Author's Note: Uh... hello?

Q: Where were you when I needed you?!

A: Watching Love Live!

Q: Is your writing career over?

A: *Is in the process of writing a Love Live! fanfic*

Q: Finish your other stories first!

A: Someday.

Q: Who are you again?

A: Good question.

Q: When did you write this?

A: Just now. No, really.

Q: It's shitty!

A: What did you expect?

I don't own KonoSuba. Yeah.

Standing on the edge of a cliff, the buff executioner asked with his gruff voice.

"Any last words?"

"...Please reconsider."

He silently kicked me off of the cliff.

While falling, I can hear booming cheers of joy, unquestionably coming from women who had wrongly accused me of crimes that I did not commit... or so I told myself.

Does it really matter, though? I mean, I'm falling to my death right now.

As I watched the ground growing nearer, I closed my eyes... and ate a mouthful of mud.

"Blegh!"

I coughed the mixture of mud and smelly swamp water (don't event want to know what else are mixed in those) and raised my body that's half submerged in the swamp.

Apparently the executor stayed true to his words. He chose a suitable ledge that's not too short nor tall, with mud soft enough to break the fall below.

Which means that I'm safe for now... or so I'd like to say if I hadn't looked up.

A huge shadow loomed over me.

A drop of saliva dripped down its huge jaw, a sign I can only perceive as that of hunger.

And its eyes... God, its eyes. Those are eyes of a predator staring at its prey.

Like a snake ready snap at any moment.

Only I'm the prey, and that's not a snake.

It's a giant fucking frog.

"...Should've gone to Heaven instead."

"Where is it? I'm pretty sure I threw it inside here..."

"Hmm? Oh, you're that newbie who become an Arch Priest! What're you doing rummaging around the trash can like that? Don't tell me that that guy you're with ran away with your funds and so you're searching for leftover food...?"

Aqua twisted her shapely lips into a pout and answered in annoyance, "Of course not! How can you even suggest that this glorious, holy vessel of a Goddess would eat any of your filthy rotten mortal food? Preposterous!"

"Um... okay. If you say so. I was about to offer you this sandwich I just bought but-"

*Chomp*

"..."

*Nom nom*

The adventurer smiled wryly while clenching his twitching hand, but then sighed and calmed himself down.

"So, what were you doing back then?"

Their words seems to brought Aqua back from her sweet afterglow (it was a cheap sandwich, by the way).

With a solemn expression unbefitting of her previous behavior, the self-proclaimed Goddess spoke in a serious manner.

"I'm searching for something."

"Oy, sex offender below! Catch!"

"Don't call me things that I've never done!" is what I would've answered with if I wasn't busy trying to catch the thing that was thrown at me from above.

A crossbow and a quiver of its bolts.

"Don't die too early, okay?! It won't satisfy the women if you go to Heaven early after all!"

How could you call me sexist while shouting things that could be taken the wrong way yourself?! I'm a victim!

Sigh... calm down, Kazuma. Use that high INT of yours. I closed my eyes to hasten my thought process, and start to assess my current situation.

First, there's a horde of titanic frogs ready to leap at me.

Second, the only weapon I have on hand isn't nearly enough to defend against one of them, let alone the number I am currently facing.

Third, I have zero experience with weapons. I don't know how to use this useless piece of wood! I mean, I played Skyrim and all so I'll probably be able to figure it out of you give me some time, but seeing the horde in front of me, you'd say that it's already a miracle that they haven't attacked yet.

I read once that some frogs are nocturnal predators, so that might explain why they haven't attacked yet. You know what else I've read? That some are also highly territorial and will attack on sight, so this doesn't really make sense. Why are they staying still like that? Some kind of intimidation tactic? Do human taste better when they're colored in fear? Speaking of fear, most of my willpower is focused in keeping my bladder shut. Those frogs sure have weird fetishes if that's really the case.

