I was not surprised, on returning to my room, to find it empty. I was surprised, however, to find my bed made and my carelessly discarded clothes from last night folded up neatly on the chair under my desk.
It made me stop and smile until I remembered that Andrea was in hospital because I hadn't been around to keep an eye on her. Just one night, I thought, one night of not paying attention, and look what happens.
I quickly showered and dressed, making a mental note to wash Annabelle's clothes before I returned them, and smoked a hasty cigarette out of the window. Darkness was now falling and I thought it unlikely that any of the girls would be outside to see their Head Girl breaking a rule they never thought she would.
My thoughts fell to Flash again, and the sense of guilt I'd felt earlier returned more strongly. Why did Flash keep appearing in my thoughts as something more than a friend with benefits? Surely what we'd had last night was limited to that one night? Something inside me didn't agree, but I repressed it as hard as I could. So I slept with Flash. That didn't mean I was sleeping with Flash. And it definitely didn't mean there was anything more than sex between us.
A knock at my door interrupted my train of thought and I stubbed my cigarette out on the outside window sill, dropping it to the cold ground outside before shutting the window and shouting for the knocker to come in. It was a resilient Polly, determined to soldier on throughout the crisis that had sent the rest of the school into a state of flux.
"I've brought you some coffee, Kel," she said as she entered, handing me the steaming mug of black liquid.
"Pol, you're amazing," I replied as she sat down on my bed, crossing her legs underneath her and balancing her laptop on her lap. I took a seat opposite her, crossing my legs as well so we were a mirror image, ready to thrash out the finances with her.
"We need to know if Flash has got that new buyer for the vodka," Polly commented as I tried to force my tired brain to keep up with the maths she kept throwing me. "I can't really form a proper figure for this month's income until then."
"Well, did he say when he was next dropping in?" I asked innocently, secretly ashamed of myself for resorting to tactics like these over some boy.
"No actually," Polly replied obliviously. "No one saw him much at the party last night."
I gave a nonchalant shrug. "He must have gone home early," I replied casually.
"Yeah, once he realised you'd gone to bed he probably saw no point in staying," Polly teased me, and I tensed before remembering myself and forcing a smile and a laugh.
"Sorry Pol, it's been a long day," I apologised, realising she'd picked up on my bizarre response to her joke, and after a moment she smiled sympathetically.
"Hey, it's okay. You've had a lot to deal with. I'll finish this off. You should go to bed."
I wanted to accept her offer. So badly. But I couldn't. I was Head Girl and I had responsibilities. Sleep was a luxury, not a necessity. I couldn't help but think that Polly would rather I'd left her to it however, as I couldn't have been anything but a hindrance. Finally, finally we were finished and I lay back on my bed, staring sightlessly at the ceiling in a daze of tiredness, falling quickly into a deep and dreamless sleep.
The morning brought another gruelling trip to the hospital and I sat in the same chair again, for as long as the nurse would allow us, Andrea's closest emo friends silently moved around me, somehow managing to look more upset than they usually did. Inactivity usually made me crazy, but somehow it seemed fitting as I sat as still as my friend lay. At least my thoughts were distracted from those of Flash. I applied myself to creating a not-too-serious lecture about being safe when drinking for the girls when I got back. For when Andrea was okay again and this whole horrible business was over.
For all my positivity, Andrea still lay motionless when we were thrown out for the second time, and my hope was wavering a little, despite the smile I greeted the Twins with when we got back.
"Aunty wanted you," Annabelle informed me as I passed her on the way to my room and I nodded, unable to muster a smile for her as well.
"Hey, you okay?" she asked, and I shrugged, allowing her to hug me.
"I won't be okay until Andrea is," I said into her neck, trying to pull myself together and stop my voice from sounding so damn pathetic. "I'm just worried about her. I'll be fine."
"You don't have to go to the hospital tomorrow if you don't want," Belle offered, "I'll go instead. I don't mind."
I pulled away from her, shaking my head. "I have to go. I'm Head Girl. If it looks like I've given up on Andrea, everyone else will as well." Annabelle nodded, understanding. I loved her for that. "I'd better go find your Aunt," I finished, giving her hand a squeeze before turning away. "Thanks for the concern."
"Any time."
Sighing, I carried on away from my room and down to Miss Fritton's office, my heart heavy. I hated the feeling of uselessness that I had to stand all day, sat in a hospital watching Andrea unconscious. This was one problem that we couldn't sort out alone. She will wake up, I thought fiercely to myself, she has to. My hand wandered to my cheek to brush away tears that weren't there and I composed myself before knocking on the old wooden door to the Headmistresses office.
"Come in, Kelly," she called, although there was no way she could have known it was me, and I obeyed, sitting down on her cushiony sofa without invitation.
"No change, then." It wasn't a question, but I shook my head anyway, feeling useless once again.
"There's nothing you can do to change it, you know, girlie," she told me sternly.
"I'm trying to pull myself together," I replied to the undertones rather than the statement. "I just feel that I should have been about to stop it from happening. I'm normally about at parties to stop things like this."
"But your commitments led you elsewhere."
Again, not a question. I rolled my eyes. Miss Fritton was a lot more perceptive than anyone would believe. I didn't know if she knew about me and Flash, or if she was just trying to act like she did. It was rare that something occurred within the school that never got back to her, one way or another.
"I have no other commitments, Miss Fritton," I replied quietly, meeting her eye calmly. She studied me for a few seconds, giving off the distinct impression that she did know exactly what other commitments I had, and I was about to say something else to break the silence when she spoke.
"Well, girlie, everyone makes mistakes, even if this one wasn't strictly your fault. A Head Girl has the right to relax and have fun now and again." I narrowed my eyes at her. She must know. "If I were you, I'd be keeping the girl's morale up. Flash was here earlier, I think he's willing to pay the higher price for that vodka. That should cheer everyone up."
"Is he still here?" I blurted out, before I could stop myself. She raised an eyebrow but did not comment.
"He's in the cellar with Polly, sorting out some finance stuff."
I nodded imperceptibly, kicking myself for asking the question. "Thanks, Miss. I'd better, er, get going."
She dismissed me with a nod and a wave and I left, stomach fluttered in a feeling that was something like nerves but not quite as I wondered whether to go find Flash or whether to let him come and find me. He probably won't come and find you, I thought, and then I realised that that was the problem.
When I found myself at the top of the steps to the cellar, I was hardly surprised. Flash noticed me the second I started to descend, standing up from where he had been sat with Polly, thrusting a wad of cash across the table at her, and straightened his waistcoat nervously as I approached. I smiled slowly.
"Hello, Flash," I greeted him as we met in the centre of the room, and my eyes flickered from his to a gaggle of Second Years that were shifting boxes around the cellar. "Jog on, girls."
When the room was empty I allowed my attention to wander back to Flash again, who was waiting patiently. There was a moment of silence-awkward silence? Then he cleared his throat, appearing to be psyching himself up for whatever was coming next.
"I think we need to talk, Kel."