Headmaster,

After 1023 years spent sorting students for Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, I believe it is high time for me to enjoy some well-deserved rest. Here's my replacement, it was well-trained and should be a worthy successor. As for me, I will spend my remaining days with a fisherman in need of some protection from the sunlight.

It was an honour, and a privilege to serve Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, from the very beginning to this day. May this school go through another millennium and may she keep shining as brightly as she does today.

The Sorting Hat.

"These two have gone too far," Snape said as Professor Dumbledore finished reading the letter to the four Heads of house. "Stealing Hogwarts' oldest artefact, they should risk expulsion!"

"Stealing is, I believe, not the correct term to use, Severus," Professor Dumbledore said as he lazily started to move his wand over the note. "The Sorting Hat is a sentient entity, with the ability of thinking."

"W-What would you call this then? Kidnapping?"

"Of course not. It appears that the Sorting Hat left on its own free will."

Professor McGonagall incredulously looked at him. "Albus, you do not actually believe that this note is genuine?"

"I admit that it is unlikely that our dear Sorting Hat has gained while we weren't looking the ability to walk or the capability of writing this note. No, it's certain it had outside help. I'm merely raising the possibility that, had it wanted to saved, it should have been able to put a fight or even raise the alarm dozen headmasters, myself included, have put on it."

What was truly intriguing, Albus thought, was that the gargoyle hadn't moved at all. Severus Snape might believe the Weasley twins were behind this mysterious disappearance, he wouldn't be sure even them could curse the gargoyle so well he wouldn't see any difference.

No, everything so far was pointing to this being the perfect locked room mystery. Meaning, most certainly, that there was a secret passage in this very room.

He looked at the portraits on the wall, which were as baffled as the livings. "And you didn't see anything? Not even you Phineas?"

"I was asleep!" The portrait outrageously exclaimed. "We all were!"

"And you heard nothing as well, I presume."

"We were asleep, Albus. We couldn't see anything, it was dark! I opened my eyes maybe but it was dark!"

"It was dark."

"Are you deaf, you old man? It was pitch black!"

Professor Dumbledore nodded, as if it explained everything. "And you don't find this suspicious?" Seeing the portrait's cross face, he explained, "How could it be, as you said, pitch black?" He pointed at the window on his left and said, "How could that be possible when it was the full moon last night and I didn't pull the curtains?"

The portraits all startled and looked at each other. The old man took the hat that had taken the Sorting Hat's place and bemusedly shook his head when he looked inside. "I'm afraid, my friends, that you've all been had."

And he pulled out of the hat a black curtain.

The wizards all grimaced in pain when the portraits started screaming.

"Nice tissue," Dumbledore said once the brouhaha was over. "I'm pretty much sure it's charmed to give some privacy and, most importantly, silence to the witch or wizard who doesn't want to be bothered by the noise outside their window. I believe it's rather easy to buy some by owl. All our burglar had to do was to levitate the curtain right over your face."

And that, Albus didn't say to preserve their dignity, any First Year could do this.

It might be the Weasley twins after all.

"My dear Headmistresses and Headmasters, you understand I have to ask you this question. Is there in this very room a secret passage that I am unaware of?"

"No!"

"Of course not!"

"No, no, no!"

"I've been in this office for sixty years, Albus. I would know if there was one!"

"Like you all knew nobody came?" Snape said under his breath as Albus began looking at the black hat in his hands.

It was, by all mean, the hat of a child. Meaning that their burglar might very well be one.

"If I may, Albus?" Professor Flitwick asked and the older wizard handed the hat to him. "I suppose that this is the… replacement."

"It's just the hat of one of these blasted twins!" Snape irritably said.

"At least it'll be the correct size for our students, I suppose," he mused before handing it back to the Headmaster. "Most peculiar, I'm feeling some magic. I cannot tell you what it is though. It's…" He struggled to find the correct word and finally settled for: "rough. There's work but… almost no finesse. There's potency but I don't… I'd be hard pressed to make a comparison with what I know."

"So there's a charm on it," Albus concluded. Seeing the charm master nodding, he began musing. "I wonder…"

And Albus Dumbledore unceremoniously put the hat on Slytherin Head of House's head.

