Chapter 3

He watched me with a surprised scowl.

"Hi," he said.

No. I wasn't going to do this now.

"You don't have to do that thing," I said with a firm shake of the head.

"What thing?" he asked with a steer of the head.

"The thing where you speak to me, because you think you must."

"You think I'm doing the thing?"

"Obviously, you're doing the thing," I said with a quick wave of the hand to hopefully indicate that this conversation was over.

"Bye," I added as I turned on my heels, ready to walk away on a safe amount of distance.

"I really do feel that you must know that I wasn't doing the thing," he said to my back.

I contemplated to comment on that. Truthfully, it felt like he was doing that thing, and if he wasn't, it certainly felt like I was doing the thing if I commented. So instead, I took a step forward, until his voice stopped me once more.

"Can I maybe buy you anything?"

"Technically, I believe you could, but I don't want you to," I said without turning.

He burst out in laughter. I wasn't sure what was so funny, but it felt an awful lot like he thought of me like a big joke.

I felt a grimace form on my lips at the thought.

"Please, let me get you something. Or else this would be the second time I chased you away from here."

Second time. Yes, he did chase me away from here yesterday and now was the second time. What did that matter to him anyway? He hated me.

"There's nothing wrong with that as I'm trying to get away from you anyway."

That's when I started making hurried steps with my eyes on the exit of the hospital.

"Who is Jacob?" he asked suddenly.

My entire body froze and I felt my eyes go very wide. I felt fear and excitement, both at the same time. Everything inside me reacted to that single question.

"Why do you ask?" I stuttered nervously.

"Because I tried to call you. And a guy named Jacob answered the phone. When I asked if he knows Lauren, indeed he does."

I turned around slowly. I noticed his victorious eyes and realized that's all Mr. Grey wanted, to get my attention. He certainly did. I couldn't walk away now. It was fine by me. I had to know what else they said to each other. It was my addiction.

I took a few steps in his direction, deliberately slow.

He remained dead silent and I felt even more like a game that he liked to play.

"Did he say something else?" I asked at last.

"Yes."

Seriously? He was so mean!

He didn't even care to elaborate it. He only answered my question with a yes. I looked up, probably with fury in my eyes. He looked cocky and he clearly knew what he was doing.

"What did you two talk about?" I forced out.

"I asked him if Lauren is his girlfriend and he said no."

A breath that I'd been holding went out fast and I instantly relaxed. No? Did that mean he broke off with her?

"He said no?" I repeated with a slow voice.

His lips went up a little but it wasn't really a smile. I couldn't really read him though and I didn't care about his reactions. I needed a confirmation.

"He really said no?" I asked.

"Yes and then he said that Lauren is his wife."

His mouth continued moving, but I no longer heard another sound. All I could think about was how Jacob asked Lauren to marry him; how Lauren accepted the proposal; how they got engaged; how they had a wedding day; how they went to a beautiful place for their wedding night.

Marriage was for real. It was something much more permanent than a relationship. Marriage meant that they were in it for real.

Mr. Grey was staring at me in slight disdain, but I didn't care. I needed to know if I'd heard him right.

"Jacob is...married?"

His eyes shifted, obviously confused by my question.

Either way, he answered, "Yes."

Yes. Curt and quick, just like the day Jacob broke my heart.

"He's married to Lauren," he added.

"Oh. Okay," I muttered.

I lost him for good. He was never coming back to me.

I was lost.

Somebody held my chin and brought my head up. It was Mr. Grey, his worried green eyes staring at me with a gentleness I didn't know he possessed. And worry? Why would he worry?

"You remind me of a malfunctioning machine," he said. "You're not responding to half of the things I tell you."

"Oh."

Possibly he was offending me on purpose but I was far too gone to care what he thought of me. Jake dominated my mind right now. Jake and his marriage to Lauren.

I tried to free my chin. My whole body felt weak and he only held me tighter.

A small smile came on the lips of Mr. Grey. His eyes shone with a light that said he understood everything.

"What?" I asked in a hoarse voice at his annoying victorious look.

"You're not Lauren."

I shut my eyes and this time managed to free my chin while I turned my head to the side.

"You're not her," he said, as if I hadn't understood him the first time. "And you love Jacob. Despite that he's already married to somebody else."

Of course, that was his first thought. It was a logical assumption after all.

"That's not true," I said even if my comment made no sense. He was telling the truth.

