Ever-present 3
A/N- I just wanted to thank all for the reviews and thank Shallotpeel for her work at a very difficult time for her. If anyone would like to support Shallotpeel by donating to help with medical expenses please check out her blog or go to her crowdfunder page wt5aq4y8
Thank you xx
"Great house." Rose nodded as she followed Caroline in through the front door.
It was a lovely spring day and half term had arrived. Caroline was feeling relaxed and had agreed to meet Rose and Simon in the local park for a play date. Now as it neared lunch time and with Flora seemingly very much enjoying Simon's company, Caroline had offered up the contents of her fridge for a bite to eat.
"Thank you." She replied over her shoulder.
Rose followed her down the hall and into the kitchen, the children in front of her, Flora leading the way through to the kitchen and banging at the patio window for Caroline to open it up.
"No, its really impressive, such a great garden!" Rose commented as Caroline turned the key and slid open the door which set Flora and Simon free to race to the plastic slide that was set up a few feet away.
Caroline shrugged. "It's just a house." She replied without really thinking, watching Flora push just in front of her friend and begin to climb the few steps of the ladder.
Realising eventually that her remark may come off as slightly rude she ventured an explanation.
"I just, used to think that this house was the be all and end all." Caroline admitted. "Now, I realise, it's very nice, but it's just bricks and an impeccably put together ensemble of furniture."
Rose nodded in understanding and smiled at Caroline, who moved to the fridge and began emptying the contents.
"What will Simon have? There's ham, cheese, I have some sausage rolls, Flora loves them." Caroline explained, a slight tone of disapproval.
"He'll have whatever Flora's having, he's a great eater." Rose called, turning back to keep her eye on the kids.
Caroline took out a cucumber and began to slice it into small- person, hand sized sticks as Rose watched the children taking turns on the slide and only glanced at Caroline when she thought that it went unnoticed.
"Do you want me to do anything?" Rose offered politely.
"Could you just grab the blanket on the back of the sofa? It'll do as a picnic blanket if the kids want to eat outside. It's just in the front room." Caroline directed.
"Sure." Rose headed back down the hall way to the room she had seen only a glimpse of through a small opening on the way in.
She entered the room and found the checked blanket right where Caroline had said it would be. As she turned to leave the room her eyes were drawn to a photo frame. Caroline; Smiling into the face of a beautiful woman. Rose had guessed that Kate would be gorgeous if Flora was anything to go by, plus she couldn't really imagine Caroline with anyone who wasn't at least a little stunning. Hmmm, had she just ruled herself out of a potential relationship? No, she wasn't modest enough to ignore the fact that she was attractive, depending on personal taste. Kate on the other-hand was beyond attractive, it wasn't just that she was pretty, she was, more that she looked kind, her eyes were so warm and her smile so genuine. And Caroline beside her looked happier than Rose could imagine ever seeing her.
Rose shook herself away from the picture and hurried guiltily back to the kitchen, noticing the piano on her way back.
"Wow!" She exclaimed. "Do you play?"
Caroline frowned before she understood Rose's meaning. "Oh the piano! No, me?! No!"
Rose waited.
"It's Flora's. It belonged to her Mother. To Kate." Caroline shrugged, piling food onto plates and distracting herself.
"Oh! So Kate played?" Rose asked with interest.
"Yes. Very well. She played a number of instruments and she sang. She ran the school choir." Caroline informed proudly, finally looking up at Rose.
"Wow, she must have been very talented." Was all Rose could think to say.
"She was." Caroline agreed. "She played at Mum and Alan's wedding, The Entrance of The Queen of Sheba." Caroline announced a slight smirk.
Rose's brow rose. "Really?!" She asked as her mouth curled up into a grin.
"Yes." Caroline nodded her reply but her gaze had shifted away from Rose. She was taken back to that day. Watching Kate at the piano, longing for Kate to look her way but dreading seeing in her eyes what she thought she'd already known; that they were over. She had watched Kate all day, though she told herself she shouldn't. She had been so jealous of each and every person who had spoken to her, of Ted for sitting beside her, Harry for cracking a stupid joke that made her laugh, even Gillian who only shook her hand formally. She had wanted to be every single one of them.
