Disclaimer: I don't own em, never will, just enjoy playing with them. I promise to put them back when I am done.

Thanks for the reviews guys, keeps me motivated to write more! Keep em coming.

Rating on this chapter is not quite M, but a tiny bit of smut..

10:00 PM First week of February

Alex smiled and followed Olivia up to her apartment. It had a very different feel from her last apartment and Alex liked it. Olivia had her hands stuffed deeply in her pockets as she looked at Alex and shrugged off her jacket.

"I needed a change."

She said with a shrug and then exited into the kitchen. She popped a bottle of wine and grabbed two glasses to see Alex with her stretched out on the couch her heels taken off and her hair cascading over the back of the chair. Olivia leaned into the door jam and watched her for a moment. A deep contentment filled her as she stood there for a moment. She could get used to this, had secretly wanted this since she had met Alex. Pushing off the doorjam she walked over, set the glasses and the bottle down, gently she reached out and picked Alex's feet up smiling when she saw one blue eye crack open. Her feet were set back down into Olivia's lap then Alex felt her lean forward and pour two glasses of wine. Alex watched in fascination as Olivia swirled it, then tilted the glass all the way to the side. She seemed to be studying the glass, when it seems satisfactory she brought the wine glass to her nose, stuck it all the way to her face and took a deep breath. Alex watched in fascination as she seemed to cataloug in her mind the various things she was smelling and then after a few moments took a sip and seemed to suck air. Her eyes opened and almost gleamed.

"Dammit Jimmy, can still make the best wine."

Alex raised an eyebrow and struggled to follow the routine that Olivia had just done. When she tried to quaf she almost choked. Olivia barely containing her laughter took the glass away from Alex and set it on the table until she stopped coughing. When Alex gave her a look that could kill Olivia couldn't hold it in anymore. She burst out laughing, she started laughing so hard she was holding her sides tears streaming down her face. Alex, who found the situation less amusing enjoyed watching the laughter relax Olivia. She raised an eyebrow her eyes softening as she saw Olivia lean forward and wipe the tears of laughter from her eyes.

"You should have seen your face darlin."

Alex smirked.

"So teach me bwanna."

Olivia smiled and began to explain, demonstrating with first the legs of the wine. She swirled the glass and showed alex on the side that as the wine seeped back into the glass the legs were the runnings of that, a wine with good legs meant that she could swirl the glass and the legs would follow. Alex nodded understanding. Olivia then explained that a wine has two tastes. The taste you get on the nose and the taste you get on the pallet. She taught Alex how to smell the wine and pull out what she smelled, taught her how to Quaf, keeping her laugh in check and then how to taste on the pallet. Alex followed her instructions explicitly and her eyes began to sparkle as she tasted the wine.

"This is good liv."

Olivia smiled.

"It ought to be, Jimmy and I bottled it together three years ago, after it had been aged for almost five."

Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Bottled it?"

Olivia nodded bring her head off the back couch cushions and shrugged.

"after my week long binge of not being sober I decided I wanted to leave SVU and learn to appreciate good alchohol, not for its affects but its taste and things. I planned on walking away from being a cop for ever. Every time I walked down the halls of the precinct or headed to your office to see abbey or casey all I could think of was you. I worked for two months after you left and everyday I remembered you longed for you. So when the FBI offered me a job I took it. I wanted an out, asked for six months until I started, which they gladly gave. I went to work for a winery, learned to plant, till the soil, make the wine, stomp the grapes, learned how it was made, how it is bottled, aged etc. It allowed me to take a deep breath and move on from you for a time. Gods, I missed you alex." Here eys closed as she spoke hiding the pain of the loss. " everyday as I worked I thought of you, but a lot of the memories I just coulnd't handle. I couldn't handle missing you, wanting you. I'd go to bed and dream of that day at the park. The feel of your lips on mine. When you love someone like that it takes time to get over them. Wine helped me do that. I learned well to enjoy its complexities. Jimmy and I bootlegged a batch of tequila as well, should be done anytime now." She laughed. "it will be good."

