Okay, this chapter gets a little nuts so it's super important that everyone remembers not to take anything seriously!

I keep getting reviews and private messages about how "this isn't possible" and "how could he not be injured?" and such. This is a silly fiction not meant to be taken 100% seriously.

Just read the author notes. I won't be answering anymore questions about it.

As Sora fell asleep, Riku slowly slipped his hands away. He pulled the covers up to Sora's chest and tucked it under him securely.

"…"

Riku stared down at Sora's sweet face as he snoozed peacefully for a few seconds before slowly standing back up.

"He's cute," Axel cooed quietly.

Riku carefully undid the straps and wrist restraints as he saw Sora squirm a little in his sleep. He rubbed both the brunette's wrists to soothe any burns.

"Mm," Riku replied at last as he finished tending to the patient and stretched his back out. He smiled as Sora turned on his side, apparently a fetal position sleeper.

"He's… kind of spazzy."

"You certainly don't seem to mind," Axel waggled his brows at Riku, earning him a glare.

"He's a patient. That would be against hospital protocol," Riku said, very professionally, but there was a definite hint of pink in his hansom face.

"You know," Axel changed the subject easily as he checked over Sora's charts again, "he has no serious injuries. No broken bones, fractures, concussion… He only has some bad bruising and scratches."

"… And?"

"So why is he still here?"

"I'm going to have him x-rayed," Riku said simply, taking up his tiny sandwich at last. He un-wrapped his puny burger with his back to Axel and began to eat.

"Why?"

"He apparently broke his leg and never had it properly checked. After a huge fall like that I thought it best to get his legs x-rayed before he leaves."

"I see," Axel ate his curly fries slowly as he watched Riku's back. "… Also a great excuse… to keep him here longer."

Riku coughed on his burger before jerking his head to his boss. It took a moment for Riku swallow properly.

"Wh-What?"

"Oh, nothing," Axel assured sarcastically while crossing his legs. "Just don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"What wouldn'tyou do, though?"

"True. Flip that around then; don't do anything I would do."

Riku shook his head and then quickly finished off his sandwich. Just as he was throwing the wrapper away he heard a ringing coming from the table next to Axel. Though they were mostly destroyed all Sora's belongings had been kept in a neat pile over a small dresser in the back of the room meant for patients. On top of the pile of half-burned clothes was a little cell phone. It vibrated wildly as it sang a cute little tune.

"Weird, I thought this was broken," Riku said, curiously walking over and flipping the phone open. The screen read "Leon". "Hello?"

There was a sigh of annoyance on the other end.

"You're not Sora."

"No, I'm not," Riku frowned. "I'm his nurse. He's asleep. Can I take a message?"

"Just tell him the new vict- volunteer has arrived and we are conducting first impressions. If he can't make it back to interview the guy today the subject has agreed to meet him early tomorrow. Eight sharp," and with that Leon hung up.

Riku committed the message to memory and closed the phone.

"What a dick," Riku murmured to himself as he replaced the phone over the scrapped clothes.

"Who was it?"

"The phone said 'Leon'. It sounded like he's Sora's co-worker," Riku turned back to the boy on the bed.

"You worried he's competition?"

"Shut up, Axel."

Sora's cell began to go off again. The little screen blipped to life and began to sing loudly. Sora barely stirred in the bed, which prompted Riku to quickly pick it up.

"Oh boy, it's his mom this time," Riku said as he answered the phone. "Hello, Mrs. Islands?"

"MY POOR BABY!" Came the shrill cry of Sora's mother. She sounded a little clogged, as if she might be choking on her own cries. "Is he okay? Did he have an operation? Where is he? Is he stable? Oh land, he's dead, isn't he? He's dead and I'll never see my little boy ever AGAIN!"

"Mrs. Islands!" Riku called, trying to be heard over her shouting. "Calm down! Your son is fine! He's just asleep."

There was a shattering breath on the other side of the phone. Riku could hear her blowing her nose out on the other side.

"Who is this anyway?" She asked with a smile in her voice. She sounded totally calm and happy. "I knew this couldn't be Sora, his voice isn't quite as deep. How come you have his cell phone?"

"He's at the hospital. I'm his nurse," Riku said politely. "He's just resting, as I've told you."

"Resting?" Her voice began to stretch again. "As in… As in DEAD?"