"Are you alright?" Rose checked stepping closer.
Caroline shook her head and picked up the plates, stretching them out before her and keeping Rose at arm's length. "Yes. Could you get the drinks?"
Rose nodded quietly and picked up the small plastic cups full of juice, following Caroline outdoors.
Xxx
"Have a think about it. It'd be really nice if you could come."
"I'm not sure, we might be busy …" Caroline began.
"It's just a handful of friends, there'll be Marcy and Jane, they have two girls, adopted, they'll be … five and six now, sisters, they're adorable, the girls I mean; they'd love to play with Flora. Then Hayley will probably drop by, if she can fit us boring mums into her busy schedule, but she's lovely too and my sister will bring her little boy over, Rory. It'll be fun, and if it rains we can fit indoors and I'll BBQ under a brolly. I've had to do that on more than one occasion..." Rose enthused hopefully.
"I'll check the calendar." Caroline conceded, unsure as to whether she wanted to disappoint the woman or not. The prospect of the event didn't exactly thrill her, she was far too old to make new friends, at least more than one at a time.
Caroline moved back into the kitchen and took a quick look at the floral wall calendar, it was covered in scribbles and code, she was the only person who could possibly decipher it. She followed the numbers and lines with her finger. Hmmmm. She could always lie? But she was crap at that. Perhaps she could think of a legitimate excuse nearer the time.
"You might actually enjoy it." Kate's voice came from just behind her.
"I suppose it's possible." Caroline admitted reluctantly.
"Her friends sound nice." Kate went on.
"Probably sandal wearing vegans." Caroline mumbled.
"Caroline!" Kate sang. "You're terrible. You make that judgement based on the fact that they're lesbians?"
"They sound like that sort." Caroline defended.
"Oh, like you'd know a lot about any sort. How many lesbians do you even know?" Kate chuckled indulgently.
"Well, who made you Jimminy bloody cricket?!" Caroline shot.
"Caroline!?" Rose asked from just inside the door. "You okay?"
"Yes!" Caroline called, her face turning red. "Absolutely. It looks like we might be able to come after all."
"Really? That would be fantastic. I am sure you'll enjoy yourself, and the kids will love playing together." Rose seemed pleased.
"Do you want me to bring anything?" Caroline asked politely, already regretting her decision.
"Just yourself and this little beauty …." Rose said as Flora chased Simon inside and Rose spun around to shout boo! to them both. The children screamed in delight and turned to run outside again.
Xxx
"I can't believe the sun has actually come out for one of your barbies Rose!"
"It's unprecedented!" The other half of the couple Caroline had recently been introduced to chirped up.
"Yes it's lovely!" Caroline smiled as she perched on the hard edge of the stripey deckchair, not wanting to relax into the seat as one should, due to a very vivid memory of how difficult they could be to extricate yourself from once you got comfortable, particularly if you added afternoon sunshine and a couple of Pimms into the equation.
Rose had so far been a little preoccupied with getting the BBQ going and supplying various drinks and snacks, meaning that Caroline had been left in the company of her friends and a woman that Rose had introduced as her sister, who eyed Caroline carefully over the rim of her glass,
"Rose is the perfect hostess!" Marcy went on to tell Caroline. "We hardly ever have people over anymore, it just seems like too much effort, we leave it to Rose, she always knows just when is the right time for us all to get together."
"You've been friends a long time?" Caroline asked.
"Oh years!" Jane told her. "I met Rose just after Uni, we met when we were working on a helpline for Women's Aid. We were friends right away." She beamed fondly.
"Then when Rose got together with Anna, she introduced Jane and I and that was that." Marcy seamlessly finished the tale her wife had begun.
