A/N: Hmm. Instead of doing an important essay I found myself writing this. (shakes fist) Y'all best be happy! You're stealing my A- in writing and making it a B! But I digress...this was IMMENSELY fun. XD All right, review replies!

Mew-Sahara: Oh god, I know. I feel like I should've left the concept of smooth!Pai to someone with better abilities...but alas, it's just me. Thanks, though! I liked that scene too. XD

Raburinna: This is me not following rules. But it was SO FUN to write...no matter how bad I am. Thanks, though!

eMew.Lemon: Thank you!

2lazy2login: (salutes) Okay! Thanks!

ireina15963: He is assured failure indeed...(devious grin) Thank you!

Rabbits-are-evil: Aw, thank you!

"What the hell does that mean?" Taruto demanded.

Pai clicked on the internet. "That's what I'm gonna find out."

"I can't believe you went to the blue Mew before us!!" Kisshu whined. "Aren't we your friends? We've been through thick and thin! We're like brothers! We--"

"Spare me, Kisshu. Looking at how Ichigo reacts to you made me more than a little skeptical about asking for your help."

Kisshu crossed his arms, pouting. Pai typed in the address bar.

"Where are you going?" Taruto inquired.

"Where I always go to learn about humans," Pai said matter-of-factly. "Wikipedia."

'WikipediA' appeared on the screen. Pai chose the language Japanese. Ignoring the news, he typed in the search bar, 'smooth.'

"All right, let's see..." Pai muttered. He recited what was on the screen. "'Smooth could mean many things, including: Smooth (magazine)'..."

"Click on it!" Taruto coaxed.

Pai clicked on it. He read the words. "'Smooth is a bimonthly magazine, published by Sandra Vasceannie geared toward young urban men which include a mix of news, entertainment, urban fashion, music, movies, sports reporting, and as well as feature articles on the hottest stars in black entertainment. Smooth covers feature photos of women from around the world. Smooth also provides readers with coverage of new gadgets, cars, video games, politics, technology and sex.'"

"What's sex?" Taruto asked.

Pai and Kisshu glanced at each other. Kisshu opened his mouth, but Pai quickly interuppted, "We'll tell you when you're older."

"What?! I wanna know NOW!!"

"I'll tell him!"

"Kisshu..."

"Tell me!"

"No!"

They stayed silent. Then Kisshu asked, "Do you think she wants a magazine?"

Pai shook his head. "Mint-san said to be smooth. An adjective. This can't be it." He read the list. "Neither can anything else. I'll google it."

"What's that mean?"

"Search engine..." He typed 'define:smooth' in the bar, and the results appeared. "...The second one makes the most sense."

"What's it say?" Kisshu asked.

"'Politic: smoothly agreeable and courteous with a degree of sophistication; 'he was too politic to quarrel with so important a personage'; 'the hostess averted a confrontation between two guests with a diplomatic change of subject'; 'the manager pacified the customer with a smooth apology for the error'; 'affable, suave, moderate men...smugly convinced of their respectability' - Ezra Pound.'"

"Wait! I know!" Kisshu exclaimed, pouncing on the keyboard. In the bar he typed, 'define:l33t.' "'Leet is the all-alpha translation of "l33t" (the "3" is represented as a backwards "E"), broken down as "l" and "33t," and thus "elite." "Leet" doesn't exactly become "elite" until you know how it breaks down. It is an online culture or attitude sometimes identified by frequent use of leetspeak (l33t5p34k, 133t, 1337, or l33t).'" Kisshu smiled grandly. "Someone told me that was smooth! All you need to do is learn l33t!"

"Ichigo, you would not BELIEVE who asked me out today!"

"Who, Moe?"

"Guess."

"Give me a hint!"

"Tall...dark...handsome..."

"...No."

"Yes!"

"YUKITO TSUKAO!!!" they squealed. Yukito Tsukao was in the class above them, and was exactly this: tall, dark, and handsome.

