Author's Notes: About limericks and other things!
I suddenly realised the other day, that over 5 years ago now I promised to write some more limerick requests. Oh how these things slip your mind and then come back when you least expect it, to bite you in the bum!
Anyway – here they are, but before we start may I also tell anyone who is interested, about Recaptured?
First the good news (depending on you viewpoint of course). It will be finished!
Second – some more goodish news – it nearly is!
Third – the bad news – it isn't finished yet!
However, I do have over 30k unposted words written and I'm going to press on with it. I just didn't want to post any more until it is actually finished. So please bear with me for the duration and even encourage me sometimes (as some of you do now). I will get there eventually!
In other totally unrelated news – if there are any Billy Boyd fans out there who were interested in his tour in Sunshine on Leith – drop me a line for some info – nudge, nudge, wink, wink! Oh, you'll find me on Lizallinos at live dot co dot uk (obviously you have to change the "at" and "dot" to the symbols fan fiction dot net won't allow!)
Right – so that's the end of the news – now to business!
LIMERICKS – THE RETURN – PART 3
Inkling requested a villain series. Well I think you'll find quite a few villains sprinkled throughout this lot.
Poppy Muddyfoot said, "Barliman Butterburr. Or Grima Wormtongue. Or Deagol. Or Quickbeam. Or a Barrowwight. OMG what about Figwit! (I know you said only one, but I wanted to give you lots to choose from.) "
Well Poppy, since you've had to wait five years, I've tried to cover them all!
Barliman Butterbur, Landlord of the Prancing Pony
Said Barliman Butterbur,
"I think I would really prefer
Folk in my pub
To just stick to their grub
And not disappear in a blurrrr!"
Grima Wormtongue
Said Grima Wormtongue "I'm blessed
With a name that suits how I'm dressed
With my hair all a muss
And eyes running with pus
Yes, I'm a baddie- haven't you guessed!
Déagol
Déagol said, "I come from that time
When you chose friends with whom you could rhyme
And as I'm called Déagol,
I got stuck with Sméagol
Which is all well and good... but I've since realised it is really not a very good basis for making friends, particularly when you have to decide what to do with lost property that you may find!"
Quickbeam the Ent
Quickbeam said, "I really don't see
Anything funny to write about me
I drink and I joke
I'm a regular bloke
Unless you mention I'm also a tree!"
A Barrow Wight
There once was a old Barrow Wight,
Who liked to give hobbits a fright,
But changing their clothes,
While they have a quick doze,
Is pretty much BarrowWight Lite!
And there were several requests for Figwit! (Poppy, Hebir Naid Thurin, Sarah) Well three actually, so I did him in three stanzas...
Figwit – The Elf at The Council of Elrond
Figwit said "I didn't use cunning
I just seemed to hit the ground running
Fans gave me this name
Which shot me to fame
Because apparently, I'm really that stunning!
Perhaps I should just have stayed sat,
I had no lines and no chat,
But though the name was quite terse,
It could have been worse,
"Frodo Use Care Kid... Who Is That?"
(I suppose I had better explain
Or that lack of scansion will sound quite inane,
Figwit's an acronym that's pat
For "Frodo Is Great... Who Is That?"
Geddit? Good! 'Cause I'm going insane!)
Grey Wonderer wanted Pippin's Troll and Shelob (although I've done them separately for obvious reasons!)
Pippin's Troll
When Pippin defeated the troll
He apparently forgot how to roll
You'd think he could figure
When your foe's that much bigger
That it's going to leave a large hole!
Although the battle was won
Being squashed isn't very much fun!
Didn't anyone say
To get out of the way
When your enemy weighs half a ton?
Shelob
Said Shelob, "That hobbit's a pain
Sticking his sword in my wossaname!
But I'll have the last laugh
When I sit in his bath,
Then we'll see who gets washed down the drain!"
For Lindalea here is:-
Beregond
Beregond said, "I've a lot on my plate
And while showing Pippin round would be great,
Because he's so small,
He won't see much at all,
Do you mind if I just delegate?
Goldberry wanted:-
Tom Bombadil
Said Tom Bombadil "You may smirk,
But the songs that I sing really work
I can bring all the trees
Down to their knees
Even though I sound like a berk!
Sarahsweeties requested, Arwen, Figwit, (see above) Wormtongue, Witch-King of Angmar, Sauron, and The Orc Who Had The Skull On His Head in ROTK (dont i make weird requests?)
Yes Sarah you really do!
Witch-King of Angmar
The Witch-King of Angmar said, "Why?
When it's obvious I am a guy
And really quite surly
Does my name sound so girly
Could I please just give 'Wizard' a try?"
It's not like I'm called the Witch-Queen
Which makes sense, though it is a bit mean
And a little bit slashy
So without being flashy
Howabout The Wizard, Creme de la Cream!
Arwen Evenstar
Arwen said, "They must have mistook
What I do and how I should look
And if you think I'm too groovy
(I mean in the movie)
You'll be someone who has read the book!"
The Dark Lord Sauron
The Dark Lord said, "here's the thing
To remember when making a Ring
It's better I've found
To spread it around
Don't put all your power in one bit of Bling!
The Orc With a Skull on His Head
I'm an orc with a skull on my head
But it belonged to someone who's dead
So it's not desecration
It's just decoration
And I could put a hat there instead?
That's it for now – send in more requests and I'll try to get to them a bit quicker next time!
Llinos