Author's Note: Here's a new chapter for all of you my lovely readers! I'm not going to lie...I had a bit of a hard time trying to write this chapter. But I hope you all like it.

The fact that Castiel did not return when he woke up tore at Sam's heart, even more so when the angel seemed to vanish for the remainder of the week. With all that time alone, Sam's mind began to wander away from the present and onto a more logical and, if anything, a self hating line of thought. A small part of him began to wonder if it was too dangerous for him to actually care about anyone, and the people he cared about all seemed to die, with the exception of Dean who came back because of Castiel. And Dean…Dean was Castiel's top priority, not Sam. Where that thought had come from, Sam did not know, but he was beginning to believe that it was true.

His wrists had, for the most part, healed and all that remained were the scars from where they had been cut, and once Dean had been satisfied that Sam could leave the motel without someone thinking he needed to be locked up in a psych ward, they left. Sam stared out the window of the Impala, quiet, just listening to Dean's music as they drove because he did not want to think about anything, he didn't want to talk to his brother. Unfortunately it seemed Dean had other plans.

The music stopped, and Sam blinked in surprise, Dean never turned off the music, not while they were driving. He glanced over at his brother who for an instant met his gaze. "Alright Sam, talk. You've doing the whole silent and sulking thing for too long. Something is bothering you."

Sam felt his heart begin to race with mild panic. What the hell could he possibly say that Dean would accept as an acceptable answer to the question? There was a long silence between them before he let out a soft sign. "Worried Dean, Cas hasn't appeared in a while. I mean yeah he'll leave for days on end, but it just seems like it has been longer than usual."

His answer worked because as Sam watched Dean's grip on the steering wheel tightened until his knuckles turned white. "I'm sure he's fine Sammy. Hell the guy's an 'angel of the lord' just how much trouble could he possibly be in?" There was another pause. "How about your wrists?"

"They're fine Dean. Look I'm gonna take a nap, wake me when you stop?" Sam said looking at Dean.

"Sleep tight princess."

Sam rolled his eyes and turned his back to Dean in the seat, closing his eyes. He willed himself to fall asleep, to escape the daylight and drift off into the darkness that he wanted to welcome so desperately of sleep. He hadn't been sleeping well either, nightmares of when Jessica, his mom, his dad, and even Dean had all died, and they weren't stopping. At all. Each and every night they came and haunted him. Sam hoped that the sun would keep the nightmares at bay.

Sam's eyes snapped open, his chest heaving, and sweat clinging to his brow as he glanced around. The Impala was parked outside of a gas station and Sam could just make out Dean's figure in the window, either buying food or paying for gas, something of the sorts. He squinted against the sun as he watched Dean leave the building and get back into the car. Sam got comfy again as Dean started the Impala, and they began to drive again.

"Sleep well Sammy?"

Sam shrugged. "I guess, could have been better. After all, I was sleeping while you were driving."

"I'm not a bad driver Sam."

"No, but driver chooses the music, and your music isn't exactly easy to sleep through," Sam said, glancing over at Dean who shot him a look. "Well it's true."

"Keep it up Sam and I won't let you have the first shower," Dean snapped as he pulled into the parking lot of the newest motel they were to stay at. The car was parked and the brothers went into the office to check in.

The woman behind the counter asked if they wanted a room with one bed, and Sam forced back a laugh at the look on Dean's face as he informed her otherwise. Sam was still attempting to conceal his laugh from his brother even as they entered the room. In a matter of seconds, the bathroom door was slammed shut as Dean claimed it just moments before Sam would have. Of course, even though Dean had threatened it, he wasn't sure that he would actually steal the first shower.

Sam took the time alone to lie down on the bed and stare at the ceiling. His thoughts began to wander again, to the unpleasant ones reminding him that there was a great chance that to Cas, he was only second best to Dean. And he was beginning to hate himself for thinking that way for thinking that…

"Sam?"

At the sudden sound of Cas's voice saying his name, Sam nearly fell off the bed, but kept himself from falling in a rather undignified manner. When he looked up, Sam saw the slightly amused look on the angel's face just before he glanced away from him. It had been a while since the angel had appeared to either one of them, and Sam was tempted to yell at the angel, to snap at him for leaving them in such a way. But he didn't, he said nothing as he slowly looked up and met Cas's gaze again.

"Long time no see Cas," Sam managed to say without any trace of anger in his voice. "Where have you been?"

"I have been busy and that has, regretfully, kept me away from helping you and your brother," Cas explained, his hands in the pockets of the trench coat, and didn't take a step towards Sam. "You are upset with me." It was more of a statement than a question, but Sam said nothing. "I did not want to leave Sam, but I had to, I had no other option."

"Of course you didn't," Sam snapped, his arms folded over his chest, in a defensive pose.

"I understand that you are angry with me Sam, but I-"

"I don't want to hear it," Sam finally said, interrupting Cas, glaring at the angel. His stomach was churning, becoming uneasy and making him feel sick to his stomach. "Is there something that you wanted to talk to us about Castiel?" Sam rarely used the angel's full name, he preferred to use Cas, however…Sam was annoyed enough right now that his preference didn't matter.

Cas studied Sam with an ounce of concern laced throughout his stunning blue eyes. "You are not well. Should I get Dean?" The only response that came from Sam was a frustrated sigh as he lay back down on the bed. Sam knew he was probably confusing Castiel to no end, but Sam did not care one bit about that. The sound of Castiel's footsteps on the floor as he went towards the bathroom reached Sam's ears and he fought the urge to hold a pillow over his head. "Your assumption about where you stand is wrong Sam."

That alone made Sam pause and he wanted to look over at the angel, but it was too late, the door to the bathroom was open just far enough so Cas could talk to Dean. Soon, his brother and the angel would ask him questions, and that was something that Sam was no looking forward too. It was never fun because it usually meant that it was them verses Sam and he would once again feel cornered. Sam just kept telling himself that the sooner they got it over with, the sooner he could shower, eat, and hopefully sleep.

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