CHAPTER 3: I'M NOT A GIRL

Kiku grunted and kicked the wall behind him. It had been four weeks since auditions, and on the second Wednesday there had been callbacks. Kiku had been angry because Alfred had been called back for, of course, one of the valiant knights. Yet at the same time Kiku had been called back for one of the damsels in distress. He'd whined and complained about it to some of his friends back in Japan, and they laughed at him. He'd never been all that close to them anyway; they were just the only friends he had while he was there. So, in a way he did feel somewhat close to them, on a level where they were the only people he ever saw or talked to really. He'd called Yao who was in China now, that made him feel a little better. Yao had done a pretty good job of calming him down. Saying that he was sure it was just a "misunderstanding" and that at the callbacks his teacher was sure to realize that Kiku was a boy when he changed into his dancing clothes of shorts and a tank top. Kiku scowled. That did a lot of good. Now he wasn't sure if Mr. Densen was just trying to screw Kiku over because he liked to or if he'd really convinced himself in his mind that Kiku was, indeed, a person of the female gender.

Mr. Densen had made the final cast. He'd went ahead and cast him in the play as the damsel in distress. And Alfred as one of the brave knights. That damsel in distress that just happened to kiss that brave night actually. He wasn't sure what kind of sick game Mr. Densen was playing but he didn't want to play anymore. Maybe Mr. Densen got some strange enjoyment out of watching two boys kiss. Or maybe he really did think Kiku was a girl. Though that was highly unlikely at this point.

Kiku sighed. He really didn't want to complain about it to Alfred, Francis, or Arthur. It didn't make sense to complain about it to them, in Japan it wasn't customary to complain to people you hardly knew. But it didn't matter since Kiku was in America now. Either way he felt uncomfortable complaining to people he didn't know that well. Though in some ways that was a bit of an understatement. Kiku had been spending quite a bit of time with the bunch of them. Maybe he just wanted to uphold some dignity around them for whatever reason.

Arthur and Francis had taken him out a few times to show him places in town. Though most of the time Kiku had felt like a third wheel. He felt more and more that they were getting worse and worse hiding their relationship to the world every time they went out. Of course Kiku wasn't really supposed to know about it. It was, however, very obvious to him though. He hung around with them enough, whether it be at school or not. Maybe it was just becoming more recognizable to him because he was hanging out with the two of them so much. He thought about the last time he was with them. They'd taken him to some book store to show Kiku where he might be able to get some books if he wanted to improve his English. It started out as a nice gesture. Kiku suspected it was mostly Francis' idea. He thought most of the ideas were probably Francis's, though on the other hand Francis probably wanted to spend more alone time with Arthur than Arthur wanted to spend with Francis, so maybe it had been Arthur who kept inviting Kiku along. Either way, Kiku would never know. They were in the book store, and of course Francis had begun to harass Arthur first- it was hardly ever the other way around. Kiku thought back on the memory.

"Arthur, I have an idea for a game we can play."

"I'm not interested in any of your stupid games, Frog."

"Why not, Arthur~? This could be fun…"

"No! Get away from me." Kiku had been in the next bookshelf over, and he was able to hear everything. He assumed Francis had been hanging on Arthur before. Francis seemed to be hanging around a lot. If that was the word to explain how he was all the time. Kiku wondered if you can explain someone as hanging when they were just really standing, but Francis did it all right. He was loose, lean, and carefree-seeming.

"Oh, don't be such a black sheep! You never want to do anything fun. I bet you don't want to play because you know you'd lose."

"Number one, don't call me such an absurd name! Number two, I don't even know what the game is so how would I know if I could lose or not? And number three, I never lose! Especially one against someone with such a small brain as you!"

"So then play and prove that to be right!"

"What's in it for me if I do play?"

"Mmm quite a few things…" Francis laughed, and then the talking got quiet.

