Whatever Will Be

Rated T for language and some strong sexual content.

Chapter 3: "Confessions"

Do I pinch myself to wake up?

I can't help but pull back hesitantly. "Um," I whisper, "why did you... Why do you keep... uh, I don't really know what to say."

She smiles devilishly at me and I laugh awkwardly.

"Okay what's going on? Am I on some practical joke show? Why do you keep kissing me?"

She sits up straighter and looks away from me. "Just because."

"Just because why?"

She shrugs. "Men suck."

I raise my eyebrows in shock. "Uh, I know you got your heart broken, but that doesn't mean all men suck. Only some of them. Trust me, there are some amazing guys out there. And one day you'll find the right guy. If you just give it time you'll-"

"Tori, stop talking," Jade demands bluntly. I roll my eyes in reply at the rude remark. "Maybe you think I'm being stupid by saying that guys suck, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid for kissing you."

I feel my hands get all clammy and my heart starts pounding harder than it already was. "What?"

"Seriously, I'm done with guys. And don't even try to pretend that you don't spend most of your time staring at me. Or more specifically, my chest."

Oh my god I'm gonna freaking puke. "Are you okay? Are you under the influence right now? Seriously, you're not making sense... You don't like girls that way, and neither do I. I mean this is all just kind of out of the blue and it's really weirding me out."

"Relax, Tori." She smirks.

I gulp quietly. "Uhhh, not to be rude, but I feel like this is all some kind of sick joke you're playing on me."

"Well it's not. This is the twenty first century and here in America when two people like each other they date."

Oh my goodness. I stand up suddenly, despite the fact that I was having a dizzy sensation. My throat feels like it's closing and my heart feels like it's going to explode. I shake my head out of pure shock. "I... I need time... to actually take this all in. This whole situation with Beck only happened a few days ago. I can't say anything until you at least talk to him."

She stands up, hands on hips. "Why do I have to talk to that asswad?"

I shrug awkwardly. "Because... he's been your boyfriend for a really long time. You guys have a long history together and I'm just... Tori. I'm a girl. You can't seriously want to date me. Don't you love Beck? I know what he did was wrong, but he still loves you! He told me! People make mistakes, maybe you should just forgive him and-"

She steps closer to me, resting a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, calm down."

"I can't calm down, Jade. You kissed me. Twice. I know your heart was recently ripped out of your chest, but it's not fair to keep doing this to me."

"Doing what?"

"Playing with my feelings," I answer exasperatedly. "I'm really confused about what gender I like and you're not helping!"

She seems shocked by my confession and I'm shocked by it too. And then she seems upset. "Is it my turn to talk now?"

I nod soundlessly.

She sighs, "I just... I don't show my feelings to a lot of people. I don't show my feelings to anyone, really. Except Beck. And you, like you pointed out yesterday. And it kind of got me thinking. Beck has been with me for a really long time, but he never really was there for me when I needed him to be. I loved him, no doubt, but people change and maybe I need some change my life for once, for the better. And maybe it's just me, but even when I treat you like absolute shit and shun you and act like you don't matter, you still care about me and you always are there for me. I don't know why you don't hate me yet, but I do know that... you're special because of it."

I stand there, completely still with my jaw slightly dropped. I feel like I just imagined all of that.

"Jade, that's sweet, but you should still talk to Beck..."

She scoffs and storms past me. "Suit yourself," she says, slamming the door. I sit back down on the couch, head in hands, trying to take in everything that just happened. I replay my kiss with Jade under the rain. I replay how she just takes my face in her hands and presses her lips against mine with a beautiful determination.

Oh man. I'm so screwed.

It's been almost a week since Jade and I last locked lips and we've hardly talked. I feel as though her heart felt confession and my panicky verbal outbursts ruined things in a way.

I stand by my locker, eyeing Jade at hers. I need to know if she talked with Beck yet. It's killing me. I slowly make my way over to her, taking a deep breath. "Jade?"

She turns to me hesitantly. "Tori?"

"I was just wondering if you've talked to Beck yet."

"I'm sure you'll be disappointed to know that I haven't."

I frown and look away awkwardly. "Why won't you talk to him? At least try and end things on a good note between you two."

"I don't get why you want me to talk to Beck so badly."

"Because... you and him not being able to be in the same room together is totally ruining the dynamic of our little group, and I just want things to be normal again."

"Me too," she says numbly. "Now tell me the real reason."

"I don't want to talk about it in the middle of a busy hallway..."

She shuts her locker, grabs my wrist, and drags me to the janitor's closet. From the corner of my eye I see Andre watching the whole thing from the stairs. I hope he wont ask me to explain any of this.

The closet door closes and Jade crosses her arms. "Okay, now can you spill?"

I nod hesitantly. "I just want you to talk with Beck because if you stop being stubborn you guys can make up and get back together."

"But I don't want to get back together with him. I'm done with guys," she says, raising her voice. I flinch at her angered tone. "I completely poured my heart out to you last week and all you've done since then is pretend that I don't exist. I thought you cared about people's feelings."

"Jade, of course I care about your feelings, but I... I'm scared."

"Scared of what?" she asks, exasperated.

"What people will think, I guess. There are a lot of couples at Hollywood Arts, but there's hardly any gay couples. And I'm not even sure I like girls. I guess I just need to experiment, which is normal. Trust me, I've googled it. But I'm also really scared that your current hatred for the male race is just a phase..."

She rolls her eyes. "Why do you give a damn why anyone else thinks of you?"

"I don't know. I just do," I shrug.

She takes a small step toward me. "If you don't want to be public about this, then we can date in secret until you're ready to come out. Sound good?"

I gulp. "I guess so, but-"

"No buts." She smiles and kisses me on the lips quickly, so quickly that I have no time to even react, and then she's out the door a split second later.

I stand completely frozen and unable to move a muscle. I'm dating Jade West now. Oh my god.

A/N: Hi peeps! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Before I end this chapter (and before you so kindly leave a review) I wanted to respond to a comment someone made on the last chapter. They said it seemed a little out of character for Tori to be swearing, but I've never made her swear out loud only in her narrative thoughts. I think we all swear in our minds. LOL.

Btw, I'm going to try to update every Friday now that school is out for the summer. :)