Chapter 3:

Why does everyone insist on talking about their feelings?

So, I'm over the whole "wah, my life sucks" thing. Even though it does. I refuse to become another one of those whiny-ass little teenage brats who cries about everything. My life does suck, and I am alone. Period. End of story. Crying about it does nothing. Instead, I prefer violence. A lot of it.

It had been a little over two weeks since I'd almost died out in the snow. For some idiotic reason, I thought that dying in a pile of frozen powder would somehow be graceful. When I looked back over that, one word came to mind: Dumbass! No. Two words: Frozen Dumbass. I can admit when I've screwed up. And seventeen days ago, I did. I should have just taken a gun to my head instead. Much quicker.

I did feel bad that Seth had been the one who'd found me. All pale and shit. Who knew the kid actually loved me? Who in their right mind would love a hateful shrew? But apparently he'd cried when I almost died. I teased the hell out of him for that. It pissed him off.

Seth did all he could to try and keep me alive. Which would have been sweet...if it wasn't really freaking annoying. In the end, though it was my ex-boyfriend Sam that brought me back to life.

Figures. The miserable dickhead that had broken my heart had been the one to mend my frozen heart. He just couldn't leave well enough alone.

I hadn't seen or spoken to Sam since the morning after my near deep-freezing incident when he came over with Dr. Gerandy to see how I was. I told him that I was going to strangle him with the doctor's stethoscope unless he left. He saw that I was back to normal, and he didn't stick around long after that. He had called to check up on me a few times. I usually just told him to go suck a moose tit.

He sighed at my hostility, "I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. You went through a lot."

Yeah, because of you. Jackass. Somehow, I managed not to say that in to the phone. I never would have been trekking through the snow trying to forget my troubles if he hadn't left me for my cousin.

"So now you care about me?" I rolled my eyes. "How thoughtful." How was it fair for him to just pick and choose when he got to love me?

He continued to ignore the fact that I was basically telling him to go to hell.

"Have you been taking your antibiotics?" he questioned.

I had been really torn up after walking barefoot in the snow for three hours. Dr. Gerandy had put me on a heavy course-load of antibiotics. Even though my body had been through hell, I was actually in pretty decent shape. He was mainly concerned about the gashes on my legs. And he was also worried about frostbite. I told him to bite my frosty ass.

Sam had scolded me for that.

"Now, Leah, do you want your toes to die and fall off?"

I'd just shrugged and responded, "Worked for your dick, didn't it?"

"Leah? Have you been taking your antibiotics?" Sam asked again.

"What are you, my doctor?" I asked caustically.

"I did save you." Sam pointed out.

"Yeah. Thanks," I grumbled sarcastically. I wasn't exactly grateful for that. He didn't want me, but he wanted to keep me around and watch me suffer? Selfish jerk.

"How's your heart?" He continued with the medical questions.

Without missing a beat I responded, "Broken." Yeah, thanks for that, too, Sam.

"But no palpitations?" He was starting to annoy me.

"If you're asking me whether or not my heart skips a beat when you call, the answer is no. Our hearts don't belong together, remember?" I snapped. I let out an aggravated huff. "I feel fine, so stop calling here." I hung up on him.

I turned around and saw Seth standing behind me.

"Sam again?"

"He's worse than mom." I frowned. Sam's over-protectiveness of me annoyed the shit out of me, especially since we weren't together anymore. And even when we were together if he doted on me I usually told him his vagina was showing. I laughed. No wonder Sam didn't love me. I was more man than he was.

"He's just concerned," Seth said.

"I thought you hated him, too." I frowned. It was kind of nice to have my brother on the same side as me.

"I don't hate him. I hate what he did to you." He paused. "But it's hard to dislike him considering he saved your ass two weeks ago."

"God, am I ever going to live that down?" I grumbled. So I'd had a moment of weakness…where I just so happened to die. Whatever. Big freaking deal.

"Not if I have anything to say about it." Seth shrugged. He sighed, "You should consider being nicer to Sam. He just wants to know that you're okay."

Well, I was never going to be okay. Not when I still had feelings for my jackass of an ex.

"Yeah? Well I have two words for Sam: Eat. Shit." I shook my head and then changed my mind. "No, wait. Four words. Eat. Shit. And. Die." That satisfied me.

"You're so dramatic." Seth frowned.