"No!" Riku yelped, holding the phone away from his ear with a wince. "No! Resting as in sleeping! He's just taking a nap! No, not a dirt nap!"

Riku's cell began to shake in his pocket just as he was struggling to calm Sora's mother down again. He let out a long sigh as he quickly pulled his phone out while holding the cell with the hysterical woman away from his ear a second. He tossed his phone to Axel.

"Hello, this is Axel Dance, Head Nurse in charge at Hollow Bastion Medical Facility."

"Ma'am, listen to me! Sora is fine. I'll be sure to have him call you as soon as he wakes up. Yes, he will wake up," a second line began to blink and beep on Sora's cell phone. "Alright, yes. Okay, have a nice day ma'am."

Riku switched lines, once again having to hold the phone away from his ear. On the other line was the voice of Tidus and another male he was struggling over the phone with that had a bad islander accent. They were arguing with each other and asking Riku questions, both trying to be louder than the other to be heard.

"Mr. Wise! Please calm down!" Axel was practically shouting as if over some loud traffic. "I understand! Yes! He is just fine! Yes! No, he is not dead! He's sleeping! No! Yes! Okay! Bye!"

Axel sighed as he closed Riku's phone, shaking his head.

"Apparently, that was Sora's boss. Is everyone around this kid insane?"

Riku's phone began to jiggle in Axel's hand again just in time for another line to pop up on Sora's phone while Riku was still trying to figure out what Tidus and his friend were saying.

"Uh, Axel? We're having a small problem at the Nurse's station," said a young woman through the intercom.

Axel stood up and walked over to the intercom, choosing (quite wisely) to ignore Riku's phone. He set it to mute as it continued to ring and pressed the button for the intercom.

"What is it?"

"Um," began the young lady, sounding a little exasperated, "we have, like, fifteen calls coming in for Mr. Islands."

Axel quirked a brow in surprise and then turned to look at Riku. They stared at each other, equally shocked. Riku decided it was wisest to hang the phone up on the boys.

"Tell everyone he's fine. Don't mention he's asleep, just let them know he's… he's at his x-rays and he's alive," Riku replied to the intercom.

"Or ignore them, I don't care which," Axel added while rubbing his forehead gently.

"I told them he's resting, but they just think that means he's dead! When we try to ignore them they end up holding up all the lines!" There was another phone call in the background, which the nurse on the intercom answered, "hello? What! How dare you fake a heart attack so you can speak to him! Dear god..."

The intercom signed off.

"The kid's popular." Axel said, giving Riku a sympathetic smile. "Just like you were in high school, except it's not swarms of girls ready for a romp."

"I didn't date that many girls…"

"I'm sorry, remind me... How many STD scares did you have again?"

"That is not cool to bring that up."

"Just admit it, you were a whore in school. In truth, it's kind of surprising you haven't touched anyone in years."

"What if the patient hears you?"

"That's another thing; when did you turn gay? I guess that part isn't so weird, but it's almost more surprising you'd be so into this kid than you avoiding sex, with the standards you used to have."

"I… I just… He's- "

Sora's phone began to ring again. Riku rolled his eyes before growling at the little thing.

"Ah, shit," Riku said, moving to hand Axel Sora's phone as well. "Can you cover for me?"

Axel examined Riku's face a moment, suddenly frowning. Riku's face was as cold as ever, but his eyes were clearly sad. He moved to take the phone, stuffing both that and Riku's cell into his pockets.

"Sure, but you owe me. A lot more than a pepper-jack burger," Axel began to munch on his ignored sandwich as he stood up. He handed Riku his radio and then walked to the door.

"If you haven't called in his x-ray, do it now."

Riku nodded, and then watched his boss leave. He heard rustling coming from the bed behind him, which prompted him to turn just in time to see Sora stretching in bed. He smiled.

He is really cute… even his stretching face.

"Wuzzal the noise about?" Sora asked sleepily, flopping down across the bed. He smiled warmly at Riku. He slid his hands and arms under his head under the pillow. "Where did Axel go?"

"He had other duties to attend to. He is the Head Nurse," Riku replied while walking over to the bed. He ruffled Sora's hair, noting how soft it was.

Sora laughed, playfully swatting at Riku's hand.

"So," Sora began as he snuggled back into his hospital bed, "did I get any calls?"

"No," Riku growled irritably, which made Sora jump with shock. The brunette blinked at him in surprise.