Kiku couldn't help but lean over the other shelf and peek at the two of them. Francis was whispering in Arthur's ear. He was grinning and had a sly, lusty look in his eyes. A look Kiku was familiar with by that time.

Arthur's face was turning red, and it kept getting redder. He finally pushed Francis away. "Fuckfuckfuck okay, if it really means th-that much to you we'll play!"

Francis smirked "Really?"

"Yes, really! Just get on with it. What's the game?"

Francis grinned, almost evilly. Kiku decided to sneak back away into the bookshelf he was currently in. He didn't want either of them to know that he'd been listening in, let alone spying, Though he started listening again almost immediately. He was ashamed, but he couldn't help himself. This was human nature wasn't it? They thought he was just looking at books and that he couldn't hear them at all.

"The game…" Francis said. You could hear the excitement in his voice. "Is to go to the love section in the store, flip to a random page in a book, and read the dirtiest thing on the page. We keep doing this until we find the dirtiest thing and can't play anymore."

"Where the bloody hell did you get that idea?!"

"The internet"

Arthur grumbled. "The internet. Of course the internet. Where else would you find such a preposterous idea…"

"Arthur…"

Arthur sighed heavily. "It's ridiculous!"

"You already agreed to play!"

"Fuck…I can't believe you talked me into this Frog"

"Honhonhon, I have the feeling I'm not going to regret this."

Kiku didn't really want to remember the rest. He stopped his memory there. He had heard the rest of the conversation and he had heard the readings from the books. It had left quite a scar on his memory. By the end of it Arthur had been blushing quite profusely, Francis just had a smug look on his face.

Kiku didn't want to think of it anymore. Nothing having to do with Arthur and Francis anyway. He sighed. He was tired of being a third wheel for them anyway. He felt like such a girl. He always felt like a girl, he was always asked to do those girly things. He was always looking at boys and…well he just didn't feel like one! "Boys should look at girls and girls should look at boys." He told himself and dropped his head in his arms. That thing he'd been told since he was a kid growing up, why did he have to be different? Kiku couldn't help his feelings though…He slid back down on the brick wall and thumped his head against it a few times. Why, why, why had things turned out the way they did? Kiku usually liked himself just fine but seeing that he was cast that way in the play, and now looking back on things he groaned. Where was Alfred? He was supposed to come pick Kiku up fifteen minutes ago. Today just wasn't Kiku's day. He thought of Alfred, who was supposed to be here, Alfred who he'd been spending so much time with these past two weeks, and Alfred who he probably wouldn't ever get to see again after he saw the audition results. He knew he'd be kissing Kiku, he'd be disgusted and he'd walk away. Sure he liked guys like Kiku did but that surely didn't mean he liked Kiku… They had been spending an awful lot of time together though. Kiku enjoyed it though. He enjoyed it a lot.

Last time they went out Alfred took him out for burgers, Kiku thought back on the memory fondly. He liked to pretend it had been a date even if it wasn't.

"Soda, Soda Burgers?" Kiku had asked, reading the sign on the shop.

"Yep!" Alfred put his hands on his hips and grinned. "It's the best place in town!"

Kiku blinked. They lived in New York, New York! He almost couldn't believe this was the best place in town.

"I know what you're thinking." Alfred said, and turned back to the front of the neon pink sign. "Why did I drag you through the city only to bring you to this pretty run down looking joint, eh?"

Kiku pursed his lips. "Well…"

Alfred just laughed "Trust me! Burgers are my favorite, I wouldn't lead you astray…I've eaten at probably every burger joint in town but I just keep coming back to this one."

Kiku remained silent, he didn't really know what to say. That was what Kiku had been thinking and he was wondering how Alfred had read him so well.

It had ended with Alfred dragging him into the place and seating them at a red booth. The place had obviously not been updated since, like, 1956. It seemed like Alfred's era anyway, he did look like the Coca Cola sponsor boy after all. Kiku remembered every detail as if it were yesterday. Well he remembered any detail with Alfred as if it were yesterday, though he had to say this recent memory of him served to be one of his favorites.

