Nothing had ever been promised in life. But it seemed that the few things she thought were guaranteed always managed to slip through her fingers. It was her fault, she knew it. If only she hadn't pressured him on about marriage. She just had to be one of those needy girlfriends. Always asking for more than what was to be offered. 'Nice going Amber' she thought as she walked around the dark San Francisco streets.
It was something she had started doing since that night. Never being able to sleep at night, she figured she might as well walk around in her own self-pity. It had been over a month since she basically walked out the door. Amber let the tears role down her cheeks as she remembered, every word, every action, she remembered everything.
"Come on Amber. Did you actually think I'd marry you?" Mark said placing his hand onto her cheek; she quickly moved her face from his grasp. His touch wasn't welcomed.
"All this time, you never planned on having a life with me?" She couldn't recognize her own voice anymore, and the knot in her throat made her want to vomit.
"No." He simply said. Mark was sad of course because no matter what type of relationship they had, she was still his friend. The girl he had grew up with and called a true friend.
"So it was all a lie? Every I love you, every touch, every look, every time we made love? All worth nothing?"
"Amber I do love you. You're an amazing girl but you knew why we were together all these years. I was there for you when my brother abandoned us, he hurt you. I knew that, but now you're better and it's time for you to move on."
"Don't you dare bring Chord into this! I love you Mark, I'm in love with you! And you're telling me you never intended to marry me? Just to make me fall for you then send me packing huh?"
Amber looked up at the night's sky, the air making her tears dry quickly, but that didn't stop fresh ones from flowing.
"I'm sorry; I don't know what else to say but-it's over."
Since that night, Amber had basically disappeared from the Salling family. The only people she let come near her were Naya and Chris. She had no choice to see Naya because she was now living with her. When her and Mark broke up, she knew she couldn't stay in the same house with him. She was angry, angry at him and at herself.
She had lost who she was, even though she desperately wanted the old Amber back, she didn't know where she could be found, if she ever could.
"Get up!" Naya shouted as Chris pulled the covers from Ambers head. Her restless nights forced her to sleep in the day time, but it was no use. She still couldn't get away from the memories.
"No! Go away!"
Chris looked over to Naya being concerned about his friend. He had watched her quickly become a person he didn't know. She wasn't as talkative, or as hyper. She refused to get out of the house even if it were to simply go shopping with him. He missed her bright smile and contagious laugh. He found her eyes to turn dark; there was no light to be seen in them.
Naya noticed the changes in Amber too. Besides the fact that she and Chris would discuss ways to help Amber in secret meetings and over the phone, she knew that this would take time.
Neither of them really knew who she was anymore. With her barely speaking and eating, they didn't know what was going on inside her head. Naya had only seen her distant from people twice in her life; when her mother died, and when her true love broke her heart.
Amber and her mother had been some of the closest people on the planet, when she lost her mother, it took everything out of her to want to get up and live her life again. Now this was another time with Mark. She had always known he wasn't the right cousin Amber should have been with.
"Sweetie you need to get up!"
"Why? I have no life to live."
"What about your job?" Chris asked placing his hands on his hips.
"I got fired." She mumbled.
That was a lie and she knew it. She hadn't got fired but the simple fact was that she quit. Amber worked at a bridal shop, and soon after the split, she knew she couldn't stay there. Helping out the happy wives to be only made her feel worse about her own situation.
Amber had always been a person to push her own troubles aside to help others, but she couldn't take pushing them aside this time. Her boss, Rachel begged her to stay. Over the few months she worked there, they had become friends. Amber would never talk to her about personal things but Rachel reminded her every once in a while that she was, in fact there for her.
She didn't believe it though. She didn't know who she could exactly trust these days. She had put her heart in the hands of a man, and he crushed it. Years worth of trust, smiles, and memories were all turned into a nightmare.
Naya and Chris both climbed onto the bed wrapping their arms around her. They hadn't never really talked about what happened with Mark, Amber had only given them the basics but they knew there was much more to the story than told.
"Boo, you know that we'll always be here for you, right?" Coming from Chris, it was more of a statement because he could never imagine leaving Amber or Naya's side ever in his life.
"And that we love you." Naya added.
As much as Amber wanted to push their worries aside for her, she knew that they should be worried. She looked forward at the blank television screen. The room Naya had given here was pretty big. She had enough space and privacy, she loved the room and loved the days being able to just stay in it and do absolutely nothing.
Love? she asked herself, what was really the point of love when you had no one to share it with?
All our life we go searching for love, sometimes we think we've found it, then something happens, and you're back to thinking there's no one in this world that would want you.
"I don't believe in love." she whispered
"Don't you dare say that!" Naya hollered, "You have love all around you! Do not let my jackass of a cousin do this to you!"
"What am I supposed to believe? Because from what I'm going through, fairytales are for nothing but little kids!"
"Amber Riley you stop it this instant!" Chris yelled taking Naya's side.
"Everyone has a point in their life where they don't feel like love exists, but know there's more to love than just finding your soul mate. Family love you, friends love you; Love isn't reserved for a partner.
Some people may stay single most their life, because the love they receive from family is enough. But there will be somebody out there who will love you more than family can one day. Everyone deserves that special person, even you."
Amber choked back her tears, she didn't want to cry, knowing that she had been doing that enough but she really needed to do it, to release some of the tears.
Naya sensed this as Amber froze. "It's okay to cry, it doesn't make you weak. It only shows that you've been trying to be strong for too long."
"What happens after the tears?" she quietly asked.
"You stand up and become a stronger person." Chris whispered into her hair.
Amber sighed knowing they were right about everything but she still had her doubts. There was only so much advice she could take before wanting to shout
"How about you step into my shoes?"
People could give her inspiring words, but she had come to know that if a person wasn't living her life, they most likely didn't truly know how it felt. She knew it was wrong to let a man define her life but she had given herself to him.
Now she needed to take everything back.
"You two will be here every step of the way?"
Naya and Chris hopped up from the bed and began singing,
"If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea, I'll sail the world to find you. If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see, I'll be the light to guide you.Find out what we're made of. When we are called to help our friends in need." Naya sang hugging Chris tightly.
Amber watched amused as Chris made the funniest face while singing,
"You can count on me like 1 2 3. I'll be there. And I know when I need it I can count on you like 4 3 2. And you'll be there. Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah"
Together, they pulled Amber to her feet and began singing and dancing around the room. Amber was thankful for them, that was certain. And slowly, she would find herself again, even if the wall around her heart was still up.