"Um, oops. Sorry.. Just having a rough day with technology."

Sora tilted his head at him.

"What happened?"

"Nothing," Riku pat Sora's head again. "Just go back to sleep."

Riku certainly didn't seem like he was in any mood to deal with nonsense, so Sora just relaxed into the bed as best he could. Yet, he was wide-awake now. He turned to look at Riku, watching him rub his temples roughly like he had a bad headache.

Hmm, Sora thought as he watched Riku. He was just able to keep himself from sighing dreamily at the poor, stressed nurse. I wonder if I'll ever see him again after today… If I were more of a masochist I might wonder if there was a way to stay longer.

Sora sighed, feeling confused and a little lost as his eyes began to close despite being so awake.

Riku bit his piercing.

Dammit…

Riku moved to sit on the edge of Sora's bed, looking down at him.

"Really, I'm sorry."

"For what?" Sora asked, opening his eyes and smiling again. He chuckled. "For keeping me hostage? I forgive you."

"I'm not sorry for that," Riku laughed, "but I am sorry for snapping at you."

"I didn't consider that too bad a snap so it's okay," Sora assured, patting Riku's hand that still sat on his shoulder. "I hear worse daily from my co-workers."

"Still… Just a lot of stuff going on at once."

"You're not sorry for keeping me here longer than necessary?" Sora asked playfully. "I keep telling you, my leg is fine."

"I'm worried. Excuse my crazy nurse side," Riku said with a musing smile.

"I'm guessing I really did get some calls," Sora chuckled, though he had a nervous smile.

"... Plenty." Riku twitched, but kept his temper this time. "I had the receptionist take messages."

"Anything important?"

"Yes, one at least," Riku began, absently petting Sora's arm. "Your co-worker Leon called. He said they were conducting second interviews with the volunteer at eight in the morning tomorrow."

"Second interviews?"

"Yes. He said the subject okayed it."

"Ah, thanks."

The intercom came on again, but this time it sounded more like an accidental call.

"Dear land, does that kid have some weird fanclub or something?"

And it shut off again.

"Ouch," Sora chuckled through a wince.

"Yeah," Riku rubbed the back of his neck.

"Sorry," Sora began nervously. "It's weird how everyone likes to ignore me most of the time, and then whenever the slightest bad thing happens to me- bam! They all get worried and start to stalk me at once."

"They care, that's all," Riku finally smiled. "You're a loved person... That's never a bad thing."

Sora blushed and grinned like a five year old that was told they would grow up to be a model.

"Thanks," Sora said sheepishly as he tried to rub the blush out of his cheeks. "When do I get x-rayed? Not that I want to rush to it, but I would rather it be done sooner than later."

"I haven't had the chance to call them yet," Riku moved to get up from the bed, turning Axel's radio on.

"Hello, Station One? This is Nurse Riku using Axel's radio."

"This is Station One, go ahead."

"I need to schedule an x-ray for a patient's leg."

"We won't have an opening for another two hours."

"I have an idea," Sora said slowly, tapping his chin as he looked at Riku. "Why don't I just come back tomorrow? Get x-rayed then?"

Riku gave Sora a warning look before responding with a quick, "that's fine. See you in two hours," and turning the radio off again.

"But why? I'll come back, I swear!"

"People with phobias tend to run. I'm keeping you here, so stop that."

"I... I do not have a phobia! X-rays are great! Go radiation poisoning!"

Sora's eye had twitched at that. He tried his puppy face again; watering his eyes and sticking his bottom lip out.

"No," Riku said firmly, somehow immune to that face. "You're staying. Now behave before I tie you up again."

"I am behaving, just arguing my side."

"Then stop arguing and go back to sleep."

Sora grumbled, laying back across the bed and crossing his arms stubbornly.

"...Can't sleep now..."

"Do you want me to feed you warm milk and sing you a lullaby?" Riku cooed sarcastically, sitting back on the edge of Sora's bed. He poked Sora's cheek with a smirk.

Sora couldn't help but pout as Riku messed with him, his bottom lip sticking out.

"Unless you mean making me a White Russian and talking dirty to me while I get drunk, no I don't," Sora huffed.

Riku quirked his pierced brow as he blinked his coal-lined eyes at the pouty brunette. He smirked a little more darkly down at Sora, leaning in close.