"That's because my life is full of drama."

"So is mine, but you don't see me bitching about it." Seth shrugged.

"What do you have to be miserable about?" I laughed. "Aw, is some mean bully picking on you on the playground? Does your big sister need to tell the other children to stop being mean to poor wittle Sethy?" I teased him.

"Very funny." Seth rolled his eyes. "School's fine. Jacob is just being an ass."

"Jacob has always been an ass." I pointed out.

Seth mumbled on about how Jacob had been avoiding him lately. Sounds like my kid brother had been dumped by his lover. He was so touchy about his best friend ignoring him.

"He spends all his free time now with Bella," he said. "Or Sam."

"If those two were my only options as friends I would shoot myself." I shuddered at the thought.

"You don't have any friends, Leah." Seth frowned at me.

"That's not true." I shook my head.

"Rachel doesn't count. She doesn't even live in town anymore."

"We still talk on the phone sometimes." I shrugged. "Besides…I hate people. All they do is constantly disappoint me." I was really tired of being screwed over. In fact, it's a good thing that I had graduated a semester early, because being in school with a bunch of depressing little teenagers was starting to get on my nerves. The world is constantly over for all the little brats in high school. Oh, God. I didn't finish my term paper! I don't want to fail! They're having pizza again for lunch today! My life sucks! She said that I said that he said that we weren't right for each other! Is there no God!? Pathetic. But not nearly as sad as how crappy my life was.

As I made my way to my room I thought about how I really didn't have much of a life. This spring break was going to be boring as hell. I slammed my door behind me and fell on to my bed.

I let out a groan, "This sucks." It was hard enough that Sam had left me. But the fact that he left me for my one and only true friend left me in a complete stupor. Emily and I had spent spring break together since we were little. I broke the tradition last year after finding out about her and Sam. It was weird not spending the entire week with her. But I just couldn't stand to see her and Sam together.

I heard a light knock at my door and let out an aggravated grunt, "Was I not clear? I'm fine!"

The door opened and my father peeked his head in.

"How did you know that's what I was going to ask? Are you psychic?"

"When you hear a question five hundred times you memorize the answer." I shrugged.

He walked over to where I was sitting and plopped down next to me. He didn't say anything. He just smiled.

Finally he broke the weird silence between us. "How are you feeling?"

I let out a smug grin.

"See? I knew you were going to ask me that." Then I laughed. "I'm pretty much back to a hundred percent." If you didn't count my broken heart. I was pretty sure that wound was going to stay open for the rest of my life. No amount of antibiotics could take care of the infection in my broken heart.

My dad nodded approvingly. I took a moment to really look at him. He was pale, and he looked exhausted. I knew he hadn't been feeling well lately. But I didn't realize how worn down he looked.

"So, uh, how've you been?" I never was good at small talk with my dad. The only thing we ever discussed was the weather.

To my surprise, he didn't lie.

"Tired." He smiled softly at me. "Getting older isn't much fun." He laughed. "You're lucky to be young, kid." He paused, "You certainly bounce back quickly." I assumed he was talking about my brush with death.

I grumbled to myself. Yeah, nothing like being young, healthy, and alone.

I shoved my dad playfully. "Maybe if you ate your vegetables once in a while you'd feel better." My mom was constantly trying to get him to eat healthier. Seth and I called her the Food Nazi because she was always monitoring what he ate. And if he had too much junk food he'd never hear the end of it.

"At this rate I'm going to have to adopt a dog so I can sneak my greens to it under the table when your mother isn't looking. As it is I had to hide them under my mashed potatoes tonight."

"I noticed." I nodded. My dad could be such a big child sometimes. "Seriously, broccoli isn't that bad, dad."

"It's nasty." He looked like a five-year-old when he said that. I could picture him throwing a tantrum and refusing to eat his vegetables. One of these days my mother was going to tell him he couldn't have his dessert until he finished his green beans. That would be funny to see.

"Harry, finish your vegetables!"

"But…I don't wanna!!"

"Then no dessert for you tonight."

"But Suuuuueeee…Seth and Leah get cake!!"

"Well, Seth and Leah ate their green beans."

"This isn't fair…"

Dad interrupted my amusing thoughts, "I just wanted to see how you were feeling. I think I'm going to turn in early tonight." He pushed himself off of my bed.

