Kitty, kitty, kitty! *Yes, I enjoyed myself here*

I apologize, I changed my mind and wrote this chapter before the final one. I needed some coherence with the way Shizuru used to find Natsuki and how she managed everything.

There is a lot of Shizuru and just a little of Natsuki. It was important for me to show the evolution in the head and life of my characters. (Mainly Shizuru here)

Thank you very much for the reviews, I read them all and will take notice of your remarks for the next chapter.

Please, enjoy!

CHAPTER N°3 :

Everything went so fast. I often have the impression it was yesterday i decided to throw all my life away for you.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, it's just… how can I say it? Troubling? Strange?

But I don't regret anything. I never will, even if you don't want me back.

I'm free.

I feel so carefree, so light, the world opens in front of me, and life has opportunities.

It's not just fate.

I can choose. For once, I have the choice, I can make MY decision.

I have an impact.

You were right mon Coeur, I always had the choice…

At the time, I just chose to ignore it. I was blind and I buried myself in my role of 'little doll daughter'. I wanted my parents to be proud, I wanted to be loved by my family.

I was scared, I still am but I see my life otherwise.

Can you understand that?

Well, if you do, you would be the first *nervous laughs*

Flashback

I opened the door of our office without even knocking and strode in front of Reito's desk, I was determined, I was sure of myself, I was smiling or more grinning?

Reito was surprised at first and then put his most charming grin, eying me up and down appreciatively.

"Ara Reito-kun?" I sang sweetly

"Hmmm yes?" he answered seductively.

"I want a divorce." I stated sternly, changing the atmosphere rather quickly.

His face fell immediately and a deep frown appeared "What?!"

" . ." I repeated lowlier but still firmly.

Anger.

His anger was clearly written in his face, deforming his oh so lovely features (sarcasm mouhahhahah)

"What the hell Shizuru?! This isn't funny! Not at all."

"Ara ara, Reito-kun is in deny but he is lucky I'm still here, I will clarify everything; We divorce and I'm leaving." I replied venomously.

"You don't know what you're talking about, go to sleep! You're tired.." He ordered like a real macho.

"No." I trailed a little and added "For once, I'm doing what I want! You will receive the papers tomorrow and that's final"

He stood up abruptly and hit the desk with his fist.

"Is that all I'm earning? For being the perfect gentleman during two years? For being extremely patient? For never pushing you? For never touching you because you were 'not ready'? Oh no honey, you don't know what you're doing and what it implies!-" He is tensed, completely furious, his eyes reflected pure rage "-If you leave this house, I will cancel the deal! I will drag your family business in the mud and destroy it! You will have no more money, no more fame, you will have nothing!"

I chuckled loudly, amused by his despair and stupid attempt of blackmail "Just do that Reito, I don't care. But have I to remind you that half of the Kanzaki's Empire's capitals are in Viola's industries? And if you try sweetheart, it would be not just my family business which will be in ashes… Too bad."

I turned around and began walking away from him but was interrupted by the sound of his chair scrapping the floor.

"This is her fault, isn't it? THIS filthy woman!" He spat disdainfully.

I faced him, eyes wide and shocked. Did he know? All this time he knew?

"Did you really think I was this stupid, blind? Did you really think I wouldn't notice your little late visits, your little stays over, your long phone calls late at night? You didn't smell of lavender and vanilla like you used to but more of the wild sea… You underestimated me baby… But I didn't say anything: I let you have your fun. You would have kept your whore if it had stayed secret, I wouldn't have minded, but now? You want to humiliate me?!" At the end of his lament, he was screaming like a little boy who had his new toy confiscated.

"Humiliate you?!-" I let an exasperated sigh escape my mouth "-It isn't about you! Or any of our families, friends or whatever, it's about me! Don't you get it? I'm not yours or a pretty little thing my parents can parade with! I'm a human for god's sake! I don't care anymore, I will do whatever I want! And right now? I will leave all your shits and go away."

I know, Shizuru Viola never ever swears but that? That was before.

I strode away from him but before going through the door, I stopped one last time

"Oh and by the way, she is not a filthy whore… she is MY woman, asshole."

You would be proud my Natsuki, if I didn't know better, I would have bet it was you talking, not me.

As I walked in the fresh air of the night, I heard some objects crashed and loud swears.

I never felt so happy and free, well except when I was with you but this, it will be soon my love.

You could easily imagine what happened next? My mom called, all angry and authoritarian.

