his prison center, and I decided to run with her again. We made it out to the temple, and I chose to stay with them."

"Rescuing women, huh?" came Seifer's question. "Well, it wasn't that hard-"

"I expected him to come to kill me," came Zell's interjection. "I expected him to come and end it. I had wanted to die at that time."

Seifer looked at him seriously. "Why didn't he come?"

"Caraway's forces were coming for his daughter- he couldn't be distracted."

Seifer stared at him blankly. "Rinoa-san," he managed to utter in shock. "You're the blonde boy?" He sat back.

"I was. It took a while to convince her that I was on her side, though- she was beautiful, but not stupid, though perhaps her trusting side had been given a huge blow from the kidnap." Zell started eating.

Ultimacia had been right, Seifer realized suddenly. This monk had the means to create havoc with anything. He was a liability, he tampered with everything. No wonder Deling wanted him dead. "So the monks kept you, and you wanted to die?"

Zell looked at him. "That's what it was. Then I decided if he wasn't going to come after me, I'd just stay where I was."

"Willful," came Seifer's murmur, and Zell blinked, unsure of what he heard. Their eyes met again and Seifer's hand shook as he thought of the life fading from those eyes. "I must say, Zell, I rather enjoy your company."

Where had those words come from?

"You enjoy hearing my life story," Zell responded curtly, dropping his eyes. "Now I get to hear a story from you."

"I don't have anything all that interesting," Seifer told him. "My mother died, I was sent onto the streets. I found work doing small jobs here and there. Not much has changed." Changing the subject, he added, "I did meet Lady Rinoa. She must have mistaken me for you, I think." Seifer smiled at him. "She was quite the beauty."

Something struck Zell- jealousy?- but he couldn't place it so he quickly agreed. "She has a kind heart," he agreed. "I hope she is doing well."

Somehow Seifer couldn't find it in himself to tell Zell of her predicament; how she was captive in Timber. "Last time I checked, of two months ago, she was well."

"I see," Zell stated. "Let's not waste time," he stated suddenly. "I don't wish to camp in the mountains."

"Let's," came Seifer's response. "Let's spend a night to ourselves and live in a world of blonde children for a while."

Zell laughed. "I think you are getting to me, Ronin. I almost wanted to say yes."

Seifer laughed, too, before he replied. "I know a long way on the mountain. We can cuddle together and be completely inappropriate."

"No sex," Zell told him curtly and Seifer nodded. The monk sighed, weighing the options. He was already ahead of schedule. He wanted to have fun. "Let's," he stated. "But you can't act like a five-year-old."

Seifer grinned and helped Zell up.

…………

"You know, monk, if you had been born a woman I think I would have proposed as soon as you mentioned you make tea. Even your cooking is wondrous." Seifer sat back, sighing contentedly. They were sitting underneath an old forgotten tree that had once been a shrine.

"Marriage, huh?" Zell stated. "If I had been born a woman I don't think you and I would have much choice. Two blondes."

"Fair enough," Seifer replied, helping himself to more tofu. "You cook better than the crap at the temple."

"I was good at many things at the temple," Zell replied proudly. "Meditation was my only weak point." He lay back next to Seifer. "You must have had some training yourself. You have art to your sword."

There was that aching feeling in the ronin's stomach again. "Zell-kun," he stated, using a more familiar term. "I know why you can't meditate well."

Zell opened one eye. "Oh?" he asked. "Tell, me, ronin."

"You abhor sex. You don't see it as everyone else does. To you, it's sin and you hate yourself when your body betrays your memories." Seifer threw a stick on the fire. "It took me a lot of thinking to realize it."

"I wondered why you were so quiet," Zell replied. "It's different, you know. I tried once with another boy." He shuddered.

"It didn't end well?" came Seifer's surprised reply.

"I ended up crying on the floor. It was too much like Adel." Zell pulled away a bit. "It's different, with guys. We're quiet. We don't mess with foreplay so much."

"What!?" Seifer stated. "Foreplay's the best part!"

Zell shrugged. "You wouldn't know."

Seifer growled and went quiet again, poking at the fire.

"Let's get married here."

Zell sat up. "You're crazy," he stated. "We can't marry!"

"We're not in Japan, right now," Seifer told him. "We're in our own world!" Suddenly he touched Zell's tattoo. "Full of the blonde-children, let's marry and have no one but us."

"This is stupid," Zell muttered, but he didn't resist Seifer's mouth covering his own. He shouldn't, he knew. "Seifer," he whispered finally, "I'm going to die, you know. This mission is suicide."

"I know," Seifer whispered back at him. "But I've never fallen this violently in love with anyone before. I won't leave you until the end, I promise. If he kills you publicly, I'll die too, and if it's secret I'll kill him."

Zell didn't know what to say. "You won't forget me, then?" he asked, and Seifer promised him he wouldn't.

"Fine, then. At least, for here, I'll marry you and go along with your sex-plan."

"No sex," Seifer told him. "Just kissing and sleeping." He held Zell tightly. "I can live without sex for another day."

Zell snorted. "You might become impotent," he remarked.

Seifer nuzzled him. "I want to make you happy," he admitted. He didn't know why; his mission wasn't to do any of this. His mission was quick and he was trying to lengthen it. Zell had unknowingly charmed him and he was helpless.

The embers were dying down and Zell moved closer to the other blonde. "Thank you," he whispered, "for being so kind. Even if it's not real, even if it's just to get in my kimono, thank you."

Seifer had never cried in his life, and he wasn't going to start, though he felt especially bad about thinking of his mission. He shouldn't be wasting time here! He was supposed to be out doing things, reporting back to Ultimacia already!

Suddenly, Zell crawled on top of him, just like he had the first time they met. "Do you even know how to have sex with a man?" he whispered, and Seifer blinked stupidly. "Oh, come on," Zell stated with a grin. "It's our wedding night, and I want… he trailed off. "I want to see if I can have sex for fun."

"O…okay," came the meek reply, Seifer taken completely off-guard. Soon Zell was under him, kimono open and their chests meeting with each thrust. Zell was beautiful like this- there was no doubt he'd been a sex-boy- but Seifer wasn't sure where his heart was going with this but his head wasn't happy.

Suddenly Seifer felt the vial he'd been carrying with him fall onto Zell's chest, and Zell picked it up, staring at it and using the moon as lighting. It cast a sickly green upon his features and Seifer took the vial and moved it away, shaken.

It was their own little world, anyway, he reminded himself. He was tired and lonely and stressed. "I don't want you to die," he whispered to the surprised man. "You understand me."

"Seifer," Zell shushed. "Seifer, it'll be okay."

When Seifer calmed down, they continued, but after Zell was sleeping he felt tears. When he was sure Zell was sleeping, he kissed him and pulled away. "I don't want to kill you," he admitted, clutching the vial of poison tightly. He had never been this weak before in his life, knowing now why Ultimacia had wanted Zell dead. The monk interfered with everything.

He had to kill Zell and keep the peace.

He had to kill Zell and keep everyone safe.

Seifer looked at the sleeping blonde and wanted to die himself.