CHAPTER 3

The next morning Doctor Richard Webber knocked on Meredith's door. He was surprised to hear her say "come in!" Richard slowly opened the door and to his surprise and relief he saw Meredith sitting up in bed eating a bowl of cereal and watching the morning news broadcast on television.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, checking the observations that the nurses had made on her patient chart.

"More embarrassed than I've ever been in my life but grateful to be alive nonetheless," she replied.

"You seem to be improving very quickly," Richard said, studying her patient chart. He sat on the end of her bed. "Contrary to how I sounded last night I'm very pleased to see that. You scared the hell out of me, Meredith."

"I know," she replied quietly, finishing off the last of the cereal. "I'm sorry."

"I bet you are," he replied. "Now we need to get you back on track before you hit rock bottom."

"If last night wasn't rock bottom I'd hate to see what is," Meredith said, almost jokingly. Richard didn't find it amusing. "I agree," Meredith said after an awkward silence. She handed Richard a piece of paper.

"What's this?" he asked.

"It's a list I made this morning of things I need to change about myself."

"This is very thorough," Richard observed, reading Meredith's frank assessment of what she didn't like about herself. "I'm impressed. There's just one thing," he said. "How do you expect to do all of this by yourself?"

"I'll manage," Meredith said shrugging.

"I've made some arrangements," Richard said. Meredith bit her lip nervously. "I've enrolled you in an alcohol education program for-"

"I don't need-" Meredith interrupted.

"You'll do as I say if you want to keep your job here. Believe me, you're on very thin ice," Richard said sternly, interrupting her. Meredith nodded obediently. "I haven't suspended you from the hospital because you weren't on duty and this was a once off, I hope, but you're to have limited surgeries until I decide you're ready. I've also assigned you to a sort of guardian to monitor your progress and hopefully lead you in the right direction. She's here right now actually." Richard went outside the door for a moment. Meredith overheard him tell somebody that he was ready. Her eyes widened when she saw Sydney Heron follow Richard back into Meredith's room.

"You've gotta be freakin' kidding me," Meredith said to herself. Sydney went over to Meredith and pulled her into a tight bear hug that Meredith couldn't escape. She went with it, uncomfortably.

"Sydney is a fine example of leadership at this hospital; an exemplary role model and there's a lot that you can learn from her," Richard said. "I'm sure that there's a lot you need to discuss so I'll be back to check on you later."

Sydney sat uncomfortably close to Meredith. She stared at Meredith with an over sympathetic expression and didn't say anything. Meredith didn't know where to look.

"How're you holding up there, soldier?" Sydney asked. Meredith was unsure of what kind of answer Sydney was looking for so she handed her the list. Sydney assumed that Meredith had given up on speech and wrote 'well done' at the bottom of Meredith's list. She smiled and gave Meredith a thumbs up sign. For the first time that day, Meredith had to refrain from laughing. "I hope this list isn't all for a man's benefit," Sydney said. "Because you need to work on yourself." Meredith couldn't believe that Sydney actually understood what she had been thinking about all night.

"That's a realization that I came to last night," Meredith said, staring at the wall. "I've told myself for months that I need to work through my baggage for his benefit when it should be for mine."

"That's right," Sydney said, nodding.

"I had a moment of clarity after a horrible moment with Derek last night. I was pathetic," Meredith revealed. "It was so humiliating. So I decided not going to pursue a relationship or sex with anyone until I get myself together, if I ever get myself together," she added.

"You will," Sydney said, encouragingly. "I have to go and check on some patients but I'm here if you wanna talk," she said. Sydney hugged Meredith again, waved goodbye and left the room. Meredith sat there stunned, unable to believe that she had just had just revealed such thoughts to Sydney Heron of all people. Although she was a bit too tactile for her liking, Meredith found herself respecting Sydney more than she had before.

At the other end of the hospital, Doctor Miranda Bailey gathered her residents together for an announcement that she was not looking forward to making.

"Now before you hear this on the hospital grapevine I thought I should make you aware," she began. "Meredith Grey was bought in here last night."

"Oh my God!" Izzie said.

"She took an accidental overdose of a prohibited drug and collapsed. She's doing well as of this morning and is expected to be released today."

"Oh my God!" Izzie said again. The rest of the residents were silent as the news sank in. Alex had his head rested against the wall with his eyes closed. He had been unable to sleep all night. He had been reliving Meredith convulsing in front of him all night and was exhausted.

"You have to be kidding," Christina finally said, breaking the silence.

"Yang, I don't know why she did it. That's something you'll have to discuss with her," Bailey said. She too had been awake all night and her patience was waning. "All I know is what I saw with my own eyes last night."

"But it's Meredith…" George said in disbelief. "Meredith doesn't… she wouldn't…"

"She did," Alex said, opening his eyes. "She definitely did. I saw every second of it." He stood up and walked away.

"I'm sorry that you have to start your day like this," Bailey said, "but you needed to know. Now, take a few minutes to collect yourselves and begin your rounds. If you want to see Meredith make sure that you check with her nurses first. Don't go marching in there."

When her shaken residents had gone about their work for the day, Bailey went into the surgeon's lounge to find much needed coffee to get her through the day ahead. She found Derek sitting on the couch by himself, staring into space sadly.

"I guess you heard," Bailey said. Derek nodded.

"That's what you came to tell me last night isn't it?" he asked. "And you didn't because you saw me with Rose."

"I figured you and Grey weren't a couple anymore," Bailey said. "And frankly I don't care about your love life. I was just looking for her next of kin."

"I've screwed everything up," Derek said solemnly.

"Excuse me?" Bailey asked, surprised.

"Meredith's in there because of me," Derek said. "I told her it wasn't my fault but it was."

"Now you are one self indulgent son of a –"

"What?" Derek interrupted Bailey, surprised.

"Not everything that happens revolves around you, Doctor Shepherd," Bailey said, putting Derek in his place. "You think that she took drugs because of you? That girl has a list of problems as long as my arm, most of them we don't even know because she keeps everything to herself. If you think that her seeing you canoodling with some nurse after all she's been through is enough on its own to make her go out and do that then you're more self centered and egotistical than I thought." Derek sat there in silence, stunned by Bailey's words. Bailey started making herself a coffee. "What are you doing sitting around here for?" she asked. "Are you gonna sit here and indulge yourself or are you gonna get out there and do your job?" Derek stood up and left the room like a dog with its tail between its legs. "Moron," Bailey said to herself.

Meredith had just started to fall asleep again when she heard people entering her room. She opened her eyes sleepily to see Christina, Izzie and George sneak in.

"Cant you guys ever follow rules?" Meredith said.

"Yeah, like you can talk," Christina replied sarcastically. "You're an idiot, Mer."

"Believe me, I know," Meredith said. "Where's Alex?" she asked, noticing his absence.

"I think he's a bit upset," Izzie said. "He treated you last night."

"Crap," Meredith said. "Look," she said. "I know I owe you guys an explanation but right now I need to explain this to myself."

"Just don't ever do it again… ever," George said.

"That, I can promise," Meredith said. Christina, Izzie and George stood there in uncomfortable silence for a few moments.

"We should get back to…" Izzie started.

"Yeah," Meredith replied. "Have a good day, guys."