"Are you Lauren?" he asked.

"None of your business."

"You're interesting," he said. "Can't lie to save your own life."

I was what? I couldn't do what?

Did I hear him correctly?

"I have a feeling that you wish you were Lauren."

This was the Mr. Grey I remembered, the one who mocked and didn't care. Suddenly I was angry. No, I was enraged. I felt a fury unknown to me, but I felt it toward Mr. Grey.

I remembered his three ladies whom he'd met in just half an hour of time.

"Jake and I used to be a couple. That's true. And I do... still... love him. But which of the two is worse? Loving somebody who cheated on you and hasn't been yours for over a year or being engaged with three different people in just one morning?"

And he knew exactly what I meant. He must. Unless he's stupid.

"Anything is better than loving a cheater for over a year," he said quickly with no doubts. "But if you believe loving a cheater is alright, I sincerely wonder where your self-respect is."

I took a step back. I didn't like being put down like that. He didn't know anything about me or Jacob.

"And the fact that it's been over a year, explains to me it's all a lot more to do with self-pity than actual love."

That step I'd taken away from him, I now took back, because despite of what he was saying and if he was right, I needed him to know one thing. And I would tell him this with self-respect and without self-pity.

"There really is no need for you to make me feel small," I said in a broken tone. "I've already been brought down on my knees too many times. Now, if you'll excuse me, but I can't stay because I don't want to be around you. Please leave me be."

I turned and walked through the swing door, straight to the bus stop. The way I said please to him caused hurtful and angry tears to roll down my eyes. It came out like an actual plea and it made me sound pathetic.

Today was an unfortunate coincidence that I met him again. But I would never speak to him again no matter what. I wanted to be strong, because I hated being weak.

It was freezing outside, but it was better than being near that man.

The bus stop was empty and I sat on the seat, my back to the hospital. I had my hands deep in my pockets, but still they were freezing. I hadn't anticipated this cold. I started missing my gloves, scarf and hat that were at home.

This was all the fault of that guy! If he didn't manage to boil my blood the way he did, I would've stayed in the warm hospital for a bit longer.

It was agonizing to watch the minutes pass. My hands were completely frozen and my body was shivering from cold.

I focused on a warm island. I imagined the hot sun warming my skin, tanning it and comforting me.

In reality, cold air crept underneath my clothes and turned my skin painful. My feet were the worst because Alice had taken my socks.

It was only a few more minutes until the bus arrived. It felt like ten more hours.

I could be patient. After being rejected for medical school twice, I had learned how to be patient.

I started making a planning for once I got home. First, I'd make dinner and watch a few lectures of Biology online. If after that I still had the energy, I'd practice Chemistry some as well. It was my day off tomorrow, but I wasn't going to sleep in. I never did. My alarm clock was set for five o'clock.

"Hey, Rapunzel."

I turned my head to the right. It was him again, wearing a black jacket now. He held one single bag with both his hands in front of him. I snapped my head away from him and sniffed once, unfortunately very loudly. I hoped my eyes weren't red from the crying.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked

He stepped toward me and sat on the free seat on my left. I kept my eyes in front of me and inched away from him. He reached into the bag and handed me a cup with a substance unknown to me because there was a lid on top of it.

"It's just tea."

My eyes were on the cup in his hand, holding it out for me take it. I rolled my eyes and left his hand hanging, while keeping mine safely in my pockets.

"Have I given you that much of an impression that I'm an asshole?"

Snapping my lips shut, I looked away. The bus was nowhere near sight.

"I'll take that as a yes."

I shivered hard as the wind flew past us unexpectedly.

"Look, I was wondering about before, when you said which of the two is worse. Loving a cheater or something about three different people in one morning? What did you mean by that?"

I turned a glare to him.

"Again, so much hostility," he said with slightly bigger eyes. "Can't we just talk? I want to understand what you meant."

I took a deep breath in and out. I wanted to stay calm. Before I could think of my previous remark of never speaking to him again, words flew out of my mouth.

"I waited for you! It's rude to let your patients wait for you while you're having random sex with random people at random moments."

He seemed genuinely confused.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about, oh, I don't mind about protection! We'll go check together for STD's. And before her, in the hospital café who was trying to measure your...you...in front of a crowd. And then the first one in the parking lot right after you stepped out of your car in an obvious hurry. It was like a really, really bad Hallmark scene."

Realizing how it sounded, I leaned forward a little and quickly continued.

