3.

Liane Marlow was older than Lassiter had expected. In her early fifties, though still attractive in a TV mom sort of way. There were pictures of three boys at various ages on her desk and her walls, sometimes with their mother, but nary a father figure in sight.

Lassiter made his usual subtle check for weapons as they greeted each other. He found his eyes lingering on places he usually skimmed out of politeness. She was older than the women he was normally attracted to, but he felt like he needed to reaffirm his heterosexuality.

"Why don't you tell me about yourself Detective?" Dr. Marlow asked as they sat down.

"Can't you read my file?"

"That won't tell me about you."

"I just want to get this over with as fast as possible, so I can get back to work."

"I want that too." She gestured at the closest photo. "You think I don't want you out there keeping the streets safe for my boys? But you say something is wrong, something that's made you question your own mind. I need to know about you before I can help you find out why you're feeling this way."

With a sigh, Lassiter leaned back on the couch. "What should I start with?"

"How about something you're passionate about? Why you decided to become a cop?"

Well, that was easy enough. Lassiter closed his eyes and started to talk.

***

"It was more of an impulse thing. Victoria hates buzz cuts."

"Do you like them?"

"I did when I was younger, but now I think it makes me look old."

"You're far from old, Detective."

"It doesn't feel like that, sometimes. Spencer, I mentioned him?"

"Oh yes," Dr. Marlow smiled briefly. "At length."

"He's maybe five, six years younger than me? Still acts like he's ten."

"Are you jealous?"

"Of his immaturity? Of course not?"

"What about anything else he does?"

"No!" Dr. Marlow didn't say anything, and Lassiter found himself rethinking it. "Not jealous, not really. It drives me crazy sometimes though."

"What?"

"The things he does! The way he acts! And it works. He shouldn't be allowed to- to pull that crap and get away with it, much less be praised for it! He found a dinosaur for Christ's sake!" Lassiter sat up and ran his fingers through the short bristles of his hair. "He does my job, as good as I do it sometimes, but in the most asinine way possible. And he gets in the news for it!"

Dr. Marlow nodded. "I understand."

Lassiter blinked. "You do?"

"Of course. You've got every reason to resent him. I know I would hate it if some young idiot started telling people he could solve their problems with incense and crystal balls, even more so if it worked. Because I'd know there was a logical explanation for why it worked, but if I questioned his methods I'd be accused of not being open-minded. Everything he does is a mockery of what you've worked so hard to achieve. It's like all your years of service don't mean a thing!"

"Thank you!" Lassiter exclaimed. "Exactly! He's a- a self-absorbed entitled little conman and no one seems to care but me!"

"But he's not so bad, really, is he?"

Resting his elbows on his knees, Lassiter leaned forward. "I guess not… He does help catch criminals, which is the whole point. The way he does it is so… But he's not bad, really. He's helped me out a few times, even with the way I treat him."

"Would you call him a friend?"

"No, no, god no."

"What then?"

Lassiter rubbed his forehead. "That's… kind of why I'm here. I've got every reason to resent him, but… I don't."

"Liking someone despite their faults is a good thing, Detective."

"That's just it. I… really like him."

"Okay." She stared at him blankly. "I'm sorry, I still don't understand how that's bad."

"Last week I hated him! And now…"

"Right. And?"

"Why would I go so suddenly from hating someone to… not?"

All he got in reply was a shrug. "Sometimes it just happens that way. You get used to their presence, they do something that makes you smile. It doesn't make you crazy."

"But it's not… I'm not…" Lassiter winced. "It's not just friendly."

"Oh?" Her eyes widened. "Ohh."

"Oh," Lassiter muttered. He slumped back against the couch. "I'm not gay. I'm sure I'm not. I was married! But suddenly I've got all these ridiculous thoughts, feelings… desires…"

"How suddenly?"

"It started yesterday. Out of nowhere."

"Hm. Anything else odd happen yesterday?"

"Nothing odd, no. We wrapped up a case."

"We?"

"Me, O'Hara, Spencer, Spencer's friend."

"Was Mr. Spencer helpful?"

"More than I wanted him to be."

"Did he do anything unusual? I mean, unusual for him?"

"No, not really. Was his normal aggravating self. Then as we were finishing up he- he rubbed my head, and I felt…"

"What?"

"Good."

There was a long pause while they both considered this.

"I take it that's not normal for you."

"Well, no. And especially not around Spencer."

Dr. Marlow set her notebook down on the low table beside her chair. "Detective, I'm still not sure why any of this makes you think you're crazy."

"I had feelings! For a man! A man I should hate!"

"But you don't."

"No!"

"In fact, you feel strong affection for him."

"Yes!"

"I gather he's the type of person who gets things handed to him?"

"Like you wouldn't believe."

"Handsome, charming, a bit of a goofball but that's what wins people over."

"Yes."

"Okay, I'm still confused."

"I have no reason to feel this way about him! He's the last person on the planet I should want like this!"

"It sounds perfectly reasonable to me."

"Why?"

She shrugged. "You have a crush, Detective. It happens to the best of us. And yes, it's odd that you should have one on a man since you're primarily attracted to women, but it's been proven many times that most people are at least capable of being attracted to both genders. I had a girlfriend for several months when I was in the military. It ended badly, but that was because we were both too stubborn, not because we were both women. It doesn't make you crazy. If anything, it proves you're still human."

Lassiter stared at her. "A crush? On Spencer?"

"He's someone you see a lot, he's someone you can count on, he's someone who always gets a reaction out of you. Not to mention you haven't dated anyone in quite a while, and you just finalized your divorce. A less noble man would be out picking up floozies right now. You've got a crush on a coworker."

"So… I'm not crazy?"

"Not unless you start hallucinating about Mr. Spencer or digging through his trash."

"I'll be sure to let you know." Lassiter felt his forehead relax for the first time all day. "I'll need you to sign off on a couple forms so I can get back to work."

"Of course," she nodded. "And I'll need you to spend at least an hour with me every week."

"What?"

"Just for a while." She raised her hand in a pacifying gesture, and Lassiter removed his fingernails from the armrest. "One session isn't enough for me to get a handle on your mental state. I'm satisfied you're not going to start shooting innocent civilians because you think they're invading samurai, but you seem very tightly wound. Just having someone you can talk to, who is paid not to tell anyone what you say, can have a very positive effect. A few more weeks, maybe a month or two, on the department's dime. What can it hurt?"

Lassiter could think of several replies, but this was the woman who'd told him he wasn't losing his mind, or his job. "Fine. A few weeks."

What could it hurt?

*****************************************************************************

AN:

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter of people talking about feelings.