No, no, no, no, no, shit-fucking-fuck, no.
Saki's brain was racing at one hundred miles per hour as she bounded towards the cut up, charred body of her lieutenant, Carlos.
I'll fucking kill him. I'll tie him up too and drag his fat fucking ass around town for this, I swear.
She vowed to herself meaning Maero.
Carlos, bud, please don't be dead. Please.
When she neared him she heard him whimper and sank to her knees, grazing them.
He was fucked. Carlos was lying face down, one leg mangled and disjointed after being trussed to the ass of a Brotherhood truck and dragged along the concrete. His skin was all friction burned and bleeding, the grazes cut deep enough to show the bone. The smell of burned flesh was sickening and Saki balked when she smelled it. It stank like death. Strange black gunk was mixed with Carlos's blood, like pus. Without thinking of his pain, Saki gripped his mutilated shoulder and flipped him on to his back. He screamed in agony and Saki snarled,
"Fuckin' man up, you; Carlos, it's me, can you hear me, kid?"
He did not respond, merely gurgling a response that was blood-filled and agonising to behold. Saki looked away and closed her eyes fighting back the sharp prick of tears.
Fuck me.
She thought as she peered back at his face. This was all her fault. Carlos's face was unrecognisable and disfigured from the torture he had endured. Saki gasped and got to her feet, backing away from him, she shook her head and erratically tugged at her short hair in panic. Flinging her wild gaze around, she could feel her eyes bugging out – she didn't know what to do – she was frozen in place and filled to the brim with regret.
"Get up!" She ordered and tried to hoist him to his feet but he let out a blood curdling scream.
Then realised he was still tied to the truck.
"Fuck, I'm sorry!"
Saki spat out the sick that was in her mouth and stomped over to the vehicle and began kicking the bumper uselessly; even with steel-toed shoes she could not break it off to free her friend.
Oh come on! Come-fucking-on, man!
"It won't come off, kid. It won't come off…" She was muttering to him frantically, breathless.
He wasn't moving. The fucking bumper wasn't moving and Saki fell to her knees again. It was pointless and she let out a sob. She should never have recruited him; this was all her fault.
Was he dead? Saki's head came up and she could feel her nose growing hot with emotion. She wiped it and flung herself up onto her feet, gripping the back of her head, she paced around trying to spot a car to ask for help. There was none and she chewed on her lip, blinking back tears and raindrops.
Whipping out her phone she smashed it upon the ground in a fury when she saw that she had no battery left and bent down to her knees for a third time with her head in her hands.
I'm so fucking sorry, kid.
"B-boss?"
He was alive. Saki jumped up and in her hurry, fell forward a bit as she knelt beside him, ignoring the cuts on her knees; she breathed,
"Yeah, bud, I'm here."
Carlos nodded and twisted his mutilated face into some semblance of a smile,
"I knew you would be…Ah!" He cried out in pain before coughing up blood.
Saki sighed and shut her eyes; opening them to see that he had his ruined hand outstretched towards her. She took it and softly caressed his knuckles, she could see the white of his bones and shook her head and muttered,
"Fuck's sake."
"They got me good…Maero must not have liked his new tattoo, eh?" He joked and Saki let out a short puff of laughter, holding his hand tighter.
He knew he was done. It was almost too much for Saki, but she swore,
"I'll get him fucking better, kid. Don't you worry – I'll fucking cut Jessica's head off right in front of him and make him fucking eat it."
He chuckled,
"I bet you will, boss…"
I fucking will for this.
"Boss?" He sobbed, pleading.
He was nodding his head and Saki leaned forward,
"I'm gonna get him for this, I fucking promise you, bud."
Carlos bobbed his head still and she felt him clasp her hand like a vice. Little fucker was ten times stronger than Maero. Saki bit back her sadness as she cocked her pistol and aimed it at Carlos's face, looking him directly in the eyes, she watched him close them and accept his fate.