"I wasn't stalking you or anything. I parked my car and you parked next to me. And I was in the café before you were even there. And on the fourteenth floor-"

"I'm not accusing you of stalking," he said in interruption. "Only of misinterpretation."

He leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees and he looked me straight in the eye.

"That first girl came out of nowhere and her kiss took me off guard. I pushed her away gently, but I've grown used to such girls. Just accept their number, but don't give them your number. Or else they'll keep calling and texting you."

I couldn't help but think of his explanation as agreeable. He was handsome and he must have girls come to him often. If he found a way to get rid of them quickly, then good for him.

"The second one was harassing me. Though, I must ask, were you really about to hit her?"

I gave him a foul look. He was obviously testing me. He was obviously wondering what was wrong with me.

"You're deliberately mocking me," I said quietly. "Playing games with me. And you wonder if you've given me that much of an impression that you're an asshole? Yes. Yes, you have!"

That should've put him in his place.

I suspected shock on his face, not a smile that resembled victory. That just angered me more.

What was wrong with him?

"Yes, congratulations. You've figured it out. I'm messed up."

"Aren't we all a little messed up?"

I gave him a side glanced look and shook my head in frustration. I glanced into a dark, empty road. Still no sign of my bus. Hurry up already!

"That third one," he said. "I'm not sure how much you heard, but I was creating an impossible situation. One where I was married. One where I had children. One where I didn't live in America. One where I didn't bring protection. One where I only had five minutes to-"

"Yeah, I heard," I quickly said. "I'm not interested in your sex life."

"I didn't do anything with her."

"Alright. Sorry. Fine."

"You're still angry with me."

"I'm not." I was.

"What did you mean when you said you waited for me?"

"In the waiting room," I replied curtly.

He stood up abruptly. I looked up at his sudden change in behaviour.

"Are you one of my patients?" he asked with shock.

"No. I was. I'm not so very much interested in a psychiatrist anymore."

And especially not him.

"Alright, just hear me out. I can explain why I was late, but it's very privacy sensitive information. Can you please keep what I'm about to say for yourself to keep?"

I nodded a little.

"The third girl outside the bathroom started kissing me and when she didn't stop, I stopped her myself. Then she exclaimed that she was going to kill herself. I couldn't leave her then. That's why I was delayed. I had to take care for her. You get that right?"

I nodded.

"That explains why you were late. Not why you harassed me."

"I wasn't harassing..." he muttered, trailing off with a sigh. He came to sit beside me again. "You were on the fourteenth floor. I'd witnessed a girl's suicidal tendencies. With that fresh on my mind, it's difficult to think clearly. And you seemed angry with me for no apparent reason. There are dozens of disorders linked to such mood shifts."

"That's your excuse?"

"Tell me why you were so angry with me? Because a random girl kissed me, or a second touched me? Or a third one wanted to have sex with me? Could it possibly be that you were jealous?"

"Jealous? Of who? Those sluts that throw themselves at you?"

"Of me," he said calmly.

"You're delusional," I said instead. "Besides, you certainly don't seem to mind it, now do you? You just let them come to you, when in truth you're the one who's way bigger and stronger. You accept it, because you let them continue."

"It's not like that."

"I saw that girl kiss you," I said, feeling like I was winning this argument. "And the second one who was groping you. Alright, maybe there's a momentary shock. But how long does that last? How long, before any real resisting person pushes the other one away?"

"Don't know," he said slowly.

"Come on, aren't you a psychiatrist? Maybe one second. Or two. Right?"

"Wouldn't know."

As frustrated as I was, I leaped forward.

My lips touched his.

It wasn't meant to last for long. I only started this kiss to prove to him that you usually got over your shock in a few seconds. That's when you pushed somebody away.

I was expecting him to push me away like he did with the others.

Mr. Grey wasn't doing any pushing at all when we passed well over a few seconds. Instead, both his hands held my face, covered my ears and held me steady. I shivered, because for some strange reason, his hands were hot and they felt like fire against my frozen ears. His lips moved softly against mine, but mine were too frozen to do anything at all.

I felt a tingling near my ears where his fingers started making small circles around them. That was also the moment I felt his tongue, slowly entering my mouth, yet instantly waking me up.

I snapped out of the trance I'd been and pulled back abruptly. Mr. Grey held my head tightly while he looked at me an unknown look in his eyes.