Alex watched her as she spoke. She heard the deep passion not only for her, but also for wine and for the change in Olivia. She leaned forward and let her hand grace Olivia's cheek.

"Tell me baby."

Liv's eyes met hers the chocolate brown was smoldering with the intensity that Oliva had. She leaned into Alex's hand, her eyes closed inadvertently for a moment. Taking a deep breath she spoke softly.

"after you left I realized that I was n love with you. I realized that above all things I wanted you, I blamed myself that you got shot, that I wasn't smart enough or strong enough to protect you." Her voice wavered as tears began to form in her eyes. "I took a week off and drank the whole week. I felt so hollow Lex. I remember one specific night, I was so drunk I barely stumbled to the bathroom before I threw up every alchohol known to my stomach at that moment and I remember laying there and just aching for you. I think that was the moment I grieved. I threw myself into work even more so after that seeking justice for you, wanting you longing for you. After awhile I just got tired of it, got offered a job by the FBI, I accepted on the caveat of being able to take a few months off. SO I did. Then I came back and have been working for the FBI for a year now. I love it, it keeps me busy. Training the new recruits is always a blast. I still go to wine country every now and again and visit Jimmy. I am heading that way this weekend in fact. It's my home away from home. "Alex watched her lean back into the couch her wine resting on her taut stomach and her eyes closed, seeming to get lost in the memories and Alex felt an old farmiliar ache, watched as the peace settled over Olvia's features. She listened her body relaxing as Oliva began to describe the vineyard. " The house is sitting on a hill above the vineyard, used to go a lot of berries and fruit on the lands making the wine often taste of those things on the nose and the pallet. The house is almost plantation style, its beautiful. It overlooks the vineyard facing the sunrise on one side and facing the sunset on the other. It's a rare vineyard in the sense that the house is nestled at the back of a canyon, the roads to get ther are windy and twisty. If you hike along the vineyards in the canyon the canyon is narrow enough that its almost like the canyon is breathing as the clouds move over the top. It smells of vineyards, if you walk along the vines its just incredibly beautiful. I remember Jimmy and I got caught in a rainstorm one day and we were soaked in mud and water by the time we got back. It was my resting place, my home for six months, still make time to go down there and just be. You would love it Lex."

Alex listened letting Oliva's honey husky voice wash over her, her blue eyes opened to meet brown and they just sat in silence for a few minutes. A smirk appeared on Alex's features and her eyes began to twinkle, Olivia rolled her eyes.

"What?"

"Bootlegged Tequila? Really?"

"Hey you should be jealous. We made a sourmash once, it's still aging in a winebarrel. Cracking that open this weekend. Last time Jimmy made it it sold for 200 a bottle."

Alex grinned.

"Well I look forward to tasting this said tequila sometime."

They fell into silence again and Alex smiled when she watched Olivia unconsciously start to massage her feet as she seemed to contemplate the meaning of the world. Her fingers were pushing deep into the muscle. Olivia rolled her head and her brown eyes met the dark blue ones and she smiled.

"Lex.. What do you want here baby?"

Alex seemed to consider it for a moment her eyes dropping to her hands as the memories, desires and dreams rushed back to her. She was afraid of this. She'd lived her life in fear for the past several years, never allowing herself to love and be loved. She didn't want that anymore. Drops of fear gently began to fall down her face and she felt strong arms gently unforcfully pull her into strong arms as she was pulled against Olivia's strong body. She felt arms come around her, holding her securely and something within Alexandra cabot broke and sobs escaped her lips. She cried probably for the first time in years over the time lost, the love she thought she had lost, everything. Her body wracked with her sobs and Olivia just held her close soothing her, her strong hand threading its way through her hair calming the women she loved. Time passed and Alex soon found her tears subside and she pulled back to look at Olivia, afraid to see judgment or fear. Instead her breath caught in her throat as she found a warm concerns and a deep love fill the brown eyes in front of her. Fresh tears filled her eyes and Olivia reached out gently brushing the hair plastered to her face by her tears and spoke softly.

