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Previously: Rick and Kate visit Ryan in the hospital, and receive a two week vacation from Captain Gates.

III

Rick hurried Kate Beckett into his loft – not wanting to see her leave just quite yet. He was beginning to see the cracks in her armour, the armour she so carefully built around her. She was finally beginning to let him in, even if it was only a little bit but it was a start and a start was all he needed. He'd finally made that move, made the first step and kissed her – the memory of it still making his knees shake and his heart race. He'd do anything for this woman.

The one thing that still got to him was the fact that she had kissed him back and kissed him again in his own bathroom. The second kiss may not have rocked the Earth to its core but it was still as tantalising as the first. Rick yearned for more. Yearned for the day he could shout from the rooftops that Katherine Beckett was his.

A part of him still registered that she wasn't all quite there, not in a crazy way but in a way that Kevin's shooting had knocked her down a couple of pegs. He could see it in her eyes, the damning guilt, the feeling as though it was all her fault and the brunt of it was weighing her down.

'You know it's not your fault, Kate,' he whispered, his lips brushing ever so slightly against the softness of her hair making her jump.

'Easy for you to say,' she said leaving his side to sit down on his sofa.

He took the spot beside her, reaching for her hand, 'No it isn't. Do you know how long I felt guilt ridden after you got shot? There's still a part of me today that thinks it was my fault.'

'Rick, no-'

Rick shook her off, 'I was the one who told you to look further into your mother's case. I made that decision, Kate. Against your wishes may I add. I pushed you to pursue it. I did it, Kate. I did it. I may as well have pointed the gun at you myself.'

'No,' Kate growled, twisting her body to face him. 'You didn't push me into anything. I am a fully grown woman who can make her own decisions. Yeah, you looked into it against my orders but I wanted to keep going. I wanted those answers, Rick.'

'The fact still remains.'

'No it doesn't. We both made choices and dealt with the consequences. None of this was our fault. Do you understand?'

'I- yeah,' Rick replied, the guilt still there but tamer. He'd always feel that guilt no matter how small just as he imagined she'd still carry that guilt over Ryan. It was always so much easier to tell someone it wasn't their fault than for that person to actually believe it and agree.

Rick brushed a strand of hair away from her cheek, allowing his hand to linger for a moment longer than necessary, 'please understand that what happened to Ryan wasn't your fault, Kate.'

'I shouldn't have panicked like that.'

'It's going to take time for you to overcome that panic.'

'I'm not sure if I can,' Kate whispered eyeing the ground, not before he noticed the shimmery gleam now coating her eyes.

'Listen to me, Kate,' said Rick, coiling his fingers under her chin, lifting it until she faced him. 'You are one of the strongest and smartest detectives I have ever known and may the gods be damned but you can do this, Kate. You can do anything.'

They lapsed into silence, each person caught in the ebb and flow of their own thoughts. He needed her to understand that she was strong enough for this but he didn't want to push. With time she would understand and marking a tirade against her tonight would not solve anything. Heck, they had two weeks paid leave. Well, technically she had two weeks paid leave meaning in turn he did too, minus the pay check. Maybe he could whisk her away to the Hamptons for the duration – take her mind off things? Anyone could tell her that she could do with getting away for a while but for right now all she needed was a friendly face and some company.

'You want some wine?' said Rick. 'We could watch a film or something?'

Kate hesitated for a moment, 'yeah, that'd be nice.'

'Awesome. Do you want to choose the film and I'll go get the wine?'

'Sure,' said Kate. 'And Castle?'

'Yeah.'

'Make it red.'

'As you wish ma'am,' replied Rick tumbling himself into a bow earning a dark look from his partner, a dangerous light bouncing in her eyes.

Rick skidded into the kitchen, grabbing two glasses and a bottle of wine from the rack not taking much notice of the label before heading back Kate.

'So what are we watching?' boomed Castle.

'Peter's Friends.'