"Gryffindor!" the hat squeaked.

Snape startled and threw the hat off his head. "Is this their idea of a joke?" he exclaimed while Dumbledore was picking it up. "Because clearly, it's defective!"

"Ah, but is it really?" He smiled. "I do believe you'd make a fine Gryffindor, Severus. In fact, I believe it did a good job of you. Now let's see…" He put the hat on his head.

"Slytherin!"

"I suppose that I was mistaken then," he sighed and put it off.

But the Potion Master was smirking. "No, I think it managed to see who you truly are, Headmaster."

"Let me try." When Flitwick put it on his head and the hat squeaked Gryffindor, he chuckled. "Did I tell you the Sorting Hat was hesitating between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw?"

When Professor McGonagall did the same and the hat squeaked Ravenclaw, she allowed a smile. "It did the same with me."

Pomona was the only one who managed to be sorted in her own house.

"I suppose it works like a lottery," Filius explained once he took another look at the hat. "You put the hat on your head and it randomly gives a house. I mean, nobody knows how the Sorting Hat works."

He sighed.

"Now that the Sorting Hat is gone, I really wish I could have studied how the founders gave it its abilities. Such old, such potent magic, even centuries later. I don't think there's a living soul who could replicate what the founders did."

"Search Gryffindor's quarters and we'll get it back!" Snape snapped. "It couldn't have gone far, it's a hat! This time, these twins shouldn't get away with a slap of their fingers. It's high time they learn discipline! We should expulse-"

"There we go."

The note in Albus Dumbledore's hands slowly glowed golden and the message disappeared to be replaced by another.

Just kidding.

Me with a fisherman? I'm Godric Gryffindor's Hat. My place isn't on that shelf. I'm off on an adventure. I'll try to send a postcard or two but I'm making no promise.

I'll come back for next year's sorting, with new songs and new melodies to try.

Hat.

The Headmaster brightly smiled. "Well then it's all sorted, isn't it? The Sorting Hat has just decided to go on a vacation. A well-deserved one, if I say so myself."

And it was kind enough to leave them with a replacement in case it couldn't come back on time, he mentally finished. Filius might believe this hat had randomly sorted the four heads of house, he had never told a soul he had to beg the Sorting Hat not to sort him in Slytherin. Considering whose head of house was sent to which house, it actually kept hitting the nail on the head.

"I apologize for inconveniencing you. I know you all have a busy schedule," he said. "And I know that the request I gave you concerning my dear friend Nicholas did little to help."

Minerva sighed. "Albus, what happened last night is very grave. Somebody managed to steal the Sorting Hat."

"I'm telling you, the Sorting Hat wasn't stolen. It just went on a vacation."

"Somebody managed to go to your office," she dryly replied. "We do not know how and there may be a secret passage in this room that no headmaster has ever heard of. This was the Sorting Hat last night but it could very well be the Stone tomorrow."

He shook his head. "Somehow, I doubt it. In fact, I'm rather confident there is no reason to worry at all."

The burglar came with a hat, and left with another hat. He was speculating there, but it was highly probable that the Sorting Hat had been put on this mysterious person's head during this rescue mission.

And if the Sorting Hat had allowed this theft, this meant it had seen something in this person that had forced it to trust them. If that witch or wizard had meant any harm to the school or its inhabitants, he knew the alarms would have been raised in a second.

There was a new player. One Albus strongly suspected to be a friend rather than a foe to Hogwarts. He didn't know who it could be but that person had left enough clues for him to start his search. Was it a wizard or a witch? He didn't know but the encryption they had used to hide the second message had been very old. Ancient in fact and Albus had only used the correct spell to uncover it because he had felt there was a hidden message and everything else had failed.

And yet, at the same time, there was something very childish about this rescue mission. This little hat and the note felt like a wink rather than the insult Severus was seeing.

Two hats. One a millennium years old like the spell on the note, and one brand new like the curtain they put inside.

Even the charm used to encrypt the message was ancient, for he had only seen this variation in centuries old artefacts.

Albus looked inside the hat and couldn't stop a smile.

Somebody had cut the label where some First Years usually wrote their name. Still, he could still read Malkin 1991 on the fabric. The burglar was most definitely a child, a First Year if his intuition was correct.