Caroline nodded, taking the information in. So Marcy had been Anna's friend? Caroline wondered if she was still in touch with Rose's ex. That was the difficulty when a long term relationship ends. It all gets so messy, not just houses and possessions to divide but friends, even relations. Caroline knew that John really missed his relationship with Celia. They had long had a love- hate dynamic and with his having little contact with his own mother in many years, he had often looked to Celia for some motherly influence. They had lived side by side for decades and now she was almost completely out of his life.
"So Caroline you're a head mistress?" Rose's sister took her turn to initiate conversation.
Caroline nodded. "Head teacher, we don't really use the term mistress anymore."
"Shame." Jane mumbled, quickly receiving a swift elbow from her spouse.
"And it's a private school?" Nat asked keenly.
Nat was the younger of the siblings and Caroline couldn't see much of a family resemblance, yet there was something similar in their voice and way of speaking.
"Independent. Yes." Caroline agreed.
Nat nodded. "It must be a very good school."
"We do our best." Caroline replied modestly.
"Your boys went there didn't they?" Nat continued.
And Caroline wondered both, why was she asking questions that she clearly already had the answers to and exactly how much Rose had discussed Caroline with her sister?
"They did. William is at Oxford now, he's almost finished his course." Caroline smiled, she could talk about the boys with any one who'd listen.
"You must be so proud." Nat offered almost dreamily.
"Lucky he was academic." Jane commented at almost the same time. "A school like that must be difficult for a child who isn't."
"We have excellent art programs, sports and extra curricular activities that children can access." Caroline informed. "There's something for everyone."
"Yes. But with parents paying a fair whack to send their kids to school, they aren't exactly expecting an F in maths are they?" Jane scoffed.
"We support all our children to achieve the grades that will help them secure the jobs and careers that they aspire to." Caroline assured simply. "There is extra support for those who are struggling."
Nat was nodding again, hanging on Caroline's every word.
Jane looked more sceptical, sucking in a breath and leaning back in her seat.
"What about your other boy?" Marcy asked now.
"Lawrence? He was less academic." Caroline admitted honestly. "But he applied himself and got the grades he wanted. He did his A levels and now he is working for his friend's Dad in an engineering business. I'm sure he will work his way up the ranks and be just as successful as William."
"It's natural to want to give your children every advantage in life." Rose jumped in from over at the Barbeque where she had been listening quietly.
"You wouldn't send Simon though would you Rosie?" Jane tossed in.
"Probably not… no." Rose agreed turning her attention back to the smokey rows of meat, happily prodding sausages with her tongs.
Caroline narrowed her eyes as she considered the woman busying herself at the Barbie.
"You wouldn't consider it?" Caroline pushed.
Rose's head shot up to find Caroline's eyes fixed on her and for the first time today she looked a little awkward.
" I….I could never afford it!" Rose blurted with a slight blush.
Caroline caught Jane's movement in the corner of her eye but continued to study Rose.
"What if you could?" Caroline asked. "If money wasn't an issue?"
Rose looked over at Caroline again uncertainly. "I don't think I would. No." She replied finally.
Caroline's brows drew together in a small sharp frown but she didn't speak immediately.
"You're against independent schools?" She checked. The rest of the party had fallen silent.
"Yes. In principal. I can understand, as I say, why parents choose to send their children to them but it's not something I would ever consider." Rose admitted. "I feel that education should be free and of equal standard for all."
"But they're not." Caroline argued. "That's all well and good in an ideal world but a lot of government funded schools are failing. If you live in an area with a couple of poorly performing schools should you have to put up with a substandard education, surely that isn't fair?"
"Independent schools and other elite forms of education just add to that disparity….." Rose hit back.
"Or they can benefit the community." Caroline suggested. "Sulgrave Heath has strong links with the state schools that are nearby. The sports facilities, library, media studio, can all be accessed by pupils from neighbouring schools. We also work together on community projects, national competitions. We have sixth form courses that can be accessed via scholarship."