Well, this might sound crazy to you but maybe, just maybe, this is some kind of leeway given by God in order for me to share my thoughts to silent higher dimensional observers who are currently enjoying my struggles and suffering.

...As if, right? Haha.

Anyway, considering those three points, I have several options that's I'm going to list based on how easy it is to achieve.

Number one. Give up and let myself get eaten for entertainment.

...My best option is to die?! I don't want to die as a laughingstock TWICE! Rather, I don't want to die again!

So, number two. Fight to the death.

...Even if I can fight (I cannot), I'd still die in the end.

I only have one option, huh.

Choice number three. Buy time until Aqua finds my Adventurer's Card in order for me to change my class.

I can't believe that I'm putting my life in the hands of that useless Goddess (self-proclaimed), but what else can I do.

Please hurry. I'll even join your shady cult if that'll make you come faster.

I opened my eyes and applied my Skyrim know-how onto my crossbow, somehow managing to insert a single bolt.

I aimed at the largest frog in front, and shouted with the loudest volume I could manage.

"Come here you amphibians!"

I pulled the trigger.

"Eh?! You already threw it outside of town?!" Aqua shouted in shock.

The counter Onee-chan nodded with a troubled expression.

"Yeah, we always throw it in the evening at the outskirts of town, near the swamp. Oh, speaking of the swamp, isn't that guy you're with there? I was about to go watch once my shift ends, how about coming along?"

"JUG-O-RUM."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

I shouldn't have done that. The bolt completely missed despite the size of those monsters, and the only thing it accomplished is stirring the silent horde into a frenzy. Now I have tens of frogs leaping around me like a meteor while sticking their long tongue as I ran and dodged with my life on the line. Stop it with the tongue, I'm not into that kind of thing, okay?!

And what's with that call?! JUG-O-RUM?! With that deep, sexy baritone voice, I bet that you could become a famous singer. How about it? Not a bad deal, right? It's definitely a better and more stable livelihood than eating random adventures, right?

Yeah right! Like hell I can reason with frogs.

As if on cue, I tripped on something and tumbled onto the ground. I rolled around until a pile of trash stopped my momentum.

I looked up in a daze.

"Well, shit."

I'm surrounded on all sides.

Is this it? My next chance at life, gone into the depths of an amphibian's stomach?

"...God, whichever one, if you could hear me right now... then I beg of you. Help...!"

"Your prayer has been heard."

"?"

"Your savior has answered thy prayer."

"?"

"The mandatory donation to the Axis Cult is 1,500 Eris per month, plus an optional fee for praying, singing, and praising my name. Of course, for the measly amount of 900,000 Eris, you can become my personal attendant. Imagine the honor of fetching cold beer straight to your Goddess' hands!"

"?"

"What are you waiting for, Kazuma? Change your class!"

The figure standing high and mighty on top of the trash pile I'm currently on threw a piece of paper towards me. I caught it, and then confirmed the contents. It was my Adventurer's Card.

It was then that I finally figured out what was happening. She had actually come. That blue haired tag-along I brought with me. I begin to laugh.

"...Thanks."

"You better be! I went through so much trouble to find it."

[CLASS]=キリト

[SKILL]=ASSIMILATION

"Assimilation."

With the activation of my only available skill, I, Satou Kazuma, stopped being myself. I've reached a higher, no, the highest order of existence possible for a mere human being, a state that could only be described as divine. This overwhelming power flowing throughout my body, this knowledge and skill being engraved into my head... I've merged with the strongest being that has ever existed.

No, this is more than just merging with him. I've become him.

A coat of pure black covered my body, as my hair and eyes turned into the hue of the deep starless night.

"I."

A menacing black sword materialized in my right hand, its luster as deadly as its edge. The reassuring weight felt comfortable, like I've swung this thing hundreds of thousands of time.

"Am."

Another sword appeared in my left hand. Shining like a beacon, the bane of darkness. Its strong light ready to push everything that stands in its way.

"Kirito."

That's right.

"STARBURST STREAM!"