I didn't flinch. I didn't scream. I didn't even cry.

I just give up…

I don't want to be a way to success, I just want a family who cheer me up when I'm sad, who support me in my choices, who tell me what I am doing wrong. I want a mum who hugs me, a dad who protects me.

But I don't…

So why going on like this? No reason.

I remember in High School a teacher told us once 'Follow your heart and not what they say… One day, when you will be older, you will understand and I hope that, that day you will make the right decision. Your head-' She mentioned to her temple '-it's not always the best shot.'

I understand now.

Two or three years later, I understand. Thank you professor, thank you so much, I will follow your advice.

I follow my heart.

I follow you Natsuki.

I feel dirty…

All these hands which aren't yours, all these lips, all these nails, hair, eyes, skins and fluids which aren't yours…

They tainted my body, they tainted my skin but at the end, they never reach my soul. She is completely yours, she doesn't even try to accept your disappearance in my life. She doesn't want the others.

She wants you.

Only you.

And it makes me so dirty and so angry at the same time…

You're so fucking much under my skin!

Even when I try to not think of you, even when I try to live without you, you're still here! Your voice is in my head, your touch is a ghost on my skin…

It's hard!

I had thought that I had left this part of my life behind, that when I had left Japan, I had resolved my problems too…

Ohh I was wrong.

Look at me now! I'm a pathetic little sheep who is dying from lovesickness!

What a shame! I, I who am called 'the French Wolf' in the fashion's world, I, I who am a reference in the lingerie's world…

I make a good impression when Mai calls or when my friends come to see me, you know 'Don't worry everything is fine!', 'I have everything under control' or something else in the same style.

But finally, if you gaze straight through me, you will know. You will know the truth.

I am scared.

Did I do the right choice?

Will I be able to live without you?

Will I be able to be without you?

I am angry.

I'm trapped in a sort of swirl of emotions.

Oh… I am angry.

'Knock, knock, knock'

"Just a minuuuute please!" Mai's voice resounds loudly.

I know it's a little late and the coffee closed one hour ago but I can't wait any longer

I want to know, I need to know and who should know better than her best friends? They are always together, hanging out in the coffee, eating, talking, fighting and laughing.

This is the best place to begin

"Don't bother Mai, I'll get it!" Nao yells loudly

I hear her footsteps come closer and with little creaks, the door opens.

Nao comes into view and I see her face falls and her features twitch

"Ara, Nao wha-"

She cuts me quickly and slams the door in my face rather rudely.

"Oh Hell no!"

"Nao! What are you doing?! Are you crazy? Mai's gonna kill us!"

Hurried footsteps come fast and the door re-opens.

This time, it's Chie, but just like Nao, her face changes quickly and a big frown appears…

"Sorry, but we're closed, come back in another life maybe"

Annnnd the door is slammed on my face once again.

Okay… I know that they never really loved me with all I put on Natsuki and the fact that I am the main reason that she left the country is not helping but I wasn't expecting this either.

"Ara…"

"GUYS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE DOOR?! WHO WAS KNOCKING? AND WHY EVERYONE IS SCREAMING? "

"Humm you're screaming too…Héhé ~~"

*SMACK*

"Aw Aw Aw! That hurts!"

"Stop being an idiot and I will stop hitting you! Who knocked?"

"Oh euhh.. No one, It was just an accident" Chie answers uncertain.

"Okaayyy… What have you done?" Mai says suspicious

Maybe it's a little cruel but I chose this moment to knock once again.

'Knock,knock'

"An accident huh? I already told you to not let Mikoto alone outside! This isn't funny!"

A loud scratching noise resounds in the empty coffee and Mai speaks firmly "SIT DOWN. And don't move."

The door opens in a swift movement and Mai stops, totally dumbfounded.

"Ara, good evening Mai-san. Kanina, I know it's late but can I talk to you for a moment? Please?"

She opens and closes her mouth like a fish, completely speechless. All the colors of her face disappear in a second and her eyes are so wide I can see my reflection in them.

How can I blame her? My clothes are torn, my hair disheveled, my eyes are still wet and puffy from all the crying, I am pale, my make-up is fucked up…

In brief, the ex-princess of amethyst is no longer: her grace, her perfection and her beauty a distant memory.

She recovers as rapidly as she can and smiles "Ah, what a surprise, good-evening Kanzaki-san, please, come in."

