Chapter 3

Martin

Dear God this village was crazy! There they had stood, a small crowd watching helplessly as a dementing man cleared out someone's back garden. And of course it became MY fault. By the time Mark arrived, Louisa in tow, Stewart was gone and we all called it a night.

At least Louisa did say good night to me. I was a bit embarrassed with what some of the villagers were saying and I hoped Louisa wasn't going to think badly of my skills as a doctor after what had happened. I knew she didn't think well of my "bedside manner" but I would think by now she surely knew that I wouldn't withhold medication from someone if they clearly needed it - that there would be some reason for what had happened with Stewart.

Then I had begun my walk home. I always held my head up high and back perfectly straight as I walked, just as I had been taught as a boy. However tonight, as I reached the harbour area, I felt my shoulders slump a bit and I slowed down my walk and eventually stopped. The thoughts came back into my mind - fragile, odd. I must really be tired, I thought. Too many nights taken up with dreams of Louisa, awakening and listening for the swishing sound of the ocean when I opened the window for a breath of air.

Get over it Ellingham, I thought. As if a woman like that would ever want you. Grouchy, obnoxious, rude prat - yes I knew all of the words people had used to describe me for years. No one had ever much cared for me, except Auntie Joan and Uncle Phil of course. As I grew up everyone else thought I was "too" something - too babyish, too whiny, too immature, too opinionated, on and on. Was I? Oh tosh, the lot of it! And fragile? Certainly not!

But then an image had come into my mind as I stood near the water's edge looking up into the night sky. An image of me, dressed in scrubs, sitting on a bench in the doctor's area off the operating theater. Head in hands, looking down, and feeling as though I was going to cry.

I swallowed. I didn't have time to be thinking about such nonsense! Then I straightened my back, pushed the thought away and went home.