Squeezing the trigger, Saki ended her friend's suffering and wept when his hand fell away from hers, dead. She sat beside his body and rocked back and forth on her ankles. It was all her fault.
It just kept running through her head, over and over.
This was my fault. If I hadn't fucked with that psycho…If I had just fucking left it!
She punched the road and felt her knuckles break. Saki didn't care as she uttered darkly in the rain,
"No one fucks with my crew, Maero."
"Oh, but they do."
A voice sounded in her head and her brow furrowed. Saki got to her feet and turned around to see the speaker; she gasped in fright as suddenly she wasn't on the road, it wasn't raining, she was in Purgatory and staring directly at Lin.
Saki's eyes were like plates, Lin was standing there sodden with her hands bound behind her back with blood oozing from her stomach; seaweed clung to her black hair and she was a deathly shade of blue. As was Saki's natural reaction to this nightmare, she bent over and was sick. She wiped her mouth and shook her head,
"No, no, no – this can't be real. Y-you can't be here, man-"
"Why not? You came back from the grave, didn't you?"
"I watched you die." Saki countered, tears in her eyes and another voice said,
"You just watched me die."
Whirling around, Saki's eyes fell on Carlos. He was still disgustingly mutilated and covered in blood, but he was standing there and Saki retched.
"What is this?" She managed and Zombie Lin responded tauntingly,
"What you fucking deserve for letting us die."
"I'm sorry." Saki sobbed, covering her ears and kneeling down. "I'm so sorry…"
"You think that makes it all better?" That voice was Zombie Carlos and he went on,
"I was only seventeen when I came to the Saints…you could get there fast enough for Johnny but not me, huh?"
"It wasn't like that-"
Saki started but was cut off by Zombie Lin, who circled her.
"You should have known I was caught on the phone. But you didn't. Some fuckin' boss you are. You're no better than Julius. He fed his crew to the dogs too, didn't he?"
"Please stop, Lin" Saki snivelled as she began rocking back and forth again.
"We know where you learned your tricks from," Zombie Carlos chimed.
"I tried…I really did, guys." Saki tried to explain to her demons, but they both simply laughed and said,
"Not good enough," It was Zombie Lin. "You know what Sharpe did to me before you came?"
"No…please, I know, I'm sorry-"
"'I think it's time to unwrap you'."
"Maero burned me before he trussed me up, you know. He had me tied up like a fucking cow in the slaughterhouse and you didn't care."
"I did! I do!" Saki was screaming now, squeezing her ears until she thought they might bleed.
The piercings in her ears were cutting into her skull and she shook her head trying to banish the faces of those she had let down.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I…I didn't mean for any of it to happen, I'm sorry." Saki was uttering under her breath like a madwoman, repeating the same thing over and over again until the words sounded weird. "I'm sorry, Lin. I'm sorry, Carlos…I'm sorry for everything."
"We don't forgive you."
It was too much. Saki fell to her side and curled into the foetal position and wept like a child as they stood over her and glared down at the pathetic display.
Even further up, Zinyak looked down on his display.
"Interesting," He mused, observing his masterwork.
"Even a sociopath like you has regrets. I would have never guessed."
The simulation flickered and he shrugged,
"No matter. End simulation forty-two and commence simulation forty-three."
His simulation disintegrated and he saw the forms of both Carlos and Lin dissolve away.
"Let's see how you handle my next little experiment."
Saki's eyes snapped open. She was home. With a yawn she got up and stretched, sitting idly on her bed, she let the sleep wear off. After a moment she got up and went to the fridge, glugging down some juice she was startled when her phone rang.
It was Johnny.
"'Sup, Boss. You ready to take that asshole, Burke, on a ride along? I have something special in mind for him."
Saki chuckled and quipped,
"Is it bobbleheads?"
"Aw, don't ruin the fuckin' surprise, yo. Just get your ass to the safehouse; Shaundi's already on her way."
"You got it, Gat." She laughed, shaking her head.
"Hey, Sak?" He said in a jovial tone,
"Yeah, bud?"
"I gotta' good feeling about today."