Slowly, Minato adjusted to life in the apartment. Living with a woman took some getting used to, even if Kushina wasn't…traditionally feminine. Inoichi hadn't been lying when he told Minato that Kushina had been the "Red-Hot Habanero" of her high school. Despite her peculiar habit of acting out scenes while editing – scenes from Jiraiya's book, which involved a lot of straddling and being slammed against walls, and kami how did Shikaku do it? – Kushina was actually a nice roommate. She and Minato got along well enough, and if Minato was being honest with himself, she was… gorgeous. Not that he spent a lot of time admiring her; Kushina had a vicious right hook and he wasn't anxious to feel it again. Most days, he and Kushina got along.
Unfortunately, today was not one of those days.
It wasn't that they weren't getting along; the day had started off as usual, with Minato saying goodbye to Kushina and leaving with Inoichi before sunrise (Shikaku had worked the night shift at the hospital and slept in late). When Minato got home – later than usual; Sarutobi-sensei had asked him to oversee detention, and to Minato's surprise and disappointment, both Obito and Kakashi had been there – he just happened to overhear a conversation that was best left unheard.
"Hear me out!" Kushina said. "What if Minato gets into an accident? What if he's horribly disfigured, and I have to identify him, and all that remains are his private parts? And I'm standing there and I'm saying, 'Sorry officer, I can't help you because no, I haven't seen his penis.' And then boom, he's buried in an unmarked grave."
Minato choked. Shikaku raised an eyebrow at him; Inoichi and Kushina, absorbed in their conversation, hadn't noticed his entrance. "I'm just saying, Shina, it doesn't seem that realistic. You don't have enough experience with men to identify him based on that. Plus, your virgin eyes can't handle seeing that." Inoichi smirked.
"Virgin?" Kushina scoffed. "You of all people should know that I'm not a virgin, Inoichi!"
Minato collapsed on the couch beside Shikaku. "What the hell?" he asked, incredulous. "What. The. Hell."
Shikaku looked more amused than anything else. "Are you confused about Kushina wanting to see your manhood, or Kushina dating Inoichi?"
"Both," Minato admitted. "But I'm more worried about the former."
"Inoichi let slip that we all went to high school together. He was telling locker room stories. I'm sure she'll forget all about it in a few days."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Minato asked, frowning at the brunet. Shikaku shrugged and closed his eyes.
"Oh, Mina-chan, you're home!" Kushina leapt onto the couch, landing beside Minato and smiling at him. Inoichi heaved a long-suffering sigh and sat by Shikaku. "I've been meaning to ask," Kushina continued, oblivious to Minato's discomfort, "but what grade do you teach?"
"Grade six," Minato said, looking away from the energetic redhead.
"So it is you!" Kushina was practically bouncing with excitement. "You're Obito's sensei!"
All three men looked at Kushina, confused for three very different reasons. Inoichi was the first to speak. "How the hell do you know a sixth grader?" He scowled, inexplicably jealous. So not only was Kushina living with her ex-boyfriend, said man was jealous of… a sixth grader.
"Uchiha Obito?" Shikaku asked, blinking slowly. Kushina nodded quickly.
"How do you know Obito-kun?" Minato said at last.
"Well he's Fugaku's nephew," she said, as though that explained everything. Seeing Minato's questioning glance, she elaborated. "Mikoto was my roommate, before they got married, and sometimes Fugaku would bring Obito over." For some reason, Kushina seemed very proud of knowing Obito. Minato would have to ask his student about that. "Does he still have a crush on that girl?" Kushina pressed against Minato's arm insistently, looking up at him imploringly. "And what about his rival? Bakashi, or something?"
"You mean Kakashi?" Minato's voice shot up an octave. "Hatake Kakashi?"
"He's the grumpy one with grey hair, right?" Kushina tapped her chin and narrowed her eyes. "I could've sworn Obito said his name was Bakashi, though."
"Kushina," Inoichi interrupted, distress written on his face. "What parent in their right mind would name their son 'Bakashi?' You didn't honestly believe that, did you?"