"So, you want me to talk dirty to you?" He said in a playfully husky voice. "My, aren't we less innocent then we seem?"

"Wh-What?" Sora burst red all over his face, right down to his chest. His whole body trembled from the close proximity and the seductive look on Riku's face. He gulped hard, immediately shaking his head. "I didn't mean it! I mean, I did- but no, not like that! I-I'm not dirty!"

Sora whined, ducking his face into his hands.

"Can we change the subject, please?"

"You started it, you dirty minded child," Riku said, sitting back up straight. He was still smirking, though.

"I said it thinking it'd turn you off so badly that you'd walk out of the room or something!" Sora admitted in a voice that was muffled by his hands. "I didn't think you'd add to it…"

So I like you, bite me. "Make all the excuses you want."

Sora whined again, barely looking between his fingers to glare at Riku like he was the most evil person on the planet.

"Mean Riku nurse... Making me get an x-ray and bullying me…"

"The best way to rid a phobia is to face your fears."

"Riku, you can get diseases from that just by standing next to it! That's not even directly in the beam of evil!" Sora said, clinging to Riku's arm and laying his head on the male's shoulder. "You'd be risking us both!"

"It's a one to one million chance we'll die of radiation poisoning," Riku laughed, putting one of his large hands over Sora's. He pet the brunette's fingers comfortingly.

"That's just dying! You can get horrible sicknesses and diseases and radiation poisoning and not die! Just be put through hell for years on end."

"Calm down already," Riku said with a roll of his eyes. "It's not going to kill you. I promise."

"It could deform me!"

"It won't deform you!" Riku's voice was breathy with exasperation. "Sora, you seem like a reasonable guy. Pull yourself together already."

"It could," Sora mumbled, then sighed. "Let's just get it over with..."

"Good." Riku said. "Now, just relax for the next couple of hours, okay?"

"Hey, why don't we make-out?" Sora said with a sarcastic tone. "It'll calm my nerves."

Sora chuckled dryly to himself, not at all realizing he had said that out loud.

"… If that's what you want."

Sora blinked when he heard Riku's reply. A deep blush instantly blazed across his face as his head snapped to Riku.

"Oh land, I said that out loud!"

"Yes you did," Riku said with another smirk. "Can't take it back now. I knew you had a dirty mind."

"Y-You can't be serious," Sora laughed nervously as he stared shakily at his nurse. "Why would you want to? Y-You barely know me!"

"The formula for this situation is easy: I'm a big nurse and you're a spazzy scientist, and we're in a private room of a hospital with a possibility of being caught," Riku explained, oddly casual. "It makes for great porn."

"What!" Sora squeaked. His eyes grew wider the more Riku spoke. He gulped to try and wet his drying throat, but it only seemed to make it worse.

"I-I… I'm not… good at those things."

"So you say, but you haven't even tried yet."

Sora stared at Riku, trying to read his face to see if he was serious or joking with him again. He assumed the latter, and responded by scowling at the nurse. Riku laughed at the look Sora gave him before ruffling his hair again.

"Excuse me," Riku said as the radio called his name suddenly. "This is Riku, go ahead."

"Looks like we have an early opening in the x-ray room. Go ahead and bring the patient up with his papers."

"Understood. Thank you."

"You guys sound so military…"

"It's just basic protocol," Riku said with a shrug. "Come on, we need to go."

"That reminds me… Aren't cell phones a big "no-no" in hospitals?" Sora asked, not budging.

Riku gave Sora a flat look, stuffing the radio into his pocket. He crossed his arms.

"Yes. Cell phones are not allowed to be on in a hospital in certain rooms since they can affect the machinery. It's a pain in the butt specifying which rooms are okay for cells and which aren't, so only the staff can use cell phones. We use them to communicate between the nurses since it is more accessible than the intercom and only the bosses get official hospital radios."

"Oh, that's interesting," Sora said, his hands gripping tight to the bed. "So you're not really supposed to use it either?"

"Not technically, no, but it's been deemed necessary on occasion," Riku moved to force Sora out of the bed, pulling his tight hands from around the bed bars. "Come on, stop this. If we hurry there might still be time to get a steak for dinner or something."

"A steak? Dinner?" Sora asked with a dumbfounded blink. He was so surprised he had accidentally loosened his grip, which allowed Riku to forcibly jerk him from the bed. He sighed. "Fine. I'll be good."