I bow respectfully to her absence of hostility and enter "Okini… But please, call me Shizuru or Fujino, whatever you prefer, I'm no longer a wife or a part of the Viola family."

Nao grunts and adds "Waoh! You want a medal for that? About time you leave the asshole's side but if you want my humble opinion, maybe a little late."

"Nao! " hisses Mai angrily.

"Nao what Mai?! Do you really want to hear her? Do you really want to sell her Natsuki? Be honest! If she's here, it's for this one and only reason. I don't want to do anything with her-" She gestures annoyed in my direction "-It's her fault! It's her fault if Natsuki left and not for her business' ambition, we all know that!" The end is just whispered, pain and desire of revenge mixed.

I knew all of this, I cried because of that all the tear possible in an entire life but to hear it from a person really dear for her, from a person she considers as family, it hurts so much more.

I cast my eyes on the floor, drowning in shame and self-pity.

"I-"

"You have to admit Fujino-san...that after what you did to Natsuki since the beginning of this masquerade, we have no obligation and we certainly not want to help you destroy Natsuki once more." Chie confirms

Mai shakes her head sadly but doesn't meet my eyes.

Kami...

When Haruka came to put me back in the world, when I stood up for the first time in four month, when I finally realized you weren't there anymore, I promised myself that I would never give up.

I was determined.

I am still determined, more than ever.

"What do you know about me? About Natsuki and I? About our relationship? I love her! I fucking love her! But every time we tried, every time we seemed to find a little bit of happiness, my family or my reputation came back in our faces and destroyed everything! And I know, I know pretty well that I wasn't fair, that I hurt her, us, and that I am the main part in our 'break up' but they were my family! My blood! My own flesh!"

My frustration, my anger, my despair, my love, all of these emotions comes rushing in my voice. It's my heart who talks now not my head.

"I was confused! Ripped in two between my love and my family, my duties and my heart! And all this pressure… I had to make a choice…" My voice lows almost like a murmur, shadowed by the memory of pain "But I couldn't… How could I? There was jealousy too but for Christ's sake I never NEVER let him touch me! And she didn't believe me… She left! She left me!"

I point my finger at them and speak softly, my tone laced with fatality "Not you, me. She left me."

"It's hell, purely and simply hell… My life has no sense without her by my side! I can't make the difference between day and night; it's always grey for me. I dream of her every time, I long for her touch, for her kisses. She is my muse, my love, my everything, my fucking entire life! Where there is life, there's hope… I don't have hope anymore…"

My throat is strangled, I'm fighting to get my words

"I can't see my bright future anymore… The little children with beautiful navy hair and brillian crimsons running around my legs disappear with her and I can't bear it!

I threw all my life away for her.

No more family, no more husband, money or fame. I don't care for that!

I just want her, I need her.

Please, help me! Let me explain to her and I will let her after, I swear.

I will even let Nao beat me if I fail.

Je l'aime! Putain, je l'aime! (I love her! Fuck, I love her!)

Please, I'm head over heels for her!"

A long and heavy silence follows her declaration. All touched by the emotional speech and image of the new Shizuru.

A cold shiver runs through my body.

The type of shiver who warns you about a big event: bad or good, it doesn't matter, at the end, you're still surprised.

I just hope it's not about my fashion parade, it's very important tonight and it could bring me a lot of investors.

I don't need another shitty problem right now, it's about to begin! And I already had to deal with emotional and jealous models.

Well, maybe I shouldn't have 'sleep' with the Russian sisters in the same night… But hey! It wasn't my fault, they practically jumped on me!

I can hear Nao from here"Fuck yeah!" with a big smirk. Yeurk, I'm becoming like her, I must be in big trouble…

I shake my thoughts away and make a quick check on the collection and my models to be sure everything will be perfect.

I am helping one of the principal and most important girl with her camisole when I smell it.

The change of atmosphere.

A cold breeze hits my burning skin. A faint hint of mixed vanilla makes its way near my nose.

I feel it. My soul roars in life, my body shivers, my heart beats again and my nerves rakes every inch of my skin like electricity.

I could never forget these symptoms. Nor my body it seems.

I know.

It's her.

TBC…

Nyyahahahaha Cliffhanger! I like it! *The author feels like a sadist and loves it*

Sorry my little kittens I will torture you a little longer.

Please, don't forget to review, it's a super boost to write and they are so much appreciated. Tell me what you think ;)

Kisses