"Wanna tell me about it baby?"

Alex let the word baby sweep over her mind and her heart and a wobbly smile covered her features. Alex took a deep breath and reaching out she let her fingers caress Olivia's features, trying to convince herself that she was really here. After a moment of her fingers caressing Olivia's face she spoke softly.

"Liv, I want this to be whatever you want it to be."

Olivia chuckled capturing her hand and kissing her knuckles.

"Uh huh. That's not what I asked."

Alex struggled with herself, was she ready to admit this? Was Olivia ready to hear this?

"Liv, I want it all. I want to fall in love with you all over again, I want to marry you, enjoy christening every room of our house with you. I want to have kids, watch them grow old, argue with each other over them, fight with you, have make up sex with you, I want it all Olivia. I want to spend the rest of my life finding out your dark and twisty sides, the things that make you happy, the things that make you cry, the things that make you laugh." Tears had begun to stream down Olivia's face, caressing her face as they fell. Alex continued talking her fingers coming up to catch each precious drop. "Liv I want to go see your hometown, see where you got your first kiss, meet your family, Take me there baby, take me there."

Alex finished and brown searched blue and then she felt her lips caught in a searing kiss, her eyes fluttered closed as she felt one Olivia's arm wrapped around her waist pull her closer and her other hand come and tangle in Alex's hair as their lips moved against each other. Alex almost moaned when she felt Olivia's tongue asking for entrance and almost moaned when their tongues touched. Alex moved form her sitting position to a straddling position and felt both of Olivia's arms wrap around her waist and pull her closer her core coming in contact with Olivia's stomach and she felt Olivia groan. In that moment Alex felt safe for the first time in years, loved, protected, secure. When their kiss ended due to lack of oxygen she heard her name come from Olivia's lips like a prayer.

"Alex."

She felt another kiss pressed to her lips with a tenderness that Alex had only dreamed possible. Their foreheads rested together a moment as they caught their breath and then Olivia brought their eyes to meet with a finger under Alex's chin. When brown met blue alex saw the tears once more gathering. She felt the hands she had craved for so long come up and caress her cheek. Olivia contained herself for a moment then spoke her voice cracking with emotion.

"Oh baby.. I want all those things to. I want to do this right. I want to love you and hold you the rest of my life. You're it for me love. You're it."

Alex smiled and leaned in kissing Olivia gently again. When they broke apart Olivia smiled.

"What do you say love? Why don't we watch a movie, finish our wine and then head to bed? I just want to hold you love. I want to wake up to you in my arms in the morning and watch you sleep. We both have work early. Then tomorrow night I will pick you up, take you to dinner, we'll have our second official date, and go from there? Be in the moment with me Alex. Let tomorrow have enough worries of its own."

Alex nodded and curled into her girlfriends arms. A small smile appeared on her features as she thought about it.

"So does that mean I am your girlfriend?"

Olivia smiled a rare full smile leaning down to Alex who was nestled in the crook of her arms she spoke softly against Alex's lips.

"Most definatly."

Alex smiled and kissed her girlfriend back, peace flooded both of them as they started to watch a movie, teasing each other through it, laughing about various parts. Alex found herself content as she listened to the laughter permeate through Olivia's chest, her eyes began to drift closed as she was lulled to sleep by Olivia's heartbeat. Olivia finished the movie in silence enjoying just holding Alex. She looked down as the credits began to roll and smiled at her sleeping girlfriend. She studied Alex's face, it was perfectly at rest, no lines of worry or fear showing and Olivia felt her heart clench. Gently maneuvering herself she picked Alex up and carried her to the bedroom, gently setting her down on the bed Liv walked into the bathroom, brushed her teeth pulled on pjs and climbed into bed scooting close to Alex and holding her close. Her last thought was how wonderful a dream this was before she drifted off to sleep, dreading the morning light that would take it away.