Jess was suddenly conscious that he was sweating, sick with anxiety. What would he say to Rory? What would she say to him? He noticed that he was probably the only person here who wasn't thinking about Lane and about the funeral.

The casket was closed, mostly because although the body wasn't nearly as bad as Tristan's had been, it was still a shocking sight.

Jess slowly approached Rory, trying to look as sad as possible, but really holding down vomit. He couldn't remember when he had ever felt so nervous. Rory spotted him and for a second froze, then, without a word she fell into his arms to give him a hug, still crying.

"I can't believe she's gone." she wailed. "Why would she do something like that?"

Jess just rejoiced in the closeness of her, of the feel of her warm body next to his. He felt the blood rush south and disentangled himself a little from her so she wouldn't feel his arousal. To her it would be wildly inappropriate, to him it was the natural reaction to seeing her after so long.

Jess held her until she calmed down a little, then slowly lead her to a bench. Lorelai gave him a slightly dirty look, mostly because she never had completely approved of him.

Jess let Rory cry on him, but regretted that she hadn't even really looked at him, to see how good he looked now. She hadn't even seen his shirt looking nice and ironed before she had covered it with tears.

He stroked her hair and whispered to her, trying to comfort her. He was getting mildly frustrated at how much she was crying, instead of getting to know him again. Sure it was a funeral, but hadn't she cried enough?

Finally she slowed down a little.

"Jess I'm so glad you are here." she sobbed. "Lane..." here she choked up on the word. "Lane said she was probably going to meet up with you the day she..." she trailed off.

"Did she call you?" he asked, silently angry. That might link him to Lane the day she died. Of course Lane would take every opportunity to fuck up his perfect plan!

"Yeah... she called and said she had just talked to you and you were going to hang out if her mom left."

"Oh, that. Yeah I called her to hang out but then she never called me back, so at first I assumed that her mom was still there... I wish I would have known or gone over to check." Jess said, his voice dripping with regret.

"I know you and I haven't talked but I'm glad you and her were friends these last few years." Rory said, somewhat disentangling herself from Jess. She realized that they hadn't talked in a while, and they hadn't parted on good terms, and here she was crying on his shoulder like nothing had ever happened.

Jess was just about to talk to her, to assure her that he still cared about her when Dean showed up.

Jess cursed mentally. Of course that big idiot would have to come now.

Rory gave him a hug too, while Jess seethed.

"Dean, hi." she sniffled.

"Rory, how are you doing?" Dean looked at her with concern in his big dumb eyes. Jess wanted to punch him.

"I just can't believe it.. when you called me and told me I was in shock. We've been best friends since kindergarten."

Jess latched onto what she said about him calling... so beanpole had given her the news? She was talking to him but not to Jess? The sick feeling returned to the pit of his stomach. What if they were back together and he didn't know anything about it? But that couldn't be, Jess decided. These thoughts continued and he realized that he had missed the rest of the conversation, and Dean had left.

"Rory I know we didn't talk but I've thought about you a lot." he admitted. "It was hard to hang out with Lane because she always reminded me of you, but she was still a really good friend."

Rory nodded. "She was the best." and another fit of tears started.

Jess sighed inwardly. Of course he was the only person here who wasn't that upset and it was understandable but he couldn't help but feel frustrated. How could he talk to her if she wouldn't stop crying already?

His mind wandered as the service commenced. Lorelai had sat down on the other side next to Rory but Jess kept holding one of her hands, trying to keep that connection between them. He really wanted to talk to her now that she was back in town, just hadn't expected all the drama and tears.

He kept glancing over at her, amazed that even with red puffy eyes she could still look great. Her body had matured into a more womanly figure and her hair was different, but good. Her clothes looked much more expensive than what she used to where. Jess couldn't believe all the time that had elapsed and how much she could have changed. Had she been with someone else? Did she have a boyfriend? Was she doing well in school?

He realized that as much as he wanted her to be, she wasn't really his Rory anymore and he was going to have to work hard to reclaim her. Especially if there was someone else. Jess had his own share of people in between but no one seriously and most of his sexual activity had consisted of spontaneous nighttime visits to Shane, who never turned him, or anyone else, down.

"Fucking slut!" he said, somewhat loudly.

Rory turned to him, shocked.
"What?!" she asked.

Jess realized that many people were staring at him. He wondered what part of the speech his impromptu comment had interrupted, and further realized that everyone no doubt thought he was talking about Lane.

"I just can't believe she went and did that!" he proclaimed angrily, then left quickly.

Humiliated, Jess sat down outside and shook his head. He had gotten distracted and probably messed everything up with Rory. He could try to pass the comment off as anger at Lane for committing suicide, supposedly that was a common reaction. He decided this just in time as Rory stormed out after him.

"I can't believe you!" she exclaimed. "How could you say that at her memorial service?"

"I..." Jess groped for a response. "I was just listening and it made me mad. I mean she had so much to live for and she threw it all away. I guess it was very inappropriate and I wish I hadn't said it, and I'm sure she wasn't actually a slut..." he trailed off.

Rory softened a little. She was a college girl, of course she knew that everyone handled grief in their own ways.

"Well you should go in there and apologize." she scolded him. "You disrupted the service and shocked everyone, especially Mrs. Kim."

Jess nodded sheepishly, then followed Rory back in. He apologized, excused himself by saying that he just had an outburst, that all of this was really hard to deal with, then sat down again next to Rory. Lorelai gave him an even dirtier look than she had earlier.

After the service Jess tried to talk to Rory alone. But Rory had other ideas. She walked around and said hello to everyone and spent extra time with Lane's family. Jess felt spiteful. She hadn't seen him in years and all she wanted to do was give her condolences to everyone around her.

Finally he approached her. "Hey Rory, are you staying in Stars Hollow overnight?" he asked.

Rory shook her head. "I have to be back for class tomorrow. They wouldn't give me a leave, even for a couple days, because its not an immediate family member."

Jess cursed himself for being such an idiot. Why hadn't he killed a family member instead?

"I've really missed you. And Lane really wanted us to be friends again. Is there any way we could get together and talk?" Jess decided to make the best out of the situation.

Rory looked distracted. "I can give you my cell phone number." she responded.

Jess was inwardly upset but realized that it was probably the best he could hope for.

He nodded and Rory quickly scratched the number onto a piece of paper and handed it to him.

Then she excused herself and Jess saw her walk over to Dean.

Jess felt his blood temperature rise. He directed a wrathful glance in Dean's direction and then walked off. This day hadn't gone anything like he had planned. But at least he was somewhat in touch with Rory now, and could call her in a few days. Hopefully she would have calmed down by then and he could actually talk to her, instead of listening to her cry as her tears stained his shirt.