Wishing for the Never

Disclaimer: Don't own it so nyah.

Joh: I didn't think I was gonna update this but I did! So sorry I took like…months and months to update this! -bows- Please forgive me! I'll cut the crap and start the chapter. No one wants to read about my insane rambles anyway. –Cackles-

Warnings: Slight language

Note: Kaoru is 15 and Battousai is 17…and yes I know their age difference is a lot…bigger in the anime but I choose to ignore that.

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It's raining.

I love the rain. I love the way the small droplets feel as they trail down your cheek, cooling down your skin. The smell it can leave behind once it stops.

The sin it can wash away.

I close my eyes and let my arms hang at my sides, ignoring the shivers slipping through my body. My long hair is plastered to my back and face, looking more brown than red because it was so wet.

The soft rhythmic sound of drizzling rain fills my ears as I slump my shoulders and lean against the wall. I'm not sure what I'm doing…my more sensible side is telling me to hurry home and dry off so that on my next assignment I won't be sick. But I don't move.

The girl wasn't in the café today and I wanted to see if she would make an appearance at all. Maybe she was sick…but she had seemed fine yesterday.

I frown at the thought of her sick. If she is sick then I won't be able to see her for a few days. Her blue eyes, her small smile, her frown, her lips…

A great longing fills me when I think of her. A longing so terrible, so heartbreaking, that I almost wince in pain. Why do I torture myself like this? Every day I come here to get a glimpse of her, and every time I do I can't help but despair. What's wrong with me?

Well…the answer to that is actually quite simple. Everything. I don't deserve to know her, it would be shameful on my part to try and worm my way into her life. I would taint her…ruin her. She's too good for that, too good for me.

Yet…here I am, waiting outside the store's entrance to see if she'll arrive at work. Standing in the rain waiting for someone who doesn't even know my name, how pathetic. Then again, not many do know my name.

"Are you okay?"

I open my eyes and sigh. She's standing right in front of me, watching me with questioning eyes.

She's so close…but…

I force a small smile. "Perfect." I don't lie. She is perfect.

The girl raises an eyebrow and sets her hands on her hips. "You gonna stay out here in the rain or what?"

I stare at her, unsure of how to answer that. I really should be going home now, but I honestly don't want to leave, not when she's actually talking to me. Looking at me, acknowledging my presence.

When I don't answer right away she frowns and pulls her thin coat tighter around her body. "Okay…you can stay out here if you really want to…but it's a hell lot warmer inside." She jerks her head towards the café.

"I guess it is." I say softly. Work can wait.

She gives me a weird look before moving ahead of me and opening the door. I step into the small shop and take a seat at the table I usually sit in. My eyes are glued to her as she makes her way through the tables and hops over the counter. One of the workers scowls and tells her to use the gate. She ignores him and brushes past him, disappearing behind the STAFF ONLY door.

The smile fades from my lips and I turn my attention to the dusty shop window. I can see my blurry reflection in the glass, obscured slightly by the droplets of rain.

The café is quieter than usual today; only two other customers are lounging about sipping coffee and reading damp newspapers.

I sigh again, remembering the work I have to do. Katsura wanted me to meet with him today to talk about my next assignment. Apparently my next job is a big shot guy.

I hope he is. Lately I've been getting small jobs. I got into this kind of business to make a difference, to try and wipe out the people who had corrupted our government.

"What can I get ya'?" a voice drawled.

I look up and relief fills me. The blue-eyed girl is leaning against my table, chewing noisily on a stick of gum. "Coffee."

"That it?"

I nod, watching her lips move.

When she doesn't move away to make my order I realize that she's frowning at me. "You don't talk much, do you?"

I blink at her, too surprised by her question to think of an answer.

She popped her gum and rolled her eyes, pulling out the seat sitting opposite me. "I noticed you come here a lot and you're always real quiet, like you answer questions with one word sentences." She rests her elbows on the table and props her chin in her hands, gazing at me with those disturbingly clear eyes.

I shrug. I've always made an effort not to talk to her.

She laughs. An amazing beautiful sound. "See what I mean?" She pauses and stares at me thoughtfully. She looks up at the clock hanging on the peach colored walls and turns back to me. "Well, since we don't have much business right now, I'm free to talk to you. Try and get a few words out of you, if possible."

Nodding, I stare at her hands. The nails are chipped and dirty, but they still seem delicate somehow. To me anyway.

"I guess I'll start the conversation then." She crosses her legs and leans back into the seat, making herself comfortable. "I like it best when the store is real quiet like this, you know? It's always like this on rainy days because no ones really out walking around. Sometimes it gets so quiet in here you can hear that clock over there ticking. I like the sound. It's really soothing, like a heartbeat."

I stare at her, loving the sound of her voice.

"I hate it when there's a lot of people here. Not only do I have to do more work but it can get so damn loud in here I can't even hear myself think!" she ran a hand through her dark hair before laughing dryly. "I feel like I'm talking to a wall."

"I'm sorry."

She stares at me, blinking several times. "Hey! You said more than one word! Two this time, you're improving." She got up, stretching her arms over her head. "Okay I'll stop bugging you now. You probably want me to shut up so you can get your coffee."

I want to tell her I'd listen to her talk all day if she wanted to, but I restrain myself.

She turns then stops, tilting her head in my direction. "Oh, and my name's Kaoru by the way. Not that you care." She laughs again, almost bitterly this time.

I actually laugh at this, but for a different reason.

Kaoru. I'll remember that.

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Joh: Pretty uneventful. Don't worry, it starts off slow but once I get this story rolling more action will be happening.

Thank you so much for the amazing reviews!