Chapter 3
That night, as I lay in my bed, trying to get to sleep, I pondered Frank's words.
"You fell in love with him!"
I? In love with Riff Raff? I giggled to myself. Oh, he is my brother, but love...?
"I know, you were an outcast as a child, and he was the only one that loved you."
An outcast? I stretched myself out in the bed, enjoying the way the sheets and blankets felt against my gorgeous legs, my stomach and my breasts. I ran my fingers through my thick hair. In a society as image-conscious as that of Transsexual, there was no way I could have been an outcast. It was impossible that a pallid, emaciated, antisocial man could have been the only one to love me. Yes...he DID love me. But he wasn't the only one.
"You were a quiet, brooding introvert and everyone despised you for it."
If you didn't count my scores of boyfriends, who loved those qualities. They never knew whether kissing me would cause me to reciprocate in kind or to storm off, and they seemed to enjoy that uncertainty.
"He was the only one who understood you then."
My brother does not understand me. There really is only one person who understood me, and that was Frank. He doesn't understand me anymore, but he used to be the only one who knew what's it was like to feel far superior to everyone. He was the only other person in the universe who knew how to use people for his own pleasure, just as I do. Did.
"He's the only who understands you now, you and your hatred for me (and I know you hate me)."
Hate Frank? Riff Raff hated Frank. But I could not. Even when he no longer loved me. Even when he started using more than just my body. Even when he *stopped* using my body, except to hit, whip and beat it. I couldn't stop myself from being attracted to his looks, his voice, his confidence and his charm. I couldn't stop myself from realizing that he was just like me, even if he didn't see it. And I will always love him.
"Your parents forced you into slavery under my rule."
Laughable. My parents opposed my going anywhere near the slut. Unfortunately for them, I was drawn to Frank, and slipped away into the night to be with him, never to see them again. Riff Raff followed me soon after.
"And your dear, sweet, older brother was the only one who was there for you."
Dear and sweet were not exactly words one could use to describe my younger brother. Yes, younger. Granted, he had aged incredibly poorly, but I was the elder. He was the younger, more naive, less experienced sibling. An easy target.
"You adore him."
The most ridiculous statement of all. He adored me. He was obsessed with me long before that night. And what I did just served to augment his obsession. But do I regret it? Not then, not now. Then, I just thought I was cruel, and I admired the quality. It reminded me of Frank. But now, now Riff's the only thing I have left.