"Well, how do I do it, Professor?"

"Well, Ash, you see…When a man and a woman love each other very much…The man shreds his clothing in a mad frenzy and then begins to tear the female's close to shreds before sticking his penis inside her vagina. From there he lets the beast take over and thrusts like a mad man until he ejaculates inside her."

"NOT THAT!" Ash screamed, face pale and body shuttering. Who knew sex could be disturbing? "I meant the 'send Pokémon back' thing!"

"I dunno…" Oak said through the speaker. "All I know is that only you can do it!"

"Then what use are you to me?"

"Wait!" Oak shouted. "You mean you really, really wanna send them back?"

"Yes,"

"Then fuck you, Mr. Ketchum." Oak said. "You know I'm only famous because of these little fuckers!"

"Then why tell me?"

"I do not know…" Sammy disconnects from the screen.

"I call anarchy!" Brock shouted. "Yeah! Let's do it!"

"Again?" Paul whined, rubbing his sore ass.

"No!" Brock shouted, then faceplanted once he noticed what he said then added: "I mean not yet…hehehe…No, I mean we should return the Pokémon to their dimension!"

"Can't let you do that, StarFox." Paul said.

"Wha?" Ash and Brock said in unison.

"Can't let you do that, loser." Paul said. "Cause, as the Christ, I must defeat the Antichrist. You being the Antichrist…"

"I know!" Ash shouted, sounding annoyed.

"But….But…" Brock sobbed. "You're both the loves of my life!"

Ash walked towards Paul and shoved him, making the Christ fall on his ass.

"You lose." Ash stated matter-of-factly. "Now, as the conquering hero, I demand that you help Brock and I on this…"

An Hour Later

"How did we end up in a van?" Paul asked.

"Well, I'm glad someone's sobered up!" Ash shouted.

"Yeah, you were drinking the whole time we were getting this sweet van."(1) Brock said, rubbing the dash affectionately.

The van in question was white and had rainbows and unicorns on it.(1.5) Yay! Rainbows and unicorns! We're really going all out queer, ain't we?

"Uh…." Paul…

"Don't ask…" Brock replied.

"Apparently we have some voice that describes everything we do now…"

"Are we high?" Paul asked.

"Nope," Brock said. "We're clean….For now."

They then speed off battling bad guys and space aliens and cowboys! Killing all in their wake! The blood! It oozes…Like Ketchup! Yay!

RVFA: I wonder if the reader is catching onto the fact that the writer is giving up on the story because he found it hard to start this chapter…?

Writer: Nah, they're too stoned to even care.

RVFA: Well, this is awkward…

Writer: Why?

RVFA: We're the same person!

Dundundun….

"Wow…That was fun!" Paul screamed.

"Yeah!" Ash

"Anarchy!" Brock shouted.

"Well, this is where that cowboy said the portal to another dimension was held."

They were in a vast field of nothing in the middle of the night.

"There." Ash said, sounding like an enlightened monk. "I must go there…."

So Brock stopped and Ash got out. Ash raised his hands and grabbed thin air, he began to pull it apart and a tear appeared with a swirling vortex. Around the globe, Pokémon everywhere were feeling a pull. A great pull that they have not felt since 2000.

They broke out of balls! They ran, swam, flew, all to that point. And when they got there, they-in their own language-thanked Ash.

"Thanks Ash!" Came a caterpie that sounded like Misty. "I finally feel happy! Like I'm going where I belong!"

Ash and Brock looked at each other, both unsure if they were high.

Darkrai and all of the Legendaries, excluding Mewtwo, were the last to go.

Far away, with Team Rocket…

"You feel it, too, Pikachu?"

Pikachu nodded.

"It feels like we're being called home…"

"Pika…"

Meowth hummed and crossed his arms. "I don't tink it would be home without Jessie and James!"

"Pika!"

"Aww, tanks Pikachu."

They kissed again.

"Aha!" Barry and Dawn shouted once all of the Pokémon in their lover's ranch were gone. "Now you have to spend time with us!"

Both were met with fists, legs, and sharp objects.

"You idiots! Without them, we're nothing!" Came Lucas' and Gary's replies.

Once the idiots were dead, the two stood there panting.

"Well," Lucas said. "Wanna go out for coffee?"

"Sure," Gary said, wrapping his arm around Lucas'.

Back with Ash.

"You're my hero, Ash." Mewtwo said.

"But how?" Ash asked. "I'm the antichrist! I'm evil!"

Mewtwo chuckled. "That's all a point of view, Ash. And, as a token of my gratitude…"

Mewtwo wrapped his arms around Ash's slim waist and kissed the boy passionately.

Paul got a boner.

Brock was jealous.

"Alright!" Brock screamed. "That's enough gratitude!"

Mewtwo and Ash were still wrapped up in their kiss.

Brock growled and forcefully removed the legendary from his lover and threw him into the vortex. The vortex closed.

"There," Brock said, rubbing his hands together. "Now that that's over…"

The sound of helicopter propellers were overhead. The Helicopter landed on and crushed the sweet van.

"MY SWEET VAN!" Brock shouted.

An angry looking man in a black suit came out of the helicopter. He stormed towards the group which made everyone gasp. HE LOOKED JUST LIKE ASH!(2)

"What did you do?" The man shouted. "What did you DO?"

"I freed them." Ash said.

The man sobbed angrily. "You fool…Do YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE?"

"Anarchy!" Brock shouted. Paul hit the back of the anarchist's head.

"We NEEDED them! Our economy will be in ruins now! The whole world will crumble and it's all your fault, son!"

"I don't care." Ash said stoicly.

Ash turned his back on his father. His father pulled out a gun and fired two shots into his son's head. He fired two more, killing Paul and Brock as well.

(o)(o)(o)

and 1.5) Cookies to anyone who can guess which cartoon I took that line: 'sweet van' and that van from.

2) My cartoony rendition of the creator of Pokémon; it's no secret he named Satoshi after himself…