"Quite a few seconds," he said. "And you didn't even bother with a friendly retreat. My feelings are wounded, Rapunzel."

I may have parted from his lips, my mind was still a terrible, terrible mess.

"What? Why didn't you push me away like those others?"

My voice was laced in despair.

"You're nothing like those others," he said.

The bus wasn't in sight, so I would walk back to the hospital and wait half an hour for the next.

Either that, or he would hear how my heart was pounding incredibly hard.

"I suppose the bus has a delay or something, but I'm just going to wait for a little while in the hospital," I said monotonously.

"The bus doesn't have a delay," he said, still seated calmly. "It drove past us."

I missed my bus because he and I were kissing?

"Do you need a ride?" he asked.

A ride? What kind of a ride?

His car of course.

What the hell did that kiss do to me?

"Oh, no. No. No."

I glanced back. I wasn't even sure what I was looking at. Anything but him.

"No. Later," I muttered, blinking twice real fast.

"Shit, wait. Fuck. Look at me."

I flinched both times he cursed. That was another thing with me. I didn't do well with cursing. My body reacted to it in horrible ways. He appeared before me and his eyes softened when they met mine.

He managed to get a thrill out of me that no other man, not even Jake, had awakened inside me. I felt like a deer caught in headlights. I was afraid of my own feelings. They felt like a force field.

"Please don't believe the lies you're telling yourself. I'm not playing games with you. I also felt it."

"Felt what?" I said too quickly.

He stepped forward and I jumped back. He watched me in trouble but then slowly brought his arms forward until his hands took mine.

"What are you doing?" I asked quickly.

"Giving you a ride home."

"You really needn't-"

"It's my fault you missed your bus. Let me make it up to you, please."

"I don't even know who you are."

"Look at me."

I did, and I was petrified of him and whatever it was that he was doing to me.

"I have to tell you something," he said. "About yesterday. I parked my car and I looked to my left. I saw a beautiful lady, sitting in her car with a big smile on her face. I looked away for just a second and when I looked back, you were gone. You're right, I was in a rush, but only because I was trying to find you. And I did. In the cafeteria. If there's anyone who was doing the stalking, it was me."

When I tried to pull back, he pulled me toward him harder so that my chest pressed against his.

"Do you always leave when someone shows you his interest?"

It was starting to become a pulling competition where I pulled once and he pulled me back.

"No. No. No."

It wasn't true.

"No?" he said with raised eyebrows.

"You hate me," I said.

"Never," he said, taking one step closer.

His body was too close to mine and I couldn't even form a proper sentence.

"Liar," I muttered.

"Why would I fucking lie to you?"

He watched me with a hard scowl.

"Why do you flinch each time I curse?" he asked strangely with a scoff.

Indeed, I had when he said that word again.

"It's nothing," I muttered.

"You sure?"

"It's none of your business."

"Is it Jacob?" he asked. "Did he abuse you? Did he call you sweetheart, followed by a fist?"

"What? No! He never hurt me!"

He laughed which caused me to shrink away from him.

"Keep telling yourself the lies you want to believe. I believe he hurt you a fuck load when he cheated on you and each day you kept loving a scumbag who was fucking another girl behind your back."

I sank through my knees and his tight grip on my shoulders quickly went to my waist.

"Hey," he said in confusion, but his hold on me was strangely comfortable. "Are you okay?"

My own hands went on top of his lower arms to steady myself.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly with some regret in his voice. "Come with me."

"What?" I asked worriedly, pressing my back into the wall behind me.

"I'll drive you straight home, alright?"

My voice was lost when he pulled me with him, one of his arms around my waist. I followed him until I noticed his car. He opened the door for me and I tried to get in without thinking too much about the gentlemanly gesture.

"You needn't do this," I said in a sigh.

"I do," he said from close behind me.

After another sigh, I went in and he shut the door. The car held some warmth, which made me wonder if he'd driven it recently and if so, why he was in the hospital. But what did I care about him?

He stepped in and started the car.

I looked outside and watched the hospital disappear from sight.

"Where do you live?"

"I actually need to go to the city centre."

"Okay. I've forgotten about your name."

"I never gave you my name."

"That's very true. But I read it yesterday before I called you in the waiting room and you weren't there."

"Not my fault."

"I wasn't accusing you."

"Why are we talking?" I asked in frustration.

"Anyway, I saw your name in my computer but I can't remember it."

"Then look it up."