"I am sure that's the case, but you're just talking about one school, until we get rid of the system whereby education is a commodity that can be bought and sold we can never have a truly fair society, we can't close the class divide or make social mobility a real prospect." Rose shrugged, as if she hadn't spent a long time thinking and discussing this before, yet Caroline got the impression that her ideas were very set.
Caroline watched Rose with a new interest, she wondered fleetingly what it would take or if anything could change her mind and had to admit that the challenge excited her for a moment. She wouldn't argue the case now and was thankful when Marcy pushed back her wooden chair and stood, addressing Caroline as she did so.
"I think we could do with some music!" She announced. "Caroline have you seen Rose's record collection?"
Caroline shook her head. "No, I haven't." She replied, already getting out of her chair to follow Marcy.
"It is epic! Her life's work. Whatever kind of music you enjoy, she'll have something to suit." Marcy assured confidently, leading Caroline indoors.
Marcy took Caroline through the spotless kitchen which was not dissimilar to her own, modern, practical, stylish, with a little more colour than her version… but still, and then the shorter woman before her opened the door into a completely different style of room. Wooden floors were covered in most part by a rich red Persian style rug and a small sofa that was littered with cushions was surrounded by shelves. One side of the room held floor to ceiling books and the opposite was covered with longer shelves holding trays, each one displaying the thin spines of dozens of records. Caroline didn't think she had ever seen so many all together like this.
"Wow, you weren't kidding!" Caroline exclaimed. "That is some collection!"
Marcy grinned a little proudly. "Yep. It is awesome and I have contributed to it myself over the years." She pointed out.
Caroline stepped closer and began flipping through one of the trays, recognising a few of the names of artists or groups but seeing many for the first time and looking mostly at the variety of colours, pictures, designs and dated photographs. She moved onto the next tray and continued to browse.
"Are these…? They're in alphabetical order." Caroline remarked in astonishment. This collection displayed some true dedication, something she could admire even if it was not a passion she shared.
"Every one." Marcy confirmed. "Well, with a collection this size how would you ever find the one you want? You know… if you got an urge to play a song or listen to a particular album." Marcy pointed out approvingly.
"I suppose so." Caroline agreed.
"So is there anything you fancy? Who would you like to hear?" Marcy asked eagerly.
Caroline felt suddenly as if she was about to fail a very important test, one she had not been prepared for and she cringed helplessly. "I'll just keep looking." She said.
Marcy nodded as Caroline walked a little way down the rows and began flicking at the E section. Elton, Ella, Electric Light Orchestra… It was certainly eclectic.
Marcy flipped more purposefully through the tray next to Caroline and pulled one sleeve from its place. Frankie Lymon & The Teenagers.
"This was my mum's! It's still fabulous! We'll start with this." She moved to the player and slipped the shiny black disc reverently from it's battered cardboard home.
As the first crackly notes of "Why do fools fall in love" began to pour into the room, Marcy moved to the window which opened out into the back garden and pushed it wide.
Caroline heard a groan from one corner of the garden and guessed that not everyone approved of her Marcy's choice.
"Hmm." Marcy muttered. "Some people would like to listen to nothing but glam rock, day in - day out."
Caroline smiled sympathetically. She hadn't heard the song in many years and yet it was one of those that everybody knew and could sing along to. She went back to scanning covers and had found a couple of albums she would like to hear again but now her fingers ran along the worn edge of a sleeve and halted with a feeling of recognition. She checked the artist. Roberta Flack. A trickle of dread seeped from her heart into her veins and she was all at once, seized by it.
She recognized the cover as she had the CD version. She had packed it away into a box two years ago. Kate had given it to her for Valentine's, the night that Caroline had proposed. She'd explained that it had the track that had played at Celia and Alan's Wedding. The night Kate had come back for her. Caroline had played it in the car anytime she was alone, it always brought back the feelings of that night. Of looking up to find Kate had returned, to knowing even before Kate spoke, that her appearance meant that there was hope after all, just when she'd thought there was none.
