"Wait, why did you not refuse her? All Princess are the same! They ask for a kiss, then they vanish, never to be seen again!" yelled Meredith. The other knights were splitting their sides in laughter as Meredith berated Jack, who was struggling to wipe the last of Candice's lipstick off his face. "Well, Meredith, why don't you go and kiss the Princess later?!" he shot back. "Hey! I'm not queer!" she said. "Well, then how do you explain the kiss marks on your helmet, then?!" Jack countered. "Oh! You—you!" Meredith fumed. Anyway, that was the argument over. "Um, guys, I think we should be focussing on that." Caleb pointed to the princesses being carried away. "Very well! Onwards!" Angmar yelled, raising his axe. "Come on then! Shaza'kiel!" he shouted, firing a blood-drenched bone spear. It impaled a barbarian. "Come on! Can't let our Blood Knight here get all the fun, can we?" Jock said, rallying the team and charging forwards.

Chapter 2, Level 1: Forest Entrance

Along came a gang of thieves with some weird dinosaur/alligator-like two-legged steed. A group of barbarians followed, too. "YAAAAHHHHHH!" The thieves shouted, bearing down with their swords, bows and clubs. The barbarians followed too, waving their axes and swords. "GRRRRMMMMM!" "For honour!" shouted James. Three bursts of flame neatly roasted the thief riding the dinosaur/alligator thing, and suddenly riderless, it stood shock-still. Jack took the advantage and took a running leap onto the alligator/dinosaur. He then rode back and forth among the slashing swords and swinging maces, slicing into thieves as he went. In a short time, they had mown down all the thieves and barbarians. Caleb noticed a fallen bow still clutched in the blood-wet hand of a dead thief. "Might come in handy." He mused, picking the weapon up and slinging it to his back. Two waves of thieves now rushed in, one at a time. The team watched as Jack went into his element. Calling upon the wrath of the lightning, he rained down blazing bolts of electricity to fry the thieves. He smote around with his mace, crushing heads and shattering spines. Several thieves attempted to surround him and kill him, but he leapt up high in a burst of lightning, zapping the thieves to death. He yelled as he fought, for he delighted in war.

"Wow," was all that Meredith could say as Jack tore around, yelling and smiting. At last, he stood in a pool of blood, his mace drenched in the coppery liquid. "Fun, that!" he cheerily said, stepping out of the puddle of gore and hopping onto the dinosaur/alligator. "Come on! They went that way!" he shouted, before riding off and through a leafy glade. "Castle Crashers, follow him! Don't worry about me; I'll make it back to the castle." The wounded Sir Thomas, stabbed in the side during the skirmish with the barbarian boss, managed to say before limping off, using his sword as a crutch. Then, the seven knights followed Jack into the forest, full of excitement and trepidation at the danger and mystery that would cross their path soon. James, however, noticed a few musical notes floating from behind a bush, and went behind it, only to find a round, orbicular owl following him as soon as it saw him. "Oh, well. Come on then, Owlet." James petted the owl and they followed the team, Owlet carrying an apple from a nearby tree.

Chapter 2, Level 2: Thieves' Forest

As they hacked their way through the sort of tunnel made by leaves and branches, they could hear the faint sounds of "Help me!" made by the princesses. "Press on! Our goal is very near!" said Samuel. But when the knights finally emerged out of the tunnel, there were no princesses to be seen. All that could be seen were leaves, branches, birds and a straight, wide path…and a bush with legs. "Hey! That's not normal!" said Joe, running up to the bush…

…only to get knocked back by an arrow in the shoulder. "It's a thief in disguise!" shouted James, hurling four fireballs at the walking bush and reducing the thief inside to a crispy, charred pile. "What gave you the hint? Those black, soundless shoes?" grunted Joe as he carefully extracted the arrow and slapped a bandage over the puncture. As they crossed over a grassy mound, a sudden tremendous boom echoed through the forest. BOOM! An owl perched on top of a tree branch did its…um…doings, all over an innocent bush before keeling over into that same bush. "Press forward! There are strange happenings now in this forest!" Jack said as he groped in that very bush and to his delight, found a boomerang. Useful.

Advancing on through three waves of thieves and Meredith acquiring a floating seahorse, the Castle Crashers came to a surprisingly neat campsite, teeming with thieves. However, the thieves paid the knights no heed as they rushed away from an abandoned mill, absolutely terror-stricken. A huge rectangular black fur-covered thing lurched out of the mill, dropping balls of black fur that rose up into smaller, fragile black fur-covered things holding leafy twigs as weapons. "Trolls! To arms! To arms!" yelled Jock, beating down one with a mighty hammer stroke. It disintegrated instantaneously into a pile of burning black fur with eyes. There were many smaller trolls, and the larger troll mother, but the smaller trolls were so fragile, though huge in number. Much like a Zerg rush, to be honest. Angmar slew great numbers with great strokes of The Maw, Jack and James worked together to char the onslaught of trolls, Joe caused the trolls to slip on ice where they were sliced apart, Caleb poisoned large numbers, Jock leaped and twirled among the trolls, smashing their heads in with his hammer, and Samuel and Meredith cast spell after spell to kill the trolls. At last, when the horde was finished and the troll mother had stopped to rest from all the spawning, the eight heroes charged up to her and battered away. Startled, she tried to spawn more, but her resources were exhausted, and soon her fur crumbled away to reveal a white skeleton, that crumbled into dust, too.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! The same echoing footsteps. "Into the mill!" shouted Angmar, waving his weapon and charging in, as did his teammates.

