Nope. I checked and they're still not mine

Warning: The usual angst and depressing subject matter

Chapter 4

"Yo."

"Bobby, it's Ranger." Ranger watched Stephanie from the window, his heart in his throat. He needed to help her. He needed his Babe back.

"Is Bombshell okay?" Bobby's voice was filled with concern. He had noticed the change in his friend and he didn't like it one bit.

"I don't think she is," Ranger admitted sadly. "I think she's suffering from depression, but I can't be sure. I need your help."

"Do you want me to talk to her or should I call a psychotherapist?"

"Honestly Bobby, I'm not sure." Ranger wasn't used to having his hands tied. He was used to being in control. This was nearly killing him. "What I'm going to tell you must be kept between you and me. I don't want this getting out."

Bobby agreed immediately and Ranger told him in perfect detail about the events leading up to that moment. Needless to say, Bobby was stunned. Never would he imagine the beautiful, lively Stephanie Plum being so desperate and out of control. The very thought of her dying by her own hand made his heart ache. The world would never be the same if she weren't in it.

"Ask her if she would rather talk to me or someone she doesn't know," Bobby suggested, his mind racing. "I know a good psychiatrist in Point Pleasant who should be able to be of some help. He'll come to the house if I ask him to."

"I'll call back and let you know." Ranger hung up, still staring out the window. He was afraid to look away from her, afraid that when he turned back, she would be gone.

He watched as she lay back in the sand. He would give anything to know what was going on in her head.

Making up his mind, he stepped back from the window and gathered up the plates and glasses. Carrying them back down to the kitchen, he quickly cleaned up before walking out the back door and down the steps that led to the beach.

Stephanie was still on her back, her eyes closed. Without a sound, Ranger walked slowly towards her, settling down in the sand beside her. They sat there for a long time before she opened her eyes and turned her head to him.

"I'm scared, Ranger," she whispered, her voice trembling.

Ranger's heart clenched. He didn't want to admit to her that he was too. "Why, Babe?"

She turned her head back and stared up at the overcast sky. "Something's wrong with me and I don't know what."

He waited for her to continue, but she remained quiet. Scooting closer to her, he reached out and took her hand tightly in his. "I'll do anything to help you, Steph. Whatever you need, I'll do."

She closed her eyes and a few tears escaped, leaving jagged trails down her smooth face. "I'm sorry you found me the way you did."

"I'm glad I got there when I did."

Stephanie took a ragged breath. "I don't think I would have gone through with it. I just needed to know that it was something I could control."

Ranger let her words sink in and he squeezed her hand tighter. "What can't you control, Babe?"

She sobbed then and suddenly, she was crushed against Ranger's chest, wrapped tightly in his arms. Her tears soaked his shirt and skin as she wept into his neck. His hands moved to pull the ponytail holder out of her hair, releasing her curls as he ran his fingers through them.

"I don't know what's wrong with me!" She wept, her body shaking with the force of her sobs. "I don't know why their words do this to me now! I don't know what changed inside of me to let them upset me so much! I…I don't know!"

With her broken words, Ranger knew exactly who she was talking about. The anger boiled inside of him and he would gladly drive back to Trenton and kill both Mrs. Plum and Joe Morelli. Those two had finally managed to break her spirit. After years of nagging and belittling and criticizing, they had succeeded in their plan. The pain and rage and anguish crashed through him and Ranger pulled her tighter against him, desperate to comfort her.

"You'll be okay, Steph," he promised, running his hands down her spine and back up again. "Together, we'll make it better. Trust me, Babe."

"But it's not fair to you," she said brokenly. Her sobs lessened, but her tears still fell, pooling in the space between his neck and collarbone. "It's not your problem to deal with. It's not fair of me to ask you to help."

God, don't you understand, Babe? You are my life! I can't breathe without you!

"It's my problem when it hurts you this badly." He said instead. "I need you, Steph. I need to see you the way you were before. I'll do anything it takes to get you back to yourself."

Stephanie's tears slowed and she clung to Ranger like a lifeline. Taking deep breaths, she tried to calm down completely. She trusted him. If anyone could help her, it would be him. There was no doubt in her mind that he could fix this somehow.

"You don't think I'm crazy?" She whispered, desperate for his opinion.