"Will you still love me…?" Kate had asked.
Marcy must have said her name, at least she was aware of a voice and then a hand reaching out for her shoulder.
"Are you alright?" Marcy asked now.
Caroline jerked instinctively away from the contact and stared vacantly at the new acquaintance before remembering where she was.
"Caroline? You alright?" Marcy repeated.
"Ahm, yes, of course. Just a sudden… headache… could be the start of a migraine… I think… perhaps, I should go…" Caroline had a hand to her head, it actually did feel warm under her touch and she blew a breath out over her face to cool the heat as she began to back quickly out of the room, bumping her shoulder into the door frame in her haste.
"Are you sure? We can keep an eye on Flora if you want to go for a little lie down? I can get you some pain killers? It might pass…" Marcy tried looking concerned.
Caroline was shaking her head as she stumbled back into the garden and her eyes searched for her daughter.
"Flora!" She called. "Come here sweetheart." She called as she walked in the direction of the girls.
"Come on darling." Caroline said as she bent beside the child who was paying her no attention what-so-ever.
Flora was wearing a daisy chain around her head and was busy mashing a small saucer full of various other petals and leaves into some water while the older girls supervised her handy-work.
"She's making perfume." The younger of the other two girls offered, the elder eyeing Caroline more suspiciously
"That's very nice. Thank you for looking after her, girls, but we have to go home now, Flora." Caroline explained.
Marcy must have taken the chance to quickly explain the situation to Rose, for a moment later when Caroline scooped up her daughter and attempted to carry her back to the house, while the little girl put her efforts into making herself as limp and heavy as possible, Rose left the BBQ and moved into Caroline's path.
"Everything okay?" She asked.
Caroline felt ridiculous as she faced this woman, but she felt determined that she had to leave and leave quickly.
"Sorry." She began, struggling with Flora and readjusting the infant, sitting her on her hip. "I'm not feeling too clever, I've got a banging headache, I'm sure it's a migraine, last one lasted two days and I was sick as a dog…"
Rose wore a heavy frown and looked quickly at the ground. "You haven't eaten anything yet, the foods almost ready…"
"I know… I'm sure it's going to be great, I just, I couldn't eat a thing…" Caroline shrugged. Holding Flora like a shield between them.
"You could leave Flora here if you like? I could bring her home in a couple of hours? Give you a chance to sleep it off."
"That's very kind but…" Caroline struggled to think of a reason to refuse the offer. "I just want to get her home, I'd feel better if she were with me…" It sounded pathetic even to her own ears, but she held Flora a little tighter.
Rose looked seriously at Caroline and then nodded slowly. "Okay, I'll walk you out." She agreed.
Caroline waved a hand and an apologetic smile in the direction of the watching women as she passed the garden table, picking her handbag off the back of the chair and avoiding the three sets of eyes that watched her curiously.
"Sorry. It was nice to meet you all." She said weakly as she hurried inside.
At the front door Rose stopped and sighed. "What happened?" She asked wearily. "Was it something somebody said? They don't mean any harm really, they're lovely if you give them a chance… honestly…"
Caroline shook her head vigorously. "It's not them really, I just have to go… I can't…" Caroline's voice cracked and she put her hand to the door.
Rose leant across her and unbolted the door. "Okay." She said. "I hope you feel better…" She began.
Caroline felt her throat tighten and knew she was about to cry, she swallowed it down for a moment and pushed herself through the door, catching a glance of Rose's bewildered face as she left. Caroline froze on the doorstep, but didn't turn back.
"It was… just… a memory." She said aloud. "Just the records, I saw one and I had a memory and I had to get away… I'm sorry."
Caroline adjusted Flora again and moved them both down the steps and over to the car.
If Rose spoke Caroline didn't hear her but she could see from the corner of her eye, the figure of her in the doorway as she drove away. Caroline still fought against the tears in an effort both to drive and not to upset Flora any further but a few silent streams broke free and soaked her face before she arrived back at Conway Drive.
Xxx