'I never knew you were one for a Brit flick,' said Castle handing Kate her glass of wine.

'I just wanted to see something light and fun in the light of things,' said Kate shrugging.

'We are talking about the same film, right?'

'Oh shut up Castle and watch the film.'

He grinned at her as she turned on the film. He edged himself back in the chair getting as physically close to her as he could without actually touching her, slinging his arm around the back of the chair.

'Real smooth, Castle,' he thought to himself lamely. 'Keep that up and she'll really start believing you're nine years old.'

Castle felt her body stiffen slightly at their close proximity; the rise and fall of her chest steady and controlled compared to his own. He could sit for hours – even days – to simply admire the curve of her jaw, the flick of her lashes, her shiny lock of hair, her strength of character. She never ceased to amaze and awe him.

Moments passed before Kate grew comfortable or simply gave in – he wasn't sure – and settled into the heat of his outstretched embrace. A tingle flowed through his arm at the contact. He could never tire of this. Of her. Castle shifted slightly, his thigh pressing hard against Kate's. Kate didn't seem to mind or notice, her attention fixated on the screen. Her eyes crinkling at the corners as a slow laugh rippled through her body, echoing in the vast room. The simple beauty of the sound sending butterflies shooting through his stomach, the love-struck puppy gaze never quite leaving his eyes. The shuffle of movement beside him dragged him abruptly out of his thoughts.

'Hey, what's wrong?' said Rick, his voice a horse whisper.

'Nothing. I just wanted to get a glass of water.'

'Hey – no – I'll get it. You stay here. Enjoy the film.'

'Castle, I – you don't have to do that,' said Kate who was already making a move to stand.

Rick pulled her from her wrist, dragging her towards him before pushing her back into a seating position on the coach, 'Beckett, you are staying put. No ifs, ands or buts. You stay here and relax while I go get you some water.'

He was already up and heading toward the kitchen before she could object. He let out a sigh of relief as he neared the sink, his emotions finally catching up with him and washing over the surface. Rick ran the tap, splashing some on his face before grabbing a glass and planting it under the faucet. Kate Beckett seemed to have a peculiar effect on him – awe and excitement converging him in her presence and loss and breathlessness engulfing him in her absence. He had come so close to losing her but here she was, in his apartment. Again. Spending the evening with him when she could be at home.

As he turned from the sink – the glass of water gripped loosely in his hand – he walked into something hard, the air whooshing out of him, the glass slipping from his fingers and tumbling dangerously to the ground. Water slopped at his feet, fragments of glass reverberating across the floor.

Castle looked up into the concerned gaze of Kate Beckett who stood unsteady on her feet. He loped his arm around her waist, steadying them both, drawing her closer in the process, their bodies colliding, melting into each other.

Heat flared within him like electric, the effect she had on him flaring in an instant. His eyes bore into hers, seeking something, anything. Seeing the spark of – what was that? Arousal? – for a flash of a second before he leant forward, pressing his lips to hers wondering how far they'd get before Kate pushed him away. She surprised him, her tongue slipping into his mouth sliding rhythmically against his. Rick's hand wove into the smooth locks of her hair, the other hand sliding along her back meeting flesh where her shirt had ridden up. She shivered beneath him, a low guttural moan escaping her as their tongues picked up pace, dancing and battling in sweet desperation.

Rick pulled back slowly, the overpowering desire to breathe winning over. He leant his forehead against hers not quite wanting to leave her embrace just yet, her hands still curled up in the fabric of his shirt.

He pressed his lips gently to hers once more, 'you know you mean a lot to me, Kate.'

'I know, Rick,' whispered Kate, her hands now like vices gripping onto the front of his shirt.

Rick tucked his finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him. There was something else, he could tell. He could see her clutching onto whatever it was she wasn't telling him clear as day; the weight of it evident in her eyes, the eyes that were now filling with tears yet to be shed.

'I remember,' she said tearing herself away from his grasp. 'I remember Rick and I'm sorry.'