The floor had a black and white checkered pattern, though there were a few stains. The booths were all done up with this old red leather, it cracked in some places, some booths even had large pieces of leather ripped off of them so you could see the stuffing underneath. Kiku had scrunched his nose up at this. The seats were rimmed with silver metal, and each table was polished down to the best it could be. They were wood tables, that were painted a bright baby blue, or what was baby blue at the time. Now most of the color had faded, and like the booths were cracked and had the metal lining. There wasn't any jukebox on the end of the table like Kiku thought there would be, instead a menu sat there that was being held up by ketchup and mustard bottles. There was a jukebox in the corner of the restaurant, as well as some pictures of Elvis, a few cars, and a lit up clock. The soda counter matched the table, and the bar seats matched the booth seats. There were all sorts of weird machines behind the counter, Kiku hadn't really known what they were for anyway.

Kiku and Alfred were practically the only ones in the restaurant save a few others, though one couple seemed to be really old and Kiku figured that they really must've been coming here since the 50s. They were sharing a malt and laughing about something, Kiku thought it was sweet that they could still be so young at heart. Alfred was sitting across from Kiku, swinging his legs around a little, looking for a waiter. Kiku pulled the menu out from behind the bottles.

"Dude don't worry about it." Alfred had said. "I know what's good here! Let me order for you this time, so that way I know your first experience is gonna be a great one!" He grinned and Kiku put the dusty menu back.

"Um okay" Kiku has said. "As long as you know what you're doing."

If Alfred's grin could have gotten bigger in that moment, it did. "Are you kidding? I know everything about this place. I used to work here you know, on weekends, but then football started and I had to quit."

Kiku had smirked, the thought of Alfred holding down a job, especially one in a diner was funny, cute, and almost hard to imagine for Kiku. Though before he'd had the time to say anything, an older man came up to the table wearing a whole lot of white, as Kiku remembered it, with a note-pad and a grin.

"Hey Al! How ya been? Shall I get the usual for ya?"

Alfred beamed "Hey Yael! Yes one usual for me, and get my friend over here a root-beer and a deluxe please!"

"Great!" the man Yael boomed and winked at the two boys "I'll have it right out for you two in a jiff!" He walked away into the kitchen with a long step.

Kiku looked back at Alfred, who smiled at him.

The burgers had been good, really good actually. Alfred wasn't joking when he said he knew burger places. Kiku hadn't even liked burgers that much until he went there. He had questioned afterward whether it was really the place that made the burger, or Alfred. Maybe it was both.

Kiku checked his watch, it had been thirty minutes now, Alfred was thirty minutes late. He wondered if he had forgotten. Kiku kicked his backpack and rested his head against the wall. Why did it have to be Alfred anyway? All the girls liked him- another way in which Kiku realized he was like a girl. Alfred the football player, the guy who would probably never look twice at the scrawny Japanese boy, Alfred who would probably fall in love with another football player like himself, or someone on his own level of handsome, Alfred who had left Kiku out waiting for him after school, when it had begun to rain. Kiku moved himself further under the cover to save himself from getting wet. He wished that he'd brought a warmer jacket. Instead, he was wearing a thinner green one, it was long but not very warm. Fall really had begun in New York. It was October now and Kiku should have dressed smarter. He normally did but, he'd been trying to look nice this time so that Alfred might notice him; instead Alfred had forgotten him.

Since football season had started Kiku had also started attending Alfred's games. Alfred only asked him to come to the first one but almost expected him at every other after that. Kiku always made a point to go too. He'd never miss a football game on Alfred's account, besides it was a bit of a treat for him anyway. He not only felt that it was an opportunity to learn about American culture and games, but he also got to watch the players in their uniforms. Running up and down the field, sweating, muscles pulsing. Specifically one player, specifically Alfred. Alfred was never as good as he said he was, but he was a good player. He was not the worst on the team but he wasn't the best. Surely he was quite valuable to the game. Kiku thought he brought something to the field that other players didn't. He couldn't figure out what it was though. Maybe it was charisma, or the excitement he brought for each game. Whatever it was it made Alfred's game look better than it was.

