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Teal Me Another Tot of Rum, Please
By Elf/Kameka
Detective Jake McCartey looked blearily across the table at his drinking companion, Captain Bruno Dante.
"So, Jake, what was it like bein' a surfer?" Dante asked before tossing the last of the amber liquid back.
Jake smiled a dreamy smile. "Awesome. You juss go with the flow, at the mercy of nature." Jake demonstrated that by listing first to one side, then the other, just barely keeping from toppling from his seat.
"Any close calls with sharks?" Dante sloppily poured liquid into their glasses, managing to get a good amount on the already sticky table.
"Man, did I ever! There was one about this big," Jake leaned back and spread his arms, the chair tilting dangerously back with the force of his weight. "It was a tiger shark. Be-ootiful. Went after Charlie, the guy next to me. Great surfer 'til then."
"Hurt?"
"Only about a hundred stitches in his leg," Jake explained, "but after that, he wouldn't go near the ocean."
Dante stared at the rookie. "You never wanted to give up?"
"Yer in THEIR home. Ya do anythin' around nature, ya gotta be ready for the consekenses."
Dante nodded at this sage piece of advice.
"'Sides, where'd a quitter be?"
Dante shrugged, finishing off the rum in his glass to poor himself another. "Those ya want ta quit don't."
"Who ya want ta quit, Cap'n?" Jake held out his glass for a refill.
"That bitch Petzini."
"Aw, Cap'n, she can't quit! I don't wanna be stuck in an office all day with a smelly guy!"
"You sure?" Dante asked with a leer on his face.
"I'm not gay."
Dante shrugged and went back to his pet hate. "She bugs me."
"Cap'n, with a body like that, she can bug me an'time."
Dante laughed and lifted his glass. "True."
Jake clinked his against Dante's, falling over the table. "Aw, yuck." He set the glass down hard, alcohol sloshing over the side, and placed both hands on the table to push himself off it. Too hard, he decided, as he flipped the chair back and flailed for a second before landing with a solid thud on the tile floor. "Damn."
Dante lowered his head to the table and snickered into the glass. "Time ta go." He stood up and tossed a bunch of bills from his wallet next to the glasses He walked over to where the the ex-surfer was still laying dazed and bent at the waist, bracing himself on the table with one hand as he lowered the other. "C'mon." He helped the blonde to his feet, keeping him steady by wrapping an arm around his waist.
"Thanks, Cap'n."
The two men stumbled through the door onto the chilly street. They made their way to the curb and peered down the street. "Need a lift?" Dante asked as he hailed a cab.
Jake shook his head. "Nah, live that-a-way," he gestured in the direction.
Dante looked at the blonde man with a critical eye over the open door. "Ya can't drive."
"I'll walk. Gotta shortcut. Central Park."
Dante nodded and folded himself into the cab. "Kay. Bye."
"See ya, Cap'n." Jake waved until the car was out of site before he started making his unsteady way to the shadowed park.
He entered it, carefully staying on the pathway, tripping over loose stones while he sung under his breath. Slowly he made his way until he was about halfway through it, by the lake. Suddenly, he became aware of eyes watching him.
"Who's there," he slurred as he spun, the momentum proving too much for him as he crashed to the ground.
There was no answer, only the wind sliding through the trees.
"I'm a cop!" He shouted, fumbling for his badge.
Nothing answered him. The wind died down, leaving only an unnatural silence. Gradually Jake became aware of bright eyes watching him in the darkness.
He lifted himself to his knees and looked around, frantically searching for a way out.
He was surrounded.
Switching his goal, he fumbled instead for his cell phone, frantically turning it on and pressing #3 on his speed dial.
"Yeah." Sara Pezzini's voice could be heard from it.
"Sara!" Jake whispered desperately.
"Jake?" Sara's voice was incredulous. "Why the hell are you calling me this late, Jake?"
"Sara, I'm surrounded!" Jake whispered, hoping his senior partner would come to his rescue as she had a million times before.
"Where are you, Jake?" The sounds of Sara getting dressed could be heard over the phone.
"Central Park," Jake answered, idly wishing he was with Sara at that very moment.
"What kind of fool goes to the park alone at this time of night?"
Jake didn't answer, still caught up in his daydream of Sara undressing.
He was still lost in it when the roar of a motorcycle could be heard. It died down and Sara crept towards where she could see Jake kneeling on the pavement still holding his phone to his ear. His badge lay on the ground beside him.
"Jake?" Sara looked around for who had surrounded him but saw nothing. There was no blood and he wasn't laying down. That was promising. After making sure there was no one around, she holstered her gun and knelt beside the man, shaking his shoulder.
Jake shook himself out of his daydream to find Sara's concerned face next to him. "Sara!"
Sara flinched back at the smell of alcohol on his breath. That answered her earlier question about what type of idiot goes to Central Park alone at night. "Whew, Jake, how much have you had to drink?"
Jake shrugged. "Wha'ever the Cap'n din't drink," he answered, obviously uninterested in the current conversation. "You look be-ootiful, Sara."
"You went drinking with Dante?"
"He asked, Sara. I'd go wit' ya if you asked me. But ya dun't." Jake shook his head forlornly.
Sara stared at the man before her and shook her own head. "Forget it. What'd ya talk about, Jake?" She started to maneuver herself to get him up off the ground.
Jake, now almost standing, gestured, a movement that almost took him back down. "Ever'thin'. Surfin', forces of nature, you."
Sara let go of Jake's waist in shock. "You talked about me to Dante?"
Jake nodded as he tried to catch his balance, helped by the return of Sara's arm.
"Never mind, I don't want to know; Where'd the guys who surrounded you go to, Jake?"
Jake gestured towards the shores of the small lake.
"They swam away?"
Jake shook his head and pointed at one of the ducks just barely in the water.
Sara blinked. "The ducks surrounded you?"
Jake nodded. "Yep."
Sara let go of Jake slowly and stepped back to study the inebriated man. "Let me get this straight, Jake. You go out drinking with Dante, you talk about me, then you go for a walk."
Jake nodded again. "Home," he explained.
"And then you called me at 4 AM because you were surrounded by a bunch of ducks!?"
Jake scuffed his toe on the ground. "Din't know they're ducks. Outnumbered," he said, as if that explained it all. "'Sides, you gotta stalker. Know how ta hannle 'em."
Sara took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and counted to ten as her father had taught her. Opening, her eyes, she caught sight of the self-satisfied smirk gracing the tanned face of her partner. "Jake, remember the forces of nature you and Dante talked about?"
Jake thought for a minute before nodding, more to agree with her then having any real memory.
"Was I in that discussion?" The Witchblade morphed from it's benign bracelet form into the gauntlet.
Jake thought again, this time taking longer since he had nothing to really agree with. "Nope."
"What did you say about me?"
Jake thought again, his smirk growing wider as he leered at her. "Yer a bitch but ya gotta great body."
Sara started counting again, reaching 29 before taking a deep breath and forgetting it. "You put me in the wrong part."
Jake nodded in agreement, glad she wasn't asking questions he had to answer.
"You should have put me in the 'forces of nature' category." Sara stepped forward and swung her arm in an arch as a blade came out of the gauntlet, cleanly slicing through his abdomen.
He fell to the ground clutching his stomach and stared wide-eyed at the infuriated woman before him.
"Don't you ever wake me up at 4 AM again!" Sara shouted at him before stalking off in search of large amounts of coffee. The motorcycle came to life, the roaring of it's engine blocking out the falling of Jake McCartey's body.
The End