He had never driven so slow in his whole life. He always dreaded going home, but tonight especially. He knew he had done it to himself, shot himself in the foot by telling Tori how he really felt. He thought if he was honest with her, she would be reasonable and let him go.
He hated it for Benjamin, he knew how bad it could be living in a house where your mom and dad didn't get along.
But he couldn't live in a lie anymore.
Wouldn't it be better for Benjamin to have parents that were separated but happy, instead of together and unhappy? He had lived that life as a child, and it wasn't fun.
But Tori had not been so level headed. At first she cried, then she was furious and started trying to hit and kick him.
But then, she kind of, just, cracked.
She had just smiled and said she needed to fix dinner, got up, and went into the kitchen. And everytime he tried to bring it up, she would ignore him or change the subject.
He had been sleeping in Benjamin's room for the past 2 weeks since having the conversation with her.
In her defense, he should have never told her that he had never really gotten over his ex, but he was only trying to be honest with her. He didn't think it was fair to Tori to keep the truth from her. And he thought that maybe if she knew the truth, she would know it wasn't anything she had done to drive him away.
It wasn't her at all, it was him.
But after 5 years of marriage and a 3 year old, the whole 'It's not you, it's me' thing doesn't really work that well. He had loved her, and they had had some good times together. And he had tried to get Bella out of his mind, but he thought about her all the time, wondering what she was up to, how her life was, regretting how their relationship had come undone, and continually wishing he had done things different.
He knew he had treated Bella like crap, but by the time he grew up enough to fix it, it was too late and she had found someone that was much better to her.
He never could get over that.
He loved Tori, but at some point he realized that it wasn't enough if he was always thinking about Bella, and Tori didn't deserve that.
She deserved someone to give her 100% of himself, and he just couldn't do that. He had tried for 5 years.
Now he was in a huge mess. And he knew the only way to get anywhere was for him to leave. He had already decided it.
He had arranged for Benjamin to spend the weekend with his grandparents. Tori had been surprisingly on board with that, probably thinking they were going to mend things. Unfortunately she was going to be in for a big surprise. He was planning on packing his stuff tonight and leaving. He didn't want Benjamin to witness what was going to happen. He would rather his son grow to think it was a peaceful split.
He remembered the horrible fights his parents would have before they finally split, and how it can mess up a kid for life.
Before he knew it, he was already pulling into the driveway. Even though he took an extra 20 minutes to get home from work tonight, it still wasn't long enough.
He smiled though as he got out of his truck. Benjamin was standing at the door waiting on him. He was grinning and jumping up and down, so excited his daddy was home.
Benjamin was the only thing that made Edward smile anymore, and that was ok because he loved that boy more than anything. He walked in the house and swooped Benjamin up and hugged him tight.
"Are you all ready to go to Grandma and Grandpa's?"
"Ganma's! Yaay!" Benjamin squealed.
"Ok, go get your stuff and we'll see if mommy will take you over there." Edward watched as Benjamin ran off to his room. "Tori!" He yelled through the house.
"I've already got dinner going, it will be ready in about 20 minutes." he heard her sing through the kitchen.
He gritted his teeth. While he hated to hurt her, he also hated that she was in such denial that their marriage was ending. Her sickly sweet demeanor was nauseating.
"Did you want me to take Ben, or were you going to take him? Edward answered back. Tori came around the corner with a big, fat, fake smile on her face.
"Why don't you run him over quick, do you care?"
"That's fine." He said as he walked down the hall to Benjamin's room. He smiled as he watched Ben trying to get all his trucks, cars, and animals into his little duffle bag. Edward didn't have the heart to make him leave any behind, so he pulled a second bag from the top of the closet. "Here buddy, let's put some of these in here." And he loaded the rest of his toys in the bag, and made sure there were also some extra clothes in there.
"Bye Mommy, love you!" Ben said as he hugged Tori going out the door. Edward was happy to have the extra time with Benjamin, and be away from Tori too. But again, the drive to his mom and stepdad's house and back was much too quick.
Again he found himself back in his driveway, only this time there was no Benjamin waiting on him inside.
He sat in his truck, dreading what was to come.
As he reluctantly got out, he decided that it needed to be like ripping off a bandaid. This had gone on far too long, he couldn't worry about sparing her feelings anymore. He knew she would appreciate it later on. They both would, they both needed to get over this mountain and move on.
He took a deep breath and walked through the front door.