Rick inhaled sharply, the meaning behind her words cutting deep; the day of her shooting flashing through his mind on an endless loop. The whirlwind of emotions he'd experienced that day slammed into him – despair, shock, guilt, anger. He'd confessed his love like a fool, hoping that she'd felt the same, that it wasn't too late. But all this time, all this time she remembered. She'd remembered and she'd denied it. What was it? Was it shame? Did she really think so little of him that she had to lie? But he was the one who didn't have the balls to push it further, to really find out how much she remembered. He didn't even have the balls to tell her that he loved her when she was fully functioning and conscious. What kind of man was he?

Now here they were, Kate stumbling towards the door not able to get away fast enough while he stood there watching her. Castle banged his fist against the counter in frustration just as Kate wrenched the front door open almost tumbling into his mother in the process who had been standing on the other side.

'Kate, darling, what's wrong?' said Martha, staring at the detective in bewilderment before casting a glance at her son.

Kate mumbled her apologies, leaving no time for anyone to ask her further questions as she shot off towards the elevator.

Martha rounded on her son, dropping her bag on the table, 'Richard, what in the heavens happened this time?'

'She remembered.'

'She rem- oh kiddo,' said Martha, wrapping her arms around her son. 'And what did you say to her?'

'I didn't... I didn't say anything.'

'Why not darling?'

'She lied, Mother,' said Rick, staring at his mother incredulously as if that was reason enough. 'She's been playing me all along... laughing behind my back... ashamed of having someone like me having feelings for her.'

'Don't talk such nonsense, Richard. Anyone can see that that woman loves you,' reasoned Martha.

'Oh yeah,' said Richard. 'Then please enlighten me as to why she lied? Because that's not what I'd call love.'

'Did you take one second to ask her why she lied? Did you pause to wonder why she's finally told you that she remembers?' said Martha, handing him a dust pan and a cloth to clear up the broken glass off the floor. 'You are my son Richard and I love you but please remember that she was shot that day. Kate had a lot to take in and I know that doesn't make it alright but the fact still remains.'

'You think I don't remember that she got shot,' said Rick scathingly, slamming the dust pan against the bin, the trickle of glass clanging against the inside of the bin.

'Of course I don't, Richard,' said Martha, squeezing his forearm. 'You think I can't see that haunting look in your eyes every now and then when you look at her?'

'Then why couldn't she tell me she heard me?' said Castle, strutting towards his office in frustration. 'I'd have waited for her. However long it took I'd have waited.'

'Then go ask her, Richard. Talk to her. Don't sit here and drown yourself in a bottle, go and get her!'

'But mother-'

'No, Richard. I have sat by and watched you throw your life away with those train wreck marriages all because you thought you were doing the right thing for Alexis,' said Martha, holding her hand up halting his interruption before he had the chance to get it out of his mouth. 'You've not only found the perfect role model for Alexis but also a woman who doesn't look at you at think about money and fame but thinks about the real Richard Castle. If you did one thing for me Richard, you'd listen and go after her.'

Martha was shoving his keys into his palms – the hard edges digging into his skin – slinging his jacket over his arm and pushing him towards the door before her words finally sunk in.

If he wanted her, really wanted her, he'd fight for her.

Rick turned to look at his mother, a gentle gleam in eye, 'thank you.'

'Anytime Kiddo, go get her.'

Rick left his apartment building a few minutes later, his feet pounding against the beaten pavement. He felt a new sense of hope at his mother's words but the niggling doubt was still not far from hand, bidding its time, hidden amongst the shadows.

He took out his cell phone, Kate's name springing out at him from his calls list and rang her. The relentless shrill of the ringer in his ear followed by the service message left an unsettling feeling in his stomach. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. He'd never seen Kate like this, so broken and distraught as she had been over the last couple of days. He didn't know how far he could push or if he should even try to push at all. Maybe he should let the dust settle for a while, give her a few days to cool off, pull herself together but the thought of her pushing him away at the end of those days for good horrified him.