"Not at all." Ranger sat up, taking her with him. Once Stephanie was settled in his lap, he continued. "I'm guessing you're suffering from depression, but since I'm not a doctor, I can't be sure. If you want, you can talk to Bobby. If not, he knows of a psychiatrist here in Point Pleasant you can see. It's up to you, Babe. Always."

"But don't you need to get back?"

Ranger shook his head. "Tank's in charge for as long as it takes. All the guys just want you to be okay. They miss you."

"I miss them, too," she whispered, swallowing hard. "They kept calling me, inviting me to hang out, but I just couldn't. I was embarrassed for them to see me like this. I was afraid they would criticize me, too."

"The guys love you, Babe. They would never do or say anything to hurt you."

"Deep down, I know that," she admitted. "But everything that's me is buried beneath all this…I don't know what. I'm just so tired of everything. I don't want to do anything. I can't eat. When I sleep, I can't stay that way. I can't believe that I slept so long here." Stephanie swallowed hard. "And I know when I go back, Mom and Joe are going to start in on me all over again. They're going to harass me because I've been gone and I didn't let them know."

"Don't worry about them." Ranger said, pulling her closer, trying to absorb her into his body. "If it makes you feel better, I'll have Tank call them and tell them you're on vacation. Or working. Whatever you want." He paused. "Hell, if you want, we don't ever have to go back."

Stephanie snorted. "Yeah right."

"I'm serious."

His voice told her he was. She pulled back slightly and studied his face. "You can't just leave Trenton. It's your home. You have a business to run."

"Fuck all that," Ranger said fiercely, cupping her face in his hands. "I want to be where you are. I want to be where you're happy. Steph, just say the word and we can leave all that behind. I won't let anyone hurt you ever again."

God, I wish I could! I'd give anything to just run away with you!

She shook her head, just as fiercely. "I can't ask that of you. And I can't depend on you like that. I need to be able to depend on myself."

Ranger wanted so badly for her to depend on him. But he understood her need to be able to trust in herself. And what she needed was so much more important than what he wanted. "Whatever you want to do, Babe. We can stay here or go away. You don't have to decide now."

"Thank you," she whispered, settling more comfortably against him. Looking around, feeling the breeze against her skin, she felt a little better. "I love it here. When I was younger, I used to come here with my family or Mary Lou and her parents." She smiled at a memory and suddenly wanted to share it with Ranger. "There was this one time that I came out here and Mary Lou's parents rented a beach house for the week. We must have been about thirteen or so."

Ranger was quiet, rubbing her back soothingly as she spoke. She continued.

"Every night, after her parents went to bed, Mary Lou and I would sneak out the upstairs window and camp out on the beach. We had all the stuff to make S'mores hidden under our beds and we would start a campfire in the sand and pig out until the sun came up." Stephanie chuckled. "The second night, all the other kids who were vacationing with their parents nearby snuck out of their own beach houses and joined us. Every night after that, they would meet us in our little spot, bringing hot dogs or marshmallows to roast over the fire. One kid brought cans of Spaghetti-O's and plastic spoons. He put the cans on the fire to cook and we all got caught up eating the marshmallows and hot dogs. I don't know how long it took, but the cans exploded from the heat and we all ended up covered in Chef Boyardee."

Stephanie shook with laughter and she could feel the rumble against her chest as Ranger laughed with her.

"Did Mary Lou's parents ever find out?" He asked when they finally settled down.

"Nope. The only thing they noticed was the missing Hershey bars and graham crackers."

"I'm glad you have so many good memories here," Ranger said softly, moving his hands back up to her hair. God, he loved her hair.

"There was another time I came out here with Mary Lou," Stephanie seemed to be lost in her memories, but Ranger was glad that she was at least talking now. He couldn't bear her silence. "The water park had just opened and we had bought our very first bikinis. We figured what better place to wear them than at the water park? So on our first trip down the slide, Mary Lou kinda hit the side of the slide hard and the string on her top snagged on something. Her top came off and stuck to the slide!" Stephanie was laughing so hard that there were tears in her eyes. "She freaked out and spread her legs out to stop herself in the middle of the ride. I was right behind her and I smacked into her. She actually crawled over me, one arm across her chest to cover herself, and managed to climb up the slide to get her top back."

Ranger was laughing again, imagining the scene that Stephanie described. It was a classic Stephanie and Mary Lou moment. Stephanie was shaking in his lap, wiping away tears of laughter.