"After Kyo, I'm glad to be back in the game," she remarked. "Still dating Aoyama?"

"Of course."

"...Oh, okay."

"What?"

"Man, you've held onto him for over a year! ...You're not bored, are you?"

"No! What gave you that idea?"

"Nothing...nothing!"

"Seriously, you can tell me."

"It's just that...well...he doesn't have a lot of surprises up his sleeve, does he?"

"So?"

Ichigo could just picture Moe raising her hands in defense over the phone. "Hey, we have different tastes! I'm glad you're happy!"

"...Mm."

"I have to go, Ichigo-chan. But I'll call you later, okay?"

"Bye."

"Bye."

Ichigo hung up and thought, What does she mean? No surprises? Just last week we were on a date like every weekend. "Oh, I get it. It's because we usually go out at the same time. Well...I don't care, I still love him."

Ichigo sighed and stretched. "I love days off..." she said happily. "So relaxing..." She fell back into her bed, eyes closed. She opened them again, and yelped.

"KISSHU!!!" she screamed, throwing a pillow at the alien. He grinned and dodged the fluffy projectile. "Why are you in my room?!"

"Aw, koneko-chan! We're not enemies anymore! I can't visit?" he pouted while smiling.

"Don't SCARE me!" Ichigo said.

"All right then!" Kisshu smirked. He had his hands behind his back, obviously hiding something. Ichigo's annpyance was replaced by curiosity.

"What are you hiding?" she asked, standing up.

"Nothing, really," Kisshu grinned.

"You're hiding something," she insisted, stepping toward him.

"What, are you gonna frisk me, koneko-chan?" Kisshu teased.

Ichigo turned red with anger and embarrasment. "SHOW ME, YOU PERV!!!" she yelled.

"Mou, you're no fun." Kisshu smiled playfully and revealed what he was holding-- a red flower. Flower as a general term; Ichigo couldn't place what kind it was-- it looked like a rose, lily, and tulip combined in appearance and size.

"It's beautiful!" Ichigo commented.

"It's from my planet," Kisshu stated proudly. "It was so pretty I had to give it to my favorite kitty."

"Kisshu..." Ichigo breathed. "...Thank you."

"Oh em jee, One see aych one go. You tee tee el why teh ar zero ex zero ar zee mah bee zero ex zero ar zee."

Kisshu seemed especially proud of himself. Ichigo stared and stared...then cracked up laughing.

"Wh-- H-Hey! What's so funny?" Kisshu demanded.

"What...the heck...was that?" she stated between laughter.

"L33t." Kisshu pouted for real this time.

Ichigo wiped a tear from her eye. "You don't speak l33t...you type it."

Kisshu seemed to go pale. Paler than usual. Ichigo's amusement turned into concern. "What?"

"Pai is going to make a fool of himself...in front of Lettuce."

"TODAY CLASS, WE ARE GOING TO MAKE MARSHMALLOWS!!!"

Taruto cocked an eyebrow at the hyper monkey girl. "...It's just me."

"Then YOU'RE Pudding's CLASS na no da!" she said, linking her arm with his. "And WE'LL make marshmallows! Pudding's class will regret being absent na no da!"

Taruto's vocal chords ceased movements at Pudding's action, and all grammatical structures that he'd learned were replaced with the universal word that he uttered-- "Guh..." Once her warm touch shuffled away from his arm, he found himself torn between liking or hating the sunny Mew. He listened to her dazedly.

"...we'll put some sugar in this pot, and some chicken in this one...a little bit of sardines here na no da..."

"Are you sure this is how you make marshmallows?" he quizzed.

"Pudding is sure na no da!"

Pai was absolutely positive that a greater power was whittling his sanity into little tiny pieces, and enjoying every moment of it.

Now, Pai was many things-- smart, emotionless, an alien...but he was NOT very used to the opposite sex. Or the odd "l33t" or whatever it was called he learned today. Lettuce was a nice enough girl-- but this was ridiculously odd. Yet, he felt obligated to do this for the fact that Lettuce ran away from him at every ample opportunity. And-- as much as he regretted admitting it-- he liked her. She was a gentle pacifist, and kind. She was just too damned sweet. And now he learned how to say things that made him feel like a bumbling idiot.

