Chapter 3

Too Late to Apologize

Esperanza's POV

We kept walking and I felt eyes on me. I stopped and slowly turned around. The Scorpion was staring at my ass.

"You're ass is awesome."

I rolled my eyes and turned away.

"Look."

I turned and followed the man's gaze. There was an Asian man standing little ways away. We walked towards him and I saw an archway.

"Goddamn who the hell is this guy?" asked the Scorpion.

I saw Royce out of the corner of my eye but paid no attention.

"What the hell is that?"

I looked at everyone except Royce. No one knew what it was. I saw the bones and human remains at the bottom of the arch.

"Who would do something like this?" I wondered aloud.

"Whoever they are, they take trophies. In my culture, the warrior with the most trophies command the most respect."

"Whatever." Scorpion said.

"It's a test, to see how we do under pressure." Nikolai said.

I shook my head.

"If this were a test, we'd all be military. Total stranger. Like…." I took a deep breath. "Like green eyes over there. This is something else." I said.

My friend came over to me.

"Maybe its ransom. Back in Tijuana, we kidnap you, put you in an oil drum. If the ransom's not paid…we light you on fire."

I nodded. He had a point.

"I've heard stories about experiments they run on cons. They stick drugs in your food. Then they sit back and watch what happens."

"No its not drugs. If it was a psychotropic compound we'd be feeling the side effects. Loss of motor skills, blurry vision….and if it were a behavioral experiment I mean there'd be a point."

I looked at him.

"You're sure that it can't be drugs?"

He nodded and I sighed.

"Realmente esperaba que fueran sólo drogas." (I was actually hoping it would just be drugs.)

There was a long silence before the African man spoke.

"What if we are dead?"

I didn't move. I was hardly breathing.

"I was gonna be executed in two days." Scorpion told us.

"And I was in combat." Nikolai added.

"So was I."

I wondered if I'd done it.

Royce's POV

Esperanza was acting strange.

"This is hell." said the Mexican.

I shook my head and stood up.

"Last I checked, you didn't need a parachute to get there. And not all of us deserve to be in hell. It doesn't matter where we are or why. The question is, how do we get out?"

I started walking away.

"Where are you going?"

I almost tripped I was so surprised. She finally spoke to me.

"To higher ground."

"We should stay together."

I stopped and turned.

"Then you should follow me."

We stared at each other for a minute before I turned away. I could always feel her when she was near me. And I could smell her. I could smell the roses. I heard the Doc say something about a plant but I didn't care. I wanted to get out of here. We came to an open area with pools of water.

"Is that blood?"

I stopped at Esperanza's voice.

"Would it matter?"

She didn't answer me and I turned around. She looked at my hand and she sighed in frustration.

"What have you done?"

I just started to walk away again.

"Come back here!"

I didn't answer.

"Royce."

That did it. I stopped dead she appeared beside me.

"Give me your hand."

"Why?"

She growled and grabbed me. She gently inspected my hand.

"Why do you do this to yourself!?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

She shook her head and brought me back. She sat me down and took the glove from my hand. It hurt and I tensed a bit.

"Don't be a baby." she said.

I almost laughed. She touched each of my fingers to get a reaction.

"You dislocated them again. How many times are you gonna do this?"

She put one finger back in place.

"Ah!"

"I'm surprised your fingers still work."

"I'd rather hit something hard like a tree or a wall, than something I care about."

She stayed silent as she put my fingers back in place. She took out her bag and opened a flask.

"What're you doing?"

She didn't answer and she poured a warm liquid on my hand.

"Ow! Fuck! What is that?!"

"Whisky, now hold still."

She handed me the flask and I drank.

"When did you become a doctor?"

She still wouldn't look at me. She flipped her long hair over her shoulder and bandaged my hand.

"Thank you."

Again, only silence. I knew I deserved it though. She knew I'd always loved looking into her eyes, she was trying to punish me.

"Keep that glove off and don't do anything stupid."

She stood up and walked away. I jumped up and grabbed her arm.

"Suerteme!"

"Look at me!"

"Suerteme!"

"Let her go man!"

The Mexican walked over and pulled her away from me.

"Leave her alone."

He led her away.

"Esperanza please let me explain!"

She stopped and looked down. She said something I couldn't hear and then walked back to me. I hadn't realized I'd been reaching for her.

"This better be important."

"It is. Look into my eyes, please."

She growled but did as I asked.

"Do you really think I would've done what I did if I'd known? Do you really think I'd be capable of something like that? Do you really see me as a monster?"

She stared into my eyes, searching. I felt her fingertips brush against mine as she slowly shook her head.

"No. No I don't. The only thing is…I didn't kill you like I was ordered to. I didn't follow my orders. I couldn't. Do you know why Royce?"

I reached up to caress her cheek but she stepped back.

"Do you know why?" she asked again.

"No. I don't."

A single tear rolled down her cheek.

"Fue porque te amo. Porque tenía esperanza para nosotros."

"I don't understand."

"It was because I love you. Because I had hope for us. I risked being killed so that you could live. And all because I love you, Royce."

"You…you love me?"

"Yes. And that won't ever change. But you did. You've let yourself become what you promised me you would never be. You let them turn you in a cold blooded predator. With me you were always so open. You were kind and gentle, you put me before everything. But you made your choice, and it wasn't me."

I stepped towards her.

"And I regret that choice every fucking day. You don't know how sick it made me feel. How hard it was to pull that trigger."

She looked to the side and I sighed.

"Please Esperanza. I'm begging you to believe me. I know I've hurt you, I've done terrible things to you, I've lied to you. But you must believe me when I say I never lied about my feelings for you. You always said you knew by looking into my eyes. Look into them now, even if its only one more time. Porfavor?"

I used one of the only three words I knew in Spanish. I slowly reached out and put my hand on her arm. Her skin was still so warm and smooth as always. She looked up into my eyes slowly.

Esperanza's POV

I looked into the green eyes I'd always loved. I saw it all. The pain, the sorrow, the anger and the love. A few more tears ran down my cheeks. I loved him so much. But I couldn't trust him, not after what he'd done. I never thought I'd see him again, I never thought I'd have to go through this.

"I love you Royce. I love you so much."

"But?"

"But I can't trust you, not after what you did. When I saw you I was so angry. I wanted to kill you for what you'd done. But when it came down to it and I had you where I wanted you…I couldn't do it. I could never hurt you. I just I….I…"

I couldn't finish, I didn't know how. I quickly wiped away my tears and looked at him again.

"You don't know how hard it is for me to say this."

I took his hand and held it in both of mine.

"You've always been the only one though. I haven't thought about or looked at any other man the way I look at you. You are the love of my life, Royce. But you made a choice."

"Esperanza you're my choice. It's always been you!"

I shook my head.

"No. It's too late."

"Then let me just ask you for one last thing."

"Make it fast."

"Kiss me. Kiss me one last time…please."

I looked down at his lips and then into his eyes.

"One last time. Like we used to." I whispered.

He pulled me closer to him and tucked my hair behind my ear. His other hand moved to my neck, across my nape and then down my shoulder and arm. He was gentle, just like how I remembered it. I moved my hand up to his hair. It was a bit longer now. He gently cupped my face in his large hands and I put my other arm around his waist. I slowly pulled away with great difficulty. I pressed my forehead against his chest and I felt his lips on my hair.

"I love you Royce. I always will."

He didn't say anything, but I could see it in his eyes. I touched his cheek and smiled sadly.

"Lo siento mi amor."

He kissed the palm of my. As I walked away, my hand left his face.