Sometimes Arthur and Francis came too. Kiku liked it when they came because then he could be by people he knew. Normally he'd try to stand off on the side, yet in an area where he knew Alfred could see him. Alfred always saw him too, Kiku thought it might've been because he always made an effort to wave or say hello when Alfred was on the bench. Alfred usually acknowledged him though hardly ever waved back. Arthur and Francis were good to stand by, but they still bickered quite a bit. Kiku had gotten fairly good at drowning them out now. The last fight was practically impossible to mute though. It had been about how the game was played. Of course it was over how the game was played. After the first game Kiku had made sure to get a run down from Alfred because he'd been thoroughly confused. He knew how it worked. Arthur and Francis were another story. That fight lasted the whole game. Even if Kiku had wanted to, he wouldn't have been able to get a word in. Afterward Kiku had a pretty bad headache and though they offered to take him home, he ended up walking home by himself in the quiet. Sometimes when Arthur and Francis came they disappeared for a while. Kiku didn't want to think about where they might be going off to, and he was sure he didn't want to know either. Mostly he just pretended it wasn't happening and he'd move down to the sideline where he usually stood until they came back.

"Hey look it's the Jap!" Someone shouted ripping Kiku out of his thoughts. He hadn't noticed the group of boys approaching him. They were large, muscular boys. The same group who usually only called him names or shot spitballs at him. Though this time Kiku had a feeling in his gut that it wouldn't be the same.

He froze. He couldn't bring himself to move. Even though he used to be a fighter he knew that he couldn't take on such a large group.

They loomed over him, it would have been more daunting had they been able to cast a shadow but the lack of sun helped that. Kiku tried to look strong, as if he wasn't afraid. He tightened his lip and looked one of them right in the eye. "What do you want?" damn his mouth, he couldn't control it at times like this.

"Oh so he can speak English, what else can you do Jap?"

Kiku scowled and looked away, he would hold his tongue this time. Just ignore them he thought. They might walk away.

They stayed, of course they stayed. They started kicking him lightly, laughing. He looked down and continued to hold his tongue. As they began to jeer him. "Hey China-man, who don't you get up and sacrifice yourself like in the war?"

"Yeah where's your pride, you Kamikaze?"

Idiots, did they even know that Japan, China, and Korea were separate places? Kiku didn't think so. He was surprised they knew the word Kamikaze. But he didn't really have time to think about that, the harassing was getting worse. The kicking was getting harder, and it was starting to hurt now.

He winced. That was his mistake. One hit in a bad spot and smiles decorated their faces. The taunting stopped, everything froze for about half of a second. Then it was like they all had the same idea, the same mind in that moment. It was incredible really how they all managed to get a part of Kiku's body. Two of them began kicking harder, a lot harder than before. The other one stood and watched, spitting on Kiku when he deemed appropriate. He smirked, and added his own swift kicks when he wanted to. His were the hardest.

Kiku still held his tongue. He tried his hardest to only focus on the black behind his closed eyelids. The whole event lasted about five minutes, the boys did become bored after some time. They left Kiku gripping his stomach, and spitting some blood out of his mouth. He rolled over on to his back after a minute and opened his eyes. The sky was so grey. His body throbbed. He pushed himself out from the undercover so his face was in the rain. It almost felt good on his tender skin and forming bruises. He laid there and thought about why such a thing would be happening to him. What he had done to deserve such luck? He didn't want to look at the grey sky anymore, it reminded him to much of his life. Kiku closed his eyes.