First came the question of finding her. He teleported into the cafe-- she certainly had to be there. Mint and Zakuro sat at a table drinking tea, Ichigo was off, and Pudding and Lettuce were god knows where. Business was slow that day.

"Looking for Lettuce?" Mint asked him playfully.

Pai was silent. Was he that obvious?

Zakuro watched the two with mild interest.

Mint pointed to the kitchen. "That way."

Pai nodded and teleported.

Zakuro fought an upward tug of her lips. "Romance problems?"

"Onee-sama, you wouldn't believe it. Pai is head over heels for Lettuce."

The smile was slowly dominating the wolf Mew's face. "She's avoiding him. She has conflicting emotions and trying to settle them. If Pai lives up to saying the right thing, he may help her understand her feelings."

"Onee-sama, have you ever been in love?"

Zakuro blinked. "...No."

"That's hard to believe, onee-sama!"

"Certain people would feign love for greed. When greed is fulfilled, though, there is not the same satisfaction that comes with being with one you love. I wish they'd understand."

"You've got real friends though, onee-sama. I, for one, would never feign loving you for greed. Neither would Ichigo, Lettuce, Pudding, Shirogane-san and Akasaka-san...I wouldn't even peg it on the aliens."

"That makes me truly happy."

Mint grinned with cheer. "When you're happy, onee-sama, I am!"

Wssssh. Lettuce turned the water off.

"Dishes are done!" she said to herself. She held one up and saw her reflection. And...someone else's.

She yelped and let go of the plate, then tried to grab it again, the person scrambling to help as well. By the end, the person had grabbed it, though he had fallen in the process.

"P-Pai-san! A-Are you okay?!" Lettuce squeaked.

He chuckled slightly. "The first words you've said to me since yesterday."

"A...Ano..."

"Sorry." He stood up. "Please don't run away."

Lettuce turned crimson, but did what he said, albeit fiddling with her braids.

Pai stood full height, dusting himself off, and he thought the green Mew looked exceedingly cute, fiddling playing with her hair, her eyes bright and cheeks red. He began.

"Ah...what was it...um..." Oh no...now he was getting flustered. "I tee tee el why think you're teh ar zero ex zero ar zee."

Lettuce stared at him in confusion, some of her blush dissipating.

"Um...you are pee double-u en-age."

Lettuce was completely lost now. Pai was starting to turn red.

"Ahem...I--"

"PAI!!! NO!!!"

Kisshu and Ichigo suddenly teleported in front of them. Kisshu had an extremely pleading look on his face, and ran up to Pai.

"Please forgive me!! I didn't know! I want babies!! Don't hurt mini-me!!" he begged.

Pai stared at him. "What are you--?"

BOOOOOOM!!!!

All talking ceased as the foursome found themselves covered in some brown, sticky concoction.

"EEW!!!" Ichigo screamed.

Pudding poked her head in from the hole that blasted through the wall. She was even more covered in goo. "Hmm...looks like this Pudding isn't such a great marshmallow maker after all na no da..."

Lettuce laughed helplessly. "Pudding-san...did you look at the directions?"

"Directions are for squares na no da!!" she declared. "Taru-Taru, let's try again!"

"Please nooooo..." he whined. "ANYTHING else..."

Yup. Pai's sanity was being whittled into even tinier pieces. He spent the rest of the day helping to clean, and Lettuce was still shy around him. He needed more advice.

And at this point, he was willing to ask each and every Mew.

A/N: Mm. Zakuro/Mint hints. (licks lips) It's the only shojo-ai I like. But this fic is focusing on the alien's relationships, so if you like this couple, I'm afraid we're not going past platonic. Ah well. This note is short...because I have WORK to do. (shakes fist) Miss cruelfeline's habits are hitting me. Please review!