Chapter 2, Level 3: Abandoned Mill

The Castle Crashers tore into the mill, and they found a herd of deer pacing around the wooden floor anxiously. A hideous snuffling and snorting from outside. A massive black fur-covered clawed limb clawed at the empty air through the door and suddenly, a horrendous eye lurched through the door. "RAGGGGHHHHH!" the gargantuan troll roared. Everyone literally jumped and started to run, the knights on the deers' backs. Everyone was trying to push their mounts to the maximum, the deer taking no notice of the exertions, though. All the while the giant troll tore after them, destroying the mill as he went. Only once the unlucky Joe crashed into a log and was smashed into the air by the troll, but otherwise no one was harmed. On and on the giant troll chased them through the mill, until finally the Castle Crashers and their deer mounts rode off the end of the mill into the chasm, and the giant troll made a sort of "GRRNOOOOOGHH!" sound as it narrowly missed sweeping Jock off his deer.

Chapter 2, Level 4: Rapids Ride

"Splash! Splosh!" the Castle Crashers crashed into the river. On the riverbank, they noticed, were two pairs of thieves, each pair carrying Princesses Jasmine and Elsa. "Watch out for the bats!" yelled Caleb, swinging his sword wildly at the black furballs with wings and teeth. "Bats? What bats?" Joe asked, still dazed from smacking headfirst into the water. As if on cue, a bat latched onto the back of his helmet and tried to bite through it. "HEY! Get off!" he yelled, freezing the bat and tossing it away. Instantly more came. "Castle Crashers! Get onto anything that floats! It will be easier to fend off the foul creatures!" Jack shouted, electrocuting a bat. "Copy that!" Samuel said, hauling himself onto a wooden plank and slicing four bats in half. Soon, the eight knights had all found some form of flotation device and were madly slicing up bats. However, the bats stopped coming, and a new threat came: a huge olive-green fish/frog thing with a spiked collar that swam near and then dived at a knight.

"Watch out!" Jock said, striking it on the head, then hurling a knife from his belt into its throat. Sort of crying, it sank down, dying. Waves of these frog-fish hybrids came at them, and suddenly, they were surrounded. An ancient wrath came over Angmar. "Katra zil shukil!" He yelled, and slammed The Maw, crackling with blood magic, into the water. A red shockwave tore through the clear water, killing the fish-frogs upon contact. The water was now clear again. Finally, one last fish-frog came up, simmering with rage. However, it had no chance to attack, for a huge cannonball screamed through the air and crushed its throat from within, killing it.

Chapter 2, Level 5: Catfish

A small but heavily armed, armoured and well-furbished warship sailed up. It was packed with ranks of grey knights, and at the head of the boat, King Richard and Sir Thomas! "Castle Crashers! I have come to aid you! Look out!" Everyone watched as a massive amphibious cat lurched out of the water, meowing in anger. On its head sat an anthromorphic white bear sizzling with rage, with a red pawprint on its forehead. "Now, I don't know who the hell you guys are, but you will never get to the wizard and the princess captives! Get 'em, boy!" he yelled, clacking the reins. The cat-fish meowed and coughed up three disgusting hairballs, mixed with…mud…organic waste…fish…and spit? The three pellets floated towards the ship. "Knights! Destroy the hairballs! Buy time for my cannoneers!" Richard yelled, seizing a bow and firing an arrow into one ball. Good. It sank beneath the waves. Caleb hacked one to shreds and Meredith used her rainbow chains to disintegrate the last.

"Curses!" yelled the bear. He urged the cat-fish into the water and made it slice through the water, knocking down any knight it hit. "Careful!" muttered Joe as he was sent sprawling from his perch and into the water. "Why is it always me?" he shouted, jumping out of the water and firing ice shards into the cat-fish. That only angered it, and again, Joe splashed into the water, courtesy of a massive blow from the cat-fish's brawny fist. "That's it! This is the last straw!" screamed Joe, unleashing a snowstorm of ice that sealed the cat-fish in place. "Now, Sire!" he yelled. "Fire one!" Thomas boomed. A cannonball zipped through the air and smashed into the creature's head, causing it to see stars. "Castle Crashers! Now!" said Jack, and fired five balls of lightning, searing the fur off the cat-fish's chest. They managed to reduce it to half-health before it recovered from the blow and knocked every single one of the knights off their perches.

The cat-fish hocked up another 3 hairballs, and this time, they were not so lucky. The balls smashed into the warship, causing the cannonballs to drop into the water. "Ah-ha! See? I told you to retreat!" yelled the bear as he let go of the reins momentarily and fired a fish from his bow. It slapped Joe in the helmet, who temporarily winded, dropped into the water. "That's one down! Seven, heh, to go!" the bear crowed, firing another fish that zipped past James' ear. James looked up, incensed. He hurled six fireballs at the bear, who dodged all. "Ha!" the bear said, but before he could command the cat-fish to capsize the warship, Joe leaped out of the water behind him on an ice fist. "Wha-?" was all the bear could utter before Joe froze his blood and sliced off his head. "Now!" Richard shouted, and the freshly-loaded cannonball flew through the air and dropped itself into the throat of the now riderless cat-fish. With a strangled meow, the cat-fish sank beneath the waves and all that was left was the bloodied fur of the bear pilot. "We did it!" Caleb smiled as he swiped an apple from the river and munched on it, regaining some health. The knights had a brief celebratory cheer, then hastened to follow the warship, and onto a new chapter.