"Good, now gets dressed," Riku pulled a gown from under the bed and then pushed the folded dress into Sora's arms.

"Dressed?"

"Yes, you can't wear that."

"Okay, where's the bathroom?"

"Nope, you're staying where I can see you."

"Wha…?" Sora shook his head furiously. "What? You're going to watch me get dressed?"

"Go on, what are you waiting for?" Riku asked, placing his hands on his hips impatiently.

"You're... going to watch me?"

"It's not anything I haven't seen before. Hurry, I can't hold that table for long," Riku said as though everything were completely normal.

Sora whined. He walked to the other side of the bed, turning his back on Riku. He had to force himself to pretend the other wasn't there as he began to strip down. Slowly, he began to pull the shirt up and off his lithe shoulders.

Riku didn't really watch Sora out of respect. Instead, he kept his eyes on the wall in back of him. He kept his arms crossed while waiting patiently for Sora to get in his gown. Once he was ready, Riku stepped to the door.

"You ready?"

"Y-Yeah…"

"Come on, then," Riku ran his nails gently across Sora's back through the gown, smiling gently. "Remember, you're going to be okay. X-rays are not a big deal."

Sora nodded, taking a big breath as he walked out first into the hall. Riku pointed toward the right end of the hall, but Sora suddenly dashed off to the left.

"I'm sorry! I can't do it!" Sora called apologetically as he frantically ran down the hall. The only warning most people got before he zoomed past was the slapping of his bare feet across the linoleum floor.

"Oh no you don't!" Riku growling in a feral voice as he quickly caught up to the brunette. He stretched his hand out toward his gown.

Sora sped up his running as fast as he could. He skid around a corner and just narrowly missed a small group of nurses. Sora looked behind him to see where Riku was for only a moment, but that turned out to be a bad decision. Just as he looked behind to see how far Riku was Sora's bare foot caught on someone's lost slipper. He tripped over the slipper and fell flying forward into an open closet full of robes.

"Ow…"

Riku skid to a stop once he reached the closet.

"That's it! I'm tying you up!"

Riku quickly pulled at the cloth belts around the thin robes, grabbing at least three. He tied Sora's ankles with one, Sora's wrists with another, and finally tied them both together with the last belt. Sora was busy recovering from shock as he worked,but immediately struggling once he realized what was going on. The more he pulled, however, the tighter they seemed to get.

"I can't do it! I can't I can't I can't!" Sora wriggled about like a bug.

"Don't make me sedate you," Riku scowled. He carried Sora over his shoulder, blowing some loose bangs from his face. They began to walk down the hall again in the right direction this time.

"Nice catch, Riku," said a young nurse that looked as if he could be related to Axel. He had the same spiky, wild red hair back in a ponytail and eye tattoos. However, his tattoos were larger and more detailed. He was pushing a man covered in a white sheet around in a wheel chair.

"Thanks Reno," Riku muttered.

Sora had gone quiet beyond a whimper now and then as he was carried once threatened with the needle. He looked up in time to see the nurse that had addressed Riku before, blinking at him.

"Who is Reno?"

"He's a private nurse. We have a dorm area for patients that need constant supervision," Riku explained, but he still sounded mad. "Again, the x-ray won't kill you."

Reno winked at Sora suggestively just before disappearing around a corner with the man in the white sheet, making him blink.

"Why did he wink at me?"

"Reno is a pervert, that's why."

Sora looked up and down the hall as he was carried, noticing many nurses were chuckling or giggling at him. Men and women alike stopped and took a second to stare at him.

"What the…?"

"They probably think you're adorable. Just ignore them," Riku said blandly, scowling at every person that turned to look at Sora. His free hand clenched into a fist and he growled low in his throat.

"Mine…"

"What's yours?"

"Eh?" Riku blinked. "Oh, nothing."

Riku finally made it to the x-ray room, moving to walk inside. He placed Sora over the table.

"Now behave this time!"

Sora only didn't squirm because he knew Riku was probably very serious about the needle subject. That didn't stop him from whimpering like a puppy being punished, however.

"Do I have to, honestly..?"

"Yes," Riku said while sighing and cracking his shoulder. "It will only take a few minutes, okay?"

"What are a few minutes closer to death anyway?" Sora asked in despair, wriggling uselessly against his bonds.

Riku rolled his eyes again.

"Stop being a baby. Look, here's the doctor. Now behave!"