Now if he was a child, where would he hide a priceless artefact?

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Gryffindor?"

"Yes, yes," Harry thought as he put Hat on his head. "I'm sure nobody will see any difference."

Now that Hat was where he rightfully belonged –on his head-, Harry had to make sure nobody would attempt to take him back. Problem was, there weren't many spells he knew to ensure that and even if could, Harry had no intention of transfiguring Hat to suit his purposes.

The first charm he had just casted consisted of allowing him to see past Hat and not be blinded by the fabric over his eyes. The second one was a slight misdirection Salazar Slytherin had taught Godric Gryffindor a long time ago. Now, the only thing anybody looking at him would focus on was that he had a strange and rather beautiful Hat. If they tried to look closer, the magic would misdirect them and convince them Hat just was a beautiful school hat. Which was totally true.

"And it's Harry now," Harry reminded him.

"I've called you Gryffindor for ten centuries, I will not change now," Hat stubbornly insisted and Harry sighed as he reached for the timetable on his bed.

"Now, what class do I have?" he whispered as he read his timetable.

Hat read his thoughts and hummed. "Defence Against the Dark Arts and Herbology, eh?" Feeling the growing excitement, he chuckled. "They stopped using swords to fight black vines, Gryffindor. As for Defence-" he suddenly stopped talking.

"What?" Harry asked but the Hat didn't say anything. "No, seriously what?"

Hat remained silent.

It was only when Harry began despairing in Defence that Hat started laughing.

"What the hell was that?" Harry exclaimed after leaving Defence Against the Dark Arts.

Like his friends, Godric Gryffindor had taught his students everything he knew. And, if there had been no concept such as 'Charms' or 'Transfiguration' in that time, the subjects he had enjoyed teaching the most were magical creatures and defence against dark magic and dangerous creatures.

As a result, Harry had been looking forward to it. He had known in his bones that would be the most exciting course for him to learn.

But Professor Quirell…

"He's… competent, I guess?" Harry slowly began telling Hat. "Like, it's obvious he knows his subject. But…"

But Professor Quirell clearly had no experience. And in Defence Against the Dark Arts, experience was everything. As a result, somehow, this lesson had been boring.

"You think he's new?" Harry asked Hat. "Because, so far it didn't start well."

Hat hummed. "It is his first year teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts," he informed Harry.

"Well, that was obvious," Harry whispered under his breath. "Hopefully, he'll get better. Maybe in a year or two he'll even be a good teacher, what do you think, Hat?"

Hat didn't say anything and Harry sighed.

"Fine, fine," he mumbled. "Suppose I'll have to bear with him. Still, what a horrible fashion sense."

Turbans, honestly. It was such a terrible headwear the mere sight of it had been enough to give him headaches.

"Hats are clearly superior," Hat haughtily agreed.

Harry smiled and left the castle.

Suddenly, he was overwhelmed by a feeling of joy that was so strong and overwhelming it brought tears to his eyes.

"Hat? Hat, is that you?"

His hat didn't say anything for a long time and Harry sighed and began walking to the greenhouse. Finally, just as Harry was about to go inside, Hat said, "Last time I was outside, you were still alive, Gryffindor."

Hand on the doorknob, he stilled. "Really? That long? No-Nobody brought you outside? Wh-What sort of horrible people did that to you, Hat?"

"I'm the Sorting Hat," he heard. "A vital artefact for the school. They charmed me to protect me, and they know I'm slightly sentient but the headmasters never- They don't see me as a being with feelings or a soul, I'm just a hat. They use me and when they're done they put me back on the shelf."

"You're not just a hat," Harry furiously thought. "You're my hat. You're older than these stones, you've lived ten times longer than they ever will, you've been to war, you've faced devil snares and dragons, you deserve their respect! If somebody here has no soul, it's them!"

That being said, Harry entered the classroom fuming and spent the entire lesson trying to find the correct words to use for his letter of complaint to the Headmaster on the inhuman treatment Hat had been receiving ever since the tenth century.

"We'll go outside every day, Hat. I swear to you."

From the back of his mind, Harry felt Hat's overwhelming gratitude.

"Could we go to the lake afterward?"

"And we'll stay there as long as you need."