"Big day planned tomorrow?" I asked curiously.

"Charlie, Billy, and I are going fishing."

"Ah, ha. So you're not too tired to go fishing with your buddies." I teased him.

"Well, Billy and I are trying to keep Charlie in La Push as much as possible these days." He suddenly got a look on his face as if he'd said to much. "You know...to keep him occupied. Bella's been having a tough time lately, and it's been kind of hard on Charlie."

Bella Swan had to be one of the most annoying girls I'd ever had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting. She bothered me, but for some reason Jacob freaking worshipped the ground she walked on. I still didn't understand what he saw in her. It was obvious that she was using him as a way to get over her boyfriend. He'd apparently taken off and left her in a state of unbelievable heartbreak.

Seth seemed to think I'd sympathize with her. I didn't. Because even after Sam left me I didn't mope around for months on end. Instead I took my heartbreak and turned it into something more productive. Rage. Which made me irritatingly funny. Or caustically bitchy...depending on the way you looked at it.

Besides, Bella and her "perfect" boyfriend had only been together for like five minutes. Long enough for him to take her to prom, spend all summer sucking on her face, and then decide that he was bored and wanted a younger looser chick. I'm sure it was something similar to that. Guys were such assholes. If they didn't have dicks, I wouldn't love them so much.

My father was watching me in an odd way. "You remember Bella, right?"

"Sure. Brown hair. Average height. Kind of mopey. A royal pain in the ass?" I shrugged.

My dad nodded cautiously. "You remember her boyfriend?"

"Wasn't he one of the Cullens?" The Cullens were some rich hoity-toity family that for some reason were hated in La Push.

"Yes," my dad said quietly. "Edward Cullen was not exactly good for Bella. The crowd he runs with is dangerous. And even though they are long gone now, some of the Elders have reason to believe that their friends might still be coming around." I saw him crinkle his nose in disgust.

"Don't tell me you buy into that whole superstitious crap, too, dad?" I rolled my eyes. I vaguely recalled some stories that had been floating around about mythical creatures in some long, drawn out, boring war.

He smiled softly. "Still...Billy and I prefer for Charlie and Bella to spend their free time in La Push. She and Jacob are going to be hanging out tomorrow. Maybe you should join them. I'm sure Bella would like to have some girl time."

Spend time with Bella? Couldn't I just stick my hand in a wood chipper? That would be less painful.

"Then tell her to go to Emily's." I frowned angrily. He wanted me to spend time with that self-obsessed repressed little cry-baby? Over my dead body. "They can bake and paint their nails and do all of that other crap that sissy girls do."

"Well, if you change your mind you can give Jake a call."

Like Jacob would pick up the phone? He'd probably be too busy jacking off in the bathroom while Bella curled up into a ball on his living room floor and cried about her miserable existence. I thought about calling Jacob as a joke, just to see what his reaction would be when I told him I wanted to be his new best friend. He'd probably piss himself out of fear if I told him that I wanted to hang out.

"Sure. If the moon turns purple and pigs start flying then I'll call him," I muttered out a laugh. I thought about it. Jacob was avoiding my brother. I didn't have a shot in hell at spending time with him. Like I'd want to anyway.

My father was almost to my door. "Night, kiddo."

"Dad, I'm almost twenty. The 'kiddo' thing is a little creepy now."

"Sweetie, no matter how old you get you're always going to be my baby girl."

Okay, serious "aw" moment. I couldn't help but ruin it.

"Yeah, until the dementia sets in and you're so out of it that you think that I'm one of your old fishing buddies."

He laughed, "Goodnight, Leah."

"Have fun tomorrow."

As my dad disappeared into the hall I thought about how tired I wasn't. The last thing I wanted to do right now was go to sleep. Of course that probably had more to do with the fact that I didn't feel like dealing with my erratic dreams. The inner most sanctum of my mind was not a fun place to be. Once I pushed past all the hatred that I had for Sam, there was a deeply saddened part of me just yearning to come out. But I didn't feel like crying, so I suppressed the bitch and hit my pillow in frustration.

I needed to get out for a while. I didn't care where. I just had to do something other than sit here in my room and mope about how shitty my life was. Because the longer I sat here, the more depressed I was going to become. And I couldn't go back to that dark place. Because I don't think that I could come back from it again.