"Very well."

He dropped that subject and started with a smartly played interrogation.

"You look like you're in your early twenties."

"Uhu."

"Twenty-two, three?"

"Twenty."

"A sharp mind such as your own must surely go to college."

"Nope."

I noticed his scowl and I sighed. I was being a rude after all.

"If you must know, I work in a café."

"Which one?" he asked.

"Newton's."

"What were you doing at the hospital this evening?"

"I offered a customer to give her a ride because she fell and couldn't drive."

"That's kind of you."

I tried to bring the conversation away from me, and instead more to him.

"Anyway, do you always work so late at the hospital?"

"No, my sister sent me a text. She got in an accident and told me she needed a ride home. Since I live close by the hospital I told her I'd come."

"Shouldn't you be with her then?" I asked with wide eyes.

"Yes, I saw her but there have been three major accidents tonight and all the doctors need to prioritize. That's just bad luck for patients who only had a minor accident like my sister. I went to buy her something to eat, because... Well, anyway, that's where I found you."

I found it odd how he trailed off, as if he needed a reason to buy something to eat. When you're hungry, you eat. It's not rocket science. I thought of Alice, being in that hospital as well. I thought of her eating disorder. I couldn't imagine what it was like for someone to think about food all the time. It was probably time consuming.

This did explain why he was in the restaurant-café.

"Shouldn't you have gone back to your sister?"

"After you walked away, I called her and asked if it's okay if I come back a little later to take care of some things. She knows she can call me anytime she wants."

"Oh, okay. So, shouldn't you take care of those things you told her about?"

We were almost near the café so I told him to go right and park the car before he missed the turn.

"I am," he said, turning the key in the ignition and stepping out of the car.

I blinked a few times as it clicked.

He meant me.

"Why?" I muttered once I got out of the car. "Why did you come to the bus stop?"

"Because I was being an asshole, but it hasn't got anything to do with you. It's...I didn't want you to leave, believing that's who I really was."

"Alright. Thanks for the ride."

"Also, I wanted you to know that I didn't mean to make you feel small. I'm very sorry."

"O-Okay... Thanks, I guess."

This night kept getting weirder and weirder.

"And I apologize for the way I provoked you. That was unprofessional. It won't ever happen again."

I nodded.

"Can I ask a personal question, Rapunzel?"

I sighed deeply and gave him a look for calling me Rapunzel, yet again. I wasn't even blonde.

"Fine."

I brought my eyes to him and waited.

"What would he have talked about yesterday, if the appointment had gone through?"

I wasn't even sure what would have flown out of my mouth if I'd talked to him for an hour. I looked at him without saying a thing. What was I supposed to say anyway?

"Can I ask another one?" he continued.

I shrugged. Why wasn't I walking away?

"How did your mom and dad die?"

I couldn't bare to look at him for long after that question.

"What happens when someone calls you sweetheart?"

My mom, that's what happened. It reminded me of my mom in the worst ways. I blinked a few times too quick, hoping he didn't see the tears in my eyes.

"Can I ask one more?"

He's mentally torturing me.

Is this what psychiatrist did with their patients? I was so glad yesterday morning the appointment didn't happen.

"Why do you flinch when someone curses?"

My throat felt like it was blocked by a heavy object. With those questions answered, my entire past would be uncovered. He was a very good psychiatrist. It hadn't taken him much time to figure out what to ask me. I was glad I owed him no answers.

"Why do you get to ask all the questions about me?" I asked quickly. "What about you?"

"Me?" he asked, taking a few steps forward in my direction. "Do you want to know about me? Didn't realize you were interested."

"I'm not," I said curtly.

He grinned but it wasn't in a condescending way. He seemed happy, which was odd. I thought he simply liked to make fun of me.

"I'm twenty-five. I work at the hospital as you already know. And when you kissed me, I didn't want for it to end."

"I gotta go now," I mumbled. "Thanks for the..."

I waved at the car and stopped talking, because one more word and my voice would break.

While my back was to him as I was walking to my car, he called one more thing to which I stopped walking.

"Can I have your number?"

That gave me a strong sense of déjà vu.

I turned, but only my head and scoffed at the question.

"I'll regret it if I didn't at least try," he said with a shrug.

"Well, you tried," I said. "Bye!"

I was certain that I'd seen him by silly accident two days in a row. Anyway, what could possibly be the odds that I'd see him again tomorrow?