Kushina huffed and stood, scowling at Inoichi. "Whatever, baka. Anyways, Mina-chan, this is great! Fugaku said that Obito had a blond sensei named Namikaze-san, and I asked if he was girly-looking 'cause I figured it would be you!" She grinned. "It's almost like fate, right?" She dashed out of the room as Minato flushed and spluttered and tried to tell himself that Kushina hadn't meant that kind of fate, she probably just meant that it was coincidental, or –
Who was he kidding? Minato had only known the girl for three weeks, and he was already half in love with her. Fate indeed.
The rest of the week was unbearable.
If there was one thing Minato couldn't stand, it was students passing notes. Now, he found himself passing notes for Kushina and Obito. True, Kushina wasn't his student, and wasn't physically in the classroom with them, but still. The worst part? It was completely willing. Minato could have refused to pass Kushina's notes along to Obito. He could have also refused to give Obito's replies to Kushina. But he didn't. Which is how he found himself handing a folded up piece of paper to Kushina as he sat beside her on the couch after school.
Kushina unfolded the note, violet eyes lighting up as she read it. She laughed, and Minato found himself watching the way the sunlight filtering through the window caught in her hair. "Obito must be a handful, Mina-chan," she said at last, looking up at him. "He says he got into another fight with Kakashi-san today. And something about a psycho girl named Anko?"
"Anko's alright," Minato defended. "She spends a lot of time with Orochimaru-sensei, but she's alright." If only he could think of a way to keep Orochimaru away from all of the children. Sure, he was an old student of Sarutobi-sensei, but he was creepy! What kind of grown man wore purple eyeshadow and spent time alone with female students? "And Obito fights with Kakashi every day." He smiled fondly. "They're best friends."
Kushina's eyes went comically wide. "Best friends? But they fight so much!"
"They haven't admitted it yet, but they're best friends." Minato winked at Kushina, smiling. "Actually, they might be coming over tomorrow to work on a project for the school festival."
"No! NO!" Inoichi burst out of his room and half-fell onto the floor in front of the couch.
"Were you waiting by your door for Mina-chan to say something so that you could come out here and talk to us?" Kushina said, blinking. She smirked at Inoichi.
"No," Inoichi lied. "Anyways, what is this about bringing children into our home?"
"My home," Kushina corrected. "My apartment, you guys just live here. And Mina-chan can bring Obito over if he wants, it'll be fun~" Inoichi (reluctantly) fell silent. Minato smiled at Kushina gratefully.
Looking back, Minato really should have let Shikaku know that three sixth graders would be coming over after school. But he hadn't expected Shikaku to be making out with a leggy brunette – really, of his three roommates, Shikaku was the least likely to be caught in a compromising position. Still, there was no denying that that was exactly what was happening. Minato dropped his bag, shocked. His hand instinctively raised to cover Rin's eyes. Obito, not the most mature of Minato's students, burst into surprised laughter. Kakashi simply closed his eyes.
Great. His poor students… What was Namikaze Minato, sensei extraordinaire, going to do to fix this one?
AN: Hope you liked it~ The end was a little rushed, but I'm trying to keep chapters short. Consider this a two-part "episode," with Chapter 4 next week. I'm really excited to write little Obito and Kakashi! And next week (if I actually start writing chapter 4, I'm so behind schedule T.T) will be the beginning of Minato and Kurama's war! It's a fight to the death – no, really! Kurama may be a cat in this fic, but he is just as violent as the nine-tails.
Anyways, thanks to everyone who read, followed, favorited, or reviewed! Reviews are always appreciated, and if you have anything from the show New Girl that you want me to include, or really any funny/awkward/sad/etc. situation you want to happen, let me know in a review or pm!
FlowOfEna: Thanks~ Inoichi is a lot of fun to write, even though I'm basing him off of Ino and a character from New Girl lol. People seem to like Kurama – Kushina definitely loves you now, she doesn't get why her boys hate Kura-chan!
Guest: Haha, Kushina isn't actually a virgin, it's just been a very, very, very long time. And she and Minato will start getting ~closer~ soon, but their relationship wouldn't be, well, a relationship without some good, old-fashioned meddling from Jiraiya. Expect Pervy Sage to make an appearance soon!