His mind warred with itself, two sides of an argument vying for domination and neither succeeding. Rick wanted to fight for her but at the same time anger simmered below the surface. Maybe he should have had his mother escort him to Kate's apartment to ensure that he went through with it, his nerves and second-guessing getting the better of him.

Rick barged his way through the rush of men and women trying to get home from work and headed into the old haunt. He needed a drink. A large one. The old haunt was surprisingly quiet for this time of day, elderly citizens seated in small clusters around the room. A small buzz of chatter settled around them.

He took a seat at the bar, ordering a large whisky from the barman, plopping his head in his hands. He needed to get a grip. He should be at Kate's apartment arguing, talking, discussing, whatever, he should be there getting to the bottom of this, this situation.

Rick thanked the barman – What was his name? Matthew? – for his drink before downing it in one, the bitter liquid burning his throat.

'Rough day?' someone slurred to his right.

'Something like that,' replied Rick, never looking up hoping they'd get the gist that he didn't want to talk to anyone.

'I can think of a way to, er, de-stress,' said the woman, her hand sliding quickly and effortlessly up the inside of Rick's thigh; the strong smell of alcohol rolling off her tongue.

'Hey, hey,' said Rick, jumping out of his seat. 'Whoa.'

She strode towards him with purpose, waves of blonde hair jumping limply against her chest. She looked out of place, a woman of great wealth fallen from grace. Her make-up was too heavy, thick black lines lining her eyes – adding years to her age, the bright red lipstick covering her lips smudged in places. Her thin skeletal fingers clutched at the collar of his jacket with a force he would never have guessed she had, pulling him to her.

'I can make it better,' she said, her words running together. 'You can make me better.'

'I, ah-,' stammered Rick, extracting her fingers from his clothing. 'You're drunk and I'm, er, taken.'

'We could have had so much fun together,' she said stumbling slightly on her feet.

Rick edged away from her slowly fearing that she'd pounce on him any moment like a piece of meat. 'Er, yeah, sorry but my, er, wife is expecting me.'

'You're not wearing a ring,' she said, her words almost inaudible trying to make a grab for his hand. 'Normally that means they're playing away - always looking for something better on the side.'

'It's a, er, long story. I'm sorry. I should really be going.'

She didn't seem to hear him as she had already began walking towards a cluster of men sitting in the far corner.

He needed to see Kate.

Rick rapped his knuckles against Kate's front door for what felt like the millionth time.

'Kate,' he shouted. 'I know you're in there. Just open the door. Please.'

The door flew open moments later leaving him face to face with a very angry Lanie Parish.

'What have you done writer boy?'

'What have I-,' he said incredulously. 'What have I done?'

'Don't play coy with me,' said Lanie, pressing her finger into his chest with each word.

'She was the one that lied to me.'

'I don't care who did what to who. You two need to get your act together and stop being so freaking stupid. My girl's in there moping around like I've never seen and I know it's got something to do with you.'

'Can I please just talk to her, Lanie.'

'As a matter of fact, writer boy, you can't.'

'Lanie-'

'No, Castle. I am going to make you two fix this,' she said waving her hands around. 'Whatever this is. You got that big fancy beach house, right?'

'Yeah,' said Castle not quite understanding where the ME was going with this.

'And no one's there, right now?'

'It's empty right now...'

'Good. I need you to have your bags packed by 10 tomorrow morning when I come pick you up.'

'Lanie... what?'

'Let's just say you and Kate are going to spend some good quality time together.'

And with that she slammed the door in Castle's face leaving him more confused than ever before.

A/N: Thanks for all the lovely reviews and I'm super sorry this chapter took so long to get out, it was an absolute bastard to write. I think I re-wrote 90% of it because I wasn't happy with it and I'm kind of okay with it now (kind of).

Reviews are like chocolate, addictive for the soul (;

- Jess xox