"Kiku!" Someone jerked him out of his own thoughts. He opened his eyes and craned his head. It was Elizabeta and Gilbert. Though Elizabeta had said his name, Gilbert was close behind. He'd seen them around school more than once after he got to know them on audition day. Turned out he had the same lunch as them and they now sat at his table with Arthur, Francis, Alfred and he. He could consider them good acquaintances since audition day, they never came to the football games and he never saw them outside of school. They approached him and stood over him, blocking out the little light that came from the grey clouds. It was raining hard now.

"What are you doing here? School ended forty minutes ago." Elizabeta looked like she took pity on him. They approached him and saw his scrapes and bruises. "Oh my god! What happened to you?!"

Kiku ignored the question, he didn't feel like answering. He looked at his watch, it had been forty minutes past. Alfred had never showed. He was almost too embarrassed to say that he had been waiting for Alfred but he ended up changing his mind because he had no reason to try and maintain appearances around them. They already knew he was a girl in the school play, he was laying in the pavement obviously he'd been beat up, how could things get worse for his reputation now? Besides they didn't seem like the blabbing type, even Gilbert. "I was waiting for Alfred…"

"Alfred?" Gilbert asked and looked at Elizabeta who looked just as confused as Gilbert did.

"Didn't you hear?" They didn't press about Kiku's injuries.

"Hear what?"

"Alfred got sent home early today." Elizabeta pursed her lips. "Didn't he tell you he wouldn't be able to meet you?"

So he hadn't forgotten Kiku. Though the news shocked him, he stood up. "What? No, I mean, I don't think so…I- my phone died in school today so I never knew." Kiku shook his head. "What happened?"

Gilbert laughed "Kesesese awesome bastard got himself in a bit of a fist fight."

"A fight? Why?"

Elizabeta rocked back on her feet. "He saw the casting list, another boy saw it, an Iranian boy. Alfred and him never really got along that well…When he saw the posting…well he was familiar with the show. A lot of people are of course, but well he saw that he was kissing another boy. He started teasing Alfred, calling him gay and Alfred tried to deny it…things got out of control."

Kiku looked down. "I had no idea how many issues this would cause…What was the boy's name?"

"Nastaran"

Kiku was silent. He didn't know what to say and he didn't know what to do. Well, that was a lie. He knew he was going to Alfred's. He didn't know where he was going from there but he just knew he had to see him. On Monday they had been given the scripts, all the kids in drama class had been cast. How typical. Maybe Alfred and Kiku could change it somehow, because as badly as Kiku wanted to kiss Alfred…he didn't know what kinds of things this could lead to. They would talk to Mr. Densen when they got things right. This had to work, Kiku thought, it had to.

"Do you have a ride home?" Gilbert asked, showing real kindness for the first time that Kiku had seen outwardly. Kiku shook his head. He didn't have a ride home, he'd been relying on Alfred. Gilbert scratched his neck awkwardly. "I guess I could take you then."

"Really Gil?" Elizabeta looked at him surprised. "That's very… stout of you."

"Well I can't just leave the kid I me- wait…stout…what does stout mean? Tell me in German Lizzy."

Elizabeta smirked "tapfer"

"Tapfer? Wirklich? Du denkst, ich bin tapfer? Oh ja ! Freund Punkte! Ich muss das öfter machen!" (stout? really? You think i'm stout? Oh yes! Boyfriend points! I'll have to do this more often!) Gil grinned cheekily.

"Switch back to English, yes I do" she said

"Ooh awesome!" He smiled at Kiku. "You're coming right?"

Kiku nodded and picked up his bag. "But don't take me to my house."

"Oh?" Gil started walking. He grabbed Elizabeta's hand and looked back, Kiku followed him. "Where to then?"

"Take me to Alfred's house. I need to talk to him."

Hello! Sorry this got posted so late, I was in Canada the whole morning. I planned on posting it at 7 am before I left but apparently I need to code in the line breaks now so that didn't happen haha. Anyway sorry this chapter is so short! I promise the next one will be a lot longer. I hope you like it and I'll post another next week!
Have a good week

M.O.