"Oh God, she was so embarrassed! I tried to be sympathetic, but all I could picture was a topless Mary Lou with her legs spread wide, at a dead stop in the middle of a water slide. I was laughing so hard and she got pissed and punched me in the arm. The crazy bitch left a bruise!" She gasped in pain then, clutching her sides. But she kept laughing.

They both finally settled down and sat quietly, Stephanie still held protectively in Ranger's arms. She sighed and rested her head against his shoulder, finally relaxing. If only she could feel like this all the time. With Ranger, she could concentrate more on the good memories than the bad. Unfortunately, Ranger couldn't be with her all the time. She would have to learn how to remember the good when she wasn't with him.

Stephanie prayed that she could figure out how.

After a while, Ranger kissed the tip of her nose and met her eyes. "Do you think you could manage to eat a little bit?"

Stephanie sighed. She wasn't hungry, but she didn't want to disappoint him. She didn't want him worrying about her anymore. "I guess I could eat a little. Nothing too heavy, though."

They stood up, brushing the sand off of their clothes. Ranger immediately took her hand in his, giving her a reassuring squeeze. Giving him a tiny smile in return, she followed him back into the house.

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In hopes of getting Stephanie her appetite back, Ranger prepared a feast. He made marinara sauce from scratch, coaxing her to help him chop the onions and peppers and tomatoes. He took chicken breasts out of the refrigerator and taught her how to make Chicken Parmesan. Besides the fresh angel hair pasta and green salad, he had bought her fresh cannoli from the bakery down the beach. Soon, the large, modern kitchen was filled with the wonderful scent of basil and oregano.

Stephanie was amazed at this side of Ranger. She had never known him to cook before that morning, and here he was, cooking an amazing meal for her twice in one day. Taking the time to teach her to cook, even though she was a disaster in the kitchen. She was grateful that she didn't burn the house down.

When they sat down to eat, Stephanie was a little surprised to find that she was finally hungry. Ranger watched with a smile on his face as she loaded her plate down with pasta and chicken. He was so relieved to see her eating that he didn't even nag her to eat more of the salad.

Stephanie managed to eat half of her chicken breast and a quarter of the pasta on her plate. Ranger was pleased, but when she set her fork down and pushed her plate away, she looked upset. His eyes narrowed in concern.

"What's wrong, Babe?"

A single tear slid down her smooth cheek and she quickly brushed it away with her hand. "I'm sorry, Ranger. You worked so hard to make such a wonderful dinner and I can't seem to eat more of it."

He reached out and grasped her hand. "It's nothing to be sorry about, Steph. You did good. And I had fun cooking with you. I don't get a chance to do it very often."

She sniffled. "You made it fun. When Mom tried to teach me to cook, she kept telling me that if I didn't learn how to do it right, I wouldn't be able to find a man to take care of me. She kind of sucked all the enjoyment out of it."

His expression was serious as he studied her. "Never do something just to please someone else, Babe. It won't be enjoyable unless you do it for yourself."

"Wouldn't that be selfish, though?" Stephanie spoke so low that he could barely hear her.

"Not at all. You can't take care of someone else's needs if you don't take care of your own first. Nothing about that is selfish."

Stephanie stared at her plate for a moment. "Does Bobby know anything about depression?"

Ranger sat up in his chair, his hand still holding hers. "He's dealt with soldiers suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder quite a bit. I don't know if he's helped with anything else, other than bullet wounds and broken ribs. He'd be a good person to talk to, but he wouldn't be able to prescribe any medication for you. You'd have to talk to a psychiatrist for that."

Stephanie chewed on her lip, thinking that over. "I don't know if I want to take anything. Pills scare me. I don't want to take anything that will mess with my head."

"You never know, Babe. You might not have to take anything." Ranger thought for a minute. "If you'd like, Bobby can come out here and talk to you. He wants you to get better."

"What would I have to talk about?" She didn't want to tell one of Ranger's men anything too personal. After all, she would have to see him around all the time.

"You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to," Ranger promised. "He won't push you into anything."

Stephanie pondered the idea of talking to a friend versus a stranger. She didn't really want to tell anyone about her fears and insecurities. She didn't want anyone looking at her with pity. She didn't want anyone to criticize her thoughts and abilities. But if it came down to talking to someone or taking anti depressants, she would much rather talk. If it could help her, she would talk about anything.

"Can you call Bobby for me?" She whispered, praying that she was doing the right thing. "I think I can try talking to him first."

Ranger nodded. "Whatever you need, Babe."

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